Christian psychiatrist Paul D. Meier says there are “only three choices for a person who is involved in an unhappy marriage. (1) get a divorce —the greatest cop-out and by far the most immature choice; (2) tough out the marriage without working to improve it —another immature decision but not quite as irresponsible as divorce; and (3) maturely face up to personal hang-ups and choose to build an intimate marriage out of the existing one —the only really mature choice to make.” But if your spouse isn’t helping in your marriage, how is it possible to save your marriage alone?
In your case, the moment of truth has come. Your partner probably has already ruled out the second option and chosen the first without even considering the third. The question is, “What will you do?” Surrender to the pressures of the world’s way of thinking and the emotions of the moment? Or will you make a choice based on confidence in the eternal truths of Scripture?
Choices
The stakes are higher than one may realize at the time. One choice clearly leads to the bitterness and defeat of divorce as well as lost opportunities for blessing. “Divorce is more painful than death,” a woman told me. “The reason is because it’s never really over.”
Dr Meier says that when couples run away from their problems by divorcing and remarrying, “then there are four miserable people instead of just two…. Why spread misery?” he asks. “Bad marriages are contagious! Numerous psychiatric marriage partners get divorced. No matter how good their intentions may be they nearly always remarry into the very same type of neurotic relationship they had before.”
When you choose the pathway of irrevocable commitment to your mate and your marriage —regardless of how troubled your relationship may seem —you will find that choice leading you into a place of agape love and peace and personal growth. These are just some of the rewards, for the chances are very good that you will also be able to enjoy the blessings that God has wanted to bestow on your marriage from the beginning.
Meeting marriage problems in a biblical manner
I am not suggesting that the healing of a marriage is an easy process when one partner resists it. But are any easy choices open to you, after all? Torn relationships involve pain, whatever you do about them. As Peter points out in his first letter, it is far better to suffer (if suffer you must) for doing right, than for doing wrong. He makes it clear that God’s favor and blessing shine on the one who patiently suffers, if necessary, in order to do His will. Meeting your marriage problems in a biblical manner is productive rather than pointless, and whatever hurts your encounter will be less damaging than the long-term effects of divorce would be.
“The very word divorce should be cut out of the vocabulary of a couple when they marry,” said a woman with a restored marriage. “God’s way is so much better for anyone who is willing to give it a try.”
Another woman, considering the turbulent events of the past year that had driven her to grow emotionally and spiritually while she “loved her husband back” to their marriage, said, “It’s been all gain for me. I’m a different person now. The process was humbling, but it was worth it!”
A man said, “During the time when I was trying to win my wife’s love and hold our family together, sometimes I got so tired of rejection that I didn’t feel anything except a determination to do what the Bible said and leave the results with God. The only thing I was sure of was that somehow God would work it out for my good because He promised that in His Word. I never imagined the love affair He has actually given us. He really does do more than we can ask or think!”
Clarify your thoughts, stabilize your emotions, and learn
While these comments from the far side of the problem are encouraging, I understand that the feelings you may be experiencing right now are less than pleasant. Many others have been where you are now. They can empathize with what you are going through: shock, hurt, rejection, emotional confusion, temptation to bitterness. And of course, there are pressures from all sides that sometimes make you want to give up.
My heartfelt goal is to help you clarify your thoughts, and stabilize your emotions. Plus, it is to help you learn to behave in a consistent, purposeful way that will save your marriage and bring a new dimension of love into your relationship.
So, if you are willing to make a commitment to your marriage based on the eternal principles and promises of the Word of God, you can take heart and let hope grow in promises of the Word of God, you can take heart and let hope grow in proportion to your commitment. Contrary to what the world believes, one person can save a marriage. In fact, most of the people I counsel belong in this category. Even when both come to see me, one is usually dragging the other along, in a manner of speaking, and only one really cares about the outcome in most cases.
Are you feeling all is without hope?
Marriage counselor Anne Kristin Carroll says, “If you think there’s no hope because you are the only one in your relationship who cares enough to try to save your marriage, you are wrong!” She adds, “In my experience most torn marriages are brought to new life by the efforts of only one party.” This has also been my experience. I have seen numerous marriages saved when only one partner applied biblical principles in a whole hearted commitment to the mate and the marriage.
