My husband, Ron, admits that he used to be jerk, but I discovered a secret formula that turned him into a loving husband. I started treating him like a VIP! Ron always wanted me to respect him, but I thought he had to earn it and I had to feel it, before I could do it. Wrong.
We women are very good at pointing out our husbands’ faults and failures and punishing them for not meeting our needs, but that only leads to discontent and distance in our marriages. We all know that yelling, nagging, and belittling are disrespectful and ineffective. So I’m suggesting a radical concept: Treat him like a king, and eventually, he will begin to treat you like a queen.
Act Respectfully
Instead of waiting for him earn your respect, behave respectfully and you could watch him grow into the man God designed him to be.
Twenty five years ago, our marriage was on the brink of divorce. I was controlling, critical and disrespectful so Ron was defensive and angry. We were both Christians but neither of us was living a spirit-filled life. I was letting my emotions determine my actions and thought it was Ron’s job to make me happy. But through a series of miracles (read my book for the whole story) we made a decision to rebuild our marriage.
The Plan
We went to a Christian counselor who read Ephesians 5:33. “Nevertheless let each one of you so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” He said, “Nancy, the only way you will win Ron back and stay married is if you begin to respect your husband.” I knew he was right so I swallowed hard and came up with a plan.
Here are three of the ways I began to respect Ron: They are easy to remember because they spell out the goal—to treat him like a V.I.P.
Respect him Verbally, Intellectually, and Physically.
Verbally: Cut out (ok… cut back) complaining and add in compliments.
If you want to have a peaceful, happy marriage, learn the art of the compliment. Compliments are like magnets and the more you compliment your husband the more he will be attracted to you. Begin to notice when he does it right and verbally encourage him by complimenting him at least once a day.
If you are having a hard time thinking of anything to admire, consider these categories: physical traits, mental skills, financial strengths, spiritual growth, or healthy relationships with others (children, parents, or friends).
Why Should I?
You may be asking “Hey, why should I compliment him when he NEVER compliments me?” It’s because, if you want your marriage to grow and bloom, you’ll have to water it with kindness and encouragement. Then, as he sees your sincere efforts, he will begin to change too. Don’t give up.
If you do need to bring up a difficult issue, place it between two compliments, also known as a “Compliment Sandwich.” Here’s an example, “Honey, I know how hard you work for our money and that Sally’s braces will be expensive, but I need your decision before her appointment tomorrow. I hope we can do this for her, but if you want to wait, I trust your judgment. What should I tell the orthodontist?”
Intellectually:
Men like to solve problems and fix things. So appeal to his intelligence by asking him to help you solve a problem. Instead of saying “This garage is a mess, clean up your camping stuff!” Try, “I’d like your help with something. Could you figure out a storage system for all the camping supplies?”
Don’t imply that he isn’t smart. Instead of saying “I think you are wrong about…” Say, “I’m confused about… please explain it again” (Remember to keep your tone of voice sarcasm-free.)
Request his help on Spiritual matters too.
Ask him to explain a passage of Scripture or ask him to pray for you when you are going through a difficult time. If your husband is not the spiritual leader in your home, continue to pray for him and ask him if there is anything you are doing that is hindering his relationship with God.
Men don’t give a lot of weight to feelings—show them facts and they’ll be more likely to listen. For example: if he wants to buy a car that you think is too expensive, don’t launch into a hissy-fit, write out your monthly expenses and ask him what other things should be cut out in order to buy his car. Let the facts speak for you.
When you cannot reach an agreement, instead of trying to wear him down by nagging or crying say, “Is that your final decision or can I still try to convince you?” If it’s his final decision, then honor it. It’s freeing—let him carry the responsibility of your family.
Physically:
Physically ask what he would like you to do and then, do it. Find out what his top three needs are. Ron likes the laundry done, sex a least twice a week (guaranteed!) and he likes me to keep my “girly-make-up stuff” off of the bathroom counter. If these top needs are met, he’s content and easy to get along with. I know it sounds simple, but each of us have different things that make us feel loved and appreciated. You won’t know what he wants unless you ask him.
Be aware of your body language. You can communicate disrespect by rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or slamming doors. Reflect your new decision to respect your husband in your heart, mind, and body.
Change your attitude and actions
Respect is both a verb and a noun. It’s an action and an attitude. So begin today to respect your husband in thought, word, and deed. He will be more willing and able to give you the love and affection you need if he is respected and admired. When I began to respect my husband, he was skeptical at first. However as he saw that I was committed to change, he began to treat me differently—lovingly. We now teach at couples’ events, helping others discover the blessings of true love in action.
Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you obey His word.
Remember:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
This article is adapted from the great book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage
Author Nancy C Anderson and her husband Ron, speak nationally to couples’ groups of all denominations. They share their message of hope and restoration with tenderness and humor. If you live in the United States and would like for them to speak with your group please contact them at www.RonAndNancyAnderson.com. You may also want to visit their blog at www.joyfulmarriage.blogspot.com.
Filed under: For Married Women
(USA) Anyone reading these posts who is in an abusive relationship or even thinks they might be in an abusive relationship should read Why Does He Do That?
by Lundy Bancroft. The author is an expert in working to prevent domestic violence.
Physical violence is always preceded by verbal abuse. It only gets worse unless the husband starts respecting boundaries you have set. Couples counseling does not work because he usually does not want to look bad in front if others. He needs specific help through a program for abusers. Plus, it’s not a relationship problem. It’s an abuse problem which is HIS! It’s not an anger problem although his anger is a problem. It’s a problem with the way he thinks, that he can have power over you. That’s abuse. That’s not what real marriage is supposed to be. God does not want wives to subject themselves to evil. Flee from it. God bless you all reading this.
(UNITED STATES) This article was amazing. I am a newlywed and I’m just wanting to read about healthy marriages. My husband is my life. I know he is a gift from God and therefore I want our marriage to last forever. I loved this article and I want everyone to know that a friend of my husband just gave us a book called “Love & Respect” written by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It is EXACTLY what this article states. It truly makes sense.
(UNITED STATES) I have done the respect thing and it has not worked. My huband is inappropriate with women on facebook and other websites. He wrote a filthy book and stay on filthy websites stating he’s promoting his book. I have found dialogue which was sexually inappropriate between him and another woman. He stated he got caught up he would not do it again. He is up all night commenting and posting on provcative women pictures. we have had discussions on how this make me feel insecure and disrespected.
He continues to tell me I’m a jealous person and he’s not physically sleeping with anyone. So I should leave him alone about this? I used to take photos for him so I know how this turns him on. I even made an agreement that he could look at the pics, just don’t correspond with the women. He didn’t stick to the agreement. I am feed up. My daughter’s are aware of this issue and continue to pressure me about my lack of self respect. How do you have hope for a marriage when a man tells you he finds no fault with what he’s doing?
(USA) I am an ordained minister. I have faith that God can heal anything and yet I struggle with my broken marriage. I now realize that we married outside the will of God however, I plan to honor my covenant. Recently, I realized that I do not have respect for my husband. Though he is a nice person, he only has time for his career, and is very poor in decision making when it comes to money. He also doesn’t want to be responsible as the lead of the house. To make matters worse, I have now found that he has had affairs for 5+ years of our 10 year marriage. I’m trying to allow God to heal, but I realize that I have no respect for him….I do believe it’s time to separate and get some healing for ME singularly…
Just sharing…
(CANADA) Dear Tracy… May I ask permission to reach out and pray with you… and perhaps walk through some of the more difficult elements of your struggle? I am a prayer counsellor from Canada… and if I can, I would like to offer encouragement and questions for you to ponder about some of what I hear you saying…
First, if I could just sit with you for a while and just let you talk, and cry and be… I would… you need to know that you are not alone… and “yes” you do need a little love and understanding…
I want to gently say though, that in spite of your position… you are not immune to experiencing heartache and difficulty. I want to encourage you with steps that you can actively take to bring healing into your marriage and open pathways through which God can work… and may I encourage you that a “sacrifice of praise” paves the way for the Lord to work on our behalf. Praising and believing in His goodness and His love, and yielding to His ways changes our perspective- and sometimes it is our perspective that is in the greatest need of changing…
One of the things that I hear you saying is that “you don’t feel that your marriage is blessed by God.” I would encourage you to ask yourself how much commitment and respect and belief about belonging together comes out of that statement? And how close is that statement to Eve’s statement in the garden, ‘has God really said?”…Has God really ordained?
One of the first things that I would ask you to do is to get on your knees and thank the Lord for your union… and believe in the best despite the frailties and infidelities that have occurred. Your belief in whether this is of God is tentative at best, and I am sure that your husband feels the tentativeness of your commitment to him. He needs to know that you are absolutely committed to him and that you deeply respect and care for him. From out of that continuous expression of commitment, respect and love you will be able to invest in the opportunity to discuss the difficulties and decide together how to work towards resolution.
