In many ways the role of the unequally yoked wife and mother is identical to that of any Christian woman. She is to be a helpmeet, friend, sexual partner, and counselor to her husband. She is to train up her children in the ways of the Lord. But there is one way in which her duties are entirely different. She’s totally responsible, in the human sense, for her and her children’s spiritual growth.
…Not only is the unequally yoked wife responsible for the basic spiritual upbringing of her children, but she is also answerable for her own growth and maturity. This means she, too, must study the Word. She must pray, and follow God’s admonition to not forsake assembling together with believers. (See Hebrews 10:25.)
Unequally Yoked: There IS a Difference Though
She can do many of these things when her husband isn’t home. But what if he doesn’t want her to go to church on Sunday? Many unsaved husbands resent having their weekends interrupted. They feel the whole day is lost by the time their wives and children get home from church.
“Lois acts as if lightning will strike her dead if she doesn’t go to church on Sunday,” Chris complained, “I’d like for us to go away for the weekend, or go to the desert or beach and spend the day, but to her Sunday is a sacred cow.”
Lois is making problems for herself by drawing such a hard line. She’s shutting out her husband and nurturing jealousy of the Lord in him. She’s telling him, by her actions, that she’d rather go to church and be with Christians than go somewhere with him.
MARRIAGE MISSIONS EDITORS NOTE:
[While this may seem to the wife to be a right priority—choosing worshiping the Lord over spending time with her husband, it’s important not to allow the “times” in which you worship to become more important than ministering to your husband’s spirit. If your actions bring about his becoming jealous of your time with God what will motivate him to want to know your God better? As author Jo Berry writes, “Remember that it is Christ, and not the church, who demands her allegiance. She shouldn’t confuse time spent with God with time spent at the church. She should do Christian things —such as reading and studying the Bible, fellowshipping with other Christians, and instructing her children in the ways of the Lord —when her husband isn’t around.”]
Church Attendance When Unequally Yoked
There are several things an unequally yoked wife can do to keep church attendance from becoming a controversy. One, she needs to understand the difference between loyalty to the Lord and loyalty to the church. She is not forsaking the cause of Christ if she misses Sunday services. Some unsaved husbands are so unreasonable that they forbid their wives to go to church on Sunday. ”
Instead of causing a fight, “Martha said, “I stay home with Ted, then go to weekday Bible study. I also listen to a tape of Sunday’s sermon. I see to it that I read a Bible story to the kids every day and send them to church with friends, as often as I can. Then Ted and I have Sunday mornings to ourselves. That way the kids still go to church and my husband feels special, too.”
Meeting Together
Christian fellowship and assembling together to pray and worship are important. When they happen is a variable. Rose said she was relieved when her pastor told her that the early church met every day and night, in homes all around the city. They ate, studied, and worshiped together whenever it was possible. Nowhere does the Bible say we have to go to church every Sunday morning. It says we are to meet together frequently, as a corporate group of believers.
A Christian woman who is married to an unbeliever may have to adjust her schedule to meet both his and her needs. She should not ignore, nor overemphasize, Sundays. Lil said, “I always went when I could, but I was always ready to make exceptions.” Many women suggested that the wife ask her husband several days in advance if he wants to make plans for the weekend or if she can go to church on Sunday. That way he doesn’t feel left out.
Differences Don’t Have to Be Devastating
In the human sense, shouldering the total spiritual responsibility for herself and her children is an overwhelming task. It not only involves raising and disciplining the children in a godly manner, going to church, and studying the Word, but it also encompasses implementing God’s behavior standards in everyday life situations. That, most unequally yoked wives agree, is where some fundamental difficulties arise. Conflicts over morals, spending money, social activities, and friends, are common.
“It gets lonely,” Martha used. “Lots of times I look like a party-pooper. I’m the killjoy, the fall guy. Sometimes it’s just me and the Lord, but when it is, I remember His grace is sufficient.”
How can an unequally yoked wife do what is expected of her, in a Christian sense, and still not invoke the wrath of her husband when she must, out of necessity, take a firm stand on scriptural issues? The overwhelming counsel of women who have leaned from experience is that she should not make a “religious” issue out of the problem.
