We’re asked the question often, “Should I get a divorce?” Our answer to them is, “that’s not for us to tell you. We’re told in the Bible that “what God has put together let no man tear apart.” That includes us. Instead, we encourage them to pray and to read the Bible, asking God to lead them. This is a personal decision between them and God —”a cord of three strands.“
With that in mind, here is a starting point for you. Carefully and prayerfully read the following scriptures that concern divorce:
Deuteronomy 24:1-4:
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.
Malachi 2:13-16:
Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accept them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself [or his wife] with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty.
Matthew 5:31-32:
[Jesus said] It has been said, “Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.” But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 19:3-9:
Some Pharisees came to him [Jesus] to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Mark 10:2-12:
Some Pharisees came and tested him [Jesus] by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” “What did Moses command you?” he replied. They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Luke 16:18:
Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Romans 7:2-3:
By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11:
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14:
To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
1 Corinthians 7:15-16:
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
1 Corinthians 7:27:
Are you married? Do not seek a divorce.
Filed under: Separation and Divorce
(SOUTH AFRICA) Please pray for me and my boys 8 and 3 years old. My husband walked out on us in January 2008, after nine years of marriage. He is living with a 20 year old girl and she is pregnant with his baby now. We are getting divorced. It is very tough on me and my kids, because he is planning on getting married to this girl once our divorce is final. Please pray for me and my boys…
Leonie, You have our prayers and our love, that God will help you, guide you, and show you how to raise these precious boys to grow into faithful men who love God and are trust-worthy, honest, and over-comers of the many harmful temptations they will face. We pray the Lord will touch your life in such a way that you will see hope beyond this horrible time, and that you will sense the Lord’s abiding love as you take one day at a time, walking with His guidance.
(USA) Leonie, I am going to pray for you so hard girl. I really hope that you can find some comfort in the LORD. I recently was facing a divorce and GOD pulled us back to where we needed to be. Pray for your husband that he may draw closer to the LORD and ask GOD to change his heart. GOD can do it. A very Good friend of mind named Anne recommended to me to read a scripture that can help Jeremiah 32:27 also try Ephesians 3:20.
GOD can work miracles if you believe. Also remember what scripture says Matthew 7:12. What he’s doing to you could happen to him. I will defiantly be praying for you. Love Ya, LYNNE
(SOUTH AFRICA) My husband moved back to Cape Town today with his girlfriend. Thank you for your love and your encouragement. I pray that God changes my husband’s heart and that He will bring him back to me and my boys as a mighty man of God, and that we can build our family based on the one True God, that is always there for us.
I was feeling very down today, but my sister and you really encouraged me. It brought me to tears. Thank you once again, God bless.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Cindy/Lynne, My husband and his girlfriend are living four days away from me and my boys. I had a terrible weekend. We had a long weekend here in South Africa. He came to visit us the whole weekend and two nights he was stinking drunk and causing trouble.
I am living with my parents-in-law and my mother in-law told me yesterday that I have to get out. I must find a place for me and my boys (her grandchildren). But I am not going to be moved by it because God is in control. They don’t have to bow down to me but the enemy has to bow down to God. I am going to be ok, both me and my boys, because God is busy healing and restoring us.
There is something that goes like this: Saul looked at Goliath and said he is too big to kill. David looked at Goliath and said he is too big too miss. I am facing this with Davids attitude. God bless. Stay strong.
(USA) Leonie, Keep in mind that the LORD never closes a door with out a plan for your escape. You’re right, stay strong and do not open a window for the devil to climb into. You’ll be fine, continue to Have faith and pray. Believing that GOD will take care of you when things are bad is the ultimate test of faith. Remember Job? I too can struggle with feelings of hopelessness but nothing or no one is too much for GOD.
