When you live with an unbelieving spouse, your heart is torn in so many directions. You love your God and you love your spouse, but your spouse doesn’t love your God. It grieves your heart so deeply.
There are many different dynamics that the Believer has to learn to maneuver through and live with in order to make your marriage work. Your ultimate goal in your married life is to live with him or her in such a way that your spouse will fall in love with God as you do.
You strive to live the gospel with and without words. Some spouses aren’t given the freedom by him or her to use words. Clearly, the best thing you can do is to pray for him or her —both for his or her sake, but also for your own.
Just Sit
In living with an unbelieving spouse, there are times when it’s important to:
“Just sit in God’s presence to listen, especially when we’re at a loss for words. Sometimes we don’t know what to pray, especially in our mismatched marriages or situations so bewildering we can’t fathom what to ask. But even to sit in silence before God in those times and allow the Holy Spirit to pray for us is a sacrifice of prayer for ultimately we are called to sacrifice our will for the greater one of God. We come before God with our own brokenness to offer, trusting that He is the only true source of our healing and hope.” (Dineen A. Miller, from article, The Sacrifice of Prayer)
To help you as you reach out for hope and sometimes healing and how to best pray for your spouse, we came several “tools” that you may want to use.
The first is a prayer page that could guide you through the scriptures as you pray for your spouse. It comes from the “Prayer Closet Ministries” which transforms lives through intercessory prayers and fasting.
To view the prayer outline that Dr Kevin Meador composed that was originally posted on the Prayer Closet Ministries web site (which we believe could help you in your prayer time), please click onto the link provided below:
• PRAYING FOR YOUR BELOVED UNBELIEVER
– ALSO –
June Sims wrote an article which includes “10 prayers” she prayed for her unbelieving husband. It is posted on the web site for the ministry of Family Life Today. To read it, please click onto the link provided below:
• 10 IDEAS: PRAYING FOR AN UNBELIEVING SPOUSE
– ALSO –
Below is a link to a document that has additional scripture passages that you might find helpful:
Finally, from Lynn Donovan:
“If you are married, this simple prayer will radically change your life, your spouse and your marriage. It doesn’t matter if your spouse is a believer or unbeliever… This prayer is for you.”
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Spiritual Matters
(CAPE TOWN SOUTH AFRICA) I’m a born again Christian for 5 months now and my husband is not. Our beliefs are so different. He doesn’t want me to go too much to church, he doesn’t want me to tithe, and he told me that he is cross because we can’t do the things we use to do. I started fasting yesterday and intend to do so for 3 days. I’m praying for him to get saved. I’m having trouble fasting (feeling sick). It’s my second day and I’m not used to not eating but I so much want to do it full out for God. I’m doing it to break through to my husband. Am I still too new in being a born again to fast, or do I continue to fast and just pray about it ?
(INDIA) Hi Shanna, Welcome to the born again group. Our lord is great & faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it -I Corinthians 10:13. Resist the devil and it will flee from you -James 4:7.
I too am married to an unbelieving spouse. Its been almost 10 years since we’ve known each other. I too am a victim of an abusive relationship. All I know is God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness and there’s no other peace that I can get apart from the prince of peace. I tried getting away so much from my husband, but the Lord always reminded me my purpose of marrying him and that is to save his soul. As the Lord has sown his seed in me it’s my duty to multiply when my master comes or ill be a bad servant. One soul can forgive a multitude of sins. So humble down, pray, fast and cry to the Lord.
(USA) Just continue and pray about it. If God has put it in you heart to fast then that is what you should do… I, myself, began a fast last night for my husband and as hard as it is to do, every time I think about it or start feeling sick or HUNGRY I just remember what I’m fasting for and ask myself what I want more, my husband to be saved or food. It helps me feel better. God bless you for your obediance and devotion to your husband and to GOD.
Hi Shanna, I am sitting in the same situation as you. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years now and am born again for only a year. When I took Christ into my life the enemy used my husband against me multiple times, also with the accusation that I am no fun anymore; I changed too much. But I must say God is amazing. Some days I find him listening to gospel music or watching a gospel movie, and then other days there would be such a rebellious spirit in him that everything I do would be wrong in his eyes.