Example
For example, if an unsaved husband wants his wife to do something dishonest, instead of saying such things are against what the Bible teaches, she should say they’re against her personal moral principles. And it’s true, they are. Karen was caught in that kind of quandary when her husband falsified their income tax. They file a joint return, so she had to sign it. He hadn’t tried to hide what he was doing: padding their contributions list, including what she supposedly had donated to the church, and claiming personal expenditures as business deductions.
She knew she couldn’t sign the return. “I wanted to yell at him and ask him if he didn’t know that cheating on taxes is wrong, but instead I prayed a lot and asked my Bible study to pray, too. One dear grandma told me not to tell Will that God was the reason I couldn’t sign. She suggested I write a list of all the reasons why I wouldn’t, apart from the fact that it’s against one of the Lord’s commandments.”
That’s what Karen did. When Will asked her to sign it, she told him she couldn’t because it went against her moral standards of right and wrong, and that, most of all, since falsifying income tax returns is a felony, he was asking her to be his accomplice in crime.
Stood Ground
“At first he was furious, accused me of overreacting, and used the old ‘everybody does it’ line. But I stood my ground, so he had no choice but to change the figures, because our tax was due and the forms had to be sent in with both of our signatures. It was hard not to give in to his pressure, but I didn’t,” Karen concluded.
Although she was resisting because she knew that signing the return would be breaking the law of the Lord, God never became an issue. But her husband saw that his wife is a woman who sticks to her deep, moral convictions.
To Go or Not to Go
Social activities and friends are another source of conflict; but again, difficulties surrounding them can be minimized if an unequally yoked wife will use common sense. One problem she consistently faces is “to go or not to go.” To what extent should a Christian wife expose herself to the world? Where should she draw the line? The general consensus of opinion, by women who have learned how to deal sensibly with such predicaments is, if it isn’t a sin, go.
In other words, if an unbelieving husband wants his wife to go to an X-rated movie, that would be sin because she would be exposing herself to lustful, erotic, mental, and physical sexual stimulation. If he asks her to experiment with the possibility of an open marriage, that’s sin, because Scripture clearly condemns extra-marital sex. If he asks her to lie for him, that’s sin, because we’ve been commanded not to bear false witness.
But, if he wants her to go to an office party, where everyone will be drinking and using foul language—that is not sin. Connie said, “Look, I have the Holy Spirit within me and my body in His temple, so I just take my altar and go with Brock.”
Noticing the Contrast
Many unequally yoked wives attested that by going with their husbands and participating in whatever way they could, they felt they strengthened their marriages. An unsaved husband can’t help but notice the contrast between his wife, who’s friendly, laughing, and having a good time, and those people who are loud and boisterous because they’ve had too much to drink. Her genuine enjoyment will overshadow their pseudo, artificially induced pleasure.
Some women believe that going to worldly social functions with their husbands creates opportunities to witness. Sally told how she met Beth, a co-worker of her husband’s, at a dinner party at George’s boss’s house. “When I asked for tonic water with a twist of lime instead of a cocktail, she asked me if I have a problem with liquor. I told her no, I just don’t like to drink. We started talking and it ends up she has a secret drinking problem. Now I’m helping her with it, and we first met over cocktails.”
Barbara stressed that no one can make her sin or detract from her godliness unless she lets him. She said that when she knows she is going into a worldly social situation, she fasts and prays that day. That way God can fortify her to spiritually withstand the things that are offensive to her. “I ask Him to show me the lostness of the people there and give me opportunities, no matter how small, to share some of what I have in Christ with them.”
HIS FRIENDS
Another problem centers around ongoing relationships. Many couples have similar interests, regardless of their spiritual status, and enjoy the company of the same kinds of people. Their individual friends are acceptable to both the husband and wife. Their mutual friends are ones with whom they have a lot in common. But sometimes, in an unequally yoked marriage, the believer’s desires are so different from those of her unsaved mate. She cannot accept her husband’s friends, or people with whom he wants them to socialize as a couple.
