This is a question we hope you can answer to help other couples who may be struggling in this area in their marriage. It concerns how to show love. So we ask you:
WHAT ARE SOME WAYS YOU SHOW LOVE TO YOUR SPOUSE?
Please answer this question by leaving a comment below
(To see previous questions, visit our archive)
Filed under: Question of the Month
(USA) I thank God for Cindy and Steve Wright’s ministry. A very good friend forwarded the article to me and ever since I have being blessed. It is very difficult to always know that your spouse is lying. As a woman and a wife you just have to continue being respectful and take it to God in prayer.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I agree with Goergina, remain respectful at all times.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I wanna thank God for the good work of Cindy & Steve. I have actually learnt a lot since I started reading your messages.
My answer to the question is that since I got married to my husband I tried many things to show love to my spouse but he does not even see it. I normally send away my daughter on weekends in order to spend time with my husband, but he will respond by being moody, uninterested, passive and he won’t even stay next to me when watching TV. This is a pin in my heart. Recently I planned to prepare him a hot bubble bath and massage but he refused all my services to him. He even refused to have romance and said he is tired and does not want his body to get used to those kind of feelings. I don’t know what to do anymore to show that i love him.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Theresa, just this morning I shared with my friends a quotation by Katharine Hepburn that I would like to share with you. “Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything”.
The relationship that God wants to have with us is likened to Marriage (with all its ills). Theresa, it’s hard to give when you are looking at receiving. Give because it is what God requires of you and God will bless you. You know there is a command to love in the Bible, but LOVE cannot be commanded. It must flow from the heart. I will pray for you. Don’t stop respecting your husband.
(USA) My bride and I are currently living in two different states (TX & CA) due to our jobs and the economy. I’m in the process of securing a position in CA, but haven’t had any success. However, we show each other our love daily by sending each other e-mails with You-Tube songs/videos and I create computer graphic cards with photos we’ve taken and added verses or quotes to send my beautiful bride.
We also take time every night to do a daily devotional. We’ve only been married two months (going on three) and we’ve seen each other only once (for a long weekend) during that time. We do have another long weekend planned in two weeks :)
(KENYA) I have been maried for only one year. It has been hard but I thank God for putting us through it. I look foward to logging in to Marriage Missions for some new teachings. I love it. I think I’m lucky because I have a very perceptive husband. If I want to do something special for him, he will let me and he enjoys it. I love giving him little surprises, be it buying something new or something as small as just doing his nails. It’s the little things that count the most.
The best way that I know to make any man happy and feel loved, is RESPECT. You respect him, his likes and dislikes, speak and act respectfully, especially before others. Make him feel like a king and for sure, he will make you feel like the queen you are. Men don’t need too much. Make sure the home is a place he can go to for solace and let him feel respected and honoured. Most of the fights come from lack of respect, which may include being rude, using a demeaning tone, doing things without agreeing with your spouse, overidding his decisions, especially with the kids and many more small things.
One more thing that made my hubby real proud is when I changed my name officially to his. This was big for him and I love what it has done for both of us. It’s the small ‘meaningless’ things that count the most.
(NIGERIA) Some ways that I show love to my spouse are: sometimes when my husband wants to have sex and even when I am a bit tired, I gently tell him to touch me softly enough to arouse me. I end up enjoying and even wanting more. Also, I pay him compliments like telling him how sweet he is in helping me, by going on some errands when on he is on his way back home. Thank you.
(NIGERIA) My Wife, She is the Gift of my life. I love her and by God’s Grace will always love her. I show her this by always saying to her ‘I love You’ and helping out to do home work. Once in awhile, giving her a surprise treat, a memorable one she will always be happy whenever she remember.
(BOTSWANA) l love this site. A friend of ours introduced it to us, some months before we got married. Thank God for what you are doing.
First things first, there are probably a million and one ways to show love, but personally l prefer to keep things nice and simple. My wife loves tea, and as such l make countless cups for her, whenever we are together. That always scores me points (not that that is the objective). She appreciates each and every one of those cups, because l put my all in each cup l make. Whenever she is making dinner (or anything else really) in the kitchen, l always make it a point to keep her company (instead of watching tv). Over time l have realised these “cooking” sessions have turned out to be nice bonding times. We live busy lives and at times it’s hard to get opportunities to do something nice, so l make it a point to be involved in whatever she does. (She does that for me too). Set the table, massage her, bathe her (yes, l do that, thank you!!!!!), txt messages all day, calls etc. All that is nice.
The idea is not necessarily to be spontaneous all the time, but rather be consistent in showing you appreciate her being in your life. l have learnt an overdose of the good acts/stuff, surely does carry you through those few bad days you might have.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I am a working wife and mother, at home and outside home. I show love to my husband by listening to him when he speaks to me without interrupting him in the middle of his sentences. He loves it when I shave him and when I scratch his back at the end of the day and massage his head. I prepare his dinner at night and lovingly make his packed lunch everyday. I wash his clothes and he becomes proud and happy when he finds fresh smelling ironed shirts and trousers in the mornings in his wardrobe. I keep our home clean and everything in order even though I work full time outside our home, sometimes I work until 20h00 p.m. and during weekends.
My husband appreciates that I do all these things for him and that I don’t hire someone else to do it for me/him.
I do things that he loves to do. I have even taken into fishing because he loves it. He loves that his wife can go fishing with him. I watch his favorite TV programmes with him instead of nagging him into stopping watching them. I have noticed that I wind up liking them at the end even though they were not particularly my favourate pragrammes at the moment eg. boxing matches, Discovery Channel etc.