The second thing that I would ask you to do is to realize that you have ‘walked away from hope in God.” I would ask you to return to actively “hope in God’ to believe in His active presence and empowerment in this relationship and the potential for good.
You have stated that you have “no respect” for your husband. In Ephesians God tells us that respect for our men is the most important foundation of our responses to our man. Ask the Lord to help you remove “judgment” of your husband and give you “new eyes” to see him as God does, and a heart of love to respond to him.
Take your eyes off of your husband’s weakness, and ask God to direct you to what your own responses have been. Soak in I Corinthians 13 and ask God reveal what your responses have been to your husband’s frailties and failures, and how you can yield your responses to the Lord’s way of responding. Take a look through Marriage Missions’ amazing site and wonderful resources. You are going to find the help that you need- it is already on the way!
You say that you have faith that God can heal anything. Here is a wonderful, sacrificial opportunity to put faith in God to the test and trust Him for the rest!
Ask God to remove a “sense of entitlement” in your thinking that says, ‘I am entitled to” this kind of a marriage, and instead focus on God giving you everything that you need for life and godliness (II Peter 1:2-10), and how He will use the raw data of our life and experiences to produce wonderful life-changing results that draw us into a depth of love that we would otherwise never know.
He who has called you is faithful, and the comfort and consolation that you receive from the Lord (I Corinthians 1:3-7)- you will be able to invest in other lives… and if I can share, this I know “first-hand”…
We have to decide that we will invest what God has asked of us, and deeply trust Him for the rest. He is faithful.
Praying for you and standing with you and believing in the best that God has for you both!
“May grace, God’s favor (enabling you to respond to Him) and peace which is perfect well-being, all necessary good, all spiritual prosperity, and freedom from agitating fears and passions and moral conflicts be multiplied to you in the full, personal… knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” I Peter 1:2
(USA) I find it so hard to bite my tongue around my husband. He would do things and say things that I considered selfish on his part. He would take money from the home and spend it own himself or attend a family function and not invite me. hang out with his friends and not wanting to do anything with me.
At the moment my husband and I are a split in the road of our marriage. Deciding whether to continue or go our separate ways. However, I would like to continue the marriage with my husband but he is afraid that I may continue to nag him.
There have been plenty of times I would lash out at my husband and say are you crazy for thinking that or call him selfish. What I came to understand was that was not doing me any good for talking that way to him and it wasn’t doing our relationship any good either. It’s so hard to keep my mouth shut and not say anything but that I decided to take this approach of respecting your husband even if he doesn’t deserve it. It’s so hard, to humble yourself when you know things aren’t going right or being treated right.
I’m taking the higher road, by continue to treat my husband with respect. It takes a strong person to get to that point but I am determine to get there with God on my side.
(NIGERIA) I and my wife got into a serious fight last night. We got married last year 2010. Before I thought of getting married I would have sworn that I would never raise my hand to my wife because of the experience I had from my parents. I really love my wife so much… no doubt about that.
When we got married I determined that I would satisfy my wife. Normally, she’s supposed to be responsible for taking care of the house but I took it upon myself that I would be cooking too because we’re both working. To show that I love her I wash her pants /undies, and such.
Since we gave birth to our first baby, she has been running away from sex anytime I come to her. She’s always refusing me and telling me that she is not in the mood. There are times we might not have sex for a 3 weeks to a month. My wife is also a hot tempered person, she doesn’t treat me as her husband. If we have a misunderstanding, she will never say I’m sorry if she is wrong; instead I’ll beg her. She is too proud. I don’t know why she’s doing this to me. Maybe because she is a year older than me. I have tried my best to change her… so that there will be peace in our home.
Something happened yesterday that lead to the fight. I normally take her and the baby to her office everyday before I go to my office and we have a place which I normally pack my car. We both meet there. Mostly I used be there before her, after closing. I might wait her there for 1 half hr before she comes and anytime she comes I welcome her with the baby with joy, but anytime she gets there before me… she would be angry.
My wife will say all sorts of things to me, questioning me. She will never allow me to explain why I came late. What led to the fight yesterday… when I closed work, there was traffic on way because there are bad portholes everywhere. And this course, caused a serious holdup. When I was in traffic I called her line 3 times. She never picked up my calls. I thought maybe her phone was in her bag.
When I got there she was angry. I greeted her; she didn’t answer. I asked, would this continue like this? I told her since she didn’t not want to listen to me, she deserved no apology from me. Was it my fault that I met traffic on the my way? She got angry and started calling names abusing me and cursing me. I got angry.