Frequently, an unequally yoked wife is afraid of her husband’s friends will lead him farther away from the ideals she’s praying he’ll develop. She’s afraid that if she accepts his choice of companions she’ll be condoning the relationships. Yet if she nags or overtly condemns his cohorts, she’ll only intensify the problem.
The women I interviewed suggested several helpful ways of approaching and dealing with this dilemma. First, an unequally yoked wife must accept the fact that she’s not responsible for what her husband does. She can’t force him to behave in a certain way, nor can she choose his friends for him.
Second, When Unequally Yoked:
She should be aware that the more negatively she reacts to his choice of acquaintances and activities, the more he’ll resist her interference. He purposely may pick certain types of friends just to defy her wishes. He may want to show her that he is his own person.
Third:
She should evaluate her husband’s associates on the basis of their individual personalities and character, rather than on externals. Just because his buddies smoke, drink, or swear occasionally doesn’t mean they’re highly immoral. If they use drugs and engage in illegal activities, that’s a different story. She has to learn not to overreact to normal worldly externals.
Fourth, When Unequally Yoked:
She should use “reverse psychology.” Instead of degrading or snubbing her husband’s friends, she should help him cultivate deeper relationships with those who can offer positive input. Dana shared that she found that if she talked favorably about the friends she liked, and was hospitable to them, the less favorable affiliations eventually dwindled.
Fifth:
The unequally yoked wife would be wise to see that her husband’s friends feel comfortable and welcome in their home. “I used to cringe when I bought booze for Dave to offer his pals when they came over,” Dana said. “But I decided I’d rather have them hanging around our house. This way I could have some influence on what happens. It’s better than having them sitting in some bar or going to a home where there’s an ‘anything goes’ atmosphere.”
Sixth, Concerning Being Unequally Yoked:
She must realize that her unsaved husband sometimes wants to go off alone with his friends. That doesn’t mean he’s deserting her or their family. “I used to resent it terribly when Brian would go fishing or hunting for a weekend. I also resented when he’d go bowling or to a ball game with the boys,” Kerri admitted. “One night when he asked if I’d care if he and five of his buddies went skiing the following weekend, I flipped. I ranted about how he was always looking for excuses to get away, which isn’t true. I told him how selfish he was to want to spend our money on himself like that.
“After I calmed down, he very quietly asked me how I’d feel if he’d have said those kinds of things to me when I asked him if I could go to the women’s retreat our church had.” Kerri confessed that she was so convicted she started to cry. “He’d been so sweet about my going. He kept the kids. I was so ashamed.”
She says she learned that, in Brian’s eyes, her going to a church retreat is no different from his going on a skiing trip. She learned that her going to Wednesday night church is the same in his thinking as when he goes bowling. “It’s something we do with our separate friends,” she concluded.
When You’re Unequally Yoked: It’s Important to Note:
An unequally yoked wife has to remember that all of her husband’s friends aren’t wicked, lecherous people who want to lead him down the path of destruction. When they plan activities with him they aren’t doing it to take him away from his home and family. They just enjoy being with him.
Pray Alone and Stay Together
Ultimately, the only way a Christian wife can cope with the constant barrage of conflicts she faces is through prayer. Prayer helps her maintain her perspective and equilibrium. It’s her source of godly wisdom, the microscope through which she can examine her actions and motives, and get direction.
We often quote the promise in James 1:5. But just as often we fail to apply it in the setting in which it was written. In context, James is saying we should ask for God’s wisdom when we encounter various trials. When our faith is being tested, we need God’s strength to keep on keeping on. “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” “Consider it all joy … when you encounter various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance” (James 1:2-3).
So it is during those times of conflict, when the unequally yoked wife feels she is going to cave in. She may feel that God has given her more than she can handle. But when she is forced to make decisions about controversial areas we’ve discussed, she can call on the Lord. That is when He will give her more wisdom than she needs.
