Few subjects in Christianity are more controversial than that of working wives. Many Christians feel that it is wrong for married women to work full time outside of the home if children are involved. However, for many families, especially low-to-middle income families, the alternatives are few. Many mothers are required to work because they are single parents. But this article deals exclusively with mothers and wives of families in which both parents/spouses are living at home.
Our society
It is commonly accepted in our society that in most households the cost of maintaining a home requires that both spouses work. It doesn’t take much arithmetic to determine that the costs of new homes, cars, food, private school, and clothing are beyond the income ability of the average one-income family. Currently, the housing expenses on the average new home would require almost 70% of the average husband’s income. So, logic dictates that two incomes are needed to maintain the average family lifestyle.
More and more married women are beginning to accept the pressures of a job as normal. That is unfortunate, because wives provide a good family balance for their husbands, who generally have a tendency to work too much and too long. If wives begin to adjust similarly, then ultimately the family will suffer. Since many women are the primary organizers and planners in the home, these gifts may be lost to their families if they become burdened by the daily work routine.
Loyalties and priorities
When wives shift their need for approval from the home to their work, problems can follow. There is often a mixed loyalty between the demands at work and at home. On one hand, a wife may sense a lack of closeness to her family as a result of the time spent away from home and the mental fatigue of work stress. On the other hand, she may recognize the need to dedicate even more time to the job in order to succeed.
Just as many Christian husbands/fathers abandon the important priorities —God and family. They believe they must be a success for their families, many wives/mothers rationalize in the same way.
Because there are negative side effects of working wives/mothers does not mean that it is scripturally wrong for them to work outside of the home. The fact that many women choose to work outside the home is not the problem. The fact that so many women have to work outside of the home to maintain the family’s finances is the real problem. If the family is so overextended that the wife/mother has to work, then the family has too much debt and changes have to be made.
Biblical priorities
There are 4 priorities that should be prerequisite with regard to wives/mothers working outside of the home:
1. Desire
Nowhere in God’s Word does it say or imply that wives/mothers should not work outside the home. But the lack of prohibition does not necessarily mean that it is best for families. The first prerequisite of a working wife/mother is a desire on her part to work. When a wife is compelled to work by design or circumstance, resentment often will develop.
2. Husband’s approval
Many working wives are able to gain approval from their husbands by pressuring them. Although some husbands don’t agree with their wives working, they relent under pressure. This is not the approval that a wife should seek or desire. Pressured approval will eventually undermine the marriage relationship.
3. Disciplined children
The role of the mother as the teacher of her children is incontestable. The father usually provides the policy decisions, but it is his wife who establishes discipline and direction on a day-to-day basis. The successes or failures of children as individuals will, in great part, depend on the mother’s success or failure as their guide. The greater the trend toward women’s fulfilling their emotional needs outside the home, the more children seem to become undisciplined.
4. Confused authority
God’s Word establishes the husband as the head of the household. For the working wife/mother, the loyalties between job and family may get confused.
Possible dangers
If both husband and wife feel the need for the wife to work and both agree that she should work, some very specific goals should be established for the wife’s income. Otherwise, additional debt will result. At least once a year every working couple should reevaluate their goals and objectives. This is particularly true concerning the purpose of the wife’s income. A young couple would be well advised not to merge the wife’s income into their budget. To do so invites future disaster in the event of the birth of children, illness, or the husband’s job change.
They should learn to live on the husband’s income. They can then use the wife’s for one-time purchases (car, furniture, or down payment on a home). It can also be for debt reduction, comfort and special occasion purchases (presents and gifts, vacation, or private school).
Conclusion
God’s Word describes the wife’s role as equal spiritually and dependent materially. She is her husband’s helpmate —supporter and companion. The husband is commanded to love and care for his wife, and be responsible for the family. If a wife’s working outside of the home doesn’t interfere with these biblical priorities, then the decision should be one of mutual consent. But if it does, then the marriage continuity must come first.
This article is adapted from Larry Burkett’s book, Using Your Money Wisely: Biblical Principles Under Scrutiny
Filed under: Finances in Marriage
(ZIMBABWE) I don’t agree with this idea that women should not work. In my case I earn much more than my husband and am responsible for almost 95% of our expenses. He insisted on joint accounts but I am not happy with this as I feel he is not responsible with money and I worry about him using my money to betray me, for example. How can this situation be dealt with? Is it bad if I start a private safety net account? What is the biblical thing to do here?
