We’re excited to share some “Removing Clutter” from your relationship tips that Bob and Yvonne Turnbull (of Turnbull Ministries) gave us to share with you. We appreciate Bob and Yvonne so much and believe these insights will help you to remove some of your own marital clutter. And who doesn’t need that? Stuff accumulates the longer that you’re together. So, here are a few of the Turnbull’s ideas. [And then we add a few of our own in brackets.] They write:
The beginning of a New Year is when most of us look to make changes in our life, hence “resolutions.” One of our traditions is going through our physical house and declutter it with all the ‘things’ we no longer need but could be used by someone else. We both feel better and more energized when all that clutter is removed.
A few years ago, we asked ourselves, “Wouldn’t we get that same blessing by cleaning out our personal lives?” So, we have started a tradition at the beginning of a new year where we would look to see what changes God would want us to make.
We base it on Ephesians 5:15-16, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Live life with a due sense of responsibility, not as those who do not know the meaning of life but as those who do. Make the best use of your time….”
So, we set aside some quiet time together to go over and answer three questions to help the decluttering process in our lives.
In Removing Clutter and Prioritizing Each Other:
QUESTION #1: What areas worked for us this past year, and do we want to continue them?
We start with a ‘positive’ — meaning — what worked for us? Starting with the ‘good news’ always gives us encouragement about what we’re doing right in our relationship. We’re using the example the Apostle Paul set in the New Testament when he would start his letters with positive salutations. With that said we would discuss a variety of areas in our life. This includes financial, physical, spiritual and relational areas.
Here is a small but powerfully loving example of what worked for us last year, so we’ll continue doing the same thing this year. When one of us would leave the house to run an errand we’d blow the other a kiss in their direction and zip out the door. It became a non-thinking action.
Now since we both want constant upgrades in our relationship, we created something new. No more blowing a kiss in the other’s direction but instead we would pause and exchange not one, not two, but three kisses. This causes us to focus on each other.
Discuss what worked for you and ask each other if you want to continue — or — even improve upon it.
[Blowing the kisses to each other before one of us pulls out of the driveway was a loving habit that we developed several years ago. Our grandson taught us that one; and we thoroughly enjoy doing this AND kissing beforehand.
But I (Cindy) also lovingly give Steve a long hug from behind at different times when he’s doing something in the kitchen. Lingering is important! Steve says it touches his heart every time. And his praying over me every night before we go sleep touches mine. It makes me feel so cherished.]
Removing Clutter from Our Relationship but Keeping the Fun!
QUESTION #2: Are we each satisfied with how often we date each other?
What comes to mind with this question is the year we decided to go out on a weekly date. When we set that goal, we really didn’t think it through because our schedules got busier and busier and our dating often got put off week after week, and then we started feeling guilty.
This year we wanted to do it, but we needed to make some modifications. We decided instead of a weekly date we would do it monthly. Also, instead of winging it as to when we would have a date, we decided to schedule our date a month out and put it on our calendars.
Then we would plan other things around it. And an added benefit to planning it was something we got to look forward to and it built anticipation. This may not work for everyone, but it sure did for us.
[The important thing is to adapt your “dates” with each other in ways that work for your marriage. We like afternoon date times where we sneak lunch together somewhere after doing errands. The important thing is to be intentional and to connect with each other in positive ways!]
And Then, lastly from Bob and Yvonne Turnbull:
QUESTION #3: Is there anything new we want to add this year?
As we discussed this area of our marriage and family, we decided to add just one new thing in our life. We didn’t want to overwhelm ourselves and then not follow through with what we set up.
This year we decided to read aloud together ‘The Message’ which is the Bible in contemporary language (human author, Eugene Peterson). It’s not as a study but a reading and then we discuss what we’ve read. We do this Monday, Tuesday and Thursday nights right after dinner. We’ve already started this with the Psalms.
[A few weeks ago, we made the decision to NOT cook after church on Sundays. After years of doing so, we’re making a change. We’re instead budgeting it so we can put money in an envelope each month so we can quickly pick up a large vegetarian sandwich to bring home to split and eat. It makes our Sunday afternoons SO much more restful with no clean-up to do after eating. We love our Sabbath Sundays! Thank you, God!]
HOW ABOUT YOU? We encourage you to pose these trio of questions to each other and then, as it says in ‘The Passion’ translation, “Within your heart you can make plans for your future, but the Lord chooses the steps you take to get there.” Always keep that in mind.
In Closing:
Here’s an another helpful “removing clutter” relationship tip and then scripture:
“The clutter in our marriage comes from not being clear about what’s important to keep doing for the relationship and what’s not. So, when we organize our priorities, we can put our marriage front and center on the best shelf where it can get the attention it deserves. Once you’ve decided to put your marriage where it belongs on your list of priorities, then figure out where the rest of your commitments belong.” (Nancy Jergins)
In removing clutter from your relationship do as God tells us in Ephesians 4:31: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” And instead, do as we’re told in verse 32 of Ephesians 4: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
It’s NOT easy, by any means, to follow through and apply this to our marriages, but it’s so, so important to do things God’s way!
We hope this helps.
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you even further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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