Some marriages have not been saved. Usually this is because the individual is convinced that nothing will change the partner, and he or she simply gives up.
Occasionally, the partner desiring a divorce has developed a strong emotional attachment to another person. This infatuation often ends while the divorce is being delayed. Eventually the unfaithful partner thanks the committed mate for standing fast and preserving the marriage.
In a relatively few cases, one partner develops bitterness toward the other. He or she is actually encouraged to feel this hostility by parents and sometimes, church members. That causes the efforts at reconciliation to be unavailing.
But in the majority of cases, the outcome depends upon the committed partner’s ability to behave consistently in accord with biblical principles. So, in a very literal sense, it is all up to you. You need not expect your partner to do anything constructive about the marriage if he or she wants out.
Clarifying Your Thoughts
When the Bible says, “Gird up the loins of your mind“ (1 Peter 1:13), it means to get your mental powers in a state of alertness for proper action. You must do this without delay. Often the Lord will provide the opportunity for some uninterrupted Bible study and prayerful consideration of God’s plan for your situation. You may also learn some important things about yourself during this time.
When one husband moved out, his parents lovingly helped the wife by keeping the children several weeks. This gave her the opportunity to be better prepared mentally and spiritually for the challenges ahead.
Scriptures Needed
One young wife was ready to dissolve her marriage until a friend in her garden club led her to the Lord. “I only knew two Scriptures at the beginning,” the wife said. “But they were exactly what I needed. ‘God is not a man, that he should lie‘ (Numbers 23:19) and ‘With God nothing shall be impossible‘ (Luke 1:37).
“With those truths as a foundation I began to study the Bible, desperately trying to dig out God’s purpose for marriage and all that He had to say about it. I saw that if I were to obey Him, then I would have to become committed to my marriage and my husband. That’s true even though he was involved with another woman and we were on the verge of divorce.
“Coming to this decision didn’t make things any easier emotionally at first. But what it did was show me a clear path of action. The situation actually became less complicated because there was no more confusion about what to do! I refused to sign the divorce papers. I had gathered evidence identifying the other woman and proving my husband’s unfaithfulness. Destroying it all was important because I didn’t need it anymore.”
Teaching right and wrong
A University of Chicago professor described this generation’s dilemma with the now familiar quotation. “We lack the language to teach what is right and wrong.” But Bible-believing Christian caught in an emotionally fraught situation do not have that problem. The language of God concerning divorce is plain enough for any reader. For example:
For the Lord, the God of Israel says: I hate divorce and marital separation, and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate] (Malachi 2:16 AMP).
He replied, ‘Have you never read that He Who made them from the beginning made them male and female’. And said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united firmly (joined inseparably) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder’ (separate) (Matthew 19:4-6 AMP).
Clarity
As you try to gain clarity of thought concerning your marital situation viewed in light of the teaching of Scripture, I suggest that you read the first five chapters of the book, Love Life for Every Married Couple. Search the Scriptures that have to do with marriage. The following is the eternal principle that undergirds the biblical counsel we offer. It is God’s will for every married couple to love each other with an absorbing spiritual, emotional, and physical attraction. It is one that should grow throughout their lifetime together.
The picture of Christ and His church
It should be crystal clear that God intends for you and your mate to picture the love-bond of Christ and His church. You must beware of substitutes who sometimes find their way into the vacuum of a troubled relationship. Obviously, infidelity and divorce are paths that move away from God’s plan and blessing. But when you pour yourself into restoring love to your marriage, the force of His will is at work with you.
It is important to fill your mind with positive biblical input. I’m talking of biblical counseling, preaching, and teaching. You also need good books, Bible-study resources; and friends who will affirm you in your commitment to your marriage. You need to take in truth from those who are as committed to the permanence of marriage as the Bible is. And don’t listen to anyone else! Develop tunnel vision in this area as Proverbs 4:25-27 commands:
Let your eyes look directly ahead, and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil (NASB).
