My husband, Ron, admits that he used to be jerk, but I discovered a secret formula that turned him into a loving husband. I started treating him like a VIP! Ron always wanted me to respect him, but I thought he had to earn it and I had to feel it, before I could do it. Wrong.
We women are very good at pointing out our husbands’ faults and failures and punishing them for not meeting our needs, but that only leads to discontent and distance in our marriages. We all know that yelling, nagging, and belittling are disrespectful and ineffective. So I’m suggesting a radical concept: Treat him like a king, and eventually, he will begin to treat you like a queen.
Act Respectfully
Instead of waiting for him earn your respect, behave respectfully and you could watch him grow into the man God designed him to be.
Twenty five years ago, our marriage was on the brink of divorce. I was controlling, critical and disrespectful so Ron was defensive and angry. We were both Christians but neither of us was living a spirit-filled life. I was letting my emotions determine my actions and thought it was Ron’s job to make me happy. But through a series of miracles (read my book for the whole story) we made a decision to rebuild our marriage.
The Plan
We went to a Christian counselor who read Ephesians 5:33. “Nevertheless let each one of you so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” He said, “Nancy, the only way you will win Ron back and stay married is if you begin to respect your husband.” I knew he was right so I swallowed hard and came up with a plan.
Here are three of the ways I began to respect Ron: They are easy to remember because they spell out the goal—to treat him like a V.I.P.
Respect him Verbally, Intellectually, and Physically.
Verbally: Cut out (ok… cut back) complaining and add in compliments.
If you want to have a peaceful, happy marriage, learn the art of the compliment. Compliments are like magnets and the more you compliment your husband the more he will be attracted to you. Begin to notice when he does it right and verbally encourage him by complimenting him at least once a day.
If you are having a hard time thinking of anything to admire, consider these categories: physical traits, mental skills, financial strengths, spiritual growth, or healthy relationships with others (children, parents, or friends).
Why Should I?
You may be asking “Hey, why should I compliment him when he NEVER compliments me?” It’s because, if you want your marriage to grow and bloom, you’ll have to water it with kindness and encouragement. Then, as he sees your sincere efforts, he will begin to change too. Don’t give up.
If you do need to bring up a difficult issue, place it between two compliments, also known as a “Compliment Sandwich.” Here’s an example, “Honey, I know how hard you work for our money and that Sally’s braces will be expensive, but I need your decision before her appointment tomorrow. I hope we can do this for her, but if you want to wait, I trust your judgment. What should I tell the orthodontist?”
Intellectually:
Men like to solve problems and fix things. So appeal to his intelligence by asking him to help you solve a problem. Instead of saying “This garage is a mess, clean up your camping stuff!” Try, “I’d like your help with something. Could you figure out a storage system for all the camping supplies?”
Don’t imply that he isn’t smart. Instead of saying “I think you are wrong about…” Say, “I’m confused about… please explain it again” (Remember to keep your tone of voice sarcasm-free.)
Request his help on Spiritual matters too.
Ask him to explain a passage of Scripture or ask him to pray for you when you are going through a difficult time. If your husband is not the spiritual leader in your home, continue to pray for him and ask him if there is anything you are doing that is hindering his relationship with God.
Men don’t give a lot of weight to feelings—show them facts and they’ll be more likely to listen. For example: if he wants to buy a car that you think is too expensive, don’t launch into a hissy-fit, write out your monthly expenses and ask him what other things should be cut out in order to buy his car. Let the facts speak for you.
When you cannot reach an agreement, instead of trying to wear him down by nagging or crying say, “Is that your final decision or can I still try to convince you?” If it’s his final decision, then honor it. It’s freeing—let him carry the responsibility of your family.
Physically:
Physically ask what he would like you to do and then, do it. Find out what his top three needs are. Ron likes the laundry done, sex a least twice a week (guaranteed!) and he likes me to keep my “girly-make-up stuff” off of the bathroom counter. If these top needs are met, he’s content and easy to get along with. I know it sounds simple, but each of us have different things that make us feel loved and appreciated. You won’t know what he wants unless you ask him.
