Marriage Missions International

Marrying a Non-Believer: The Ox and Mule Syndrome

To seriously date or to consider marrying a non-Christian is outside the will of God. In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, Paul says, Do not be bound together with unbelievers, for what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?

The verb “bound together” literally means “unequally yoked.” Paul is recalling the Old Testament command in Deuteronomy 22:10, You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.

God forbade yoking together beasts of such diverse sizes and strengths because the excessive chafing of the yoke would injure both animals. In the same way, Paul says that a binding relationship between a Christian and a non-Christian will be mutually injurous because they are so essentially different.

Of course, some marriages eventually become centered around God when the non-believing spouse later comes to Christ. However, for every instance where an unequally yoked marriage recovers in this way, there are a dozen tragedies. When a true Christian marries a non-Christian, there is almost certainly great suffering ahead. Christians who violate God’s will in this way have based their marriage relationships around something or someone other than Christ. They have compromised their relationship with God.

We can be thankful that God will not reject us for such lapses in judgment. But He has never promised to preserve us from pain when we defy His will. Besides the pain we will likely bear from such a decision, compromising our faith suggests that Jesus Christ is not the most important Person in our life. This will hardly increase respect for our faith.

More importantly, there is no reason to believe that a non-Christian (or a “Christian” who is uninterested in the things of God) will change after marriage. The record shows that this rarely happens, and the Bible pointedly reminds us that God gives us no such assurance. Paul asks of mixed partners in 1 Corinthians 7:16, …how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Remember, we are free to choose whom we marry, but we are also responsible for the possible lifelong consequences.

How easily we can say, “I’m ready to accept that responsibility,” until we experience the painful results of ignoring God’s will! Often an unequally yoked person returns to follow God closely years later and faces stiff opposition from a non-Christian spouse. Even worse, unequally yoked believers may permanently compromise their commitment to Christ in order to keep peace in the home. Children also invariably suffer in such marriages.

Considering the clear biblical teaching against marrying non-Christians, Christians need to be honest with themselves when they consider entering, or continuing, a romantic relationship of this sort. Embarking on such a relationship, they are really denying that God knows best how to bring fulfillment into their lives, and that he is committed to their good. (See Matthew 7:11 and Deuteronomy 10:13.) Such a denial constitutes a betrayal of what we say we believe about God: that he is our wise and loving heavenly Father who always seeks our good.

Before going ahead, ask yourself: What evidence can you find that God has ever been wrong or unloving in His dealings with you? When have you ever regretted, in any lasting way, following God’s will? Why would this issue be any different?

No matter how “right” a relationship feels, God’s will concerning seriously dating or marrying a non-Christian will not change. If you find yourself drawn toward such a situation, resolve now to obey God despite the cost. Any delay only makes the decision harder. Even though you may feel terrible pain for a while, you will look back later and realize this decision was one of the best you ever made.

We have never met a Christian who wishes he or she had gone ahead into marriage with their non-Christian dating partner. But we have met scores of miserable Christians who would do anything if they could go back and change their decision to marry a non-Christian or a disinterested Christian. Seek out an older Christian for advice and support as you trust God. You’ll be thankful sooner than you think!

The above article comes from the book, “The Myth of Romance” written by Dennis McCallum and Gary DeLashmutt, published by Bethany House Publishers. Unfortunately, this book is no longer in print so you may have a difficult time locating it. What is especially unfortunate about this is that they have even more information in this book that could help those who are contemplating marriages as well as those who are married. So, if you’re able to find a copy of this book somewhere we recommend that you get it.

— ALSO —

To learn more on this subject, please click onto the following web site links to read:

When Thinking About Marrying a Non-believer

What Should I Do Now That I’m Engaged to an Unbeliever?

Marrying a Non-Believer Won’t Work


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121 Responses to “Marrying a Non-Believer: The Ox and Mule Syndrome”
  1. Stephanie says:

    (ENGLAND)  I really need some Christian advice!! I am a non believer and am in a relationship with a Christian who is growing more deeper into his faith every day. I am curious about God and have been to church with him and we talk about it a lot. We love each other so much and I’ve never felt like this about anyone before! We stopped having sex because it’s a sin. I was really upset about it at first but I accept how important his faith is to him and learnt to accept it.

