(USA) I like the last comment, “It just means you have to work more EFFECTIVELY at marriage.” So many times we read or hear someone say they are the only one working on the relationship and they’ve done everything and it doesn’t get better. Usually that’s their justification for their choice to have an affair or divorce.
But what if instead of working harder, or focusing on all the things they think their husband is doing wrong, they worked more effectively at their marriage? What if they looked at the positives of their husband, all the good things and good qualities? What if they looked at what works rather than focusing on what doesn’t?
I read it here time and time again about how justified so many wives feel they are when they choose to divorce their husbands. Look at the topics here. They claim their husbands are not there for them emotionally, instead of learning to recognize his manner of emotional involvement. Or how he doesn’t communicate, instead of learning to understand what he is communicating?
You may FEEL you are working on the relationship. But what does your husband feel or think of your efforts? After all, if they are not focused in the right areas, you will not get the desired response and continue to feel frustrated that you feel like you are working but not getting anywhere. What if you treated your husband like you did when you first met him, rather than comparing him to the guy you met at work, or the stay-at-home dad across the street that seems so interesting, or the guy in your Sunday School class or choir?
(USA) Thank you Tony for your comment! With my head hanging low, I am one of those wives you have just described. Even though my heart desires to be that wife, it’s so easy to be critical and not change. But yet at the same time, the guilt and shame kick in for me right away. Do I go and apologize, no, not always. Do I know I need to, yes, absolutely. I am such a mule! I have always wanted to be that wife that understood my husband and love him regardless if he chooses the t.v. over spending time with me. I always wanted to be that wife that would just pray for him continuously no matter what. I am still a work in progress. I know what I need to do, but why does this have to be so hard and feel so unnatural to do so?
(USA) I like the last comment, “It just means you have to work more EFFECTIVELY at marriage.” So many times we read or hear someone say they are the only one working on the relationship and they’ve done everything and it doesn’t get better. Usually that’s their justification for their choice to have an affair or divorce.
But what if instead of working harder, or focusing on all the things they think their husband is doing wrong, they worked more effectively at their marriage? What if they looked at the positives of their husband, all the good things and good qualities? What if they looked at what works rather than focusing on what doesn’t?
I read it here time and time again about how justified so many wives feel they are when they choose to divorce their husbands. Look at the topics here. They claim their husbands are not there for them emotionally, instead of learning to recognize his manner of emotional involvement. Or how he doesn’t communicate, instead of learning to understand what he is communicating?
You may FEEL you are working on the relationship. But what does your husband feel or think of your efforts? After all, if they are not focused in the right areas, you will not get the desired response and continue to feel frustrated that you feel like you are working but not getting anywhere. What if you treated your husband like you did when you first met him, rather than comparing him to the guy you met at work, or the stay-at-home dad across the street that seems so interesting, or the guy in your Sunday School class or choir?
(USA) Thank you Tony for your comment! With my head hanging low, I am one of those wives you have just described. Even though my heart desires to be that wife, it’s so easy to be critical and not change. But yet at the same time, the guilt and shame kick in for me right away. Do I go and apologize, no, not always. Do I know I need to, yes, absolutely. I am such a mule! I have always wanted to be that wife that understood my husband and love him regardless if he chooses the t.v. over spending time with me. I always wanted to be that wife that would just pray for him continuously no matter what. I am still a work in progress. I know what I need to do, but why does this have to be so hard and feel so unnatural to do so?
Have a good one!