When we got married I was under the impression he was going somewhere with his career and now I feel cheated coz it doesn’t seem he is making any progress. I feel so resentful each time he refers to the money I earn as “his” money. I really need help. I feel like I’m fast losing respect for him.
I am about to get married, and this topic confuses me greatly! I have always had the desire to be a wife and mom. I have always desired to take care of the home and my family. But now that I’m about to get married, I find myself in the position of needing to work full time even to be able to afford basics like rent and food. My husband-to-be is in ministry full time so a second income is really necessary. I know that his desire is to be able to provide for us fully so that I will be able to take on the management of the home and family, especially when we have children. I believe that God desires for wives to be busy about the home and to make the home their priority.
But at what point, if ever, should we decide that keeping this job, which takes up so much time and is very draining, is not worth the strain it causes that will prevent me from truly taking care of the home? Will God provide for us if only He is working? Or does God provide through wives working? I don’t think that makes sense. Lord, teach me the truth.
“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:24-34)
Your husband is a man of God and God will take care of those who is living for Christ and teaching others to live for Christ. We must truly get to know our Father and how much He loves us. Seek to get to know Him and you will learn to truly trust in Him and what He has said He will do for His children. Talk to your soon to be husband about how you feel and pray for God’s wisdom in the situation. Until then, support your husband until you have children.
I am in the same situation like you ladies. I am providing 90% of our income and my husband does not have problem with that as he is working hard as he could until the Lord opens a door for him to be the major bread winner. But I had a problem. I used to feel that it is not fair that I should financially support our family because I would prefer to stay at home and take care of the familly but I have no option. I complained to God about it and this is what He told me and settled all my confusions “IT IS I WHO PROVIDES AND I CHOOSE THROUGH WHOM I SHOULD DO.” We have same account and we are all responsible for our expenses.
So for any woman there who is the main provider for the family be grateful to God that He chose to use you, but your husband should not take you for granted and use you. Some men are just lazy without goals and focus and plans and those are the ones Paul talked about in 2 Thessalonians 3:9-11 “not because we do not have the right to this, but in order to offer ourselves as a model for you, so that you would follow our example. For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either. For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies.…”
For example Jemila’s case is very obvious, for how long will you continue to finance his extramaritual affairs?
Thank you Flora, for sharing the insights the Lord has given you. They truly are profound! May He bless your marriage in every way you need Him to do so.
(US) There are cases in the Bible that shows women working out the house. Marriage should be the first priority for both the wife and the husband. The husband needs to be home too. He can’t just be working all day just for money. That isn’t healthy. Same with the wife. Of course, motherhood is important but so is fatherhood.
One thing we forget is that a father need to be home too. That’s why the wife should help and she doesn’t need approval from her husband. They can talk about it but that’s her choice. Also wive’s will have free time on their hands and a lot of it. Kids go to school and she’s the only one in the house with nothing to do. A lot of housewives end up depressed cause their kids don’t need her as much and her husband is busy. That isn’t fair to her. God didn’t create women just to be housewives but more. Women have so much to offer.
I personally think if women work more it will make this a better world. Women are intelligent and everyone knows that. Her skills are far more than cleaning cooking and etc. Why not let her pursue that and have an identity of her own? We now live in society that women don’t have to be protected all the time. Now they have rights. But back then women were easily used degraded and insulted; that is why she is to stay home.
People think a little. Does it seem fair for a wife to stay home while her husbands and kids go into the world? She has dreams, just as anyone. She went to school and college to build herself. Why let it go to waste? Now-a-days people have jobs built from what they love and dream. Whether the family needs her to work or not doesn’t matter. If there’s something she wants to do that she loves, her husband shouldn’t stand in front of her and say no, but encourage. Some wives on the other hand think that being a housewife is all they are, and that is who they are, but let’s face it most wives aren’t like that. If EITHER spouse’s job is effecting the family, it is wrong. The husband needs to be home, just as much as the wife.
Males come into this world with more power than females. Females need incomes more than men to have any chance of eventually getting equal power with men.
Spouses incomes should be equally important. Females often need more time to do their hair, etc. than males so males need to do more housework for this amount of time. Also males have more energy than females so males should do more than half the housework and childcare (everything else being equal).