Be aware of your body language. You can communicate disrespect by rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or slamming doors. Reflect your new decision to respect your husband in your heart, mind, and body.
Change your attitude and actions
Respect is both a verb and a noun. It’s an action and an attitude. So begin today to respect your husband in thought, word, and deed. He will be more willing and able to give you the love and affection you need if he is respected and admired. When I began to respect my husband, he was skeptical at first. However as he saw that I was committed to change, he began to treat me differently—lovingly. We now teach at couples’ events, helping others discover the blessings of true love in action.
Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you obey His word.
Remember:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
This article is adapted from the great book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage
Author Nancy C Anderson and her husband Ron, speak nationally to couples’ groups of all denominations. They share their message of hope and restoration with tenderness and humor. If you live in the United States and would like for them to speak with your group please contact them at www.RonAndNancyAnderson.com. You may also want to visit their blog at www.joyfulmarriage.blogspot.com.
Filed under: For Married Women
(GEORGIA) I was searching the web trying to see if there were other women who loved their husbands and could not seem to be on one accord with them. My husband and I are moving to a new city were we won’t have so many things that distract us from each other but we can’t seem to give each other the love we need. I am determined to not let him take advantage of me and he’s determined to not let me take advantage of him. I seem to be the one who always has to make up or make things better. Last night was a desperate attempt to hold on and you provided a life line. I am a strong, smart women who is not very needy however I want and need the love of my husband. I often think I’m right about things we go to war over but the Lord ask the question: do you want to be right or do you want a harmonious marriage. At times I don’t want to give in but that would mean if I Win I lose. Reading last night gave me another approach. I pray God would supernaturally up hold the institution he put in place. This will help us to honor our covenant with him and each other. Nothing worthwhile havingcomes easy. God bless you all
(USA) Why is it that woman ALWAYS have to be the bigger person? This is crazy! Men need to be more accountable and responsible for their actions. We are suppose to treat them as a leader when we are the ones leading.
(USA) My wife and I have been married almost a year and a half. I know that isn’t a long time compared to many. I read this short passage, and I felt as if it described exactly what I yearn for from my wife. I also know that the passage was meant for women, but I desire respect from my wife so badly I found myself typing it into google. We are both Christians. She comes from a matriarichal family, although she would never realize that. I love my wife dearly. She is the most beautiful person I know, but I am to a point where I can not live with the disrespect any longer. What can I do to better translate this to her other than telling her like I already have many times?
(UK) I have never nagged or yelled at my husband… I never ask him to do anything in the house… ok, I did ask a couple of things, like put a small item on the wall outside. About 4 yrs later it was put up and it took all of a few minutes! It’s so much easier to get one of my brothers to do a simple and/or urgent job.
I have to jump up and down when my husband takes me on holiday! I have to thank him so much for everything… None of this makes my husband treat me like a queen or respect me. But if I don’t do it on his terms, even though I tell him I truly respect him and I’m so very grateful for the things he does for me, I get yelled at!
It sounds all well and good to do these things stated but not all things work for all people. If they did, we would all have fantastic marriages… which evidently, we dont :-(
You have to be sooo careful how you put things to a man… especially a husband. Actually, I can say most things quite normally to my male friends, work colleagues, and associates… It’s only husbands that you can’t talk normally to… why is that????????
(AUSTRALIA) You are all crazy! Why is it always up to the women to change to help the husband? I have respected my husband from day 1 since we met, I do everything you’ve said from the start. Do you think I get that respect back? NO! So don’t say it’s up to us women… I’m so sick of everybody saying we have to do this and that for our husbands. Why can’t they do it for us? Yeah, he might go out and earn the money but we women keep the house in order, raise our children 24/7, cook etc. Women’s jobs are twice as hard as a mens jobs.
Recent studies say a stay at home mum does twice amount of work a day than her husband’s 1 day of work (husband’s 8 hr shifts). As for me, I clean house, get the kids ready for school, go to work, pick kids up, go home and cook dinner, bathe kids, put them to bed, clean the dinner dishes, go to bed, then restart it all the next day 7 days a week. While he works 5 days, 8hr shifts, comes home, eats, sleeps and sits and plays stupid xbox. Now tell me how he deserves the respect?