You need to maintain this total mental commitment to the truth. If you aren’t committed to honoring God’s truth you will be swamped by waves of human opinion and bad advice. Sometimes they come from seemingly religious people.
Bad advice
One young man came to me confused. He had been told to do nothing to win back his wife. He had been told to instead concentrate on his vertical relationship with God. I said to him, “This is true, but you can please God only when you are doing what the Bible says you are to do. You must be right in line with God’s Word. We have no other direction for this life. When we are in total accord with the Word, then we can relax and God has the freedom to work with us. He always works with us on the basis of the information that we have from His Word. So the more you know of the Word of God concerning marriage and His abhorrence of divorce, the more equipped you will be to let God do His full work in your life.”
“I had to take a stand on this matter of outside influence,” a wife told me. “Everyone has been anxious to give me advice about my marriage. I refuse to discuss it with people who hold an unbiblical viewpoint, or people who try to turn me against my husband. Also, I won’t discuss it with people who make me feel sorry for myself and encourage weakness in me. I can’t afford to be around worldly friends anymore. They tear me down, and tear my husband down. They are so misguided, even if they mean well. I want to be with people who will stand with me and support me when I might falter.”
A settled mind brings clarification
Your thoughts are clarified when your mind is settled. When your commitment made, you will find that you no longer lie at the mercy of outside events. You also no longer react to every new circumstance with fresh pain and bewilderment. Instead, your viewpoint becomes, “This is what I am going to do, no matter what, because it is God’s way to do it. I can count on His wisdom, and I can trust Him with the results of actions based on His Word.”
One woman told me, “I’m not standing by my marriage anymore on the basis of what the outcome will be.” “People urge me to dump my husband, and to give up on him because he’s made my life miserable. They tell me I deserve someone better, that I wouldn’t have any trouble finding someone else to love me.
Work to Save Your Marriage Alone
My answer is that marriage is sacred; marriage is permanent; I am committed by my marriage vows; I am one flesh with my husband; and then I really shock them! I tell them that even if there is no happy ending for our marriage, I will not regret the stand I have taken. This is the right decision and I followed the only course possible for me. I will have done all that I could.
“But my trust is not in what I am doing,” she added. “It is in God and His Word. He has a perfect, loving plan for my life, and He’s wise enough and powerful enough to carry it out, if I cooperate by following His counsel. So I’m going to keep on obeying Him in my marriage and I’ll leave the results with Him. I am at peace with that.”
[Marriage Missions editors’ note:
The authors, Dr Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins go on from this point to include a lot more advice. For many different reasons, including honoring their copyright privileges, we need to shorten this article. Plus we think you need to obtain the book yourself because of the additional advice you’ll benefit from reading. But we do want to end this article with some practical advice.]
Counsel that gave courage
A happy wife wrote me a note of thanks for my counsel. She said it gave her the courage to stick with her marriage. She said, “One little thing you said to me meant so much. You said, ‘So what if your husband doesn’t tell you he loves you right now!” I knew you were right. I really wasn’t that important.“ She found that putting up with rejection was worth it in the long run in order to have a revitalized marriage.
I have talked with many women who tell me that when they do not feel their husband’s love, the Lord has a way of loving them that is almost tangible. “Like being in the sunshine, just feeling the warmth of His love,” several wives agreed.
A young wife carried that a step further in her own trying situation. She said that it was often difficult to go out with her husband. She knew that he would not treat her the way she longed to be treated. So she developed the habit of thinking of the Lord Jesus as her friend and escort of the evening. “It helped me tremendously,“ she said. “I behaved my best for Him, and was constantly aware of His steadying presence with me!”
In summary:
You need to give love to your mate biblically, emotionally, and physically whether you receive a response or not. This is altogether possible through agape love. One wife, whose husband was involved with another woman, said, “I tried to show him that my love for him did not depend on how he treated me. I still showed him physical affection. I sent him cards with appropriate messages that expressed my caring while we were apart. And, do you know, when we reconciled, I found that he had saved every one of them!”