When we got home I told her that I’m tired of her; that she should pack her things and get out of my house. She refused and we started fighting. I really beat her seriously and I am so sorry for doing that. I have been enduring all this while but she never changes. She does not change her manner of approach; she’s hot tempered… I’m just confused and I’m tired of the marriage. Please, I need help.
John, it’s good you realize the seriousness of your actions. It will not be easy to repair the “hurt” you caused your wife. Oh, she’ll heal from the physical pain eventually, but the emotional pain of what happened is a whole different matter. You have broken trust and to restore that could take years. Yes, years.
Not being familiar with what may be available to you in Nigeria to help you deal with your anger and the help you and your wife need to tackle the issues that brought you to this place, I can’t refer you to anyone in particular. But knowing you are a man of faith, I urge you to seek God’s help in finding the right kind of help. No matter what your wife did or didn’t do, it doesn’t justify your laying a hand on her.
I also don’t know what happened with your parents (you refer to it in your comment), but from what I can surmise, you observed and perhaps were a victim of violence in your home, either verbally, and/or physically. If so, this will make you more prone to pushing back and reacting violently to conflict, as well. This needs to stop. Your wife may not be right in the way she is reacting to you, but that NEVER condones striking back violently. You have learned wrong, as that is your reaction and you need to learn right.
I encourage you to make it your mission in life to get the help needed to learn different behavior and to restore your marriage. One place you can investigate is a retreat called Retrouvaille. I did a little checking and It appears they may have a program in Nigeria. Here’s a link https://www.retrouvaille.org/registration.php?programdate=2382 They are skilled In working with couples who have the “worst” marriage problems and are on the verge of divorce.
I know that there are cultural issues in Nigeria that may make it difficult for you to find a “balanced” biblical approach to resolving the problems you’re having that led to the incident last night. Both you AND your wife have issues that must be resolved if your marriage is going to be all that God wants it to be.
Please don’t work it in your mind to justify your behavior, no matter what your wife did or didn’t do. That’s what the enemy of our faith will try to get you to do. Don’t buy into that lie. I hope that your wife doesn’t buy into the lie that how she is “resolving” conflict is healthy either. It is not. But again, it doesn’t justify your outburst. I’m sure you don’t act out violently at work or with friends when anyone does something you don’t like, so it shows you have a “stop” button in your mind somewhere.
Sure, they don’t “push your anger button” the same way a spouse can. But that doesn’t justify violence. Don’t look at your wife’s wrong behavior, center on your own. We have a few articles in the “Communication and Conflict” topic that might help you in some way, in working with the Holy Spirit and using them. I hope you will.
I encourage you to read in your Bible, Ephesians 4 and Ephesians 5. Ask God to speak to you, personalizing it for you and helping you to live what is written there. Don’t center in on how your wife is supposed to live — pray for her, concerning that, but instead focus on what you are called to live out as her husband. When you stand before the Lord, you want someday to be able to do what it says, to “present her to Himself as radiant, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish.” Don’t bruise her physically, emotionally or spiritually by acting ungodly. Your whole life will turn in a destructive direction if you do.
We’re told in 1 Peter 3:8, “Husbands, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” Beating her as you did and as you could in the future, is not treating her with respect as your partner who doesn’t have the same strength as you do. Please work against arranging it in your thoughts to think otherwise.
I can well understand that you are “tired of marriage.” That’s what happens at some point in almost all marriages. It did in my marriage at several points. But remember, the race we’re to run as Believers is not a short sprint. It’s a long marathon that requires reaching down within to the strength and help that the Lord can give to bring out the bravery to finish the race well. The tools are available on our web site and others we link to, to help you become the husband God expects you to be. This is where the tough part of being a husband and being a Christ-follower comes in. Don’t wimp out when the going gets tough, as it is now. Persevere in godliness, as God would have you.
Keep in mind the words written in Hebrews 12:1-3, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Don’t lose heart. And don’t throw off your wife, grab onto the good that God can teach you and go with God in living out your marriage, as a man of integrity and character.
Jesus endured bad behavior from those He loved (just as you sometimes will be subjected to “unfair” treatment from your wife), but instead of striking back, he did what He was called to do, to finish the race well. I pray you will become courageous and do the same. Learn how to be the husband you vowed to be — the one God wants you to be. We need men who will become brave and do the uncommon. They will man up and live faithfully and lovingly with their wives and children as godly examples of Christ followers. This is your calling. I hope you will do what it takes to take up this mantle. I’m praying for you John.