What was the reason for husbands impaired state? He is filling himself with wine. Instead of the Holy Spirit. He must be trying to tune Someone out — Some one whose voice must be very LOUD! Which means that the LORD is at work, just keep praying. It sounds like you have the right attitude about all of this. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers. LOVE, LYNNE
(UNITED STATES) I just found out my wife wants a divorce from me… I am totally crushed… It’s gotta be the worst day for me now… We have disagreements and lack communication for close to three years now… I am so sad, because I know we can get over these hurdles… but she seems to lack faith now in that… Plus I know there is something on the other side of the grass if you know what i mean…
I don’t want to leave because I know God would want me active in our daughters lives…..and this is just so wrong… I have been on this site for more than 2 years reading forums and pages… It is a God send…
Please pray for me. The enemy is busy in my house…. he knows I have been with this person since 1994… and when I married her that’s when the problems occur….
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Leonie and all. I am a 21 year old mother to a 6month old baby boy. I have also been through a lot in the past year or so. My husband of 17 months is having an affair with his ex girlfriend! I was incredibly sad and very hurt when I found out. A lot happened after that, but basically at the moment we are separated and he’s contemplating divorce. The worst thing about this is that this woman goes to the same church as I do, so I see her a lot! She is a whole lot "better" than me, materialistically speaking. She has a car, no children, dresses well, the works. So, after many sincere prayers I made to God concerning my marriage – I’ve decided to fight for my marriage! It’s not easy – but I know it will be worth it in the end.
Leonie, you really need to focus on Jesus and know that he is well aware of all that you’re feeling – because He’s been through it too! I know how it feels to be confused, and I was suicidal at one stage – but thankfully I literally CRIED OUT to Jesus. You have to know that none of what is happening is His will, and He can change your situation. There are many Bible verses where God changes peoples hearts (read Ezra, Daniel, Zechariah). Read these and believe in them, because He is the same God and He can do that to Your man.
Also don’t focus too much on the past. Look forward. Ask God to show you how to be a woman after His own Heart. I have to live with the torment of seeing this woman everyday, but I decided to throw myself in God’s hands. Just don’t give place to impatience. Trust in God. Invest in your spiritual life FIRST and then ask God to show you how to connect the relationship you have with Him to the one you have with your husband.
Read books that help. I found that the Power of a Praying Wife helped. Charles Swindoll’s Getting through the Tough Stuff also helped. Also read Elizabeth George’s Beautiful In God’s Eyes. All these will help you greatly. Ask God to show you ways YOU can change, and leave everything in His capable hands. I know at times we all feel weak, and wonder whether all the effort is worth it, but somehow we have to believe.
I am definitely with you. And don’t forget, where there are two or more gathered in His name – He is there. We might not be together physically, but our spirits are committed to the prayers on behalf of our families. He will hear, He will answer and He will save your Family.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi again Leonie, I just wanted to also encourage you concerning your In-laws. I can only imagine how terrible this must be for you. I guess in a way it puts your faith into action. Look to God and ask Him to help you. After all, you’re depending on Him, right? Sometimes when God is pushed in a corner, He acts. Remind Him of His promises – It’s not that He’s forgotten about them, but He wants to know that you trust and believe in them. Tell Him that it’s not because you are good, but rather because He is faithful, and therefore cannot disown Himself.
I am praying hard for your family. One thing for sure, we’ve got nothing to lose! Keep strong and if all you feel like you’re wavering – read Psalm 27. Actually the entire book of Psalms will help. And check out the article on "How to Save Your Marriage Alone". Believe me- You can do it!
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Dineo, You are so very young to go through something like this. Don’t worry. God is strengthening me and God is carrying me through this storm. I am focused on Him. My flesh wants me to run to my husband all the time, but my spirit is taking over surely. God is very faithful and is guiding me through this. He showed me yesterday that what I am going through is nothing to Him; there are people in this world that do not even know Him that are going through worse.
Last night my mother in-law was very rude to me, threatening to hit me, but you know what Dineo, I just smiled inside and said, “Father listen to this woman, the enemy is so upset with me Father because I am not turning away from them but to you.”
