I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(PHILIPPINES) Need help badly…
(USA) Well, I am going to start this. I will pray for him everyday for 30 days. I have the divorce papers in front of me. I cannot take it anymore! I don’t want to pray for him, but I will. I will check back in 30 days. I am not tempting the Lord, just making sure I have done all I can do. Pray for me/us.
(D. R. CONGO) I have been following the comments by different people and wish to say that all comment are inspiring, educative and contributive. I want to add here that after many years of handling cases involving different kind of pastors and ministries that it is safer for the wife of a pastor from day one to know who the man called pastor that is her husband is; his weakness to protect; his strength to encourage and motivate; and become a bended knee woman rather than a nagging, leaking mouth woman.
Do not allow a member of the church to come in between you nor having access to your privacy simply because he or she has provided when the pastor cannot. On Saturdays pastors make the final preparation for the Sunday; never provoke him on Saturdays it will have a lingering spiritual effect on the church or members and families no matter how many good words he dish out to the congregates. On Thursdays pray for him to have a closer walk and revelation of God for the church. Be patient and help him out when he is out colour.
(USA) I hope my wife will at least read this. I have not talked with my wife for months. It’s over on the Human side because of my behavior. I pray for forgiveness. But also pray we will get back together. Not much hope. Only God can help. I have a horrible past from child abuse, being beaten at a young age, molested by a relative, abused and beaten daily at a Bus stop at fouth and fith grade by a gang, to trauma in the Fire Department.
This background has caused me to be verbally abusive, lash out for no reason at my wife, and get angry when there was no reason to do so. I have made threats, and yelled, scared her horribly. Why do I do this? I know she won’t talk to me. I have read articles, looked at anything I can to get her to believe in me again; all I can do is pray.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I have been staying with my husband for 8 yrs. We have 3 daughters. We have suffered so much together until God blessed us with a security company. Now life has changed but for me to enjoy I am crying. My husband is having an affair on facebook and he said is marrying the lady to be his second wife becos she has money and she will make us rich. We are planning for our wedding to take place next year early and this makes me to think many things.
I am no longer having that trust. He is telling me not to worry; he knows what he is doing, and the lady will stay in Nigeria. She is not going to come here. He will go home to see her 2 times in a year. Really, I don’t understand what he is doing. I love my husband so much. I used to ask God to make him to forget about the lady because I have never dreamed to be in a polygamous marriage. He is swearing at me every time that I can’t welcome my fellow woman. I gave everything to God.
(NAMIBIA) I am married to a gay husband and caught him in our common bed once. I was not aware of that before we got married. He lives in denial and always seeks for other things to blame in our marriage. He has since left our common home, in August and has not returned or has spoken about reconciliation. He mentioned divorce last night that I must go file.
I went through a lot of hurt and resentment and am actually not in for any reconciliation; my problem is that I still love him and experiences pain in my heart if he comes by our house to see the kids. We have two kids, a girl of 6 years and a 5 year old boy. I’m a devoted and serious prayer warrior and am waiting on God to intervene because how can I still love this person that hurts and humiliates me like this. We filed for divorce once but the judge told us to try and reconcile as God hates divorce! I know God hates divorce, but if he doesn’t accept and confess there is nothing I can do. I can’t sit and wait for my life to pass me by or for the children to grow up and go through this pain… Please help me pray and give me advice. God bless you, Rejoice
Rejoice, How I pray the Lord helps you and guides you. In reality, as much as I wish I could say so, there isn’t much “advice” we can give you. You said it right that if your husband “doesn’t accept and confess there is nothing” you can do to turn this around. All you can do is pray for him and for wisdom and help for you and your children –as to how to be wise and make the best out of this horrible situation. Whether he is cheating with a man or a woman, he is cheating on you and your children and on God. Unless he sees the wrong in this, you can’t drag him to turn his life around and life a life of integrity and love for you, your children, and the Lord. He needs prayer. He is leading a dangerous life –especially in this day and age of AIDS and sexual transmitted diseases. My heart goes out to you and your children. I join you in prayer. I pray the Lord helps you, and guides you, and comforts you, and speaks to you, and works in and through you in this situation. I also pray God infuses hope into your heart that you and your children will eventually experience better days –ones that will bring a smile to your heart.
(NAMIBIA) Dear Cindy, Thanks so much for the wise words and praying with me. God bless, Rejoice
(ZAMBIA) I want to know how to love my husband.
Praying for him is the best gift.
(US) Oh how I don’t even want to write this but I feel I need to get this out, I’m so desperate for our lives to get back where they were. My husband has started drinking and coming in late, not answering his phone. We’ve had our own business for 24 years and times are rough but he also just lost his sister and her son… first his sister and then 2 weeks her son.