Just remember that you are his prayer warrior; you can repent for his sins as you are of one soul and believe that you will see a change in him.
Thank God for His grace but I would like to point out that you and your husband are one flesh and not soul. You owe your soul to the Lord as He said in the scripture that All souls are mine. Fighting for your soul is an individual struggle because it’s the soul that stands for judgment. Your man is the husband to your flesh while Jesus is the husband to your soul. The soul that sinneth shall die, not the flesh. Since Christ will one day require the soul it is important that we feed it with the word of God and ensure we give priority to it than the flesh. Even your husband will not speak for you on the judgment day because he was just meant to be head of your flesh. So cherish your soul that the Lord will require of than the flesh/body that will be destroyed.
You can do a “Daniel fast.” I am not exactly sure how to do it, but if you Google it you will see how to do it.
(ZAMBIA) I’m glad because of the advice this network is giving. I am so touched about how Christian wives could pray and fast for their husbands. The Bible says that, ‘how be it this thing goes not out except by prayer and fasting?’ Don’t give up!! Just P.U.S.H. (PRAY. UNTIL. SOMETHING/SALVATION. HAPPENS.) God will never let you! I’ll be praying for you… God bless you.
Why marry a non believer in the first place? I mean from what I have read from this article and comments and others on different sites it seems like marrying a non believer seems to cause Christian’s nothing but misery. So why put yourself through that? Furthermore, this whole converting thing is silly really. Why can’t you just respect your spouse’s belief or faith? I mean is converting them really necessary? I mean seriously if a Christian guy dated me and tried to convert me 1. I would feel offended cause it shows that he has no respect for my faith 2. If you don’t want other religions converting you don’t do it to me.
The word of God says in Phillipians 2:11 “every toungue shall confess that Jesus is Lord”. It is the will of God for all men to be saved therefore we pray for the lost, so that they may receive salvation wich will give them iternal life. It is our duty to spread the gospel and save people from hell fire.
Thank you so much for the lovely prayer. I was so touched. (Lynn Donovan)
I was crying. I had a broken heart. My husband James left me & my daughter after 20 years of standing for him to come home. We are married 27 years in Dec 11. Please pray for a miracle on my wedding anniversary to call me or speak to me. He has gone to live in a different State with his parents. We are both Christians, he is in a backslidden state as of now. Pray for God to turn his heart around back to him & put unconditional love in his heart for me.
Lynn, thank you for that beautiful, yet simple prayer. It is powerful. I’m struggling with this in my marriage. It’s been 11 years. Recently I got to a point where I wanted out and let him know. He’s trying to be a better person for me, even going to church. He stopped going about a month ago and says that he just doesn’t get it. I try not to nag or push. I pray. Today is September 3, 2014. I’m going to start praying this over him and all the time.
I’ll definitely check back with you and let you know how things are progressing. Please pray for him and us and our family. Although I know I need to release my intentions and prayers of us being able to worship together, etc., I do honestly, in my heart, fear for his salvation and that of our children. Blessing, Erika in Pittsburgh
I stumbled on your video message…I know the Lord is speaking to me through you. He works through others to speak to us. Your video message was exactly what I needed. I am in the same situation as the friend that you mention. My marriage is long standing but the last few years have been challenging. Although we are not in that place of a few years back, it is still troubled at the core with unresolved pain and betrayal. I heard your vidoe message and prayed , as I went to find a piece of paper, I ended up with my wedding invitation in hand. I was married 23 years ago, so I know this is not a coincidence. I know the Lord is speaking to me through you and wanting me to pray this prayer. I have written it down and will pray it daily. I am walking in faith for the Lord to work in my marriage and heal us both, and through Him save our marriage.
Thank you so much Miss Lynn for that wonderful prayer, it really moved me and touched me; it was so inspiring because I myself have difficulties dealing with my husband. I pray it also for my husband. To God be all the Glory, in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, Amen.
Hello, I wanted to say thank you for your support for people with unbelieving spouses. I just got out of an almost 6 year relationship with a man that I considered myself married to. We were committed to each other and still love each other very much, but we never officially got married and we didn’t see how we could make it work with me being a Christian and him an atheist.