This article comes from the book, Beloved Unbeliever: Loving Your Husband into the Faith
— ALSO —
Here’s a linked article we also recommend you read:
• WHAT IF YOU WANT TO PURSUE THE LORD BUT YOUR SPOUSE DOES NOT?
Filed under: Spiritual Matters Unbelieving Spouse
(USA) Hi, With regards to social activities and choice of friends, I believe a godly wife can/should choose not to go to worldly events. I don’t agree with the section in the above article where it says, I quote: (But, if he wants her to go to an office party, where everyone will be drinking and using foul language—that is not sin. Connie said, “Look, I have the Holy Spirit within me and my body in His temple, so I just take my altar and go with Brock.”)
One might be able to handle themselves in such circumstances but for how long? Can a Christian go to watch pornography with sinners so that they can be witnessed to? Aren’t there better opportunities to do that? Bad associations corrupt good character. Consider the following verses:
1 Corinthians 15:33
Proverbs 14:7
Proverbs 13:20
Proverbs 6:27-28
… and plenty others.
There are better opportunities for us to minister to people rather than putting ourselves in situations where we may eventually give in and participate in wrong things. Ephesians 6:10-11 I believe the devil is not after the ungodly for they are deceived already but he is looking for opportunities to turn the godly by pretending to be an “angel of light”. So please don’t be caught unaware.
Preached! I agree with you, we can’t allow ourselves to conform to the world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds. While your relationship with your spouse is important, your relationship with GOD is sacred and above all. Why should the wife not go to church just because her husband doesn’t want her to? She is responsible for her own spiritual growth and fellowship. Sunday’s may be her filling for the week. A women have many roles and we must keep ourselves spiritually fit in order to operate in our roles and callings effectively.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I am married with a non Christian man and I am a Christian. It seems like now we are water and oil. We are always fighting and don’t agree on anything. Now I am no longer active in the work of GOD and the love is no longer there. The Bible says God hates divorce. Please help. What must I do?
(USA) Hi Suzy. I have no doubt that it has to be extremely difficult to live with a man who does not know or live out the love of Christ. There is a void in his heart of knowing how to love you as Christ loves you, that you would be continually experiencing. My heart goes out to you. I’m sure no one can understand completely (except God) unless they are also married to an unbeliever. I don’t claim to understand, but please know that I care.
Yet as difficult as it would be to be married to an unbeliever, I am sure it would be worse to live like one. And from what you wrote, it appears that you are doing this. You are living with and living like an unbeliever if you don’t embrace and live your life as God has ordained that you do.
I want to encourage you to return to, and to no longer “leave your first love” — the one who SHOULD be your first love… Jesus Christ. God warns His church NOT to leave. He says in Revelation 2:4-5, “Yet I hold this against you. You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.” That same warning is for any of us who fall away from living Christ. He longs for you to come back and stop allowing any person or spirit to rob you of your faith and the hope you can have in Jesus Christ.
The enemy of our faith works through human beings and in other ways by putting false ideas and thoughts in our minds so we will grab hold of that which is wrong. If we give in and go the opposite way of Christ, we are allowing ourselves to be deceived by a liar (see: John 10:10), a stealer and robber (see John 8:44) — to fall into being devoured (see: 1 Peter 5:8-9).
Suzi, I encourage you and pray for you to reach out to God, through Jesus Christ once again, and pour out your heart to Him. Ask Him how you can live with a husband who doesn’t know you and yet live in harmony in your heart with Him. Please read 1 Peter 3:8-22 and ask God to show you how to live it.
I also encourage you to read through the New Testament of the Bible and see how God will instruct you (with new eyes) as you ask Him to do so. I believe with all my heart that you will find a peace in the midst of turmoil and that you will find renewed hope and strength to live as you should — as God has called you.
Yes, God hates divorce, but even more so, He grieves those who turn from Him and live as if He isn’t their God and Lord of their lives. I pray you will take what I’ve written to heart. God can transform you and your life from the inside out if you allow Him to… He may not take away your troubles, but He will show you how to walk through them and will guide you along the way. May God bless you as you reach out to Him.