I read Psalm 50:15 last night, it says "and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me." God gives us permission to seek Him, so that is what I am doing. I am anointing my boys and myself with oil every night and I pray saying that no weapon formed against us shall prosper, because they are saying a lot of things against me and my boys.
This is not so hard Dineo. God is faithful. He is not a man that He should lie, I trust Him and I know that He is going to come through for me and my kids. He is going to change their father’s heart and life and my husband is going to be the man that God intended him to be. I am practicing everyday to God my focus and practice makes perfect. Be blessed my sister in Christ. I love you. Leonie
(USA) Hi Dineo, I wanted to make some comments after reading your present situation. I was struck by your comment about how you measure up against your husband’s ex-girlfriend (the one with whom you say he is having an affair).
I simply wanted to say, from my own personal observations combined with my own walk with the Lord, that I know what it’s like to make those comparisons but I also know that it is of the world.
Perhaps your husband is looking at his ex-girlfriend because she owns things or looks a certain way, but only the world puts a high value on things like that. The more we walk with Christ, the more we are to be called out of the world. (See: John 15:19.) If your husband likes those things about someone else instead of the wife that God gave him (you), then he is looking at things through fleshly, worldly eyes. Obviously, that’s his choice and you can’t change that. But what you can change or make a choice on, is not to look at things the same way.
You are a wife and have a child by the husband that God gave you. That is honorable in the eyes of the Lord. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. You are now a Godly woman. God told the world to be fruitful and multiply in many places in the Bible. Don’t ever let anyone make you ashamed of that, or who you are. You are precious in the eyes of God.
The other thing I wanted to say is regarding your statement that the woman your husband is having an affair with, goes to your church? If that is correct then I am appalled.
If this woman is actively having an affair with a married man and then is going to church as though it is nothing, then that is very dangerous. But it also requires action from other believers.
Read I Corinthians 5. Paul talks about two people in the Corinthian church who were committing acts that even the pagans didn’t commit and no one was doing anything about it. In other words, everyone was turning a blind eye to it. If the woman in your church is currently having an affair with a married man (your husband) you cannot turn a blind eye to it.
I Corinthians 13 talks about love. And it says, in verse 6, that love does not rejoice in evil, but rejoices in the truth. If your husband and his ex-girlfriend are trying to separate themselves because they know an affair is wrong, then God is already working on the problem. But if they are continuing the affair and you are sure of this, you cannot turn a blind eye to it. You must tell the pastor or another believer you trust. That cannot continue – it is a stink in God’s nostrils. Not only that, but it is incumbent upon anyone calling themselves a believer to do what is right. I Corinthians 13:6 talks about telling the truth.
The only caveat I would add is if the affair is not physical. If it is a physical affair and is currently ongoing then you must bring it to the church’s attention since she attends your church. If it is an "emotional" affair, where they are just having conversations, etc. then, although that is not appropriate either, it is less serious and requires slightly different action.
If it is a non-physical affair I would suggest approaching this lady at some point before or after church services, and trying to talk to her about it – not out of anger but out of desiring the best for you, your family and her as well. We are to lift our fellow brethren up. In doing this you would not only be helping your family out of love, but you would be helping her as well.
Please read the verses above as I think they are appropriate to your situation. And pray for God’s guidance. But I had to point these things out from my own lessons in what I’ve learned in my walk as a Christian.
With love and prayers for you, your little one, and your husband and the other woman. God will prevail.
(UNITED STATES) Hey Dineo! It is good you are fighting for your marriage! Pray like it depends on God and work like it depends on you!
If you guys can get it…pick up the book, “The Divorce Remedy”. It is a great book for you in a time like this! And it gives you steps on how to handle this…and it will question you also. We have to remember that we can find faults in our spouses…but we have to look at us first…ask God to change us..and then we can continue to move forward in saving these marriages.
