We encourage you to read the following article titled, “What Every Husband Should Know About His Wife.” But first we encourage you to watch a You Tube comedy video titled, “Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife.” It is written and performed by Tim Hawkins, and gives pretty good advice (and funny too)!
Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife!
Please click onto the following You Tube video link to enjoy:
Here’s another You Tube comedy music video for you, which you might find helpful (as well as funny). This comedy song is written and is performed by Dante:
And then, after reading the article below, we provide a link to an additional article to read, which could further.
And now for the article:
WHAT EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HIS WIFE:
Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, said, “Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question: What does a woman want?”
Well, Freud, may not have been able to identify the deepest needs of women, but modern research has. A wife’s most basic needs in marriage are: (1) to be cherished, (2) to be known and (3) to be respected.
She Needs to be Cherished
“I can’t understand it, Doc.” Doug was talking before he even sat down in my counseling office. “Lisa has everything she could possibly need. She doesn’t have to work, she buys lots of clothes, we live in a great place, we take wonderful vacations, I’m faithful—but she’s miserable.” Doug shook his head and said, “I just don’t get it.”
We talked a bit more about his seven-year marriage and how he tried to express his love for Lisa. “I’m not the talkative type, Doc,” he said. “I show my love by providing the very best I can for her.” This poor husband didn’t realize that his love-starved wife would have traded all the clothes and vacations in the world for a little tenderness from him.
Without meaning to, a husband can completely miss one of his wife’s most important needs: to be cherished. This need is too often overlooked by husbands because we don’t feel the need for it as deeply as women do. But that doesn’t discount its validity. Your wife needs to be cherished.
She needs to know she is number one in your life. If it came down to an evening with your buddies or a night with your wife, she needs to know you would choose her—not because you have to, but because you want to. What can you do to cherish your wife?
Consider how often you say, “I love you.”
Some men don’t feel the need to say it with words, but every wife has an insatiable need to hear it. Your wife also needs evidence that you are thinking about her during your day. A small gift or a quick phone call to say, “You are on my mind,” can mean the world to her.
As a man, you probably have no idea of the effect you can have on your wife by being gentle and tender, making her feel cared for.
…Does cherishing your wife mean sacrificing golf games, success at work, or nights out with the boys? Believe it or not, the answer is no. When your wife is satisfied in knowing that she takes first place in your life, when she knows she is the most important thing in the world to you, she will encourage you to do the things you enjoy. It is part of the mystery of marriage: When a woman is truly, genuinely cherished, she feels free to encourage her husband’s independence.
Does she feel important?
Before Doug learned to cherish Lisa, she would complain about his fishing trips. In fact, Lisa wanted a separation because “standing by a lake was more important to Doug than I was.” But once Doug genuinely made Lisa number one, once he began to express true tenderness, Lisa pleasantly shocked him: “I’ll cover for you at the meeting next Thursday so you can get an early start on your fishing trip if you want.” Lisa made this offer because she now felt secure in her position of importance.
“To love and to cherish” is more than a phrase from your wedding vows. It is one of the most important needs your wife will ever have. By meeting it, you are sure to build a partnership that brings you both pleasure…
She Needs to be Known
For a woman, being understood means having her feelings validated and accepted. That’s not as easy as it sounds. I’m a psychologist. I often spend my day doing just that with my clients. I know how to empathize with a person’s pain, to feel his feelings and convey understanding. But when it comes to my marriage, something makes me want to solve Leslie’s problems instead of understand them.
She will tell me about something and I will passively listen until I have heard enough and then, as if to say I’m ready to move on to other things, I will offer advice. I’ll lecture instead of listen. To this day, it often takes every ounce of self-control I can muster to bite my tongue and actively listen.
At least I’m not alone.
Consider this fact:
Men say three times as many words in public as they do in private, while women say three times as many words in private as they do in public. Women like to match experiences, to draw one another out, to volley in conversations. But when it comes to talking to their husbands, many women feel like the wife who told me, “Talking to my husband is like playing tennis with no one in the other court.”
To meet your wife’s important need to be known, you need to actively listen to her, reflecting back to her what she is saying and feeling, and genuinely wanting to understand her. This point cannot be overemphasized: Women need to have their feelings validated and accepted. They need to have you see and experience the world the way they do, instead of explaining to them why they shouldn’t see it that way.