He has been more devastated than he shows others and will go along fine and things will be good with us physically and all and then he just stays out late from work and comes home from drinking and gets mad that I’m upset. I don’t know what to do. I teach 10th grade girls at church and work with youth a lot. He is a greeter and people have really been undergirding him but they don’t know this part. I pray for him and I feel so sick each time he does this I feel so stupid.
I don’t know what to do now. I’m so afraid he is going to destroy all we built to this point along with our reputation and our families. God has blessed us and we don’t deserve it but I fear we are about to lose us and our business.
Bridgette -I have not experienced this situation, so I am not writing this from that vantage point. But the Spirit of God has shown me about what you have written. All of us as wives have been afraid of losing our married lives as we know them, or our husbands to one thing or another. As you pray for him in this situation and it’s according to God’s will, you can know He will answer in the positive, and with that you can know you will not lose what you are fearing, even if at times, it may look that way. That is a lot to guarantee someone, but I am basing it on the truth of Scripture, which is directly from the heart of the only true and faithful one, our God and Father.
I John 5:14-16- “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him. If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask and God will for him give life to those who commit sin not leading to death. There is a sin leading to death; I do not say that he should make request for this.”
So, if you ask God to help your husband deal with his losses by coming to Him, instead of turning to other forms of help (as he has up until now) and that God would protect him from the power of the enemy, and that He would help you continue to be a yielded wife in his life as he goes through this, God will do all these things, because He said He would, and mainly because HE IS FAITHFUL to that Word. In this way, you will truly be a “daughter of Sarah” who doesn’t give way to fear. In this way, you too will have protection. I Peter 3:1-7, vs. 6 specifically uses this term for woman who are submissive to their husbands and don’t give way to fear.
Don’t fear, Bridgette, but having prayed for your husband, according to His will, He will go to work on your husband’s behalf, fighting his battle, and He will do what you have prayed for and save you husband and your marriage. Trust Him in this.
(USA) Hi, I am 25 years old and faced with a big problem. I am currently a senior in college about to graduate and move on to a masters. I take care of my children and am involved in other activities in church and taking care of the house. I feel stretched thin and was diagnosed with major depression a month ago. With all that’s going on I have recently had a discussion with my pastor and he have given me advice to get a divorce from my husband. He said that God has been urging him to talk to me and to let me know my worth. My pastor feels that if I divorce my husband that I will have a very successful future and my kids future will be much brighter, as well.
I have been married since I have been 19 years old (almost 6 years) and we have two beautiful children together. He is my high school sweetheart. For the past three years our marriage have gone south. We have been through domestic violence and continous arguments of little things that blow up to bigger things. He still hangs out with his friends from time to time smoking marijuanna. He has been a good provider for the household, so no worries there.
However, I am over the physical and mental abuse. My husband feels that my mother and grandmother are too heavyly involved in our marriage and the parenting of our kids. It seems like he always somehow shifts the blame on me to make me feel guilty about what has happened in our marriage. He tells me that before me he never had a problem with abuse. I know he loves me but what I hear constantly is that “A man that loves you would not hit you or hurt you …he will only treat you like a queen”.
I have been through so many things in my life being abused by my mother and losing a child that I do not know how to cope. I suggested to my husband that we should separate for a while so that we can each know what we want in life and out of our marriage. But now I don’t know if it’s worth the effort or not to try to repair my marriage. I’m truly broken hearted because I want to have a happy and loving family. I don’t want my kids to grow up in abusive home as I did and be in the same situation. I am a woman of faith and believe that God can truly change him. Others that I have come in contact with think other wise. Is it no hope for us? Should I just call it what it is?
(USA) God bless you! I would question whether you need to remain under that Pastor’s teaching or not. God says ONLY for the cause of Adultery, does He allow divorce so…
I wish I had answers for you. I endured my husband cheating and it nearly killed all of us. So much supernatural stuff over this stupid, selfish sin that wasn’t even successful and she says that by his nick name “LD”. She was trying to hang on to a house she couldn’t afford after her husband left her and mine is a lead engineer for his company. “The love of money is the root of all evil.”
All I can offer is my sincere prayers but stick close to God and His Word and His Word is Jesus made flesh. Love and prayers…
(USA) Thank you for your kindness.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Jesus says, “because of the hardness of your hearts, Moses allowed you to divorce, but in the beginning it was not so”. So I would advise you to pray and trust God. I don’t have all the answers, but if there is abuse and it’s hurting you and the children, maybe you may separate and ask God to do His work in both of you. You need to heal, find hope and strength, and for him to change.
(USA) I’m thankful that your husband has changed his ways and your family is finally sober. That’s what God wanted for him and for your family. It is certainly a divine blessing that God’s will has finally been received in your home and for your family.
