Steve and I are angry as we see the fighting going on during this Presidential election season in the U.S. Both parties are doing it. It’s nasty. How is this helpful? Does this TRULY benefit the American people? Do the candidates even see the damage they’re causing to themselves and those who are watching this?
We bring this up NOT to talk politics. The point is that sometimes when we fight with one another, within the emotionality of it all we sometimes lose sight of what we’re trying to accomplish. In politics, the point is to serve and help the people electing them. In marriage, the mission is supposed to be about finding ways to bridge differences between us.
There’s a warning in the Bible that’s important to note:
“If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other” (Galatians 5:15). Disagreements within marriage are absolutely normal. But be careful —if you’re so busy fighting with each other, you’re losing sight of the bigger picture. Your spouse is not your enemy. He or she may seem to act like it sometimes, but that doesn’t make it true. The REAL enemy is God’s enemy —the enemy of our faith.
“The Christian husband and wife need to understand that they’re not just two people who are married. If they are walking with the Lord, then their marriage is a living testimony to the reality and goodness of Jesus Christ. As such, their marriage and family are going to experience spiritual warfare. This is not to blame everything on the devil. But it is to give recognition of the fact that the enemy would love to see this testimony of Christ destroyed and to bring down their marriage.” (Paul and Kristina McGuire)
Please recognize the fact that:
“When all is said and done, a truly Christian home is by far the most powerful and persuasive evangelistic agency on earth. Without ever passing out a tract, preaching a sermon, or saying a word, a Spirit-filled Christian home declares to all who come within reach that God will do for others what He’s done for them, if they’ll only give Him a chance.” (John Lavender)
When you’re angry with your spouse, try to remember what Gary Inrig suggests:
“Attack the problem, not the person. It’s OUR problem, not just YOUR problem or MY problem. It affects US. It’s useful to think of the issues as in front of both of us, not between us. ‘WE’ are nonnegotiable. ‘IT’ is the problem. The issue needs to be heard carefully, and attacked cooperatively.”
Read and Glean
To help you with this mission we have a LOT of tools posted all over this web site. You can glean through and adapt them for your marriage, as the Holy Spirit leads. Pray and look through the various topics we make available. Whatever you’re struggling with in your marriage —whatever is making you angry and is causing division, please make it your mission to learn what you need to so you can build relationship bridges. Don’t erect walls between you and your spouse. There are two topics that you may find especially useful as you look through them and use what looks most helpful:
Finally, as it concerns issues that make you angry, remember:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless” (James 1:26). “I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:37).
“ALL of you [especially husbands and wives], live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:8-9).
We hope you will, and pray for God’s guidance for you as you do,
Cindy and Steve Wright
Filed under: Marriage Insights