(ZAR) John, for admitting that you were wrong and by asking for advice, shows that you are a true man. God bless you.
My husband and I also were in your situation. I don’t know about you but before the day he hit me and kicked me out, he had already started verbally abusing me by saying things such as, I do everything. Why can’t you give me sex? Already at that point I had started feeling like a victim because this guy is putting sex before anything. He doesn’t have time to pray but has time to have sex. It was all wrong to me.
I think what most men don’t notice is that they like putting sex before everything else, even before God. Yes, before God. Do you have time to pray, my brother?
What you did to your wife is so painful. From my personal experience I can tell you that things in your marriage will never be the same again. You have lost your role as a protector of the family. Your wife can’t trust you to protect her. I know my brother, because yes, I pray and I have forgiven, but I can never forget the pain and hurt.
(USA) If he doesn’t deserve it then why should we play the submissive wife role? Men who act this way are giant babies whose egos need to constantly be stroked. It’s condescending that we are continually told this kind of behavior is something we should tolerate and what WE can do to make things better.
It’d be nice if women stopped making excuses for bad behavior and stood up for themselves. This kind of advice is super frustrating when someone is looking for an answer that will better both sides, not just rolling over and playing dead.
(USA) I was raised in a Christian home. (Parents are still together to this day.) Having been raised with strict parents, I always found myself attracted to “bad boys”. I met my husband in church, but I knew he wasn’t living for God. I saw some red flags like his quick temper, but I thought my love would tone it down. I also saw how drama filled his family (mother) was, but I turned the other way. Even still, I got out of God’s will for me and married him anyway. Here we are, 15 years later, and I’ve paid the price for marrying a pride-filled man who doesn’t find it necessary to bother loving me as he should. After keeping a detailed journal of our unhappy marriage, I was able to finally understand why he was the way he was. He has NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIORAL DISORDER. Oh, how I wish I knew what this was before I married him.
In my frustration and desperation for trying to understand why he lacked respect and love for me, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I didn’t deserve him to hurt me with this emotional and verbal abuse so got myself into a deep depression. One lonely night, I even tried committing suicide. (He still doesn’t know about that.) I soon regretted swallowing all those pills and called poison control for help. That was the lowest point of my life, but I stayed. I can say, we get along a lot better because I now know why he can be such a jerk. And because I know, I’ve stopped letting him have power over me like I did before. Through prayer and confirmation of my prayers, God has shown me that He has heard my cries, many times. Being that my husband has NBD, he’s prone to lying. But, God has proven that He’s on my side by revealing significant lies to my attention. This scares my husband.
If your husband: lies, cheats, is emotionally and verbally abusive, is prideful, can’t express his feelings to you, lacks respect, has anger issues, fools everyone else into thinking he’s a great guy but can be a monster to you, learn all about what Narcissism is. Knowing made me realize I was a victim for something he was all along and not because I did anything wrong. See, part of Narcissism is for him to make you believe you’re the problem. For many years, I believed him and lost myself in doing so. Knowing what he was and why, saved my sanity. Now I just pray for God to deal with him as He sees fit. To my benefit, He does. So have faith in God. There’s hope yet. :)
(USA) I love my husband, but I don’t feel like I can respect him anymore. It is hard for me to find something nice to say about him. We talked about the problems we were having in our relationship & promised each other that we wouldn’t disrespect each other, curse, yell,or hang up on each other when we are on the phone.
Needless to say, he breaks all 3 promises in less than a week. I’m at the point of just leaving because I don’t feel connected to him at all. To top it off, he had another woman on his voicemail & told me he didn’t know her (liar). Whenever I ask him a question about something that is not quite right, he brings up trust to make it seem like I don’t believe in him. I’m out of ideas & hope. Please help someone…
(UNITED STATES) Why dote on him if he doesn’t give you the time of day, and doesn’t respect your relationship? He sounds like a self absorbed jerk.
(US) No, no, no, no, no. Respect is a two way street. If he doesn’t repect you then he doesn’t deserve you… end of topic.
(US) I didn’t read all the comments but just a few has me really shaking my head. God bless this author, her husband is a lucky man. I’m no way shape or form a male chauvinist, but if today women would ever stop being so defensive they would understand how much more happier they could be. God created man 1st; so to say why do we have to respect them if they’re not deserving is saying “God, you messed up you should have made us women first!..?”