P.S LEONIE! KEEP UR HEAD UP! PRAY! READ SELF HELP BOOKS! AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…READ THE WORD! AND NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER QUIT!!!!!!!! OUR GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!
(SOUTH AFRICA) Good Morning All. Jerome, thanks for your encouragement for Dineo and myself, God bless you.
Dineo I went through this long weekend. It started on Thursday night, when my husband drank himself drunk and came looking for trouble with me. You know when he started cursing and swearing at me I blessed him and the enemy could not handle it. He swore at God and at me. He told me that the church I belong to is no good for me. He hit me in front of my boys.
His girlfriend phoned me to ask me if she can come see me. She is a child. Dineo is with a child. She does not even look like she can be 20 years old, but 17 or 18. He is a man of 35 years old. I told her what has happened and I also told her that she took my husband. They destroyed my marriage, but she is going to be no part of my kids lives.
I do not have time for the devil and his little demon people. I had enough of them in my life. It is time that we as children of God can take a stand in Our Father and stand up for ourselves. No fighting physically, but with God’s word. It is our weapon. God gave me Psalm:109 to read. It is harsh, very harsh.
My brother in-law also wanted to hurt me because of his brother. You guys see, I am living with my in-laws. but God is busy preparing a place for me and my boys to take us out there. My husband is not even working, he is struggling to find a job. He bothers me all the time and tries to tell me what to do and what not to do. I have a Father in Heaven who takes care of me.
Our message in church yesterday was about changing the climate. And our teaching was on the Gospel of Luke –how the climate changed as Jesus lives on earth all the time. I believe that message was for me. You guys must remember that Jesus did nothing to nobody, but still they persecuted Him, beat Him, spit in his face and crucified Him. He did it for us, for them, for everyone. What we are going through seems tough, but always remember that it is nothing compared to what He went through for us. And God will come through for all of us, because He is not a man that He should lie. Stand on his word, everyone.
Be blessed. Love Leonie
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hello all. Thank you so much for all the advice – I really appreciate it. Firstly to LT, I was away from the "state" where my husband and I lived for 3 months, just trying to gain perspective on the situation. It was a tough 3months, but I learned a lot about my own ungodly behavior in the marriage, and I prayed hard for God to deliver me from bitterness etc.
As for the other woman, I can honestly say that I did tell people about it, but nothing is standing in her way. You see the situation is all very complicated and even worse now is that she is CONVINCED that she and my husband are getting married. I know this because she is wearing an engagement ring and planning a big wedding. However, in this, I kind of took Hezekiah’s attitude – and I left it to God. Amazingly, I spoke to my husband recently who told me that he was very unhappy – about his life in general.
As for Leonie, GIRL – how hectic! I know exactly how you feel! Look, please in everything, do not allow bitterness to grow in your heart. If you want to know how not to – just pray and cry out to God. If you let it fester, it will become so heavy a burden, you’ll go CRAZY! So, please deal with that first. I can imagine what a damp and dreary long weekend you’ve had – mine was not too great either! But when things look like their really going mad, that’s when we have to hold on tighter to God. Ask God to give you a spirit of revelation and wisdom – so that you can see this situation the way He does, and act as He directs you. I am with you in prayers.
To everyone, may God bless you and your families incredibly! I am praying for you all. It’s not easy, but when we have our crowns, we’ll find that it was worth the struggle. Stay strong. In faith, Dineo
(UNITED STATES) Hello my name is Rita. I kicked my husband out because I felt that he was cheating on me. He said that he wasn’t but he is selling drugs again. He doesn’t want to go to counseling and he has already filed for a divorce. I got the divorce 6-9-08. I know that God can change things around and I am asking for you to pray for me and my husband. I know that getting a divorce is an abomination in Gods eye’s. So I am asking for prayer for me & my Husband (Larzaus). Thank you, and God Bless you for this website and ministry.