Men have a tough time realizing that offering a listening ear is all a woman needs at times —or a comforting hug, a loving statement like “You are hurting, aren’t you?” or “You are under a lot of pressure, aren’t you?” Listening to your wife talk without offering quick solutions, is the only way to meet her need to be known.
She Needs to be Respected
Men are usually quite unaware of how much women need to be respected. Why? Because when men are not respected they react very differently. A man who doesn’t feel respected, for example, is apt to become self-righteous and indignant. He feels even more worthy of respect when others don’t respect him. He may even give less until he gets what he feels he deserves.
Women operate differently—when they are not respected they feel insecure and lose their sense of self. That is why it is so vital for you to take special care of your partner’s need for respect.
There are a number of ways to show respect to your wife.
To begin with, do not try to change or manipulate her, but rather, honor her needs, wishes, values, and rights. I know a woman who, because of her upbringing, valued the tradition of having her door opened for her by her husband. She knew the custom was old-fashioned, but it meant a lot to her. For that reason she asked her husband to do it.
Her husband never took her request seriously. “You’re kidding, right?” he’d say. “Nobody does that anymore. That’s the reason why we’ve got power locks on the car.” This husband laughed off his wife’s request, and weakened his opportunity to meet one of his wife’s deepest needs —to be respected.
Respecting your wife also means including her in decisions.
I am always amazed when I find a husband who wields all the power in a marriage. He makes all the decisions, regardless of what his wife thinks. I know of men who make decisions about relocating to a new job in another part of the country without consulting their wives. There isn’t a quicker way to tear down a woman’s sense of self and ruin the possibility of a happy marriage.
Build your wife’s self-esteem and sense of security by asking for her input whenever you can, even on the small things. When you make a decision that might affect her, say: “I’m thinking about. What do you think of that?” or “I’m thinking we should. What would you like?”
Be supportive and accepting
Respect says, “I support you; you are valuable to me. You don’t have to be any different from who you are.” In return for this respect, a woman will be able to relax. She will not have a compulsive need to prove herself as an equal, but will automatically feel and be equal. What a wonderful way to live with a woman!
This article, written by Les Parrott, comes from the book, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. It is
They have also written two workbooks as companions to this book —one for the man and one for the woman. “The twenty-one self-tests in the workbooks will help you and your partner put into action what is taught in this book.” As an additional help, they have provided questions for reflection at the end of each chapter. These questions are suitable as discussion starters for couples or small groups.
— ALSO —
Below is a web site link to an article written by pastoral counselor, Dr Don Dunlap. Dr. Dunlap offers “a checklist of ways that husbands typically offend their wives.” This tool is designed to help men “identify specific ways that they offend their wives.” After going through the list, husbands can then identify and work through these offenses with their wives. Please prayerfully read:
• FOR MEN ONLY: A HUSBAND’S PERSONAL CHECKLIST
Filed under: For Married Men
(UNITED STATES) My husband and I have been married for 30 years and for the first part of our marriage I stayed at home and took care of our children and our home. At that time I was very active in our children’s lives at their school and took great pride in keeping our home as comfortable as possible.
All through those years I felt like my husband valued the contribution I was making in raising our children and keeping our home, but he didn’t see why keeping the house nice was so important to me. I felt as though he devalued that to our kids by making remarks about how I would get bent out of shape when things weren’t kept and clean.
After the children left home I went back to work outside of our home and I was hoping for some respect for the job that I did. I have to admit he does seem to respect my professional life, but when we have a discussion about anything and I do not share his opinon he always says that I am trying to tell him that he is wrong. I have tried to explain to him that I don’t always have to agree with him, but he makes me feel so guilty that I don’t share the same opinions as him on everything.
He makes jokes about things sometimes when I am trying to have a serious conversation and he gets upset and says he can’t even joke with me. He wants to lighten things up but I want to be serious sometimes. Then he just removes himself from the me and says that he will just stay out of my way.
I would never leave him but I am so frustrated that he will not listen and value what I try to tell him. I know I react badly to these situations and say hurtful things and that has caused bitterness over the years that is poisionous to our marriage. If you have any advice for me I would love some- If there is something I can do I will certainly try.
(UGANDA) My main issue is that 99.9% of ALL marital advice and councelling I hear is for men. I think we’re excusing the women, not holding them just as accountable & it’s cuz we fear them. They often go unchecked, contributing negatively to their marriages & we blame the husbands. Please, I’m totally not making a case for men. I wonder if wives are actually interested in their husbands, for who they are and not what they do for them?