What the author is trying to say is if your man has Christian roots or even better, Christian potential, you can place a manufacturer reset placed on his life. A little respect will go a tremendous way with a man, if the woman is sincerely giving it.
A wife needs undying love from her husband but it is almost impossible for a man to do that without the respect he needs to operate. (It’s our fuel.) You need the vehicle to get to “destination love.” Put fuel in the engine. Pray that God makes him into the man you need if he’s not there yet, but be a honest Christian believer… and in the mean time allow your husband to be your Lord. 1 Peter 3:6
Ok, let me bring up a point, If the husband is to be the head of the household, the spiritual leader, shouldn’t he be making the first move to reconcile the marriage and not the wife always making the first move to make him happy? Some of what was suggested above is going too far. That woman would have no identity of her own. What about his shaving cream in the way on the BR counter?
A woman who was capable (if there is one) of doing all of the above for her husband would have no identity and be a slave to him. I don’t believe that’s what God wants in a marriage. The woman has a right to take up for herself and has a right to her own opinion.
What about the part that says, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for it”? The husband is supposed to be the priest, provider and protector of the home. Why does it seem that more often than not, the wives are the ones seeking help and crying out to God for their husbands and their marriages? I would hazard to say that if more men loved their wives like they should, women would find it much easier to respect their husbands.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi, I really like your website. My husband only respected me while we were dating. I am saved, but he swears at me, threatens to hit me etc. He says that I am dark, fat and old. I pray so much for him but how must God work in his life if above all of the man has a drinking and a drug problem. Divorce does not please God, but what must I do?
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi, I really like your website. My husband only respected me while we were dating. I am saved, but he swears at me, threatens to hit me etc. He says that I am dark, fat and old. I pray so much for him but how must God work in his life if above all of the man has a drinking and a drug problem. Divorce does not please God, but what must I do? Things are aso bad that I know this man never loved me, how do I correct my mistake?
(USA) I had a break through today when I came across the story of Mary and Martha. My husband has not been pulling his weight when it comes to companionship in our marriage and I’ve been feeling pretty lonely (sad, when I have Jesus) and sorry for myself. After I read that story I realized that I need to be spending more time with the Lord. Then I laughed because I will learn how to respond to my husband the way the Lord wants, plus me putting up with my husband only means I will be receiving more blessings in Heaven, as long as I respond wisely to my husband’s silence or anger. So keep it up women! We will be rewarded. :)
(CANADA) YAY Heather! God bless you on your breakthrough!…God is So faithful and His ways are SO much higher than ours. Love and honor win- ALWAYS!!! And you WILL see “fruit” that you never imagined. I can relate from personal testimony… turning my own “nagging Martha” into a “love-at-the-feet-of-Jesus” Mary.
You will find as you yield to the wise counsel of the Holy Spirit, that a deep love will be forged in your heart for your husband as a result. You won’t be just “putting up” with your husband. If you ask the Father to help you to see your husband as He sees him, you will find yourself in deep gratitude for the gifts that He has given you in your man, and you will also find more “unexpected treasure” waiting to be “unlocked” …treasures that can only be unlocked through a commitment of deep, enduring love.
The scriptures tell us that when we respond to God in difficult circumstances He builds enduring character in our lives. Love, joy, peace, patience… be multiplied to you! Standing with you cheering you on! (Hebrews 12)
Also, I love this quote from Graham Cooke, “Receive courage and strength from the Holy Spirit. Take your heart into a place where it can be touched by God.”
(INDIA) I treated my wife like a queen. It was like I even kept my hands under her feet when she walked. I even gave her a quarter of a million $ for her higher studies. And yet, she never respected me, never wore dresses of my choice, never loved me like I wanted her to love, and gave importance to her family and her friends more than me.
I never spoke to any girl as I did her in my entire life. I thought I would love only 1 person after my marriage. But she betrayed me. She was having an affair with her professor well before the wedding and never told me. She took my money and filed for divorce. I shall get my divorce in JAN 2012.
Every day I curse her. I ask GOD, is this the price I pay for being nice and honest? I am a highly emotional man. I have hidden this secret from all my friends for the past 17 months. I burn everyday. I cry every day. She was with me for 15 months.
When I did not pay her fees she was very nice and even begged me mercy to pay her fees. Once they were paid, she showed her true colors. Is there justice in this world? The wicked make merry and the nice ones suffer! Is it a crime to be nice and honest??
My mom is very worried about me. She is ailing to see my sadness and down spirit. Can somebody guide me?