Even though we are no longer a couple, except for Jesus, we are still each other’s best friend. I still pray for him like he is my husband and pray that he will accept Jesus into his heart very soon. He recently told me that he would like to believe in God and that he used to but he doesn’t anymore, and that if God was real to ask him to change him, so that Tyler would have a change of heart and believe. He has quite a bit of bitterness towards God that I think is from the suicide of a parent and other things that have happened to him in life. I have recently seen Jesus making changes in him and I cannot wait to see what Jesus is going to do. Could you please keep Tyler in your prayers? Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this prayer. I am beginning today. Again thank you.
Amen and thank you sister. I am standing for my marriage. God is faithful. God bless you
I’ve been married for 14 months and my husband has decided he wants a divorce because of God. Recently, he’s decided to put of the divorce, even though he’s already filed, because he still loves me but just needs space. He’s moved out and is staying with his parents.
Please pray with me in agreement that he finds salvation through Jesus and has a desire for the Lord and for me, to live as a married man of God should live under the same roof as his wife.
Thank you! I will keep you updated. Asking for prayers for my unbelieving husband, Tyrel. Thank you!
Hi Lynn, Thank you for this video blog. I have no idea how long ago it was posted, but I appreciated it today. I have been divorced since I was 28 and NEVER wanted to be single. I am now 51, no children and both my parents are with Christ. I LONG to be married, but I want to be married to a modern day Boaz.. one who exemplifies Eph 5:25 as you prayed. I KNOW God is with me and will never leave me, but having no companion with whom to share my life is a huge struggle in so many ways. Please pray for the man God has ordained for me and to release him to me in 2016.
Thank you for sharing this video. I look to this scripture regularly now as I battle with marital issues but I didn’t recognised how powerful it was. Looking back I’ve actually prayed this prayer before and things began to work out. I’ve been married for 2 1/2 years now to my best friend of 6 years. He used to believe in God but we’re now in a new country with many more influences and we’re young (27) and impressionable as we’re still trying to find ourselves.
Him being apart of the military doesn’t help much as he’s constantly away from home and is in between single life whilst he’s away and married life once at home. As a result of this constant separation we’ve been having ongoing problems for about a year now. It compounds the issues to hear him say he no longer believes in God and now mocks me when I speak of God. He wants a divorce and shouts it everything we have a disagreement, this is hard… he also does this as a means of control as my immigration status depends also upon him. I’m weary by now but God has come through for me every time.
He’s not communicating with me, he doesn’t come home and he has influencers saying get a divorce. I almost feel like I’ve definitely lost this battle but a part of me keeps saying the battle is the Lords and he can do the impossible.
Please pray for my husband, Mikhail. He admits that he’s always in 2 minds about everything and even though he says he’s unhappy. We’re great together once all attitudes and defenses are out of the way. But he quickly discards the good times for bad memories. He’s experiencing a bit of the grass is greener effect among other things. Please support me in prayer to save our marriage; the last thing he’s said to me is get a solicitor, we’re getting the divorce.
I’m discouraged but still trying to keep the faith. You said something that uplifted me today, Greater is the power that is within me than that in the world (paraphrasing) but it reminded me that despite the fact that my husband’s power seems great and far reaching; my God’s power can and will supercede any other as long as it’s His will for me. Stay blessed dear.
So sorry Stacy-Ann that your husband is allowing his mind to be clouded from the truth of how good your marriage could be if he only opened his mind and heart to all God can do for him and the both of you. I’m praying for both of you and standing with you, believing!
I’m married to a man who is an unbeliever. I had been born again for 18 years now. My husband doesn’t want to hear anything about God, even just a story in the Bible. He always thinks we’re starting to preach. It’s so hard to share the word of God with him. He’s very controlling with everything. It has to be only his way, but I praise God for giving me the strength to submit to him, even though I agree with him I can just quit and do it without complaining.
But sometimes it hurts when you know that he is not a believer and want him to know God’s Salvation, and we know that a person who is not saved will be lost in eternity. But there is hope in the Lord’s time. I just give praise to God and pray. That’s all I can do. God bless all the spouses going through these trials. The Lord said if you want to follow me pick your cross and follow me.