(CAN) I agree with Chrystal!!!!
(USA) I cannot even tell you how fired up I feel after having read this article along with others written by this author. Are we not living in the year 2010? Marriage is not about respecting your husband and giving in to his every need just because it makes him happy! Marriage is about working together and mutual respect! I feel this article disrespects women and tells them to find out what their husband wants and then do it… And eventually he will treat you the way you deserve to be treated! Really??? That is absolutely absurd! Men and women are equal and deserve to be treated as equals. Men are not superior and women should not have to belittle themselves to meet a man’s needs.
(US) Samantha… hence the divorce rate. Obviously we’re not doing something right and need to make a change.
(AUST) That’s like saying, in response to a statement that people should treat each other with equality – “hence the death rate in the Twin Towers terrorist attack.” There is a reason people died there – it was a terrorist attack. There’s a reason why marriages die – domestic terrorism. No relationship can survive such oppression.
What oppression you ask? It is oppression when one person steals another’s mind and treats another as an object to possess and control. It would be unusual for such a marriage not to end in a divorce because marriage was never designed to be a tool of oppression. God hates oppression. He came to set people free.
Marriages were meant to thrive and last, just as people were meant to be healthy and live long. But marriages die when people are treated cruelly, just as people die when terrorism is allowed to take place.
Please don’t assume that it is the attitude of people like Samantha that causes divorce. Insisting on mutual respect never leads to divorce. A lack of respect for another soul could.
(USA) Go back and read all the western comments. You’ll be surprised. It’s amazing that the western women have found men who abuse them and treat them badly. Men are becoming wise to the west’s attempt to womanize or emasculate men. Did you know that 85% of divorce in US is filed by women? Do you think the expectations are just a tad high and when it isn’t met… divorce.
There is a big difference between respect, love, submission and a doormat. I think that is what you are getting wrong. You lump them all into one. I feel very sorry for all of you and for your husbands as well, but not as sorry as I feel for your children. Look at how you treat your spouse and ask if that is how you would like your daughter-in-law to treat your son, or your daughter to treat her husband?
(AUST) I’m afraid you’re barking up the wrong tree. Western women are more aware of abuse. There is a high rate of domestic abuse in third-world countries, but society there tends to accept such behavior.
Marriage is so important to women because they treasure relationships. No woman I have ever known contemplated ending her marriage lightly, not even in the face of torture. A friend of mine has suffered severed depression for many years but not only accepts the ongoing abuse, thinking that all she has to do is to forgive, but also minimizes it, even though he is about to put her in an institution and forbid her from seeing her children. All she thinks about is how to respect him more. Yes, I do feel sorry for her and her children who have only had poor role-modeling of how to treat a woman.
The way I treated my husband is not how I wish my daughters to treat their husbands. I remained married to him and deferred to his opinions and allowed him to abuse my children who are now paying the price for it. I should have left him years ago. But I was taught that was not an option until the Lord showed me His will.
(USA) Only about 6% of those divorces filed are due to marital misconduct on the part of the husband who is divorced by his wife. That means that 94% of the divorces filed by women are NOT due to marital misconduct on the part of the husband.
If the vast majority of divorces are filed by women, and women are neither abused, nor betrayed, how can one support the notion that women are more interested in relationships when they are the ones who vastly outnumber the men who choose to end their marriages?
(AUST) I suspect that many of the 94% would not be able to name or articulate the abuse. My friend who has been emotionally deprived, put down, isolated, disparaged and finally threatened with institutionalization does not think she is being abused. Rev Al Miles, hospital chaplain, once remarked that NONE of the women he spoke with thought that they were abused spouses, in spite of their injuries. It is often after leaving that the fog lifts and many gain the education about the dynamics of abuse.
There was a survey done in the divorced ministry of our church, and 85% of the women who initiated divorced quoted being either physically, sexually or psychologically abused or a combination. In 60% of the cases, infidelity was a factor. Most did not even get help for it until they were abused at least 20 times. More than half went back after separation believing that the spouse had changed. One woman went back more than ten times. It is certainly not easy to leave. It would take a pretty shallow and selfish person to walk away just because they are unhappy – and I acknowledge that many men have been betrayed by women like this.