She nags, belittles, disrespects her husband, but still demands & expects TLC (tender loving care) from her now wounded, crushed husband. Everything is about what a woman needs. So why do we wonder why some men cheat? It’s absolutely wrong but if you’re not sowing good seed into your relationship isn’t it childish to expect to be cherished, when your most earnest expressions are disgust, ridicule, sarcasm and anger? When you don’t value someone it makes them vulnerable to the next person who comes along with the slightest hint of admiration or respect for them. Respecting a woman includes acknowledging her maturity to take responsibility for her actions.
I know what it’s like to be told I’m not respected, for not doing certain things. Everyone needs to be desired above all else. If you show a man respect but also that you don’t need or appreciation him, if his only worth is what he does for you, that’s a marriage of convenience. I always ask: a) Oh wife, what are you bringing to the table of your marriage? What are you doing to foster its prosperity? Or are you sitting there waiting (demanding) the he push your buttons before you’ll respect him? (“Earn your keep” mentality) b:) Are you sure you’re meeting HIS needs, or the ones you assume he has, should have, or everybody else says he does?
I’ve been married 4 yrs, have a son; my wife insists she’s playing her part taking care of the house & our son. I always told her, that’s great but I never married you for any of that. I want a companion not a maid, certainly not a Mom! c:) A wife ought to be “the greatest” inspiration to her husband. What do you inspire in yours? You can’t milk a cow you don’t feed. If you’re not feeding it, somebody will, or it will die!
(NIGERIA) Hi Erin. My advise is assist her in the house chores, so that she has sufficient time to spend with you. The problem with a lot (not all) of Africans (I’m one, remember?) is that we think the women should be left to do all the house chores, as well as take care of the children, not forgetting that they also go to the office. With all these, the woman would inadvertently be too tired to be as supportive as they should be.
If you take it upon yourself to discuss with your wife on having your needs met, and how you could assist her, so that she could spend quality time. Wishing you a blissful time with her.
(US) You have a beautiful mind Sir. Very well written. Expresses my deepest romantic joys. I do not see romance in this (western) world anymore. No one has any FIERY LOVE and respect anymore. I blame the viral media for destroying such respectful love between two souls. It spreads like a virus and like a virus it will come to an end, very soon. A greedy virus that spreads over love and unity will destroy itself also.
(USA) My wife and I have been married for 4 years. We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. My wife is the homemaker and I work 50+ hours per week. I still try to help around the house. My wife has now “had enough” of me neglecting her. She blew up at me 10 days ago, said she feels unappreciated, etc., basically had a meltdown. I was able to smooth things over, but apparently haven’t given her enough attention over the past 9 days since, because she is having another blowup/meltdown. She says that it is obvious that I don’t give a sh*t about her and her feelings, and she says that she’s not gonna “make things easy” for me anymore.
I’ve never been a touchy-feely guy, and 10 days ago I told myself I need to be more-so, but I guess just being happy, not fighting, etc. wasn’t enough. I wrote her a letter saying sorry, but she won’t have it. She says “sorry won’t fix this”. She says she has a “broken heart, a soul lost,” and that her “mind is in a dark deep hole”. She says she’s “also angry at herself for being so vulnerable, fragile and weak for letting her happiness rely on someone else.”
PLEASE HELP! I don’t know how to handle this now. She won’t talk to me, and I know I haven’t done anything really WRONG…but I have neglected the things that you talk about in your article. But I can’t just apply these things now, because she’s already snapped. Help me so I don’t lose my daughter (and my wife).
(NIGERIA) Hello Jack. It’s never too late to start. Please always remember that. It might take longer for her to respond, but she would always respond to your loving change.
Try to read Gary Chapman’s The Heart of the Five Love Languages
and determine hers. It seems her love tank’s empty, while yours has been full. Please work at making this marriage work. God bless.
(NIGERIA) Great article, felt really relieved today after reading this article. Had a bridge for so many years why men treat their wives a little less than an animal when it comes to decision taking. Thanks for making me realize that some men still believe in their wives.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Sometimes, a marriage can turn into a snowball of both parties hurting and being hurt. The more we hurt, the more we blame, and the more things will go bad. I am not talking about those who do drugs and beat their wives / husbands, in those cases I’d suggest proffesional help. However, being subjective (no matter how trying the circumstances) might help a bit, and both husband and wife should be willing to do this and take care to do the work that is required of them to rebuild and fix the things that went wrong. Easier said than done?