I talked to some wives who had experienced saving their marriages. I asked them to give their list of do’s and don’ts for a wife trying to save her marriage.
Here are their suggestions:
• There can be no growth in your relationship if there is doubt as to your commitment to your marriage. Make your commitment!
– Trust the Lord to meet your emotional needs. He won’t let you down!
• Live one day at a time.
– Don’t try to do it on your own. The Lord is with you!
• Never turn your children against their father. Forgive!
– Don’t ask family or friends to take sides against your spouse.
• Don’t discuss your intimate marriage problems. Don’t give fuel to gossip. Confide in the Lord, your counselor, and perhaps a close Christian friend whom you can trust.
– Choose your biblical counselor wisely. Never discuss your problems with a friend of the opposite sex.
• Spend as much time in the Word of God as possible.
– Also –
– Concentrate on redeeming the mistakes you made. Ask God to show you how to change, rather than concentrating on your partner’s failures.
• Do all in your power to delay or prevent divorce. If you consult a lawyer, make it clear to the lawyer that it’s only for your financial protection and for your children. Find a Christian lawyer who will help you preserve your marriage.
– Spend your time with people who will encourage you in spiritual growth.
• Do not overcompensate with your children. They need your love and stability; but they still need discipline. It will be hard to build a new love relationship with your husband if the children are out of control.
– Don’t expect your spouse to change overnight.
• Hope all things, believe all things, and endure all things.
This article comes from the book Love Life for Every Married Couple
Filed under: Save My Marriage
Hi, my name is Christo. My wife left me in October 2016; she moved out with our 2 kids. They stay with her but she drops them every morning at my house then I take them to school and get them in the afternoon; she then picks them up around 7 pm. I have told small lies in the past to avoid an argument and I broke the trust. I know now how wrong I’ve been. Her other reasons is thet she does not deserve what I do for her; our future plans are not the same. We are just two different from each other (that was never a problem) and last she says she emotionally outgrew me. We been togher for 8 years and married for 5 years.
How can I get her back?
My husband left me 12 months ago. He said he wasn’t happy but there was no one else. Although I had seen some photos on his phone of a woman that he was friends with through his sporting team, he swore nothing was going on. A few weeks after he left I was diagnosed with Lymphoma, a double whammy. I thought he would come back but he didn’t but I decided to stand for my marriage.
Only recently I found out he had moved in with this woman 2 months after he left and it made sense why he wasn’t there for me through my chemo treatment when he said he would be. Because I felt so hurt I have wanted to give up my stand so many times, since my daughter got married at the start of the year he keeps messaging me saying nice things about me and how I look amazing, and no one will ever be like me. Yet he is still with this woman and told his mum (we are very close) that he is never coming back to that boring life and she makes him happy.
A few days ago I called him to talk to him about the upcoming sale of our home as I want to try to buy the house from him. He started crying and saying he hated himself and what he had done to me, and he didn’t know if he was happy. He has been fighting with her because she is opinionated and telling him he is not to communicate with me. Just a few minutes after this conversation he told his mum the complete opposite.
Yet he has text messages me everyday multiple time since and is flirting with me. I am so confused, it’s taken me a long time to get to this peaceful place in my heart and every time he messages me it is really playing with my emotions. I want the connection with him but I don’t want him to think he can have his cake and eat it too! I want him to decide me or her. We have been married for 24 year have 2 adult children who are very upset with him for abandoning me when I was sick. Any advice is welcomed!
Tracey, I will be praying for your situation and for your marriage. Based on my personal experience and the experiences of many guys that I have known over the years, your husband is behaving in a common mid-life crisis way for men. We become discontented with our life, we begin to search, and then we eventually begin to see that whatever we chase after in life also fails to make us content.
I can tell you what your husband needs, but getting him there will take a lot of prayer and the working of the Holy Spirit. 1) He needs to have a relationship with Jesus, where he begins to understand how much God really loves him. 2) He needs to understand that God created him just the way that he is for specific purposes, and that God has a plan for his life and desires to use him. 3) He needs to be in fellowship with other Christian men who can encourage him, speak truth into his life, and who can bring adventure into his life. 4) He needs to realize that it will only be when he commits himself fully to the Lord and invests his life into building and serving the Kingdom of God that his life will truly come alive, and he will then find the contentment that he seeks. (Many of the most effective mens’ ministries are built around these general concepts.)
