If a person gives place to anger, and goes with it wherever it takes them, and if they say and do whatever feels good at the moment as they release that anger toward their spouse, it is abuse. There is a difference between simply getting angry about something, and letting anger become a weapon that crushes a person’s heart. This abuse beats down their spirit, or hurts their physical body.
Someone who will allow their anger to go that far has a mental and emotional disorder and needs professional help. In order to be free of that kind of anger disorder and the abuse that comes as a result of it, they need the power of the Holy Spirit to cleanse their heart and deliver them from this selfish work of the flesh.
Abusive people love their anger to the point of actually looking for ways to be angry. Anger empowers them and fuels the fire they love to fan into flame. It also gives them what they perceive as control. But actually, anger illustrates their utter lack of control. Lashing out and yelling at someone God has given you to love is sin. Abuse is sin.
Explosive Anger
First of all, any words that are spoken in explosive anger can be abusive. A loudly raised voice and poor choice of words can cut like a knife into a person’s soul. Angry outbursts are loveless and full of the desire to hurt. The verbal abuser doesn’t try to see it from the perspective of the person they are abusing. They don’t care to know how badly their anger makes the recipient of their anger feel. This is because all they care about is how they feel themselves. If there have been times when your spouse’s angry outbursts have killed something in you, that’s abuse. Or if there are times when your own angry words have destroyed something in your spouse or your children, that is abuse. Abuse destroys lives.
You are in a battle for your marriage, but the battle is not with your spouse. If he [she] is the one firing the shots at you and you are being forced to defend or protect yourself, give the situation your best shot in prayer. Ask God to deliver your husband [wife] from the evil spirit troubling him [or her] (1 Samuel 16:14-23). Ask God to give you the ability to stay calm in the midst of the battle. Ask Him to help you to resist striking back.
Protect Yourself
All that being said, I am definitely not saying to stop defending or protecting yourself if you are in harm’s way. I’m not telling any spouse to stay in her [or his] marriage if mental or physical health is in danger. This is especially true if her [or his] life is being threatened in any way whatsoever. Abuse of any kind goes against all that God is and all that He has for you. No one is required to take it. If you are afraid of what your spouse might do to harm you or your children, make plans to get free. Find a place to go and people to help you move out. I have known of too many people who waited too long and suffered devastating consequences. Don’t be one of those statistics.
If your spouse is physically abusing you, call a domestic violence hotline. You will usually find it listed under “Community Services” or “Emergency Services” at the beginning of your phone book. They understand the situation and can help you make the right decisions as to what to do about it. If you need to leave home for your own safety or the safety of your children, they will help you do that. Even if you don’t end up leaving, it is good to have a plan. You need a safe place to go, a way to get there, and someone to help. You also need money you can have access to, and the legal papers and possessions you need to take with you.
Physical Abuse Ramps Up
Physical abuse doesn’t go away on its own. It only gets worse. If you don’t want to help yourself, then think about helping your spouse by leaving and not returning until he [or she] gets help and is cured. Being destroyed by someone who has an emotional disorder such as uncontrolled anger is not the kind of self-sacrifice or martyrdom God is looking for. Don’t enable your spouse to suffer the consequences of his [or her] own sin of abuse. Help him [or her] get the healing needed to become a whole person.
There is no excuse for abuse. It is never justified. A spouse who physically or emotionally abuses his [or her] marital partner is emotionally sick and has a serious problem. Of all emotional disorders, anger can be by far the most destructive. It is more destructive than depression, anxiety, or fear because it is usually directed at the spouse in some abusive and destructive way. Don’t fool around with this; it’s too dangerous. He [she] needs professional help and fast.
A man who beats his wife and children in any way should be removed from them completely [the same goes for a wife who beats on her husband and children]. Even if the abuse is only verbal, none-the-less, it is still extremely damaging. Scars happen internally as well as externally. Anger and abuse is the problem of the person who has it and not the fault of the one abused. No possible action or words of yours deserve violent, angry outbursts. Do not blame yourself.
Most of all, pray. Pray
…Prayer for Breakthrough in My Husband [Wife]
LORD, I DON’T WANT TO ever feel that “my soul has dwelt too long with one who hates peace” (Psalm 120:6). Deliver me from anger in my husband [wife]. Your Word says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4). Where I have ever felt that an angry spirit in my husband [wife] has hurt me or broken my spirit, I pray You would heal those wounds and take away any unforgiveness I have because of it.