Among the abused women in my secular support group, none of the partners wanted to divorce. They would have liked to have stayed married for a lifetime. And no wonder – why get rid of the object of addiction and control?
That’s not to say that there isn’t a percentage that need support and communication techniques/tools to help overcome the challenges of a marital relationship. Divorce should NEVER be the escape route “in case” things don’t work out. When both parties are equally committed to a growing, respectful and God-centered rather than self-centered relationship, there is nothing they cannot overcome. Marriage growth seminars and couples counselling are intended to help these sorts of couples. Divorce rates among these couples, who need help and encouragement to weather the normal storms of life and external attacks on the marriage, can be greatly reduced – the divorce rate among my long term church friends is actually very low – less than 10%.
But the divorce rate among abused people (whatever that percentage is) will always be high because sooner or later, these sorts of relationships break down. And if they don’t (because the culture frowns upon it), the next generation pays the price with equally dysfunctional partnerships parading as the norm. It’s like a generational curse or iniquity – someone’s got to break it.
(USA) Actually, Dr Willard Harley, who has been quoted here many times indicates that the women he sees who leave, have affairs and choose divorce are NOT the ones who are victims. In fact, he says he has a hard time convincing such women to actually divorce their spouse.
Therefore, the ones choosing divorce, the vast majority, are those who are neither abused, nor betrayed.
Unless your church is studying thousands of marriages throughout an entire nation, I’d go along with the idea, at least in America, that it’s not abused or betrayed women who are choosing divorce.
It may be different in Australia, but here in America, the figures are as I indicated.
(USA) I have exhausted everything you wrote & pray everyday for change. I am not perfect but work hard to respect & do things out of my way for my husband because I love him. We have been married 9 years & have 5 kids. I’m tired a lot of times, but will smile at the thought that I am blessed with a beautiful family. I love my kids & my husband, but there are times I choose to be silent when we argue & most of the time he starts the arguments with me crying at the end.
I always apologize but now it seems useless because with all I do for him, I really feel he doesn’t deserve it anymore. He has even told throughout the years that he wouldn’t know what to do without me which makes me feel good, but when he wants to flip things upside down I never hear a sorry for any mistakes he has put our family through. I don’t point out his mistakes either because I feel mistakes are made so we can learn from them.
Lately we had very bitter arguments. Last week for example, I love talking to him but it’s harder now because he finds excuses not to, so I asked if everything is ok? Instead I get, “why do you ask stupid questions?” I was very annoyed & let him know I will not bother him again which really hurt me. I always go to our room to silently cry, I do not let him see me doing this because he will taunt me & tell me to stop crying like a baby & it makes him more angrier to see me cry so I have to hide & cry.
My children are afraid to do or ask for help on their homework because he will lash out for them not to bother him. I feel I am doing my part in respecting him in all aspects & pray so hard for him to change, but for 9 yrs I haven’t seen any. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel we need to leave in order for him to change. I also feel he lets his parents intervene in our marriage especially his mom. I know with all parents they will protect their own children, but she makes every excuse to blame his ways on their dad because it’s in their blood. I don’t think so, we were all made different & my husband acts the way he does due to his own choices. I’m starting to give up & throw in the towel… exhausted!!
(UNITED STATES) I stumbled upon this website this morning and I am quite taken aback by the ample supply of resources and discussion on the topic of marriage. I have been married now for 33 years and a pastor for 33. My wife and I have always been committed to marriage ministry, because as has been stated in other places on this site, it is the glue of any society, and is the primary place that Christlikeness is to be developed.
I would like to comment, if I may, on the discussion here regarding Ephesians 5:33. Specifically regarding whether respect is something earned or something that is commanded by this verse. A closer examination of the original language may be helpful before we draw any conclusions. The first observation that can be made is that there are “italicized” words in the passage, the word ‘let’ and the phrase ‘see to it’. These words do not appear in the original text that this verse was translated from.