Be patient and keep praying, Tracey. He has already shown you signs that the Lord is working on his heart. If you know of any Christian guys who could reach out to him and invite him to lunch, or to some fun and wholesome activity, that could be really helpful. I’ll be praying for you.
Thank you so much. M! I will do all of the above. I do pray for him everyday as I see his life is a mess. He has had 6 jobs since he left and is about to lose his license. It’s obvious to everyone but him that he needs Jesus. He turned his back on God many years ago; he does know the truth!! Thank you again.
Am I wrong for leaving my husband? I caught him cheating in our own home. I took my things and left without him explaining anything to me. And he continues to throw that in my face. So when we have some sort of conversation he always says I left, I had my chance for him to talk to me, and I disrespected him for leaving. He confuses me when he says these things. I pray to God everyday almost every hour that he guides me and reminds me of how I need to be right now. Loving still, stay as silent as possible and do not give up on praying for him knowing our marriage will be restored one day. But the one thing I always get confused about is should I have left our home? Btw we are having our first child on the way. Appreciate biblical advice. Thank you.
Anonymous. I would never throw stones at you for being horrified by what your husband did. And I can perfectly understand why you would flee. I would definitely need time to think and pray about all of this. But what happens from this point on is what is important. Please go into the topics where we talk about infidelity and affairs (we have two of them). And also read through the topic on forgiveness and bitterness, because what happened to you can be used by the enemy of our faith to try to push you in a wrong direction. Very carefully and prayerfully read through them. You have a lot of praying to do. Use these topics (including videos and testimonies and quotes we have posted in those topics) as a type of therapy for the Holy Spirit, our Wonderful Counselor, to go through with you. As you pray, read, pray, and listen to God, I have no doubt that you will know what to do.
I can’t tell you if you were right or wrong for leaving your husband when you caught him cheating. I probably would have been tempted to do the same. But one thing about leaving like this is that there isn’t any chance of repentant behavior. You need to give him that, so perhaps his heart will soften towards God. It’s a God thing, not a husband and wife thing. What you do with that behavior (good or bad) is another decision you will have to make. Coming back home at this point to live might be counterproductive because you don’t know his heart, nor yours, concerning this whole mess. Give yourself time. Don’t allow him to coerce you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with doing. He was in control before as far as how he reacted to temptation. But you need to be in control now as to what you are to do with this whole mess that he created.
I’m a bit concerned that that he is throwing ANYTHING in your face. He has no room to put down your behavior –especially in light of what he did. I’m also concerned that he said YOU disrespected him for leaving when what he did to you was a thousand fold more disrespectful. Those are a few red flags that are raising right now that make me wonder if he is going to try to rationalize what he did. Yes, there may be some reasons behind what he did but NEVER, EVER does it justify cheating. If you and he have ANY chance of reconciling in the future, he has to be totally repentant and willing to do whatever he can to win back your heart and trust again, and own up to the horrible wrong he did without rationalizing any of it. God alone will let you know if you have any behavior that needs to change, but again, nothing justifies the wrong that he did. It was flat out wrong. He violated his wedding vows to you and to God.
So, please pray, read, and see how God heals your heart as you lean into HIS understanding, instead of yours. Yours will be all over the map right now. This is the most confusing thing that could happen to a spouse. Give it prayerful time, with prayer. Please know that my heart goes out to you and my prayers go out for you. I pray the Lord helps you, guides you, comforts you, speaks to you, and works in and through you in this situation. I also pray God infuses hope into your heart that you will eventually experience better days –ones that will bring a smile to your heart.
“May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” (2 Thessalonians 3:5) “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ —to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)
Cindy, He’s said he was sorry but has not shown or said what he wants to do. He’s very cold as you can see. All I’ve pretty much told him is that I’ve forgiven him, that I love him and that he is still my husband But I can’t come back to how things were. But he has no reaction.