I pray You would set my husband [wife] free from anger. Help him [or her] to recognize a spirit of anger rising up in him [her] and reject it completely. Strengthen him [her] to be able to control his [or her] mind and emotions. Also, help him [her] to remember that “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers,” and the rulers of darkness and wickedness (Ephesians 6:12).
Teach him [or her] to be slow to anger the way You are (James 1:1). Help him (her) to understand that anger never produces spiritual fruit (James 1:20). I pray that all anger in my husband [wife] will be evaporated by the power of the Holy Spirit. I pray that he [or she] will have a strong desire to reject his [her] carnal side and become spiritually minded. Let there be no reason to fear his [or her] anger and what my spouse might do. Help me trust that “I will both lie down in peace and sleep; for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8).
Also:
I pray now that You, the God of all hope, will fill my spouse with faith and hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13). I pray You would lift up Your countenance upon him [or her] and give him [or her] Your peace (Numbers 6:26). I pray You would lift up Your countenance upon him (her) and give him (her) Your peace (Numbers 6:26). I pray You would direct his [her] heart “into the love of God and into the patience of Christ” (2 Thessalonians 3:5). Help him [or her] to flee anger and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love patience, and gentleness (1 Timothy 6:11). In Jesus’ name I pray.
This article comes from the excellent book, Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage: Protecting Your Relationship So It Will Last a Lifetime
Filed under: Abuse in Marriage
(USA) Let me relate my story. It is all new and fresh. I was separated from my wife 13 years ago. She divorced me 10 years ago as I would not participate in divorce. I married for life. She was a abusive but I did not recognize it as abuse at that time. She would seek to provoke me to anger, which she was very good at, however I refused to ever strike her.
I was involved in a bad accident, which left me partially disabled and she decided at that time that I should leave and so it happened. She then sought to prevent me from seeing my daughters. She finally achieved this with my youngest after 5 years and with my eldest just recently. She has re-married and has a son with her new husband. I wish she would move on and leave me be. I lived with a woman for years but could not bring myself to remarry as I was terrified it would go the same way. She turned out to be very materialistic and ultimately that relationship failed.
I vowed I would never remarry. Then I met a woman who seemed perfect for me. She had been separated from her children at one point so understood how that felt. We shared many common interests and both had decided never to remarry. We are both Christians and we fell in love and got married. We found a church to attend and everything was good for maybe a month. Now we have a good week and then it goes downhill for a week. She will be very critical and dismissive of everything I say and be insulting towards me until I eventually say something back to her. This then becomes in her mind a deep personal attack from me and she basically will not talk to me for about two days. I then have to apologize and we get on again for a week and the cycle repeats.
She will not talk about it. She accepts no part of the blame. If during the “two days of punishment” as I now call it, we are around other people, then she will be all smiles until we are alone again, when the silence resumes. I am praying about it constantly as I truly believe that God put us together. I know she has been in abusive relationships in the past and she freely admits I am nothing like any of those but she will not talk to me about our current situation except to blame me or put me down over it. If I try to reason with her then I am in some way blaming her for everything and I guess, abusing her.
Our sex life has more or less stopped now. I have tried to be very giving in that department but it has now led to her basically getting what she wants and me getting nothing. I feel that her past relationships are making her feel the need to have total control over everything, especially me, but as I say she will not and seemingly cannot bring herself to discuss it in any reasoned fashion. I don’t know what to do. I thought about approaching the pastoral team at church to see if they can offer any advice but I have to say that I think things will escalate as she will see this as one of those “personal attacks”.
She can be a very beautiful and caring woman and Christian at times but the longer we are married the more she seems to shift between that state and this angry quiet person. We have only been married for 4 months and I know this is not normal. I really want the marriage to work and I love her intensely but fear that this on going trend will drive a wedge between us eventually. If I go into the office rather than working from home during one of these episodes then she accuses me of abandoning her and not caring, yet she will sit in the same room as me with us both working and she will not say a word to me. I end up being silent rather than a shouting match starting.
Now I am certain some of the blame belongs with me and have said this to her many times but still she says I am treating her badly and blaming her for everything, I have tried putting my feelings down on paper but this makes things ten times worse as she reads it selectively and then writes me a nasty letter back. I really am lost as to what to do, I do wonder if I am imagining it all at times and that maybe I am incapable of holding a stable relationship together, but I cannot understand why when I am working at it so hard. Right now we have had 5 good days in the last 14. We are in the second round of punishment days and we are supposed to be on vacation visiting her family. I am currently trying not to show I am upset in front of her folks but apparently I am not doing a good enough job. We are in our 40’s and should be better than this. Sorry if I have gone on too much but it is good to just write it down and vent a little.
