I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
I am desperate! Please, please, please pray for my family! I love my husband with all my heart. Today I found out he wrote one of my friends & I saw that an ex girlfriend wrote him. He choked me, threw me down, & poured water on me. I did say what is wrong with you & that he was sick & told him he doesn’t have any loyalty & never loved me. I also cursed in there too. I’ve caught him talking to so many girls over the last 11 years. Not to mention the emotional & mental abuse too. He also has a porn addiction & was addicted to nerve pills.
I’ve recently found my way back to the Lord & I feel like devil has just been attacking me. I know God doesn’t like divorce & I don’t want a divorce. I just want my husband to stop lying & cheating & destroying my heart. I’ve tried to understand why he is the way he is. He never admits when he gets caught & always calls me stupid & crazy. I know I am making him sound awful but he’s really not; he does have a good heart & he believes in Jesus but has never truly repented & changed. I just want a normal happy life & I honestly don’t know if it’s possible with him because he never stops. After I catch him he’ll be wonderful for a few days, maybe weeks sometimes but then right back to the same things. I desperately want my marriage to work.
I love him unconditionally even after everything he’s done to me. I know I’ve been a doormat but that’s just who I am. I forgive so easy because I want him but not the ugly mean him. I honestly think he has a borderline personality disorder because it seems he can’t stop. I don’t even like going anywhere with him because of the way he looks & how he acts around women. It’s like he forgets I’m even there. His own wife. I take marriage very seriously & want to please God more than anything. Do you think God wants me to stay with him? Should I get divorced? I need help & desperately want him to be saved. I know in my heart he’ll never stop unless God helps him. Please, please, pray for me & for his salvation. Him being saved is so important to me even if our marriage doesn’t last. Please pray for us.
First,I want to say God bless you; second, you are never a doormat. We as women tend to love our men so hard, and it is so real. We make all kinds of excuses for our behaviors, because we love them so much and our marriage is everything to us. But listen, you can’t change him, only you. And ask God to lead and he will show you what to do. Stay strong, we as women are very strong. Good luck!
Thank you so much for replying! Yes I have finally figured out I can’t change him. I really appreciate you saying I am not a doormat. I guess I just feel like it sometimes. I will definitely take your advice.I am gonna pray about it & try as hard as I can to give it to God. Thank you my dear friend. Your response means so much. God bless you too :)
I believe God will help. It seems as if we going through the same stuff but God says I should trust in Him. I know He never fails. It is a bit difficult walking in this trust practically, believe me. If God be God then He will arrest them and turn them over to righteousness. We just need to ask Him to help us not to give up on them and His timing as God. It is well and will always be well with the righteous.
We aren’t married yet.. 03/26/2017.. Hopefully. But I still the need to pray for him as my husband. Am I jumping the gun? It’s been almost 10 years.
I have found this page such a good encouragement to us wives who are goibg through such difficult times in our marriage. I take this oportunity to ask prayer for my marriage. I and my husband have not been seperated for so long. I am a servant of the Lord tested in this situation; I am standing with God’s promises and confessed to God that whatever situation I am into,I won’t give up serving Him. Please pray for the restoration of my marriage, healing and deliverance. Forgiveness on my part…thank you so much.
My desire is to see my husband have an intimate relationship with Christ. This year alone has been a very tough year. We have only been married for 5 years. He is not abusive mentally and I truly feel like he does not mean to make me feel rejected or unwanted but he does. He has no problem looking into my eyes and telling me a lie one minute and he loves me the next as if he thinks those words take the pain away; it doesn’t and I know it will only be through Christ that I will truly learn to trust him. I know in my heart God can touch the heart of my husband.
Sometimes I think I desire this romantic, loving, no matter what we go through we will get through it with God’s grace and with honor and integrity. I look around and wonder if that’s possible for me. Is that wrong? I pray that my husband will be the man God has designed him to be. I also pray that he will bring out his gifts that he has placed in my husband, he is the masterpiece of my husband. I also know in his defense I do not always respect him although he has done a lot for me not to I am wrong for not be obedient in that area. I am going to pray for you. And I pray that you will stand in with me and help me pray. I don’t want to slam my husband or anyone’s. My desire is to see our husband’s raised up where they are bound and released and see God raise them up and use them for his Glory and Honor. That they will walk in his favor and be a true reflection of God…Please pray that I will be the wife God has designed me to be and my husband to be what God has designed him to be.
I ask for healing in my marriage and ask God to intervene and break the emotional and spiritual ties between my husband, Ronald and his ex-girlfriend Sherry Lynn. In the name of Jesus I ask. Amen
This was truly a blessing to me. Thank you.
