So, below is a question we hope you will answer to help us and others as your comments are read. May it encourage and help those who read it as they consider what a spouse can learn new after marrying. It may be something they had never thought of previously, but now they can. Here it is:
WHAT DID YOU LEARN NEW ABOUT LOVE AFTER MARRYING?
PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUESTION BY LEAVING A COMMENT BELOW
(TO SEE PREVIOUS QUESTIONS, VISIT OUR ARCHIVE)
Filed under: Question of the Month
(NIGERIA) My marriage is about two years old now. I thank God for all he has done so far. Within this period, I have learnt that love tolerates, endures. Before I married there was something which I could not take from anybody, which my wife is doing and yet with all that, I have found myself loving and appreciating her all the more.
(SOUTH AFRICA) 1. It is not static. It has phases and changes. First love is butterflies in the tummy type love but that does die at some stage and love moves into a deeper level.
2. Love is deep. You can be angry with your spouse, sometimes even ‘hate’ them whilst going through difficult times, but with commitment these difficult times can be challenging but Love wins. Don’t go into ‘flight’ mode in difficult times. Put the anchors out and when the times are over the love is generally deeper.
3. Love changes over the years. People change.
4. Possessive love is dangerous. Give each other a fair amount of space -in this bubble of space is: trust, forgiveness, humour, compassion and respect.
(UNITED STATES) When my wife and I got married it was like fireworks every moment. Now that we have been married for 4 years this past Sept. 29, thank God… I’ve learned that our marriage is powerless without God. We need him in every aspect of our marriage, something that we didn’t understand when we first made our vows.
We have been through extremely rough waters. Cheating, lying, hiding, fighting, and lust. You name it and it happened to us. We offered the devil an all you can destroy buffet for free! Without a fight. Until we admitted we were powerless to control our marriage without the best marriage counselor of the all.. God.
We learned that when we accepted God into our life, he used us to teach each other how to change and learn about our hurts, habits, and hang-ups. I thank God everyday for his love, and for giving me the one that he chose to walk through this world with me. I also thank him for making her so beautiful. I learned what true unconditional love is…
(USA) Love is a choice, not a feeling!!
(USA) I’ve only been married for five and 1/2 month’s, but we dated for three years and knew each other even longer. But after marriage I learned that it’s more to it. 1. It’s a Ministry, 2. You learn to accept more and become very patient, 3. You learn that hidden things come up from past relationships that need to be handled that you or your spouse need to be delivered from. 3. You learn that Love –True Love covers a lot, endures a lot.
(NIGERIA) February 10th is going to make us five years in this ministry called marriage. I have learned that love is responsibility. Each of you is responsible for your own character and feelings, but each of you is responsible for meeting each other’s needs.
(USA) Marriage should be a commitment and for life… I believe one of the most dangerous problems in marriages today which is not addressed properly by counselors is blended marriages. Grown stepchildren can destroy a couple. Sometimes this is a result of one partner who will side with their children and become resentful.
A home should be home for the whole family and not under control of family members, especially grown step children. When step children, especially grown children, control the home environment that will destroy a marriage… In other words Biblically “put asunder” or separate a marriage…
(KENYA) As a God fearing man I’ve learned that in marriage somebody must die for the other and the one to die is the man! There is NO OTHER way your wife will percieve your love for her until she knows that for her sake you’ve died. This is how we really know that Jesus loves us -He died for us.
Finally love is a command that must be obeyed. Men, have we died for our wives? Because they will never percieve our love for them until we give ourselves for their sakes!
(SOUTH AFRICA) I am now married for 14 years and 9 months. I must say that the puppy dog eyes and butterflies in the tummy feeling never went away for me. What I’ve discovered after marriage though, is how easily the day to day running of a family and household can make one lose touch with their partner.
We were courting for almost 7 years before marriage and then had our first baby in the same year of marriage –a honeymoon baby. 3 years later we welcomed our son. We then got so caught up in taking care of them and their needs that we put our needs on the back burner. Well, I realized at about 6 years into the marriage and family situation that I needed to work on my marriage, as well. It is an ongoing entity that needs daily nuturing and work. It is definitely not going to take care of itself.
And when the kids are all grown up and out of the house you are going to find yourself alone with a stranger in your house and that is what causes so much divorce and separation in older couples. They find they don’t know each other anymore. So my advice to everyone is, work on your marriage from day one. It is ordained by God and should not be taken lightly. Go on date nights, and plan romantic little meetings during the day, a little kiss here and there out of the blue.
Gents, buy your wife flowers just because. Ladies, stick little notes in hubby’s lunch box/ briefcase. Keep the romance alive. Dance to your favorite song. And don’t lose that butterfly in the tummy feeling. Every time my hubby touches me or looks at me in a certain way I surely still get the feeling that I love my hubby for better or worse and we have had our fair share of both.
(ALLEGHENY) I found out that love is more than physical because once the physical attraction is gone, you have to have fallen in love with a spiritual man. What I mean by this is that as we get older, our body changes and if you’re only attacted or fell in love with the body, then you are going to be disappointed. So unless you fell in love with a spiritual person, you will be in trouble. Blessings!
(NAMIBIA) After marriage I learned that Love is compromise and sacrifice..
(ZIMBABWE) I have leant that in love both parties should learn to compromise because when you get to live with your husband (wife), some of the things that you used to do will not be accepted by the husband/wife.
(USA) After 32 years of marriage I realize that it is not about me. The more I make sacrifices and focus on the needs of my husband the more I see the goodness of God in our marriage.
We are absolutely enjoying each other and realize God’s purpose for us is greater than anything we could imagine.
(U.S.A.) I have learned that I can love my husband best by loving the Lord most. The more time we spend in the Word (Bible) and prayer, the more we reflect Christ in our marriage and the better our marriage.
(HAWAII) In our life a commitment to mutual affection and time spent together in the pursuit of both of our dreams has brought us much joy and growth. My greatest desire is for my husband’s success in all his dreams, and he has been my greatest support in pursuing mine, and we do this hand in hand and heart to heart. Our faith and our love are one.