It makes me happy to serve my husband in this way, I am so honored to minister in his life in anyway that I can. He is a very special man to me. I am so blessed that God gave him to me. He is a very good husband and father; I love him with all my heart.
We have had our fair share of problems, but God has been at work in our lives and marriage. His finger prints are all over our marriage.
(USA) Hi Thandi, Good for you Thandi! I was smiling all the way reading your post and will get back to it for it’s a teaching to all of us. It’s wonderful to read something I believe in and that someone out there is doing the will of God. Doing everything as unto the Lord. That brings a happy life to you and those you live with. Stay in the faith.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Thank you Lo that is very encouraging to me. You know it is all because of God that I can do all that I do for my husband with a joyful heart. You see, all that I do does not come natural to me. I once was a selfish, hard-hearted and lazy wife who only wanted her needs to be met and to be pampered and spoiled but did not want to serve or show love to her husband. I prayed to God to change my heart and my motives and the Lord has done an amazing work in my whole attitude. In return, my husband has also changed for the better.
I am a professional woman and would not even think in my wildest dreams I would want to do laundry, cook, clean the house etc, and still work outside home full time. But the Lord delivered me from self- centredness and laziness when I asked Him to. It was so difficult to admit that I was lazy and selfish and then pray about it, but it worked. Jesus is still at work. All the credit and the glory belongs to Jesus.
(KENYA) I show love to my spouse by openly living my life with her. I have no secrets and share all issues with her. I also try as much as possible to look at issues from her perspective. I never forget to surprise her with unexpected gifts and shower her with appreciation atleast everyday and telling her the magic three words ..I LOVE YOU.,,
Even with my great ability to be intentional in demonstrating my love for her, I find myself in situations where she wrongly percieves my actions and become very irritated and refuse to understand my perspective (or even my apology for peace). In this circumstance, I sing for her nice gospel music and serve her something to eat or drink depending on the time of the day. I would also team up with my 5 year son to do for her interesting things that would make her burst into laughter. I would then plan a family outing where we would just walk in the open air and talk or go to a hotel and have an away from home meal. This has really helped my family to stand out from the rest.
(AUSTRALIA) Forgive, forgive, forgive, longsuffering, tolarence, respect for each other and hubby love, love your wife. Compliments for the good she does and showing appreciation, small gifts while there, money is not everything but love is. Wife submits, don’t embarass him in public, pray for him to overcome temptations be it at work or play. Pray, pray, pray together know your responsibility and carry them out with joy, always look for positive in all bad situations. It’s not easy but with God’s grace all things are possible. Don’t expect your partner to change while you are not working on yor own salvation. Be open to each other, accept each other’s family, don’t take side, be one in decision making don’t compete. These are some of the things that have kept us together and now we have a bonded.
(UNITED STATES) My wife is concerned about my health, simply trying to eat better and exercise is one way I express my love toward her. Mainly it is having meaningful conversations (which is not always easy when she ask to have one) but if and when I open up she feels an expression of love, paying attention to details. Also sharing my thoughts and what God is speaking to us, our relationship, our ministry, our children, minister to others together (unofficial counselors) etc.
Then there are the simple romantic things of going to dinner/movie, vacation time, warm towel out the dryer when she steps out of the shower, wearing my wedding ring though I don’t like wearing jewelry. There is a lot you can do, but probably the things she appreciates are probably not even said. The biggest way I do know for her is that I love God, therefore it is easier to love her.
(SOUTH AFRICA) When he comes home after work I make a point of going out to meet him with a great big hug and a I love you! Making special snacks and lunch packs (he works outside in the sunny SA weather) to remind him he is important to labour over. Reminding him and updating him on childrens calenders to be able to be there for them asmuch as possible. Asking advice even if I know the right answer.
(REP. OF SOUTH AFRICA) I think that first and foremost I work on listening to my wife. It happens particularly when I get home from a day at work, or from a business trip. I focus on trying not to interrupt her while she is telling me many things.
All of these are important to her and I need to share them with her. Furthermore, I attempt to listen to her heart. what are the things that impact emotionally on her in a bigger way. This needs discernment. I do not always get it right the first time but it usually comes with more listening. Two ears and one mouth is the basic principle of this engagement.
I also call her by a special name from time to time. This happens from talking to sending SMSs to her etc. I will also touch her when we walk past each other. This should suffice for the moment. Thanks for all the other comments prior to mine.
(ZAMBIA) I always call him when he is late home just to let him know I am still waiting for him, to eat with him and to pray with him.
(NIGERIA) In my 24 years of marriage, I have learnt to show love to my spouse in the following manner:
1. Clear understanding and conviction of the word of God that I must love my wife and this is an unconditional command. No matter what she does, I must love her.
2. I demonstrate love with surprise gifts from time to time. Not the price or quantity, but something presentable as a surprise.
3. I say it out about ten times daily. Example: Getting to work and calling her on the mobile phone just to tell her “I love you”.
4. Giving a helping hand to jointly do domestic shores. It is wonderful treating her as queen once a week while me and children prepare the lunch for the queen to eat.
5. Special opportunities such as sickness and tiredness do present itself when I demonstrate my true love and care for her.
6. Attentive listening to her needs and her talks. I ensure there is true communication. Hence, all works ends in the office and not brought hoem to distort family communication.
7. We enjoy sex from time to time. Not only when I need it but when she also desires it. It is a mutual act enjoyed by both parties.
8. We do all things together to promote love. Pray together, eat, sleep, bathe and play together. As much as practicable, we wear the same clothes to promote love and unity.