I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond back Cindy. You are a blessing. You gave me a lot to go on and that’s helps because I need reminding every minute of the day of why I made this decision and how to approach this. Thank you.
Thank you Anonymous. I’m so sad for you. The fact that he is cold and has no reaction to what you told him does not look good. Just be cautious in going back. Even so, I’ve seen situations change where the transgressing spouse was once cold (this happened with my dad leaving us for another woman –as cold and heartless as possible), to coming back home completely broken. So you never know what can happen. Again, pray, read, pray and see what God says to you and what happens with your husband. I pray good happens, where it once was bad. Only God can bring that kind of good. I pray that for you.
Good day, Both my wife and I have been unfaithful and we have tried numerous times to build our marriage again. I have forgiven her for her infidelities but she just can’t seem to forgive me for what I did and it is tearing our marriage apart to the point where we now talking about divorce and it’s not something that I want. I will fight to keep my family together no matter what. I need help and advice on how to go about doing this as it seems that everything I try to make this work just drives us further apart.
Hi, My wife left 2 months ago. For me it was totally out of the blue as I thought that everything was going well after going through a difficult period a few years ago. She’s saying that she’d been unhappy for some time, while there’s no hint of adultery or abuse. She’s now moved into a house with our eldest adult child. She refuses to speak to me unless it’s about the children (2 boys 14 & 23), and our eldest refuses to talk to me at all. She’s adamant that she’s not coming back. Are there any real guarantees that our marriage will be saved? Because it all looks dark at the moment.
My husband and I wasn’t having sex like we use to but he just up and left our home when I wasn’t at home and he tells me he dosen’t love me like he use to. I ask a couple weeks later do he love me and he says a little bit. It was the worse feeling for me ever and I love this man more than myself. He moved back home but it hasn’t been the same since he stayed away at his mom’s house for 8 days. My heart can’t take it anymore. We been together for 23 years and married for 18 and we never stay apart from each other. But I don’t understand what I did but not make love to him on a regular basis and this is really tearing me apart. I’m about ready to just give up and just wanna know what can I do to make my husband love me again.
I want to save my marriage after divorce. My ex husband and I were talking on the phone almost everyday. We were developing a nice friendship and he was teasing me in a physical way. I know the only way truthfully that our marriage can be saved is if he accepts Jesus Christ and gives up the talking about his ex-wife before me and the close woman friendship at work, also the unhealthy cleave of putting his daughter above me. I want a second chance to date my ex husband, be his girlfriend and him to want to commit to me and introduce me to his family, go to church, go on walks, and do things just the two of us. I hope for a miracle to then get married again and be an example of Jesus Christ and the church. I hope the Lord will resolve our current disagreement of me being upset because he wants to talk about his ex all the time.
My husband is living with another woman since 3 years. He has not left, coming home because we have a kid and we are still married. He spends time with me and kid sometimes. He says he won’t be able to leave that woman and he cannot leave me and our child either. He struggles to spend time with us. That woman is living with him and forces him at times to leave us and get married to her. He at times hides it from her when he meets us. He gives me love sometimes but is constantly convincing the other woman my texting her to be with him and not leave him and that he loves her.
He used to love me a lot but I used to doubt him because of my parents failed marriage. I couldn’t trust him; so now he tells that woman that she should trust him and I never did and that’s why he ended up with her. Thru texting all the time they both have a bond with each other and he just comes home I feel for his child and tries to keep both women happy. I don’t know where this is heading. That woman has become more tolerent now and is ready to stay with him. Even in such a situation me and my husband used to fight a lot and we had financial isssues too. He took help from her with money and she took things for him which we couldn’t afford. I am in total debt because of him. So there were many reasons as per him for finding someone else. And he thinks he is right in what he did. I know I made mistakes so I don’t say anything to him just do my duty as wife when he comes home. She criticizes him for spoiling her life but he takes evevrything and he says he loves her in his messages.
Does any of this apply if I am in an abusive marriage and want to save it because my husband wasn’t this way before?