For other women and families going through this, please know that abuse is never ok. It’s ok to pray for her husband every day and night and still get you and your children and herself to a safer environment. A time of separation and reflection, with reconciliation after your husband has shown fruits of repentance, may even be what he needs to realize his actions and stop the abuse. As parents, we owe our children safety and stability.
I grew up in an alcoholic home and the pain and suffering it caused was not of God. Alcoholism is a curse leveled on the children of the home. Kids suffering, grandchildren suffering, great-grandchildren suffering, all for not actions that are not of God, sins that should not be tolerated. There is a link on this site for abused women. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, click on it and get some help. If not for you, for your kids. It has taken me so many years of hurt and pain, filled with prayer and pastoral counseling, to overcome just a little of the abuse that occurred in my home.
Please don’t sentence your kids to a life of hurt, pain, guilt, and shame. God does not condone that. It is not His will. I truly believe it is allowing Satan to have a stronghold in your home. Satan knows the words of God and it uses them against you, just as He tried to use them against Christ. It is only through knowing who you are in Christ, knowing He died to free you from bondage, that He would never condone you being abused back in bondage, that you can fight the evil one. May God strengthen you to do what is right.
(US) He stops for a while, then he starts again. He says he loves God and Jesus, then he just starts drinking again. He says there’s nothing wrong with it. When he’s not drinking, he reads his Bible at work and prays all the time. Now, it’s Easter, and he’s drunk again, and he’s watching “The Robe,” like it’s some magic cure or something?? I’m tired. I’m just so tired. 7 years of prayer, and I’m so old now. I wish I was dead. I know that I can’t do that, but I wish I could just turn life off and die.
(CGO) Bonnie, I am so sorry for you! You have to remember you are a child of God and no amount of pain is worth trying to die. You have hope because you have God. Do not focus on what your husband is doing, refocus on Jesus being your guide; he will pull you and your husband through. You can’t change your husband but God can. Release your issues to God and let Him help you. You are a wonderful woman. Be blessed.
(MALAYSIA) Ours is an arranged marriage. After engaged, he loves me so much. After 2 months conceived. My husband took good care of me. BUT NOW… IT’S NO MORE. Before marriage he promised: 1. he will always love me. 2. we will move to a new house, which is under his name. 3. salary more than RM 2000 and above. After marriage: 1. love less 2. bring me to his brother’s house. They have 3 rooms, one for his brother’s family, one for his mother and father and the other one is a praying room. So, because I am pregnant I sleep in a single bed in a praying room. My husband sleeps in the hall.
It continued for one year. His mother always will ask me to do a lot of work and torture me a lot. Then, I delivered and got a baby girl. After 2 months I have problem with him. He sent me to my mother’s house. He said he doesn’t want to live with me. I and my kid stay at my mother’s house. After 12 days, he came to see me, and said, sorry, and bring me to his house. He said it was his house (but name under his second bro name’s). I lived happily without his mother’s torture.
BUT IT JUST REMAINED FOR 1 MONTH. His mother taught him many bad things. If I cook he doesn’t want to cook. He goes to his mother house to eat. They tell him don’t buy anything for me. Nearly 2 months already he never eats my cooking, never sleeps with me, didn’t pay my car loan, insurance, top up me, ….didn’t do anything for me. Sometimes, he never even buys food for me. He only listens to his evil mother words and ignores me like that. I am struggling now… GOD also didn’t bless me.
Our God is a consuming fire. Let Him have His way in your marriage. He is our Father, and has given us the privilege to come boldly to the throne of Grace and Mercy and cry out to Him. He wants us to be happy. Continue to pray and intercede for your husband, and wait on God with an expected end. I have learned that just as God wants us to prove Him, He is proving us through our faith in Him -as long as we believe, we receive…
Hi. So, I am 24 years old and have been married to my husband for almost 5 years. I just came across this website and well I just really need some guidance and prayer. Our marriage has been rough. In the second year of our marriage, my mom passed away and that took a huge toll on me. He blames that situation on our marriage failing… along with 1,000 other reasons.
Anyway… back story: My husband is a musician, a singer for a Christian rock band. He came back from a three week tour last August and told me that he didn’t love me anymore. After that things got worse, he wouldn’t go to counseling to work things out and tried to sleep with a friend of ours. In September I left for two weeks, to give us space so he could see if he missed me… I got back and he didn’t.
In October he told me that he was “done” and that he didn’t want to live together anymore. I moved three states away back home. December 5, 2012 he texted me and told me that he wanted a divorce… I received the papers yesterday.