(UNITED STATES) I hope that this will serve as HOPE for women out there who are unequally-yoked and possibly facing the reality of a divorce in such a marriage:
As a woman married to an unbelieving spouse, life has been extremely difficult. In fact, after 22 years of marriage, my husband filed for divorce this past August, just 2 months prior to our daughter’s wedding. And having no minor children, the divorce was to be final within a week or two of the wedding. It turned my world upside down.
I had been in the process of looking for a job & planning the final stages of our daughter’s wedding, preparing for our own anniversary and preparing for Thanksgiving & Christmas, when suddenly I was also packing & looking for a new place to live (he wanted me out). Needless to say, I found myself dealing with the wide range of emotions. Sensing the battle, I asked for prayer (several times) Prayer to deal with the negative emotions toward my husband as well as prayer for my husband.
To make a long story short, God was faithful! The divorce had not yet been finalized and just last Thursday, my husband and I signed papers of reconciliation. I now have a renewed hope that God is also working in my husband’s heart to bring about other changes. And He has also changed my heart toward my husband. I am no longer bitter and resentful. Instead, I found a deeper love for him than I’ve ever known. And my only explanation…GOD! He truly “is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” ~Ephesians 3:20-21
(USA) I was married over 30 years to a wonderful man who I loved very much. 20 of those years he was a non-believer, but thankful that he came to know the Lord. Yes, times were very difficult. I sympathize with women who are unequally yoked….it can be a nightmare at times. I raised our children in church and lived my life as close to God as I possibly could, even knowing I was not in God’s ‘perfect will’. Each time I prayed, his salvation was first and foremost in my prayers. Once he came to know the Lord things changed drastically…he loved me like never before and I felt so loved, and cared for. He passed away several years ago and I’m so thankful that I stayed all those years….I just want to say…Don’t give up…God will not fail you! His promises are true!
(USA) Hi! I just wanted to comment and say thank you to Lori and Karen for sharing your stories. I’m going through this exact situation. I have known my husband for 12 years. We will be married 6 years in June. We’re going through the worst time of our whole relationship. At one point, I was so close to God and living for Him with every step I walked. My husband felt threatened by this (he said I was running ahead of him) in my walk with God. However, it was constant church, Bible study after Bible study, reading book after book etc. I was soaking in a huge amount of knowledge and I think he feared that eventually I would see that he wasn’t good enough for me. I can assure you, I have never felt that way about my husband.
At any rate, the next year of my life, I fell. There is a lot to this story that I cannot type just because it is too long. But when I say I fell, it took me 4 years to fully accept God’s forgiveness. That happened in 2007 and my walk with God has not been the same. My husband and I have over come huge struggles and I know we can make it through this but only with God’s help. Just three weeks ago I started going back to church. We now have a two year old daughter and I take her with me to her little class. He says he is glad we are going but he doesn’t want to because church people are fake. I think this is a defense mechanism for him but none the less it is his excuse for not going.
At the beginning of March he declared we were separated. I was devastated. However, he stayed here in the house. I was so glad because I know in my heart this is God’s marriage and He can save it. Slowly, my husband is coming closer to me again. I feel so disrespected by some of the decisions he has made though, that now I am working on not resenting him or the fact that he could cause all of this heartache and then just think everything will be ok again. Anyways, your stories gave me lots of hope! Thank you so much for taking the time to post.
I have been married for 35 years, my husband was a practicing Christian for some of the time but now doesn’t want to be a Christian. Recently I discovered a large amount of pornographic material that he has been watching. He also wants to smoke Marijuana everyday. I let this go for quite some time going against my own conscience.
He has now moved out and says the marriage is over and there is nothing wrong with his use of Marijuana, since it is legal in our state. I keep hearing how I’m supposed to love him back into the kingdom. Everything in me resents that I have to accept this, when he is so willing to throw me away like a piece of garbage to indulge in his desires. Just discard me after 35 years and it’s up to me to make it right! I can’t do it!