(UNITED STATES) Hi! My name is Iris and I live in Kansas. I have been married for almost 20 years. I will have to tell you my story later, but right now I want you to know that my heart goes out to every one of you, as tears roll down my cheeks I pray for you and God does heal us even when we do not understand where it leads us. I can tell you only that in my experience, when it seemed that their was no hope GOD made a way, so let’s not give up and lose hope in ourselves and with each other. Get out and do something positive and healing start right now! God Bless you and your family. -Iris
(UNITED STATE OF AMERICA) I’ve been in a lonely, abusive, neglectful marriage for 23 years. It’s strange that after that long, I’m just now realizing what I’ve tolerated for too long. At one point, early in our marriage, I was pregnant and he wanted me to help with home repairs. I told him ‘no’ several times, but after pleading with me that he needed help and didn’t have anyone else, I helped. Within 10 minutes of helping (he was using a saw horse and the piece of wood was hitting my abdomen), I miscarried. I call it a forced abortion because that’s what it felt like and to this day he denies that it even happened.
He used to throw things out of anger, almost hitting me several times. At which point, I told him that I’m leaving -that I felt the next thing he’ll throw is me. That was maybe 10 years ago and he did stop throwing things. But, he still has anger issues and denies it. He has treated me like I don’t exist and that this marriage is not a partnership. I could go on and on about his flaws, but I have forgiven him.
I know I’m not perfect, either. But, I feel that his emotional bullying and lack of communication has made me not want to be in this relationship. It’s not healthy and I’m so tired. I’ve initiated everything we’ve ever done together (trips, buying a house). I feel like I’m dragging a heavy weight along with me.
Last year, I met a man who made me feel like I’d fallen in love for the first time. It was shortly after I became a Christian and I couldn’t help but think that Christ’s love was opening my heart to need more intimacy in all of my relationships. Nothing ever happened with the other man, but I wanted it to. I knew, though, that I needed to keep him out of my head and work on my marriage or focus on Christ. I was able to focus on Christ but I don’t want to work on my marriage. I feel like I’ve been working on it one-sided for 23 years. To this day, he’ll go out drinking after work without calling me to let me know. I’ve asked him to just call and leave a message because it’s the considerate thing to do (since I’m the one who does the cooking and cleaning). But, he still doesn’t get it. It’s that selfishness that I can bear no longer.
I care very deeply for him but I don’t love him like a wife should love her husband. I’ve almost left him many times because of physical and verbal abuse but end up staying because I didn’t want to give up. It’s almost as if the challenge kept me with him. But, now that I have the other man out of my thoughts (well, not totally, but I know we don’t share core values and I don’t think he cares about me), I still don’t want to be with my husband. I’m so happy when he’s gone and I have the house to myself. It’s those moments that I think, “I can do this, I can persevere.” I’ve felt this way every single day of our marriage.
I want to do what Christ wants for me in my life but I don’t know what that is. My belief is that He would want me to not live in a dishonest relationship and keep pretending that everything is okay when it isn’t (and, I could continue with this relationship, remaining miserable but complacent). And, I believe that the love I felt for this other man was showing me that I need more intimacy and that if I can’t find that with my husband or any other man, I’d rather be alone. The hard part about actually carrying out a separation is that your spouse becomes your family. He’s been my only family for 23 years.
Sorry to ramble on and on, but like so many who have commented on this site, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been praying for guidance to do the right thing, but I don’t know what that is. Even if my husband makes small changes, I feel like it’s too little too late.
(USA) First of all, I would like to say I feel everyone’s pain on this forum. I am a 35 year old, mom of two young kids, who also works full-time as a Registered nurse. My husband Mike and I have been married for 8 years. During those years, there has been so many hardships. and our marriage is slowly failing I’m afraid.
After the birth of my first daughter, Mike seemed very happy to be a father. He adored our daughter, and treated me pretty good still. Then I was hit with severe post-partum depression. (I also have a history of depression and anxiety). I became very depressed and withdrawn from everyone. I has a hard time being alone with my baby girl while Mike worked long hours. I started becoming angry, and demanding. I felt that Mike didn’t care about how I felt. He told me to snap out of it. I’m thinking. “Yea right!” My depressing became worse and worse. Mike started ignoring me. He didn’t care about my feelings. He told me I was a bad mother. It hurt so bad to hear that!
