I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
Needing prayer about my husband,for his salvation, his abusing alcohol, not sleeping at home on weekends, just need God to intervene, I cannot take this anymore.
Praying for You, stay on your face in prayer.
Hi my name is Tina and my husband is Dewayne. After 19 yrs of marriage my husband walked in our bedroom to say he wasn’t in love with me and wanted a divorce. I was floored. I sobbed uncontrolled. I didn’t know what was wrong. Sure we had an argument before, but to leave? We have 4 sons together 15, 13, 17, 21. And on that worse day we found out we were about to be grandparents.
To my surprise it was another woman who he had been talking to for quite some time. I felt it in my heart; he was being distance with me. Everyone us telling me to give up; let him go; get a divorce. All I can think of is God hates divorce; so do I. I still love him and still want him back home. I have been sickly for quite some time. He says he’s too stressed out and just can’t do it anymore but I just cant let him go.
I was in your shoes, as I speak, and am battling with same issue but I want you to know that God who utterly hated divorce will fight this battle for you. Do not be anxious but on everything by prayer and supplication make your petition known to God and the almighty, all knowing and all doing God will give you peace that is beyond all understanding. Please make use of your kneels. Table it before God and see if that woman will not run away to an unknown destination while you take over your inheritance in Jesus name.
I have been living with an (emotionally) abusive spouse for years. Recently the abuse has risen to a level that I can no longer ignore. I have been told that unless an abusive person admits to their problem and makes a commitment to change there is no hope. As a Christian I know with God there is always hope. I love my wife and I do not want to give up on her. I know God hates divorce and so do I. I also know that as much as I love my wife, God’s love for her is infinitely greater. I ask anyone who reads this to please take a momentmoment and pray with me as I give these problems over God and ask him to fight this battle and heal our marriage.
Prayers for the verbal abuse to stop. It is extremely hard for change when the other person in the relationship does not see (have any insight) the problems with certain behaviors or hurtful words. I have been through similar circumstances this last couple of years. I have been to counseling and both of us together. I pray for God to show your wife how to communicate without the hurtful words. I also believe satan tries to ruin marriage and families. I pray away any demons/negative influences of marriage, for mine, yours, and anyone else in this boat.
My Husband and I had a BAD fight last night. Now, this morning he is gone to work. I just got up and dressed.
Usually, I at work by 9 am.(with Him). We have owned our own business for over 30 yrs.
I just, don’t think I can do it anymore. I’m seriously thinking of just getting my clothes and medicine around and take off driving (the other way). I have No more fight left after 32 yrs of marriage.
Hello ladies, I am a disabled wife who has a husband who has been more of a challenge than my health issues. But still God is Almighty. I was disabled when we met, and disabled when we married. I’ve been separated from him off and on due to his hardness of heart and inability to accept God’s ways and commands over the world’s ways. Yet I continue to be his door mat and forgive and be there for him every time the world for sake him. And once he feels he is on his feet again he forsakes me yet again with belittling names etc and being disrespectful and judgemental about my situation he has no clue about. He really takes me for granted and I work hard not to repay as God commands but I have to be honest I am struggling to keep on the right side of the fence.
I need a prayer to bring my husband Varun back to me. We were married in 2013; we didn’t tell anybody for three years. I am waiting to get some answers from his family after years I told his mother we both are married. She said we don’t know now my husband Varun is also not calling me. Please help me.
God bless you today. So many people are facing divorce and the families are being destroyed all due to the demonic attacks of Satan. Satan has been defeated already and we are not to give him recognition at all. When a man or women leaves you yes it hurts so very bad but that is their own free will, but there are consequences to what they are doing. We have to understand that we are victorious if we love God there is nothing that we can’t do.
Wipe your tears and know that God is with you if your spouse leaves you shame on them just know that rather it takes days months years whatever God’s will is more glorious and he will take care of everything unveil the mask and know everything will be ok. Jesus is love.