I’ve been married 17 years and have a 9 year old son. I see many articles condemning women who leave men because they are miserable. I understand that. What I fail to see Christian writers address is the damage that can be done to children in an unequally yoked marriage. My husband is an alcoholic. He’s self employed and in the last 10 years rarely works and does not contribute enough money to cover his own cell phone, auto insurance, gas and food although he spends $250 per month in alcohol and cigarettes and financed a 4-wheeler. I address money issues of more than one country per month and do it politely.
However, I have to draw the line at what is happening to my child. His father yells at him, belittles him, tells him to shut up, surrounds him with cursing alcoholics every weekend who glorify partying in every single conversation, allows him to drive a boat alone even though my son hit a tree going very fast and ended up in the emergency room to get stitches. My son is a Christian and his his poor little heart is bitter and confused. He doesn’t understand why God doesn’t rescue. If anyone on this board tells me it’s my fault that God has not yet had mercy, shame on you. We don’t understand why God allows child abuse, incest, murder or cancer in children, but he does and we can’t say it’s a Christian’s fault.
God has impressed upon me to leave. I’ve laid out the fleece many times and received confirmation which has been: a fire started by my husband due to drunkenness when my child was alone with him, recording my child asking me to come get him because he was afraid of staying with Daddy (my husband spends every weekend at a lake house), a store owner who provided video tape of my husband being kicked out of the store, and many more. My husband was this way his entire life before me so it’s not my fault. I went against God when I married him, but I do not believe that a woman in my situation should sacrifice a child to stay with him. The Bible does not warn us to stay away from people like that and imply that raising a child with a harmful father doesn’t matter. Jesus rebuked the people who tried to keep children away from him.
Even though you have posted your comment in June 2014, I’ve come across it because I too seek, but in a different perspective. I have a caring, loving, worldly husband who loves parties and social drinking. In the beginning he was raged when I made my choice to find my place in the Lord. It took (and still takes) lots of praying and commitment in my part never to let my spiritual guards down as far as going to church and Bible studies. It became a gradual acceptance. Although we still live in separate “worlds”, God continues to give me the wisdom to be still with a quiet spirit and faithful to His way and purpose. For in the end, it’s my soul at risk. My husband’s social calendar has lessened to smaller quaint events and there’s less drinking (even though he’s a happy drinker).
I feel that in the event where a husband badgers his wife and children, if the wife has not discovered the secret of a quiet spirit by demonstrating peace and joy in the midst of turmoil, and the husband is physically and verbally abusive to no avail, then it’s best to distance for a period of time until the time comes for him to come to terms with a meek spirit. Matthews 5:3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” I understand it is easier said than done, for it took me nine years to get to where I am in my situation. But I knew that divorce is not what God intended in marriage. I didn’t want divorce, and I was determined to fight this battle by strengthening my life in Christ. Lots of wisdom and perseverance.
May you too find His peace and joy in the midst of turmoil.
I appreciate what I read in Unequally Yoked, for it has brought a relief unto my heart to know that I can love my husband and partake in his world without being a part of it. Thank you for the clear picture of being a dutiful wife.
I am Christian. Husband is not. I pray for him daily and try to walk out God’s love. However, he is very mean, sarcastic, and rude to me most of the time. He is moody and unpredictable and is angry a lot. He is like this sometimes with our children too.
God has layed on my heart to stay and love him but it is hard to find peace and perservere in this emotionally devastating relationship. He even told me yesterday to stop telling him that I love him and that he rejects it. He is so blind to the blessings that surround him and that he truly needs the Lord.
I believe he has depression but he will not hear any of it. Feeling frustrated and alone (even though I know God is with me). Any suggestions on how to hang in there, handle my husband, or what to tell my kids without throwing their dad under the bus yet not condoning his behavior?
Thank you for this and everyone’s comments and testimonies – I feel lonely even though I know I’m not… I have found myself lashing out at my husband and being sarcastic because of his choices. He is a good man – cooks, cleans, works so hard but after work he is surrounded by neighbors who smoke cig after cig, drink beer, and smoke pot.