When my daughter was older, I went back to work as a nurse. I was very depressed. I had just lost my young father too. There was nothing revealed on the autopsy, which made his death soul shattering for me. I was a daddy’s girl, and I couldn’t believe he passed away at only 54. Mike didn’t show much emotion or empathy for the loss of my father. When I talked about missing him, he snapped at me, and said” Get on with it.” I felt so alone, and the man that I was supposed to be my wonderful mate, didn’t exist anymore. In fact, he would come hone from work and play video games while I cared for our baby, cooked dinner, cleaned, and folded laundry. Sometimes he would just stare at me coldly as if he resented me.
During my second pregnancy, I developed severe pelvic pain and was bedridden. I couldn’t even walk. I was very sick and nearly died. During my pregnancy, Mike never came in the room to care for me. He would throw a piece of pizza on my bed for dinner. I cried and cried. He told me I was faking the pain, even though the doctors confirmed it was real. After our son was born, I was very weak and continued to have chronic pain. Mike told me to “suck it up”. He started yelling at me and treating me like an unwanted roommate. He wasn’t appreciative of all the pain I went through to bring his son into the world.
Now my daughter is 5, and my son is 18 months. My husband belittles me in front of the kids, yells, pushes me into walls, and tells me in front of the kids I’m a worthless wife and mother. I threaten divorce, and he tells me he will use my depression and anxiety against me, and I won’t see my kids again. I know that isn’t true, but I have no job, and I’m terrified. My 5 year old has developed many phobias from all the violence. I feel for my kids. My husband even threatens to call the police to have me taken away! What?
I work so hard as a stay at home mom in chronic pain. He comes home and watches TV and plays games all day. He seems to like to argue. I don’t know why. I just feel like dying most days. This isn’t the happy life I wanted. I have my wonderful kids, but I want a man who loves me and cares about me as a person. Mike never wants sex (I’m very attractive), and doesn’t want to talk. I feel worthless. He says the cruelest things. The last thing he told me tonight is “I need to protect our kids from a psycho mother like you.” I was stunned. I’m very good to my kids. We have been seeing a counselor, but he just tells me the counselor knows I’m right about everything! What am I to do? I need a miracle!
(USA) Lilliana, Hi. So sorry for the grief you are experiencing. I’m just going to ask you a bold question, how is your devotional life? Reason being, I have seen and experienced time and time again that when my life with Christ is weak and waning, when I’m not in the word of God, digesting His guidance and direction for my life, that is when I start to ruminate, nurse, and grieve my loss and sores, incurred by the sin and rebellion of my husband. No formulas, but obedience to those great words Christ spoke in Matthew 11:28, ‘come unto me all ye who labor, and I will give you rest.’ He really does! I don’t know how He does it, but there are days that I can barely muster the strength to look up, and even pray. It never fails, I pray (even feeble cries for help), and He gives me strength. He’s very good that way. Dear lady, take your burdens to The Lord, and leave it there. There are no overnight fixes. Stay at it, He’s worth it!
(SOUTH AFRICA) I am so shocked to read that I am not alone in this abusive battle we have to fight. I have experienced abuse all my life: sexual abuse in childhood, verbal and emotional abuse from my troubled parents; abuse in my first marriage and now again in my second marriage. Why… only God knows. My husband turned his back on Jesus as he felt that his parents were poor role models for Christ. He has such a terrible temper that I have become so afraid of him. Nothing I ever do is good enough for him. He hasn’t hurt our two year old boy, though he beats me up whilst he carries my terrified, crying toddler.
I stay because I don’t have anyway else to go and I’m not working anymore. He controls the finances and doesn’t give me money. My heart toward him is dead. I’m only alive because I’m scared of hell. I used to think that I am to blame for his behaviour as I do have a habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong times. What an eyeopener the above article is. I am tired of dealing with this demon. Please pray that God will give me direction. We don’t even have a sexual relationship ever since my 2 yr old son was conceived. The reason is because he sees me as a mother and not his sexual partner. Breastfeeding has put him off!
I sit here as the wife that is the one who sins. I have struggled with anger but never truly dealt with it until the last 3 years. My family is judging me. I don’t think once my husband has prayed for me instead of judging and telling me he no longer wants me. It is only by God’s grace we are still together but here we are again as I failed tonight and he wants me to leave again. Never have I been abusive physically and emotionally. I imagine I have been, but not consistently. I’m not excusing my sin but I do know my God loves me and is working through me. I know my heart is repentant but does that make me perfect? Please pray for us.