The Lord Jesus said: “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” In the end, wouldn’t you want to be called a child of God?
(PHILIPPINES) Why is it that despite everything I have done already, yet all of a sudden she fell out of love with me. I cannot see anything I have done wrong. I did love her and cherished her since the day we got married. Please advise.
(UK) This must be the best article I’ve read for some time. It’s not difficult for a man to do these simple things but everything I read seems to be about the woman having to change and shift and reshape to fit in with her husband, whether it’s what she wants or not and regardless of her happiness or self-worth etc. How easy it would be if it truly were 50/50 give and take.
How easy it would be for us women to react differently to our men if they would just stop being so ‘macho’ or ‘egotistic’ and be more tentative etc. Simple things like listening to your wife all the way through without cutting her up after she has spoken 2 or maybe 3 words and thinking you know what she is about to say… how rude is that! And my husband is not even close to knowing what I am about to say!!!
If I did that to my husband he would get angry and shout. But he seems to think he has that right to do that to me every time I open my mouth to speak… which isn’t often now, as it really isn’t worth the effort.
Evelyn, I do sympathise with you as my husband lives and works thousands of miles away in another country. I have very similar problems as you plus a whole lot more. But please dont ask me what the answer is because I simply don’t know.
All I can do is pray which I continually did. I’ve just about given up even on praying now. Everything simply gets worse :-(
I’ve lost hope, lost enthusiasm, and lost the will to continue and bother. Let me know if you find an answer to this problem as I would be very interested in knowing what it is. God bless.
(UK) I am in floods of tears as I am reading this. It so much describes the way I feel… I wish he was reading this, not me. My husband last bought me flowers when I was in the hospital after giving birth to our daughter, 4 years ago… I don’t feel cherished, loved and he never tells me how much I mean to him.
This has made me so paranoid and now I feel like I am a nagging wife. I now think I am such a bad person. I only get affection in the bedroom. I have told him this, but he hardens himself even more, telling me that I don’t talk in a respectful manner. How can I even call him honey, when I feel no love? We are not talking at the moment, but all I need is a hug and to be told that he loves me.
(USA) I’m sorry your feeling this way. “…he hardens himself even more, telling me that I don’t talk in a respectful manner.” I’d like to suggest a book called The Excellent Wife
. It is a book based on the Bible. This book changed me, my marriage, and every aspect of my life.
Since you are the one on this website I am going to assume that YOU are searching for how to bring change. I’m sure you realize that YOU cannot change anyone’s behavior only YOUR response. If you change YOUR behavior it will have an impact on your husbands response. Every woman that I know who has truly sought change in their marriage and honestly applied the principles in this book has seen dramatic changes in their life. I really wish that I could give this book to every woman. Of course, many will reject and even hate what this book says and others will open their heart and hear the truth. God Bless.
(UK) Your words have truly had an impact on me. I heard those same words today in a leadership lecture that our behavior impacts the response we receive. I didn’t think much of it until you repeated those words. I believe this may be a message for me from God… Thank you so much… I shall endeavor to find this book.
(NIGERIA) Hi Charlie. Why don’t you get him Gary Chapman’s The Heart of the Five Love Languages
? Plead with him to do you a huge favor by reading the book. Also, take time to also read it.
I advise that you also do some soul-searching to know where you might have slipped. It would be great if you can be objective in your self-evaluation. God bless.
(UK) Thank you so much Julia… I will look for the book (maybe as a Christmas present) and hope he reads it… he is not a fan of books though… but thank you so much.
(USA) My husband is under the impression I should be the one to bring him to bed to be intimate- he gives me this rant about how he doesnt “get” all the time when he does- about twice a week in different ways (not just regular sex other forms which I don’t have to describe- normal ways though). How to get him to see that he can get me more interested if he makes the move, I am only loathe sometimes because I feel like it’s always me- I have tried to tell him- he doesn’t see my point. No where have I ever read it’s a womans job only to do that. Help! I am tired of these “talks.”
(INDIA) I have been married for the last 10 years with 2 kids. It was an arranged marriage. I had the concept of keeping my virginity for my wife and I was successful in doing so. I was well prepared to love my wife for the whole years in my life. I am very romantic and a family man.
Before the marriage I had sweet dreams about loving my wife and getting her love in return. On the contrary, she rejected my hugging and didn’t like to be kissed or touched in front of anyone. In the bed she likes to sleep and I try to make her emotionally happy and always take initiative. She does the sex as a duty for me. Even if I hug her with my arms she tries to remove my arms. Once I complained to her about this and she said it is not done purposely and it happens during sleep without knowing it. But after my complaint it never happened.