I’m an unemployed married female. I’ve always been willing to work overtime so I don’t have to do my share of housework and childcare. I will not be punished with extra housework just because I’m unemployed. In fact we’re able to have a live in household helper but my husband will not allow it. Therefore my husband and I will be living separately so I can have a live in helper to do most of my share of housework. I will need a reclining power chair in order to work because I have very limited sitting and standing time compared to the able-bodied. I do not know if I’ll be discriminated against, so I may have to rely on the proceeds from our current home, which my husband paid for 100%, to invest in real estate (in my name only ASAP) so I can have any chance to make a living.
I have had difficulties with my husband as well; together 14 years. I opened a local cafe which has totally taken all my time. He has chosen not to help or be any part of it yet our plans going into this is he would help.
We have 3 children, at times he feels like a babysitter he says. I also found he had been sexting and online chat with other women and he says its because I’m not with him…beside him. He has taken on an extreme jealous streak lately and I have also learned that he stalks me. He isn’t responsible with the financial stuff either. I have had to call police on him twice in the last month. I feel stuck and considered divorce but feel like that’s not fair to us as a couple or the children.
advice please…I even had to get a church to help me with bills this past month due to his unwillingness.
What about men who recent their wife for NOT working outside the home? My daughter wants to stay at home to raise the children but my son-in-law seems to be very resentful. He comes home after work everyday almost starting an argument about nonexistent stuff, like stuff she’s not doing around the house, pretty much implying she’s lazy.
Also, if the woman works shouldn’t the man do housework and cook?
I think so. I think a man who wants his wife to work outside the home should walk as a servant. Our Lord walked as a servant. It is not loving your wife as Christ loved the Church by giving his life for it to make your wife work 40 hours a week and come home and work another 20 hours on top of that. In my opinion, knowing the graciousness of our Lord Jesus Christ, this man might have a letter of the word interpretation of the Word and not a rhema – filled with the life of Christ’s spirit understanding. Christ is ever the servant. He who is a servant is the greatest of all.
For some of you women who claim to be Christian, your responses and mindset about these issues seems to be very worldly. If they are not worldly, then they seem to be very selfishly motivated by personal gain or glory. We as women were designed to express the lives and will of our husbands. It’s the same as Christ being the head and we are his bride. We are expressing Him to bring him glory not ourselves. He is our protector, provider, and our Lord. That is why the name of the wife changes to the husband’s after we’re married. Wives submit to your husbands in everything and learn to keep your home. Learn to love your children and husband.
I’m so sorry that you feel that way, Angelina. It is not worldly to want to dialogue. In fact, Christ opened up the dialogue between the Father and us. It grieves me when women point the judgmental finger at other women and are not willing to listen, pray, and find out what the Spirit of God is saying. It is not fair of you to point the finger at other Christian women. It is a very serious to do this. We are called to understand and to grow as believers.
What I find so difficult about this article is the man who wrote it. While I respect Mr. Burkett his suggestions just are not practical. It is sincerely and from the bottom of my heart not my intent to disparage any of his advice, but his ideas simply shut down rather than encourage dialogue. Today’s young men and women are simply moving forward to define the working partnership wives and husbands are meant to have in their relationship.
It has been my experience that whenever you give someone a title of authority, they have a tendency to use it as “lordship” over others. For instance, a husband can no more give his “approval” for a wife to work outside the home than a man can “not ask for his wife’s approval” to buy a new cadillac or sell the home. This is not a partnership this is despotic at best. It causes a lot of heartache in a marriage when a man does not treat his wife a co-laborer and partner. If he ignores her witness, he is destroying the marriage or he is destroying her internally – creating unseen emotional and ultimately health issues. I really like your column, but some of your advice is so religious, letter-of-the-word and the letter-of-the-word killeth and it has been killing marriages for centuries.
No disrespect to you Susan but as Christians when we marry, we make a vow to our spouse. It’s very sad to see these Christian women on here speaking bad about their husbands. It sickens me. I’m sorry about these situations but could you imagine if Jesus gave up on us and said he doesn’t love us or divorces us because of our flaws? How would you feel? It’s sad that divorce would be considered. It hurts me to see this.