My wife doesn’t live for anger, doesn’t want to become angry, and doesn’t look for reasons to become angry. Yet she had never learned how to be angry and sin not. Only when angered she yells, curses, insults, interrupts, blames, and distorts what I try to convey. I realize that answer is a choice… like the eponymous work Anger Is A Choice. So I tried to tell her I would buy it for her. She said I was trying to “fix” her.
What I am trying to do and this is just one slice of time when I have tried to get her to face how destructive her anger can be/is. But it’s representative of her anger. She hadn’t learned how to deal with anger and chooses to ignore issues related to it. Many people do this because we are not trained to control anger. I know she has to realize that her anger is hurting us before she’ll work to change it. I need prayers for patience. Shalom
I am an abused wife for 5 years. July 4th will be 5 years we are married and I left the martial home 5 times. I have been kicked, beaten, a cutlass was drawn and I went back every time. In 2011 my husband recieved Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. But in 2012 I had to call the police to take me from the home.
My problem is I don’t want my marriage to break up. He says the worst things to me eg, he calls me hoe, sloth, he tells me I have no class. He grew up in a violent home seeing his mother being beaten by his father. I also grew up in similar environment. I have a 13 yr old boy and an 8 month year old baby. In March 2014 I had to flee the home because of verbal abuse. He is acknowledging that he has a problem but I believe he is weak. I started seeing a divorce lawyer but I really don’t want my marriage to mash up. My husband has a restless spirit. He has problems sleeping in the night. He gets vexed for the slightest thing and he is always on my 13 year old son’s case. He calls him stupid and when we are away from him he cries and say he is sorry. What to do please. He is the type of husband who assists you in domestic work eg. he washes, cooks, cleans etc. but will throw it back in your face. If you tell him something in secret he will tell you about it when he is vexed. Please help.
To Bernadine: I can tell you love your husband, because he has done nearly everything to destroy you inside and out & you are still there. But do you also love your kids? As minors, you are forcing them to learn a warped version of love and NO – he is NOT a Christian. Christians are not to sin over and over again and are called to change. If you love your husband, yourself, and your kids – make a plan, stash away some money and go some place you can stay he doesn’t know about. Force him to be alone with himself and contemplate… for a long time, like months. Explain to your kids you all are trying to love and help him, but that no one should ever put up with emotional or physical abuse.
You MUST leave this person who is causing harm to you and telling the kids they are stupid? It is his choice to treat you and the kids how he grew up. It is a choice; he can choose to discover that no family should be hurt like that and never do it. Men are to be strong home leaders who keep their wives and kids from harm and teach them how to deal with the world outside of the door of your home. If they are waging a war against their own family members on the inside of that same door -they deserve medical help and you and the kids deserve peace. Reach out for resources that can help you with some money, food, a place to stay, counseling and support -you can’t do this alone. If he refuses to change or lashes out and time goes by and he makes no effort to change, you’ll know to end the relationship.
We are all on earth for so long, tomorrow could be our last day -live like you mean it and teach your kids not to put up with crap!
My husband has highs and lows. On his lows he’s depressed and sleeps all the time. When he’s high he talks a 100 miles a minute, he spends money foolishly, he sleeps 2 hours and gets up and works out all hours of the night. He talks so fast no one else can speak. He doesn’t listen to anybody. I believe that he is bipolar. It runs in his family, his mother, and son both are bipolar.
When I try to talk to him to try and get help, he says it’s the Holy Spirit. He blames me for everything. He embarrases me in public. At church he bellows out loud. And tries to put his own two cents in during the message, disrupting everyone around him.
I recently quit going to church with him because he has really gotten out of control. He says to me that if I don’t go to church with him every time the doors are open that he wants a divorce. I want to believe the Holy Spirit is in him, but everything I’ve been taught about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit is Love. He definitely does not show love to me; all I see is anger. He belittles me, brings up hurtful things from my past, even before him, that I confided in him and throws them in my face.
I don’t know which way to turn. If any one doesn’t believe him then he justs says they’re not godly. He has alienated members of his family. Please help me. Thank you, Cassandra
I just wanted to tell you that I am a psychologist, I work more with substance abuse, but that is exactly what bipolar disorder sounds like. I can almost tell you I am 95% positive your husband is bipolar, but I cannot give a diagnosis over the internet without meeting him. You really need to get him to a doctor or therapist about bipolar disorder, and it runs in the family… I’d say there is a slim chance he is not suffering, and there is help!