Then I started suspecting her cheating on me. The very next day of our marriage she left me alone in bed and went to chat with her sisters in their room in the night. After 10 years of marriage, looking back, our marriage survived purely on the grounds of my love towards her and my kids.
I still love her and I need your help in resolving the issue. I want to know what more I can do to make our life happier. I am a businessman and she is a housewife. We have even a chef at home to prepare our food. I even help her family.
Whenever we go for a party at any of my friend’s house she finds some reason to make complaints after reaching home and now I try to avoid all the invitations from my friend circle.
I was brought up in a Christian atmosphere with more values for humanity and more importance for love and affection than money. For me love is more important than money. Though money is an important factor to keep our life moving. But I believe that no one can buy endless love with money, though any healthy person can earn money for his requirements. I find more importance in buying food for a starving man than buying a new cloth for my son for a party. But she does not agree with these ideas.
There is a lot to write but time doesn’t permit. I expect a good advice from some of the readers. Joe
(INDIA) Joe, Have you considered that you may be smothering her with your love. I recommend going a bit easy on her and let *her* come to you and get love in the way that she wants. Too much touching and constant attention can also be a huge turn-off.
In bed, let her initiate the sexual contact once in a while. Let her control the action in bed once in a while – that is, let the sex be for her pleasure instead of you just getting off – this can also be a huge turn-off for women I’ve found.
To summarize, let her control the attention, love and touching and see if that helps.
(USA, TEXAS) I understand what you are talking about the man from India. Sorry do not know your name. In my culture we do not have arranged marriage but by what you are saying you want your marriage to work and you are doing everything you can to save your marriage.
Your wife has to want to make this arranged marriage work. Have you ever just asked your wife if she really loves you? Does she want to make this relationship work? These are the question that must be answered and answered honestly. You must be willing to deal with the answer whether you like or not. She may not know how to love or express herself to you.
Again your culture is different then my culture and women, relationships, and marriage are treated different in my country. I hope and pray for you and your family. I pray she express herself to you so you can have a strong and healthy relationship.
(UK) I want to thank all those who took their time to reply to my post earlier in November (browse up). The article made me cry coz I needed all those things mentioned and wasn’t getting any of it. So I looked for ways to improve myself, and felt that it was my doing that caused my husband to be cold and hard towards me. At that time I said all I needed was a hug… I even looked for the books suggested to me, like the faithful wife because I was willing to make changes to save my marriage.
The truth came out a few weeks later that all this was not my fault but that he was having an affair with a woman we both knew from church. All the classic signs listed on this sight were there and the gut instinct… but I put it down to paranoia as mentioned in my first post. It’s so sad because that’s how these cheating partners make you feel.
We are still fighting to save the marriage but I believe the affair is still going on. I know their affair will not have a happy ending because it is not the will of God. I trust God will soon put an end to this. So brethren, lets not be too quick to blame ourselves for others behaviour… but if we truly are to blame, then let us change… God bless.
(USA) I am blown out at this article, it explains my husband to the tee, I would love for us to read it, maybe together, maybe apart. I am 50 and my husband is 60. I so desire for him to stop lecturing and avoiding the topics I would like to talk about. I really want to send this to him via email but I don’t see an option to do this, can you help? Where can I get more info like this? Thanks.
(USA) Why not open up the discussion by turning it around. I doubt your husband is the only one who needs to improve, so why not “go first” since you are the one here? Why not start a conversation that is about the complimentary question. I.E. husband, what do you wish I knew about you? https://marriagemissions.com/what-every-wife-should-know-about-her-husband/
Start there, show a willingness to know more about him.
If you start with giving him the article, you are basically trying to fix your husband. He’s likely no more broken than you are. So go first, lead by example, show that you are willing to learn about him, that you are humble enough to know that you are just as much a novice when it comes to understanding him as you believe he is a novice when it comes to understanding you.
Who knows, you might just learn that what you’ve been told about men not being as well equipped relationally is a bunch of secular humanist junk, and that God knew what He was doing when He made men and women differently, and that the relative strengths each of you have, when combined in a cooperative effort will make a far more satisfying marriage than you wanting to mold him in your image and he molding you into his.
As much as you say you don’t want to be lectured, he probably wouldn’t take kindly to that either.