I don’t want to sign but I think he is so lost in the world and the sin of it that he doesn’t know God anymore… even though he says he still loves Him. I mean when we got married he would pray and worship and read his Bible. But now he doesn’t do any of that. It makes me sad for him. And to top it off… he has a girlfriend now and we aren’t even divorced yet.
I really just need help, I am hurt and sad for him and our marriage. I don’t want it to end but I don’t see a way for it not to. I see the prior postings and see stories where miracles have happened and it gives me a small bit of hope for a second but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like the situation is hopeless for our marriage, but I continue to pray for him daily, in hopes that someday he will come back to God. Thank you for listening, Angelique
Angelique, I just want you to know that I’ve been joining you in praying for your husband and your marriage. First off, let me tell you how sad I am for you that your mom died. You are so young to have lost your mom. My heart goes out to you. Having lost my mom a number of years ago (when she was only 56 –I was 35), I cry for you. It’s a great loss in many ways. It’s not surprising that her passing took it’s toll on you. I pray the Lord comforts your heart and helps you to live each day honoring the Lord and the memory of your mom, to the best of your ability.
And to think that your husband praises the Lord with his music and yet he doesn’t “love” his bride, as Christ directs husbands to do. This is so very grievous. The fact that he can compartmentalize the two away from each other –loving the Lord, and yet abandoning his bride, shows how far he has fallen away from Truth. He needs A LOT of prayer –especially that his eyes and heart would open to and embrace the Truth of Christ and the mission we take on when we claim we are Christ followers. I pray for added strength for you and wisdom in how to proceed, putting one foot in front of the other –making one wise choice after the other.
As for signing the papers, I really can’t tell you what to do. But I’m thinking that I wouldn’t sign them unless a court of law says I have to. I would quietly put them to the side –not making a lot of fuss about it, and do a lot of praying. This would not be an “I’ll show you” gesture, but one in which I would try with all my might not to participate in, in ending the marriage (even though you aren’t living as a married couple right now). I wouldn’t be vengeful or mean-spirited, but prayerful, concerned for his spiritual walk, and meek (which is strength under control). I would do what I could to take a quiet, respectful stand (unless and until God shows otherwise) to fight FOR my marriage (not to fight against my husband) in prayer and care. I pray God would show you how that would look, especially since you live three states away.
If you go into the “Save My Marriage” topic and go into the Testimonies part of it, you will read and view one testimony after another of God helping spouses to resurrect dead marriages. I don’t know if this will inspire you and if it will happen for you or not because your husband has a free will. But the fact that he’s in the environment of Christian music and that he SAYS he loves the Lord… somehow, that gives hope that as you join God in prayer, He will keep pursuing him, as the Hound of Heaven, to speak to his heart. Certainly at this point, I would not give up. You made a vow… I encourage you to persevere in doing what you can to not allow that vow to be broken. EVEN IF your husband makes it so that you have to sign the papers and the divorce goes through, there is still hope. Cling to God and do what you can to walk in way of Philippians 4:8-9… “and the peace of God will be with you” no matter what storm comes your way. I pray that will be so.
Angelique, (what a beautiful name, and I am sure you have a beautiful spirit!) I am in total agreement with Cindy Wright. Wow! What powerful words of wisdom and comfort! Continue to pray for him; ask the Lord to speak to you to reveal what you need to pray for in your marriage to save it. Always keep the fruits of the spirit in mind. Never be bitter or angry when communicating with him, and ask for the love of the Lord to flow through you when you are in communication with your husband. Pray that if there is anything extra marital that is seeding division, that it be removed in Christ’s name. Be patient, as God works in His time.
I will be joining Cindy in praying for you. Be comforted knowing God has nothing but success for you and plans to protect you and prosper you, in your marriage and in life. God bless you ;)
I am going through a similar situation. Did you end up getting a divorce?
I have been married 49 years, no way out. My body is suffering, just received another cursing tonight. My husband tells lies all the time and says everything is my fault. I have been saved and living for Jesus since 1983. Never stay in an abusive marriage. Run or you will end up like me. Alone, suffering.
Frankie, I am praying tonight for you and your husband, for him to see the love of Christ and our purpose in marriage, and I am praying for Christ to lift you up and give you confidence and courage, and a love for God tg st is contagious. He does provide divine intervention. Even in the worst of worst, find your quiet place and pray. He is there listening. Release your emotions and hurts to Him. He will heal. God bless you and your husband. He loves you.
Frankie, I just saw what you wrote. It’s a year and a half later, but it broke my heart, reading that. I agree that abuse is not what God intended for a wife or husband to suffer, and it sounds like you have suffered for a long time. My heart goes out to you and I’m praying for you, wherever you may be in this situation right now. With love from Canada, know that you are not alone.