I made many mistakes with my husband. By hiding things from him, especially lying to him. It is a habit born of necessessity in the past. But it has badly affected my marriage and now he wants to end it. I love this man ever since I was 14 years old. I need help to save my marriage.
My husband and I were inseparable. We did everything together and the short times we had to be apart while he worked we talked on the phone as much as we could. He’s always been a man that loves God and we prayed together. Well about 6 months ago things started to change. We started to argue; we didn’t pray together anymore. And then he walked out. He came back, then did it 2 more times. So I started to feel I couldn’t trust him which caused me to start holding on to money and having different thoughts. Ultimately my anger, frustration and distrust caused me to tell him to leave in the heat of the moment. He left and said this time it was for good.
We started talking a few days afterwards (well talking and arguing) then before 2 weeks had passed he left and went to his brother’s house which is a 16 hour drive from our home. He told me he was going to visit him for a while because he didn’t know which way to go. Well now he has a job there. He keeps telling me he doesn’t know if he wants to come back and reconcile and if he did he wouldn’t know where to start. I talk to him everyday and even when I don’t answer he gets upset. The problem is he’ll stay on the phone with me for hours but he doesn’t even wanna touch on the subject of us working things out or him coming back home. My children are heartbroken. I don’t know what to do.
Hi, Nice ways to save marriage. I and my wife married just a year ago. She lives in Los Angeles and I in London.
Due to few small unconscious mistakes and arguments she has totally changed and is so mad at me. I forgave and forgive each time she said sorry for anything. But she cannot forgive me she says. She lives with her parents and they are supporting her against me. I have tried every single way – but failed. She is very abusive while I call. Now blocked me off on mobile, social media so that I cannot contact her at all. She said she is going to file divorce. I went to meet her in Los Angeles but she was not interested at all.
I was in a hotel, went to their home she and her parents all were mad at me. I said sorry for anything I did – they did not listen to me, rather became abusive. I still want to save my marriage. I have been praying seeking God’s mercy. I am really tired now – helpless. It makes me cry, depressed, became ill and admitted to hospital. Can you please advise me what to do?
I have been with my husband since 1993. I was tired of his controlling ways and the way he spoke down to me that I filed for divorce in January 2015. I was patient hoping he would change but couldn’t take it anymore. We argued everyday. I was scared of him. I was so angry that he got served in October 2015. He was hurt and begged to come back but I was upset and then listening to all these religious friends that told me he is no good, so I felt better.
Then in 2016 he had a woman move into his new home. In January 2017 I begged him to come back to me and our kids but he said he was happy and I hurt him too much. It’s now 2018 and the divorce is supposed to be final soon. I have tried every trick to make it not happen but he says he wants it over with. He says he doesn’t know what the future holds but right now he is done. I feel as cause I never realized how much God hates divorce and that it would be a sin to remarry. I’ve been praying hard for God to humble him and make him renew his love for me. God has showed me a lot of my faults and how I needed to be more patient.
Please give any advice you can and as much prayers if possible.
My husband left me two weeks ago and has blocked my phone number and will not communicate with me at all. We have been married for 19 years and thru the whole marriage he has these times where he gets mad and lets things build up and will leave for various amounts of time. He says mean things and then usually when he gets past the episode says he does not understand why he does it.
This time it seems like he has not been himself for months and finally things erupt and he leaves. He tells me he does not love me and I have no idea where he is even staying. I worry that every time he leaves will be the time he never returns and it is very stressful. We have a small farm and he left me with all the responsibilities and all he took were his work clothes.
I need stability and happiness in my life instead of walking on egg shells waiting for him to leave again. I need to know how to fight for my marriage and get past this so we can be happy together and learn to communicate. He is 57 years old and I am 10 years younger. I do not want a divorce but I do want my husband to come home and learn to talk to me. How do I do Gods work if my husband will not talk to me whatsoever. Please tell me where to start.
Please, do you have any free materials you can send into my email box?
Ibeh, yes, we have a weekly Marriage Insight that we e-mail out once a week free of charge. I will subscribe you so you will begin receiving it this coming Wednesday. You can unsubscribe any time.