The School of Marriage

There’s one thing for sure, when you marry you sure learn things about life and yourself that you never would have learned otherwise. That’s what my husband Steve and I have learned, and continue to learn. The education never stops.

Like today, I had different plans scheduled out that I was excited to be able to participate in and enjoy. But my husband Steve woke up with a splitting headache —one that appears to be a migraine. With him being a Type 1 Diabetic (for over 40 years), it’s important for me to be around in case I’m needed. Things are unpredictable with this disease.

He wanted me to still go and do the things I had planned, which I appreciate, but in my spirit I know that it just isn’t a good idea. I have the ability to stay home and be near in case he needs me, and so I’ve made the decision to do so. It’s not that I can do much to help, other than quietly check in on him every once in a while, but if things go in a worse direction, I know from past experience that it’s important for me to be here to help.

I’m disappointed, but I’d much rather live with minor disappointments than major regrets. It’s part of the “grow up” times we experience in marriage.

And speaking about “grow up” times and “learning in the school of marriage” I came across an article that I really appreciated reading and think you might too. It’s written by Daniel Darling, and is posted on the Crosswalk.com web site. He’s very frank in this article —something I especially appreciate, when people allow us to look into their lives so we can learn from some of their mistakes. Here’s what Daniel had to write:

• 5 THINGS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT MARRIAGE IN 10 YEARS

And here are a few additional thoughts for you that you might benefit from reading, as well. It’s important to realize that:

“Marriage is not simply the luck of the draw, or something that we get involved in which just unfolds before us like a long movie. Good marriages, like good individual lives or good art, are conscious creations. They are made.” (Kevin and Marilyn Ryan)

“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” (Proverbs 24:3-4)

I couldn’t agree more! It takes getting “involved” and being intentional to build a good marriage that we can treasure. Are you doing your part?

Here’s another tidbit we all can learn through, which can help us in our marriages, if we apply the wisdom given by Patricia Hartman in the Today’s Christian Woman article, Don’t Say, ‘We Grew Apart’:

“We must understand what’s wrong with the idea ‘We grew apart.’ Are we plants? No. In marriage, we agree to be gardeners. The plant is love, which, when tended, bears fruit. When we marry, we vow to tend the garden … to love, honor, cherish … remember? To have a healthy, beautiful garden, we must fertilize and water continuously. We must be alert for weeds and eradicate them early, before they choke out the love.

“It was no accident that God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. He gave them the opportunity to live in the perfect garden with all their needs supplied. Their only requirement was to tend it. This is work (an action). When we do it well, the garden bears fruit. God created man and woman to help each other with this work.

“The same is true of marriage. We have the opportunity to live in the perfect marriage garden and bear fruit for God’s kingdom, but we must work. God gave us a plot and instructed us to cultivate our relationships: first with him, second with our spouses, then with our children, and finally with our neighbors. Our job is to love (an action), not to be loved (an emotion). He created us to glorify him and his kingdom, not to wait around for someone to glorify us.”

There’s more that Patricia wrote on this subject (and you may want to do so by clicking into the provided link). But it comes down to this —no one becomes a master gardener or a lover of another person’s soul, or a good spouse without learning what is needed, to help to make that happen.

It’s true that it takes two spouses who are committed to learning and growing and doing what it takes to build a marriage into a good one. But it’s amazing what God can do when one person is committed to doing his or her own part in this “school of marriage.”

And if you’re up to it, here are a few additional things you can read through to help you in this journey of marriage:

• What Steve Wright Has Learned About Marriage

• What Cindy Wright Has Learned About Marriage

Most importantly, when it comes to the school of marriage:

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.” (Proverbs 19:20)

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)

This blog is written by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International.

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