Not to worry, this is common practice by translators to provide words to improve clarity of thought. By looking just a little deeper at the preposition “that” which is the Greek word “hina” which can also be translated “as a result of” we can begin to form a little better understanding. Let’s put the verse back together now with this new construction. “Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and the wife “as a result of”, (this love), respect her husband.”
Wow, this helps me see the consistency of scripture. Would I have respect for Jesus if he was not respectable? Yes, I could be commanded by God to do this, but on the inside I would be conflicted. Husbands are to provide a love for their wives that will allow them to reap the respect they so desire. Any other way is a pathway to abuse.
(USA) Sorry for the long comment, but I think it is important since there is so much confusion about this topic of respect being earned or commanded by scripture. Even John Gottman, who is the leading marriage researcher in our country states in his book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, “It’s certainly just as important for wives to treat their husbands with honor and respect. But my data indicates that the vast majority of wives–even in unstable marriages–already do that.
This doesn’t mean that they don’t get angry and even contemptuous of their husbands. It just means that they let their husband influence their decision making by taking their opinions and feelings into account. But too often men do not return the favor” (p.100). This leads us to the next requirement regarding understanding our question. Define respect? Could it be respect means to allow another to influence me, especially my wife? That I take into account her feelings and opinions?
You see, in order for us to be consistent with all of scripture we must remember that God said that a husband will “rule” or have “authority over” or “have influence over” his wife, she will have to take into account his feelings and opinions. It does not say in Genesis that she will “rule” over him or have influence over him.
In other words, he has the power to choose to allow her to influence him, she does not. Simply stated, if he will love her as commanded throughout scripture, then he will experience her respect for him, but if he is not loving toward her, he will not experience what he wants from her because she will be negatively affected by him responding in a negative fashion, ie., shut down, depressed etc.
(USA) Wow, Reading the article and the comments thereafter, have given me so much mixed emotions. I am not married but my wedding is set for later this year. My fiance and I are already arguing about “love & respect” and it seems like it’s getting worse. I am willing to try whatever it takes to make this relationship work, thus help us have a healthy marriage, but it seems like I’m getting no where. Lord knows I have tried.
I respect my fiance but it seems what I consider respect is not the only respect he needs! Lord, I pray for you to help me be the wife you called me to be, even now while I am engaged to be married. I don’t want to have a story like the many women on here. I want a happy marriage, that people can see the love of Jesus in … I guess I have to make some major adjustments and apply the principles in the article or I might as well return my wedding dress (deep breath, SMH).
(NIGERIA) I am married to a control freak who has made my life a living hell. I got married late 2009. 2 weeks after marriage I was publicly beaten by my husband. A month after i gave birth, same thing happened. Now, he verbally insults me calling me “a big fool” all the time. He demanded my password to my email; in obedience I gave it to him and now goes through my old e-mails, chats and interrogates my male friends.
He finally e-mailed me calling me a “cheap prostitute covered in animal skin”. Now, he throws my words back at me, by making his family members hear what I said to him out of hurt. I am sick to my bones. I can’t remember any day he ever paid me a compliment. He has no sympathy. I have sought for help from his elder brother and priest, but it seems to be getting worse. I can’t concentrate in my work, my peace is gone.
You suggest, respect, compliment and appeal to his intellect even when he doesn’t deserve it. I tell you, i have done all these too, and is still not working. How do you respect, compliment a man who does all these terrible things? To be candid, I NEED HELP!
(AMERICA) THIS IS BULL!!!!! OH MY GOD!! THIS IS TOTAL AND UTTER CRAP IF I EVER READ IT. MAYBE IN THE 1800’S. YES, PEOPLE ALL PEOPLE EARN RESPECT AND IT IS A TWO WAY STREET. HUSBAND, FRIEND OR COWORKER. PLEASE!!! MY BOYFRIEND, YES WE LIVE IN SIN AND I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS, LEFT HIS DIRTY CLOTHES ALL OVER. ITS NOT OK AND I MADE HIM PICK UP HIS DIRTY UNDERWEAR. PLEASE. IF I KISSED HIS BUTT LIKE YOU SAY TO DO HE WOULD TURN INTO A MONSTER. MAYBE IN RARE CASES THIS WORKS BUT NOT IN THE REAL WORLD.