    We always talked about getting married and it made me so happy. We even opened a joint savings account to save for the wedding! But as his faith grew he became really distant from me and told me it’s because I’m not a Christian. We spoke about it and came to an ultimatum… I either become a Christian or we split up! We split up yesterday because I didn’t wanna feel upset everyday because he was so distant from me and he didn’t wanna feel like he was disobeying God. I’m heart broken!

    I would happily have put more effort in and got more involved in church because I am curious and even though I’m not a Christian I still feel like I had help from “God??” in taking away my smoking addiction. I thought he would have seen me starting to grow in God more and waited for me but he hasn’t. I know it’s wrong to think this but now I just feel like his faith has ruined us and over the past few weeks my interest in God is slipping.

    He says he still loves me and it hurts not being with me but he knows he shouldnt be “yolked with a non believer.” I just want him to love me for me like he used to. I don’t wanna have to change everything about myself for him to want to be with me. Reading other people’s testimonies on here has made me think… Should I stop being selfish and just accept it and tell him to follow his faith and forget about me? Because I don’t want him to regret being with me in the future. I just want him to be happy (but selfishly only with me!).

    Someone please give me advice and help! None of my friends are Christian and they just tell me to move on. I should never change myself for anyone (giving me worldly advice). Help!!!

    • Tony says:

      (USA)  What is the downside of formalizing your belief in God? If God is who He says He is, and Jesus is His Son, then the only path to Heaven is faith Christ, then believing is the only path to Heaven. If he’s wrong and there is no God, then have you really wasted anything? After all, the things scripture prohibits are either bad for you, or their value is dubious. Things such as killing, lying, coveting what others have, cheating on your spouse, putting yourself before God, etc really are good things to avoid.

      I realize that’s a cold calculus. Pascals wager, IIRC. So if you accept this relationship with Christ as part of your life and you get to have a relationship with a wonderful man as well, it seems like a win-win.

      Seems to me if you choose to remain aloof to God, then you lose out both on your relationship with Him and your relationship with this man you love. Seems the real downsides are not with following Christ, but following yourself.

    • Cindy Wright says:

      (USA) Hi Stephanie, I sure love your heart! As I read your comment, I sensed that you are a very caring and loving woman. To tell of your love for this man and then say that you are willing to give him up if it’s being “selfish” shows that you have a compassionate heart — that you don’t just want what YOU want, but that you care for the well-being of this man as well. Again, I love your heart.

      This has got to be so confusing for you in so many ways. Things seemed to be going in one direction but now they have changed, and it’s painful. I can only imagine how painful and confusing this must be for you. It just doesn’t seem fair that things, when they are going good, can’t just stay that way, or can’t grow in a direction that appears to be better. How I wish that didn’t have to be a part of life.

      You are wise in recognizing that it wouldn’t be good to “change everything” about yourself for him to want to be with you. That’s only sustainable for a period of time, and it’s really not a good thing to empty yourself of your personality — otherwise, this man would be in love with the person you are pretending to be and not you. And that wouldn’t be good.

      I sense that he is in love with you, but because he, like any dedicated Christian, also longs for spiritual companionship and closeness with the one he loves. It’s a natural part of who a follower of Christ is and what he/she desires.

      Stephanie, I also sense that God is talking to your heart about spiritual things. I may be wrong, but I’m not sensing so because you DO seem to be growing in some ways spiritually. Right now, I encourage you to find out more about what it is to be a follower of Christ — a Christian. Explore it on your own. It’s not something that your boyfriend can do for you.

      One way to do this would be to go to the bottom of our Home Page and go into the arrow that is in the box that says, “Seeking Direction? Purpose? Hope? Find it Now.” And then go into the links that are provided. See how God speaks to your heart. You will KNOW if He is drawing you into a personal relationship with Christ. There will be a type of tugging. If so, explore it more through the ways they recommend and God tells you to do. You may also want to go to talk to the Pastor of the church you have been attending. Please, don’t hesitate to tell him what you have told us about your relationship with this man and ask whatever questions you might have. He could clear up a lot of things that might be puzzling to you.