This is my second marriage. The first I was both the husband and wife, I battled financially. It seems like it’s happening to me for a second time. I am angry at God for sending two partners who use me. I am angry at myself for not listening to my mum when she did not approve of both marriages. I work and cover most of the bills, I cook and clean and do all the household chores. I am so disappointed in my husband because he lied to me about sharing responsibility. I only live for my daughter because she is completely dependent on me; I wish that as soon as my responsibility towards her is over that God take me away because I am so hurt, stressed, overworked and simply tired of life. When I talk to my husband he does not listen. I feel so alone and miserable. I feel as if I was deceived into this marriage.
I ask myself does God really want us to stay in a marriage with a man who has been on drugs cheated many times, does not hold a job, and complains about every little thing, does not know how to talk to me, also said some pretty harsh words that hurt? I have been in this for 22 years and each time it seems to sting even more. So at this point I want out of this darkness. I mean this guy would break up stuff in the house when he was caught cheating or money for drugs. I just think that enough is enough.
I don’t know the response you want here. You definitely have suffered a lot. But the fact that you said this under the article, “The Power of a Praying Wife” makes me wonder what answer you want. Is what you’ve gone through with your husband fair or good? Absolutely not. And should you allow it to keep going on like it has… I’m not thinking so. Does God want you to reconcile? Yes. But your husband with his free will is making decisions and choices that cannot keep continuing. God also hates abuse.
If you haven’t already given up… if you haven’t prayed earnestly, and asked God for wisdom on how to communicate with your husband that you won’t live like this forever… I would encourage you to do so. And if/when you talk to your husband about this, it would probably be best to do it at a non-combative time (when neither of you is tired, hungry, or the timing isn’t a good one). Harsh words DO sting, and so do the other things you describe. You may need to draw a line in a sand at some point (soon) and tell him that either he makes better choices or he needs to live away from you until he can choose you instead of the hurtful ways he has been choosing over you.
I’m so sorry for the ways you have been hurt. Your husband obviously needs to come to the end of himself before your relationship has a chance. He can’t keep hurting you in this way and expect you to keep taking it. Pray, talk, and see where it goes from there. I hope it goes in a better direction than the ways it has in the past. I’ve seen complete turn arounds, so I know it can happen. I just don’t know what choice your husband will make, as you pray for him and talk. I hope it’s a positive one –for both your sakes (the way he is going, he won’t live a long life… it’s too destructive).
Please pray for my husband. He’s always cheating with me. My three children. And my husband. Ignored me and my children. I am too much upset. Life is so difficult. And single mother my husband gives his salary to another female. Please pary for my husband my family. Jesus please save my family. Prevent from divorce. Because I love my husband and children.. But my husband doesn’t love me.
We MUST not lose our faith because of someone’s disobedience; I’ve seen it growing up and now experiencing it. I’ll keep on holding to my Almighty Abba Father and continue to pray for peace that is beyond my understanding. It’s hard but God says “is there anything too hard for me”; I love you all my brothers and sisters going through difficult relationships; I declare God’s peace and love over your lives.
God has the final say.
Need prayer for God to bless us with a baby …have two kids from previous marriage. Doctors have been telling me that it is impossible, had 3 miscarriages in the last few years.
I’ve been struggling with this for over 4 years now but my husband is a pastor over a decent sized congregation. He has an amazing heart, and a love towards God. But one thing that he struggles with that I constantly have been hurting over is his addiction to alcohol. I don’t believe alcohol is bad but I believe that it is bad for him because of the struggles he had before he was a Christian.
Many times, especially after he finishes a really good service and spends time fellowshipping with his congregation, he comes home so late, doesn’t communicate with me and I end up finding out that he comes home drunk as I wait in the middle of the night worried about when he will come home. I’ve been affected by this in the past and he knows how much this hurts me but now he figures that if he does it behind my back, it is okay. All I ask for him is to communicate with me but he continues to do it behind my back but it’s been causing me to not want to trust him or be emotionally connected with him. I feel so hurt and always in pain when this happens.