The author makes it sound like it is only men who do this to women. Is it okay for a woman to do these things to men??? Or do women NEVER abuse men?
Sorry Dewheat. You are right… many wives also abuse their husbands. If you go through this topic, you will see an article that directly addresses that issue. It’s one that many people don’t/won’t acknowledge. But it’s just as wrong for a wife to abuse her husband, as it is for a husband to abuse his wife. How I wish that more authors would acknowledge this as a fact.
I’m not sure where to start. Only that I’m aware that the way I deal with anger at home on the road and with certain family, no matter the reasons, needs to change. I don’t carry anger with me more than I carry the dissapointment of my self control, raising my voice and cursing. Not daily or weekly, but it happens.
I feel an expectation from my wife and her parents of perfection. When I fail or faulter, they says it because I have to get right with myself and God. Maybe it’s true, but I’m not Godless or without faith. I give thanks and pray daily… and its something I’ve continually prayed and pray on.
I believe I’ve made progress already in dealing with my mothers anger and how its effected me. And every “win” just helps me to knowthat it can be done. But again…I’m not perfect and hope to never backslide. But this progress is not instant and im heartbroken that my wife might not have the patience for it, has been subject to my fault, and even more heartbroken that I understand.
I pray for all of us that have posted and our families. For God’s strength, and peaceful spirit at all times and for marriages and families to stay together. In Jesus name.
Thank you for this article. I will use this prayer. I need a breakthrough urgently. Been with my abusive husband 10 years. We have 3 children and I am planning my exit. I don’t want to raise children to become angry and resentful. I’ve always thought to myself that he’s either mentally or emotionally unstable. I have just a little more strength in me before I leave him.
Hi, I just read your post. I’m going through a similar situation. I have a 7 yr old daughter and I also want to leave but he’s threatened to kill me. Have you left him? Prayers for your safety. God bless.
If you’re the man, and she’s the abuser…good luck with that! Police won’t help; they call you a wimp for letting her do it. If you defend yourself, YOU”RE the one arrested. If you leave her, YOU’RE the one accused of abandonment. Then she stalks you, threatens you, and no one helps. Then she kills you, and all anyone can say is, “I thought she was a nice lady!”
This is because woman can be more vicious emotionally. They are also more prone to sociopathic passive-agressive KUNG FU that leaves you feeling as though YOU’RE the one that’s lost their mind! Martyrdom is easy. It doesn’t take courage to proclaim that Jesus is my Saviour.
What’s hard, is praying for an exit strategy that won’t get everyone around me killed, when she flips out, and goes on a spree to wipe out my family. LORD, how long must my cries go out before I am delivered from bitter bondage.
Thank for this article. I really need help. I have been married for 7 years. My husband is otherwise loving and caring for me and my 3 year old daughter. But since one year he has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression due to which, he has a lot of behaviour changes and anger is one of them. Now so many times he is verbally abusive. Yesterday he hit me for the first time. I need prayers and also what should I do? I love him a lot. I think he needs help so should I forgive him and continue staying with him? But I am scared he may abuse me physically again. All suggestions are welcome.
I see many people are hurting, with deep pain emotionally from all levels of abuse. I too, live with a spouse that has unpredictable, extreme outbursts of verbal, emotional, and in the past minimal physical abuse. (I say “minimal” physical abuse not to excuse or minimize the behavior/sin. I recognize that there are varying degrees of physical abuse.) I am married and have two small children 3.5 yr old boy, 6 month old baby girl. I have been in prayer for years for my husband. I’ve researched different explosive anger disorders but when it comes down to it sin is sin. Anger is a sin. Some people struggle with lying, others with stealing, maybe being lazy, etc; all are sins and weigh even with God.
I had to address my response to my husband’s anger before I saw any change in our relationship. I realized I was sinning by being emotionally consumed by the spew of hate. We’re by no means perfect or fixed at this point but I have seen measurable improvement. This prayer has changed my life. Every time my husband goes into an anger episode I find a private way to read this prayer to myself. Write it down, have it bookmarked on your smart phone, better yet memorize it and find a way to recite it silently and earnestly. We have to get out of God’s way and let Him do the molding and shaping in our spouse.
Amen