      I know of a wonderful couple, who have now been married a number of years, who faced much the same problem you described to us. This young man also realized that there were problems in their relationship as it progressed. She was also finding herself curious about spiritual things and was greatly distressed when he broke up with her. On her own, she went on a spiritual journey to find out what this “Christian thing” was all about. She prayed and pursued God and eventually accepted Christ as her personal savior as she started to see Who He really is and the love He has for her and for us all. When she told her former boyfriend what had happened, he wasn’t sure if she had done this just to be with him or if she truly had become a Christian. Eventually he realized that she had changed spiritually as she said and they got married after a period of time.

      I’m not saying this will definitely happen to you, but I’m saying that sometimes things can appear to be going one way and God can turn them around in a different way. You will know if this is true. There will be a change in your heart, if so… and a change in circumstances. You won’t have to change who you are… you will find yourself changing in a different and new way that you didn’t know was possible, if this happens. It’s a very natural and miraculous thing. I hope that for you. I pray that for you.

      That change happened to me many years ago. I wasn’t expecting it to really happen, but it did when I prayed and pursued the spiritual tugging on my heart. I truly hope and pray the best for you and this man. If you are meant to be together — that your relationship will be a good and healthy one, I pray you will be together… if not, I pray the Lord mends your heart and helps you to find the man you are to be with.

      • Stephanie says:

        (ENGLAND)  Thanks for your comments, it really helped me! Me and my boyfriend got back together a few days after we split and I was so happy! He brought me flowers and a card saying he’s sorry and he will never give up on us :-). I agreed that I would be more involved with Christianity and attend church more often. The biggest problem for me was the no sex before marriage part, which i said I would do but was finding it really hard because it started feeling like we becoming more like friends.

        He told me that he felt wrong even sleeping in the same bed! Which really hurt. He just didn’t seem like the person I first met. We used to have so much fun but now he just constantly talks about God. I understand that he is becoming deeper into his faith and I think that’s a good thing but I miss just enjoying each other. I started feeling really pressured to become a Christian. He text me yesterday after he had been to church and said that he had word from God saying that he needs to follow him and follow what he says about being with non believers. He also said in the text that ‘I need to be a Christian and accept Christ for us to carry on’ like he wanted a decision there and then! I couldnt do that because I would be lying to him, myself and God. I wanted to do things in my own time and follow the advice that Cindy wrote and had given me in the above comment because when I read it i felt like there was still hope and I didn’t have to rush. He made it obvious that I did.

        We split up yesterday properly :-( :-( :-( i really am heart broken. He is the only person I have truly loved and I actually did think we would get married one day lol. I know that in time he will think he made the right decision, and be happy in a relationship with someone he can share God with. It’s horrible even saying that but I know it’s the truth. I just have to accept it and move on with my life I guess. No one will ever compare to him and he has inspired me in ways I never thought possible. Guess it just wasn’t meant to be :-( once again, thanks for all your advice! X x x x

        • Cindy Wright says:

          (USA) Hi Stephanie, I’m so sorry for the heartbreak you are going through. It’s so confusing to encounter relationship problems like this when you really, really want to work things out. But it appears that you and your boyfriend are on different journey’s right now and it just won’t work out for you to be together at this time. He is growing at the pace that he feels led from the Lord to grow, and you are going through an examination time, where growth is slower.

          At this time in your lives, your boyfriend just doesn’t feel he can wait and you feel you cannot go forward any sooner. And even though it’s painful, it’s like what you said, maybe “it just wasn’t meant to be.” That may be true just for this season or maybe it’s never meant to be, for a variety of reasons. You can’t force something like this to happen just because you want it to. Your spiritual lives are to be lined up with God first and others second. If you’re both on the same page at the same time (or somewhat close together on it), then there is more of an opportunity for things to work out… even though you would still have many, many other issues you’d need to work out (that you would eventually face the longer you are together). That’s all a part of relationship building. It’s not as challenging in the beginning to find things in common and to be able to bend here and there, but eventually, you have to work out issues that will cause you to conflict with each other — that will need to be worked through, if you are to be together for a lifetime.