I am asking for prayer. I believe that my spouse is cheating on me. After 7 years being in this relationship I have cheated on him as well. I cheated with someone for all of our relationship only because of my own desires. I stuck by him while he was incarcerated for a year. I took care of our family myself with God’s grace. I thought when he was released he would do the right thing. It didn’t take long for him to forget all the promises he made me and God. I am 49 years old and he is 48. We are happy most of the time but he has a very hard time when we are intimate. I often feel like he desires the kind of women he watches on movies. I know that he has to want to be faithful to me as much as I want to be to him.
We started back going to church because I know nothing can be achieved in life without the Lord. I plan not to let satan cause for me to go out and cheat because I feel that is what he does. I ask for prayer because I don’t want to be with a man who desires trashy women or any women. I pray that if he can’t just be with me in our relationships God will just take him away from me. I pray that God lets him see what pain and hurt he puts me through on a day to day basis when he acts suspicious.
Today he came home and took off his clothes and put everything in the washer. I asked him why. He said because they smelled of smoke. After I removed his jacket from the dryer it had women’s hair inside of his coat. We were to be married for 3 years straight. But I can’t trust him so I have not gotten married to him. When I think about me being intimate with him I get sick to the stomach. I don’t know what to do. He says he is gonna leave me because I accuse him often. But I just want God to just take full control of my situation and just use his will to condemn him if he is cheating on me. I want God to remove him from our family’s life if he can’t just stay faithful with me. So in Jesus name please pray for my family, my enemies and for everyone. In Jesus name, amen. God bless the world and everyone in it.
My husband has said mean words to me over the years. I want to use the kids to hurt him now. I left him filed for divorce and will not let him see our children so he can feel pain now. Is it right to use our children as a weapon.
Aleisha, I’m so sorry that your husband spoke to you in such toxic, horrible ways. It should never be. He was wrong for doing this. It’s not what any spouse should do to another. But please know that it’s never right to use children against a spouse –no matter how “mean” his words are. Kids are not pawns to be shoved around to accommodate a parent’s agenda for or against anyone –especially another parent. Deal with your husband… yes! But to use your children… to take them away from their other parent is absolutely wrong. Those children don’t deserve to be abusively used like this. Don’t allow yourself to believe the lie that because you hurt so badly because of what your husband has said to you, solutions to do that which you should not, are acceptable. They are not. Wrong is still wrong. Despite your feelings towards how your husband did wrong against you, please don’t punish them by denying them their father.
The way your husband uses his words to hurt you is wrong. But to use children as instruments of revenge is wrong. Your life will NEVER be blessed if you use children in this horrible way. It will eat you alive, even worse than his words… because when we use children in wrongful ways –such as denying them from seeing their other parent, it changes who we are and who they will become. It can put into motion all kinds of doubts, resentments, and toxic thoughts. Please keep the problems you have with your husband separate from parenting your children. Let them have access to both of their parents. Don’t bad mouth your husband to them… allow them to see one parent doing the right thing. They will eventually figure this out and hopefully, it will inspire them to be better people as they grow up, as well. I hope you will not give into the temptation to use them as tools of revenge. It’s NEVER a good idea.
What are you supposed to do Biblicaly speaking when you are in an abusive relationship? Especially when children are involved. I know that God forgives sin when we ask for it- does that include divorce, even when we know it’s a sin before starting the process? But, for the emotional well being for our children and ourselves, does that mean it’s forgiven?
Courtney, please go into the “Abuse in Marriage” topic on this web site at https://marriagemissions.com/category/abuse-in-marriage/. You will find many articles to read that could very well help you protect yourself and your children. Right now, don’t think about divorce, think about protecting yourself and your children. The divorce issue is something you can work through with the Lord later. It’s not the unpardonable sin, but it’s not something you rush into, nor do because someone else tells you to do this. This is something you talk to God about and line up with Him and His will for your life. But first you need to work out a Safety Plan –one tailored for you in your situation, and figure out how to bring safety into your and your children’s lives. Please do this ASAP because living like this is NOT something you can predict. It could grow all the more dangerous very quickly. Please do what you can so that doesn’t happen. I hope you will, and pray for you and your children.
I don’t know if there will be any response to this but if anyone reads this, I ask for your prayer. I have been married to my husband for 1 1/2 years. One month ago, he texted me telling me he no longer wants to be married, he cannot do this anymore and nothing will work between us. This stunned me to my core as it seemed that we were ok; not great, but ok. With the support of my parents and his parents and grandparents and brothers and sisters, we all prayed for an answer to this big mystery of why my husband decided to leave with no warning and refuses to work things out.
4 weeks later, I found out he had kissed another woman and was still speaking to that woman. I am devastated. The man I married would never cheat or hurt me and now here he is telling me we have to move on and leave our marriage behind. I refuse to move on. I have told him I would forgive him for what he has done but he said he cannot forgive himself. This has lead me to believe that he is saying all this due to the guilt he feels for what he has done and now feels he has to terminate our relationship. Please pray for my marriage to be restored. This is my last hope, prayer is all I have.