It’s so upsetting to me because we have come so far. He was very addicted to pills back in 2010 and we had to move, I made the choice for our sake and children to go with him. I left a very good job and all my family, it was horrible for a year …no job, no money, he moved within 6 months and I ended up leaving in 9 months and we moved to PA. We started off slowly, but he had gotten the drugs out of system, he was a different man and I was so in love with him. Then I met the Lord and my life changed, all of ours!
He’s not ready to come to the Lord yet, and he’s gone backwards -this has stressed me out in unimaginable ways. I’ve become so bitter and resent him by his choices and I’m constantly thinking negatively. I know this isn’t God’s will, and I pray I can learn to be still and quiet myself in the midst of all this while God leads me to an answer. I’m afraid I’m going backwards too because of my reactions. I’m trying so hard to stay in the word and in the prayer! Lord give me wisdom and strength!
I’m giving up. I’ve tried and tried. I’ve stayed in believing in better hopes. I feel so sad for my husband. He’s actually giving up on himself too. The Lord knows what I’ve endured. I’m at a point where I’ve said to God that I simply cannot exhaust any more time on this. His anger is at a point where if he snaps he could very well hurt me or our boys and I’m not willing to be a participant of that anymore. I feel that I’ve disappointed God very much but at the same time I know God can see how this has all just completely broken me down and not for the good either. So very heartbreaking.
This was an excellent example of living out the beatitudes found in Scripture. Generally wanting to do what your mind says is always easiest…but with God on our side we will overcome. Thank you for sharing this post, what an encouragement.
I am a believer and my husband isn’t. He goes to church with me, but we never pray at home together, nor do we read the Bible together. We watch tv shows together, but none that have nudity or explicit sex. There are some we should probably not watch at all, but we try to compromise with each other, even though he has called me a prude. I am definitely not a prude, but I don’t see the need nor am I comfortable watching with my husband, sexy, naked or bikini clad women with nothing left to the imagination running and bouncing around the screen. He knows how deeply this effects me, but of course he will say something like, “they don’t do anything for me”, or “ I don’t look at them in any sexual way”. When I say that it’s hard for me to believe that, he tells me to grow up and that guys look at girls; it’s what they do.
I have become so resentful and bitter towards him, and I don’t even have any desire to be intimate anymore. He’s not going to change, but I have changed my views drastically on this stuff since I started walking more closely with the Lord. How do I just be ok with accepting that he still wants to watch certain things on tv that I feel are like guilty pleasures for him?
My husband finally came to the Lord six months ago and I am relieved. I have always loved him and prayed for him but I would not wish what I have been through on anyone. It can be done but I will never recommend being in this situation. I have compassion for anyone who is in this situation. I entered into it under a lie but I should have looked for the signs and I willfully ignored them.
A marriage with an unequally yoked partner should be taken very seriously. You will not have the same type of marriage as a yoked couple, you will be subjecting yourself to an unequal and superficial love. You will not receive biblical love or marriage. They will not come to the Lord until they are ready, you cannot control their heart! You can pray and be as faithful/dutiful as one can be but it is not up to you and you are not responsible for his behavior or choices.
Thank you Heather for sharing this. I feel everything you wrote here. I’m 45 years married 30 years unequally yoked. I agree I would not wish this life on anyone and my husband is a “nice guy”. I’ve suffered so much looking for and expecting Christian love, values, growth together etc. and the loneliness is deafening at times. I’ve now decided to live my life my way instead of never saying no. There’s so much more I could say, but thank you for confirming how hard this really is. Blessings
As a man married to an unbelieving wife, the only articles I ever see are about women in this situation. Yes, the information and advice can be useful to both genders, but where are the articles addressed to the husbands? Are there any?
We’ve looked and looked and we just can’t find good articles written that are addressed to husbands. But if we find any we will either post it or them or at least post links to other web sites that have them. We know it’s important to make sure both men and women that are dealing with this have help. It’s such a difficult situation! Keep checking back to this web site and we’ll do our best to help in this way.
Please know our hearts goes out to you, Dave. “May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy.” (Colossians 1:11)