(USA) You MADE him pick them up? That doesn’t sound like respect, it sounds like treating him like a child. How would you act if he MADE you do something?
You speak about mutual respect and earning respect. Yet you don’t come across as someone who is trying to earn respect, but rather you are demanding respect.
Just because she didn’t pick up his undewear?? Tony, please tell us that you are laughing when you write what you write?
Jean, I never said she had to pick them up. I have a problem when an adult suggests it’s ok to “make” another adult do something. Had I suggested to a husband that he make his wife change the oil in her car, you would be having a fit that he was being controlling.
If she doesn’t like the underwear on the floor, simply set a boundary. Something like, “I will only launder clothes that are in the hamper” as an example. Or, “I will not sleep in a room where clothes are simply thrown on the floor.” There are respectful ways of escalating the message if a simple respectful request to immediately put clothes in the hamper goes unheeded.
(USA) Kim, I think the context of your relationship is outside the context of the discussion. With God, its a three way street, not a two way street as you see it. If I submit myself to God to honor him in my marriage then maybe someday my wife will respect me. I hope. My wife wants to be loved. I can’t manufacture that but it does come naturally when I am respected. You admit your living in sin and you are. Your also in a relationship that sounds like it has a way to go to mature. Your’re being a mother to this man and a sex partner. Not exactly what God intended. However it is your choice and in life you reap what you sow. Thus your frustration.
(USA) I’ve been married 16 years to my wife and we have 2 beautiful girls. We have been through 2 ‘love & respect’ seminars, many other relationship building seminars, a marriage counselor and so on. I’ve asked myself how can I love my wife the way she so methodically defines for me. I cannot manufacture it. Her truth detector nullifies my efforts.
I’ve asked myself too, who needs to be the initiator? The loving husband or the respectful wife? In my opinion, it needs to be the wife because even if she falsely respects me with cheesy compliments I will humor her and will love her for her efforts. Right now, if I could trade the nagging, whining, criticizing for one measly compliment it would mean a lot. I just ask God to give me patience and understanding so I can honor Him in my marriage.
(USA) 1 John 4:19 We love him, because he first loved us. Christ initated self sacrificial love for his Bride. Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
One resource …so many I cannot remember which one …and you may have heard them all …but it spoke of the godly design of men and women …being that men are more like the Lord in being iniators and women are designed more as responders. Just offering something for you to consider. It sounds like you are in a difficult place.
The love and encouragement we often want and have expected from our spouses is just not coming forth ….so the Lord is there to help and encourage and to love when they may disppoint and fail to do their part.
I pray that you will find more strength in this idea. If God has designed a woman to respond to the ways GOD has informed us in his Word.
I found many helps in many resources that are out there …Jimmy Evans ‘Marriage Today ‘ has a great number of them …The one I was listening to today is a large seminar called “Marriage on the Rock’ …just thought it might give you some encouragement and your wife too.
In truth, we are all in marriage as lifetime of progressing through the various ways that the closeness of relationship with a fellow traveller following Jesus CHrist that is meant to change us and we are thus not being conformed to the ways of the world but as we renew our minds to His WORDS daily we are thus being TRANSFORMED by the renewing of the mind as we put it on and live by and in it.
The whole body of Christ and members in particular are charged to be submitted to HIM as LORD …the head..the source of life…for all the body … And Ephesians 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
May you find peace in the midst of your trials …for it worketh patience and many more virtues that we are offered to grow up in through Jesus Christ who blazed a trail …for us to follow Him. Matthew 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
Mark 8:34 And when he had called the people [unto him] with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him DENY himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. Luke 9:23 And he said to [them] all, If any [man] will come after me, let him DENY himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Jesus exampled self denial …self sacrifice…as the one that husbands were charged in one way to give love to the wife …as Christ gave himself …for his bride.
With great priviledge comes great responsibility. “Head’ has the sense of ‘source of life.’ Matthew 20:25-28 says, But Jesus called them [unto him], and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister. And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Just you wait…obedience to the LORD in all things sows …and reaping is guaranteed …enjoy the fruit of your ‘husbandry’ …it is actually an agricultural term originally …An exciting prospect eh?