A woman’s main focus should be the home. Working is fine but it should never override the authority of your husband. No wonder the divorce rate is so high here in America. There is no unconditional love. It pains me. Christians should not ever talk bad about their spouse or even let divorce roll off of their mouth. I see so much victim playing but not enough humility. I’m not judging; I’m calling what I am reading.
I am a Christian and I read and study God’s word. Please tell me where is it where a woman must stay in the home and work exclusively. Times have changed, as the Bible is a narrative of subjects. God is a progressive God, not an archaic being. There are times where a spouse needs to work outside the house. The scriptures did not say the man has to be the sole provider, his wife is just as part of the family contrary to popular opinion. However she decides to help is a blessing to the family.
Yes the man is considered the head, but she is also part of the family body. They work together to benefit their marriage. We don’t know what those women in the Bible were doing to benefit their families. The Bible gives us a command to work. God doesn’t segregate in term of gender. Don’t confuse God’s word with man’s ideology or traditions. Women have brilliant minds just as men. I can’t imagine God subjecting a man’s helper to only specific duties. Where is the love, the freedom in which God allows men to grow, educate, learn skill and work but allows a woman to rot in absence of her opportunity the be an independent individual of the marriage?
Who wants to have an ignorant and unskilled spouse? Go down to welfare office or go to family court and see some outcomes of this type of mind set. These same men wished their spouses would have worked. Sin is sin regardless what sin occured. If the woman is needed outside the house, then why we as men who dominate political positions of authority make it possible for one income to support a family despite any socio-economic level.
Lets go back to time when things were simple and affordable where plenty of jobs at every skill level were available. Do you know how much rent, utilities, college cost these days. People are living paycheck to paycheck. It takes money to live, just as it took money and labor in Biblical times. Get sick with a major or chronic condition, lose your job along with health care as a man, your saving have been stolen or depleted, credit cards are maxed out just trying to provide until a job comes around. You will be glad to have a working spouse. You see as the Bible states, two is better than one, because when one is down, the other is there in position to life him up. God is a God of understanding. To be honest very few families are living this way, many simply can’t no fault of their own. Yes God is of order, but he shows compassion, kindness, mercy and forgiveness to us all when we fall short.
I agree with what you are saying. But if you reread the article, it basically says the same thing.
I think Mercedes’ comment below is very humbling and sincere. At one point she says, I quote : “….But when I was working, our schedules were so crazy and the house was never clean, food wasn’t always made, and our relationship suffered terribly….”
While some circumstances are understandable as to why women MUST work e.g. disabled husband or a large family with adopted orphans to support, I think it is better by all means to allow the husband to be the only one working, with the wife being at home. Let me just tackle 3 issues raised on here.
1. The issues and complaints many women have raised here are more connected to MARITAL ISSUES than women-working or not issues. So far, the comments are that women are getting jobs because their husbands are lazy, cheating, demanding, competitive, aggressive or abusive. This is not in line with the article above.The article above is looking at a normal stable relationship and the spouses agreeing to both work or not depending on the needs in the home. These other husband issues are serious and need counseling of a different kind.
2. In Mercedes’ case, I think her complaint indicates in a subtle way that being a housewife has more responsibilities than many women think. Someone says doesn’t wan to stay home and let go of her dreams and ideas or in another remark …..”see off your husband and kids go out into the world”. That is off the mark. The world may seem rewarding but with time, you realize the joy of home is far more rewarding.
Women are never to underestimate the warmth and care they bring in the home. I think this love is shown in the cleanness and order of the home, the delicious meals cooked, being a second teacher to the kids etc. But your role in the home even extends outwards towards charitable works to neighbors, the church, the youth etc. Your dreams and ideas are still capable of being realised even outside the corporate world.
3. On money issues, I think new couples need to CONSULT with trained financial advisors on issues of costs of living and what they want for their future together.
I think doing so will help them plan better so that a single stream of income can cover the most pressing needs in the home while living within your means.
I am not sure that I agree with this article, but, have always dreamed to be at home and never was able. I got a master’s degree in education so that I could home school my children, but, then I had to divorce my spouse due to alcoholism and abuse (he was a pastor). He was threatening to kill myself and the kids, so there was no other way.