So approach this as being willing to learn. That’s proactive. If you learn in advance, wouldn’t his temptation to lecture be reduced?
To sum it up, don’t respond to him lecturing with your own version of lecturing. Respond with a willingness to practice what you want him to do, that you are willing to learn about him and you value his perspective.
(TRINIDAD) I have on many occasion tried this but the response was negative from him. I have many things to say to him but this is the beginning of the ice-burg and if the behavior is like this, how could I relate the detail to him?
(SOUTH AFRICA) @ Zweli, I felt the need to try and answer your question because I am like your wife. What happens is that I feel that my husband is busy taking and taking from me and I’m not getting anything back. African men and society have this thing that we women don’t deserve anything from our marriages, we are expected to do all the cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids by ourselves.
Also we have to go into the bedroom and sleep with this guy who barely says a thing to you all day. This is very depressing and it has made me so angry that I really don’t see the need to speak to my hubby anymore because I’m giving but I’m getting nothing back. Advice is to start talking to your wife more often, respect her by the tone you use and don’t order her around, instead help her.
(UKRAINE) “African men and society have this thing that we women don’t deserve anything from our marriages, we are expected to do all the cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids by ourselves.”
I am African, my wife (African) is more of a career-oriented lady (a choice I respect because she is a good doctor with whom I work). I do all the cooking (I even took some courses), do all the cleaning (by choice), and the laundry (because I would like her hands to keep as soft as long as possible). We are still happily married after 19 years. That said, I think your generalization about African men does not apply to all Africans. I enjoy your site. Respectfully, Alex
(UGANDA) Before I start I want to agree and disagree with Tony. Yes, it’s true I also feel that a person should lead by example e.g. I can’t say to my husband get your legs off the table then after, I put mine on, it’s wrong. I can’t send my kids to church, meanwhile, I never go and always make excuses.
I have taken the liberty to print out copies from the men’s section for my husband and the women’s section for myself. I wouldn’t say I was bossing him around because what I did saved our marriage, literally saved our marriage. We both read the articles together in bed at night, then we discuss them because we both are mature enough to understand that the articles serve as guidlines for couples but you have to do what’s best for your own marriage. So we discussed this one and I explained what I wanted and he in turn explains to me what he wants and we reach a compromise.
What I actually wanted was to ask the world to please pray for our African continent. We are faced with such a challenge over tradition and biblical ways. That’s why I always try teach my husband biblical things. It’s not that I’m making him feel inadequate, it’s just that I realise that in context to African culture he is a great husband, but when it comes to what God requires in marriage he is very poor. It’s not his fault but it’s culture.
African culture does not require a man to tell his wife he loves her, he only needs to say it the first time you meet and never again. In African culture a man does not need to cherish his wife or hold hands, a man does not need to spend time with the wife except when they have sex. It’s in fact diminishing his role as a head of the family if he respects his wife.
Being black, being a woman, and especially being a black married woman really feels like a curse at most times. I know it’s not what God intended but it’s what our culture has made us ladies to believe and our society allows it. That’s why I’m making a call to all Christians: please pray for us black married women, we are in a struggle.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Zimkita, I could not have put it better myself sisi! Being a black, married, African woman becomes more of a burden than anything else. My question is: how does one get to establish open communication? I have tried to share these messages with my husband but he just sees them as confusing me and making me want to have a fairytale marriage that is far from reality.
I know these messages are good coz they are guided by the word of God. I have tried asking him what I need to do for him to be a better wife. He’s never responsive to anything I say. He blocks himself out and pretends he cannot hear me. It has, over time, turned me to what he calls a boring, nagging wife. I have tried to tell him how I feel as well as ask him to be open with me about what he is going through… all to no avail.
I have been following your messages and visiting your site for two years now and have been trying to apply your reccommendations, but my husband is nonresponsive to anything I say or do. He has no idea of my needs and what I am feeling. Even though I have tried to articulate these to him, he is just not interested. I am a very emotional person, I hurt and cry easily. I also crave attention and talking about things (something both my kids have inherited).
He always reminds me that he is not that way and therefore I must stop demanding these things of him. He accuses me of being controlling when I ask him to spend more time with me than his friends, says I am trying to change who he is. I have tried to make him aware how important it is for me to feel I and our marriage is his top priority but he still chooses his friends over me. This whole thing has turned my heart cold and I am not trying anymore. We can spend days not talking over minor things. I think my anger has gotten so much that even when he tries now I am becoming nomresponsive! Help me please!