I need help to pray for him because I don’t have any energy to do it on my own. It’s so hard. I want to love him and be compassionate on him, I really do, but it’s so hard because I’m also a human and I do have feelings too. I’ve been telling him how I feel but he talks right back to me and tells me to pray for him. He says I’m not really praying for him and if I do it’s out of hurt because if I was I would be more compassionate and be more sensitive to his situation. It’s just so hard. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe because it’s so hard to see if he’s even trying because he never communicated me. I’m trying to be patient but God, I need you to help me.
Joan, I’m so sorry for your heartbreak. This is so very difficult for you no doubt, and difficult in other ways for your husband. As a pastor he has a bullseye painted on his back waiting for the flaming arrows of the enemy to take aim and take him down. If he goes down, so do many others. The enemy of our faith knows that.
Joan, I don’t want to discredit your hurt, nor ignore it. Your pain is very real, and the enemy wants to take you down too. Please know that you are in a spiritual warfare battle. As a Pastor’s wife you especially have others who will stand with you in prayer, encouraging you in ways that you need it. I recommend that you go to the links part of the topic we provide for Pastors marriages at https://marriagemissions.com/about-us-2/pastors-and-missionary-marriages-links-and-resource-descriptions/. You will find several linked ministries there that are designed to help you. The Thrivingpastor.org web site especially comes to mind. It isn’t just for pastors, but for you too. You need others who can stand in the gap, praying for you, for your husband, and your marriage. Please take advantage of the help that is waiting for you.
You are dealing with several issues. You are dealing with spiritual warfare that comes in being in the pastorate, warfare coming from just being married, feeling alone in your marriage –dealing with hurt feelings, and you are dealing with substance abuse. You truly need help to sort all of this out, to help you and your husband. He sure does need prayer. But so do you. I pray for you and encourage you to reach out to others who understand what a pastor’s wife goes through –those who are a safe place for you to fall, and pray for you. I hope you will.
Please know that my heart goes out to you and my prayers go out for you. I pray the Lord helps you, guides you, comforts you, speaks to you, and works in and through you in this situation. I also pray God infuses hope into your heart that you will eventually experience better days –ones that will bring a smile to your heart. “May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” (2 Thessalonians 3:5) “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ —to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)
Needing prayer warriors to stand and pray with me for my husband’s salvation and restoration for my 10 year marriage. My husband’s name is Mr. Florence… My husband gave up on his family. I have so much love and compassion for him as I see his hurt and anger for so many things he has not let go of all the way from his childhood. Would love to see my husband a changed man who loves God. I pray He brings him home. I am his wife Esther and we have an eight year old daughter Paige. A lot of misunderstandings have been created by him, his mother, and his sister. I know who the true enemy is and want my husband back. He is in the UK and we are India. We have not stayed as a married couple since marriage.
I’m having a hard time praying for my husband. He walked out on me in February and has given me the silent treatment almost since he left. Most of the time I feel like I’m the only one praying for restoration. I’m discouraged to say the least. He is very prideful and has a long history of not accepting respisibility for his actions. I am the second wife he abandoned.
Indeed the world where we live is full of evil. The devil has unleashed his agents to cause men to fall, he knows that marriage is a holy institution ordained by God, so his aim is to destroy it because he opposes all that God does.
Indeed it is heartbreaking to discover that even in your faithfulness and sacrifices for your spouse he decided to pay you back with evil. I thought to myself once is it possible to have a strong heart that does not feel pain? Where you hurt me but I don’t feel it, just going about my business not putting into consideration the depth of what has been done against me. To me tears weakens the heart, and thereby causing terminal diseases.
I had also thought to myself that perhaps God would punish him for breaking the vow we took but on the other hand I realized I too will partake of the punishment, for instance if he falls sick, who will be running around of course it will be me, if he goes bankrupt we all will suffer it.
I thought, maybe the only way out is prayer. I would rather pray that God will sanctify my husband so that I don’t have to pray against a husband who is a covenant breaker. Continuing prayer is the key. The Bible says, when the clouds be full of rain they empty themselves upon the earth, meaning that I am storing up prayers against a raining day. May God help us all.