Four years later, I married a good Christian man and we both worked. I had three children and needed to work for finances. We were both making about the same money each year and both worked hard. He injured his back 8 years ago and left his job and has not been back. That is when I started having issues. He is in the gym all the time and surely could be back to work. I have gotten pay raises and am doing well in my job, but, I think with each raise, he feels he needs to work less and less. My kids are raised and out of the home now, but, I still yearn to be at home and have my house looking good, cook, sew and do all of those things that I have wanted to do, along with taking care of my husband.
I feel tired, exhausted and wonder if all of this is worth anything. I truly wish my spouse would do whatever needs to be done so that I can again have that feeling that we are both in this together. I feel abandoned even though he tells me he loves me. We have talked and talked about this issue. I know he feels insecure, but, I encourage him as much as I can. When he actually looks for a job, he wants me to do the application or to write his CV. I can’t do everything for him and sometimes feel the world is on my shoulders and wonder how we got to this place. On the flip side, the Lord has blessed me so with the position I have. I thank the good Lord for everything he has done. I also pray for contentment with my situation. It surely could be worse and I know that!
Ok, I’ve got a Question: What if the woman wants to work out of home? Is it sinful? Mind you this woman wants to work; it’s not necessary because they are so poor, she just wants to work out of home.
Ekupe, I have never found anything in the Bible that would indicate a woman working (either inside or outside the home) as sinful. Certainly in Biblical times as well as in some cultures today, it is frowned upon, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
It’s pretty obvious you have a problem with your wife doing this and you are looking for a way to prove to her that she is wrong for wanting to do this. What I suggest is that the two of you sit down together to talk this through. Ask her to make a list of reasons as to why she wants to work inside the home and the benefits she sees as bringing to you as a couple and as a family. You make list of reasons as to what you see as the drawbacks to her working like this. [NOTE: It’s critical that before you start talking about the topic you pray together and ask God to give you both an open and willing heart to hear each other and for His wisdom.]
If, after your talk you see there is some potential merit for her to work then agree that you will do it for a 6 month trial to see if it really works the way she “thinks” it will. If you don’t need the money she makes for daily living expenses then agree that some percentage (maybe 50%) of what she earns is placed in savings so that you have a backup cash reserve that you can draw from in an emergency and eventually use for some bigger purchase that you both want to make some time in the future. This way she has some money she can use for herself AND you have money that will benefit and bless you and your family in the future.
You also need to make sure that IF she does start working that she won’t neglect you as her husband or your children (if you have any).
When our adult sons were young Cindy and I made the decision that it would be best for her to quit her job and devote herself to raising our boys. It was financially difficult being reduced to one income but the blessings Cindy received (and me as well) from her being a stay-at-home mom far outweighed what we might have gained in money. By the time our sons were in high school Cindy began working a business from our home so she was both available to our sons but was also able to make some money. We decided to save the money she was making so we could eventually buy a newer car by paying cash for it. It only took a couple of years to do so and we were debt free.
What I’m trying to say, Ekupe, is that if it’s done right, by your wife working, you all can win. But you both have to have the right attitude going into it and if any problems crop up because of her work you must address them before they hurt you, your marriage or your family. I hope this helps. Blessings! ~Steve Wright
This is all very negative. I’m retired now but I worked outside the home once my two children were at school. I worked at the school they attended. It meant that I was at home when they were. My husband was very happy to see me so fulfilled outside the home. My children didn’t suffer either. You say that the wife’s income should be kept separate. But if there is a need for her to work, that probably won’t be possible. We must do what is right for our own families in our own circumstances. Working wives need love and encouragement not having their burden added to.
But what about when the husband becomes disabled? My husband recently became disabled and the medication cost alone is impossible to keep up with without me working. My job has good benefits and allows my husband to be healthy while we navigate this new challenge. I feel guilty of course but I can’t stop working while he only receives $600 a month in disability. That is the cost of our mortgage alone. What does a wife do in this case?
So sorry that you and your husband find yourself in this place. This has got to be so difficult! I’m sad for both of you that this has happened to you. You ask what a wife does in this case. The obvious answer is that you work. Sometimes we aren’t handed the choice but to work. You are best taking care of your family in this way. That would, of course, be God’s will. So glad that you have a job with good benefits. Through these trials may God draw the both of you closer together as you learn how to navigate the challenges you have in front of you now and in the future.
I pray these scriptures over you and your husband: “May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy.” (Colossians 1:11) “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!” (Romans 15:5-6) “Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you.” (2 Thessalonians 3:16)