          Stephanie, it may be more than just the spiritual issues that are dividing you right now. It may be that he (or you) aren’t as ready for marriage as you once thought. There may be that there is more growth in many areas of your lives that need attention before the time would be right to marry each other or anyone. I don’t know. But it is what it is at this time.

          Before I married my husband, I had many different men walk through my life — which I gained so much from knowing. A few, I thought might lead to marriage. But things didn’t work out that way. As I look back, I’m SO glad I experienced being able to get to know them, because it taught me a lot about myself as well — what I did and didn’t want in a husband and such. And now, I have a wonderful husband who is SO much better for me (and me for him) than anyone else. I can see that now.

          I hope and pray through all of this that you don’t grow bitter, but instead, better. You had love from this man, but you also saw a glimpse into God’s heart as well. God loves you Stephanie. And He has a wonderful plan for your life if you seek Him and get to know Him better. If you feel you need to take it slow, then do so… just be careful not to go too slow where the embers of curiosity and opportunity begin to die out. Sometimes an open door is there for us to go through a bit quicker than we might at first feel comfortable, but if we pursue going through it, we will be surprised at the wonderfulness that is waiting there for us. I believe that is true for you.

          Don’t pursue God because you want a relationship with your boyfriend, but pursue God because there is a tug on your heart drawing you to learn more on a one-on-one basis with the Living Christ. Becoming a Christian is not about religion or being in a 3 way relationship — you, God and your boyfriend. That is marriage. Being a Christian is being in a living relationship one-one-one with God… & then sharing it with others because of the excitement you feel and the sense of community you have with those of like faith. But it is a very personal and living relationship.

          As for the “no sex” part… I can well understand why that would be difficult. It’s a huge challenge to draw back from connecting with each other in that way once you have opened that gift which God gives to men and women. And it IS a gift. The biggest problem is that it’s a gift that is meant for husbands and wives because it ties their souls together as well as their physical connection. We have more about all of that which you can read in the “Sex Before Marriage” section of our web site.

          I truly hope and pray the best for you. I sense a beautiful heart and spirit within you. I don’t know what your future will hold as far as marriage, but I believe that God wants to be a very big part of your life — to love you and guide you and have fellowship with you, no matter where you journey or who you marry. I pray God’s best for you… Sincerely, Cindy

  2. Bethany says:

    (UNITED STATES)  Friends in Christ! Please do not be so discouraged! I, myself, am in a similar situation. I met my husband when I was 20. I was brought up in a Christian home, and went to private, Christian school- but I was never REALLY taught the very real love of Jesus Christ by my parents. This, I found on my own. They had me when they were young, and taught me about the Bible… but it was not an absolute priority for them. My husband, however, was never taught ANYTHING! His parents did not teach their 3 kids about religion, they wanted them to explore, and find something that made sense for them on their own! His mother had the Bible shoved down her throat as a child, in a very strict, harsh Catholic school, and she vowed to never do that to her children.

    When we met, I swore I would never date him! He was not an Atheist, but Agnostic- believed there was “something” out there, just did not know what it was. Time went by, and I got closer, and closer to him- as a friend. And then, I completely, and totally fell head over heels in love for him. He is, without a doubt, the most amazing man that I have ever met. He is my best friend in the entire world. He started going to church with me, studying, and I mean REALLY studying the Bible. He accepted Christ about 6 months into our relationship. We got married just 5 months after that when I was 21. Now, almost 2 years later, (yes, I am only 23) He has come to me and told me that the more he reads the Bible, the more confused he gets, and the further away from God and Christianity he feels. He is the kind of person that needs facts, evidence, and proof to believe something- not other people’s opinions. So he has major doubts. Not in God- but in Jesus and His saving grace.

    When he first told me this, I felt so horribly discouraged. We have been unable to have children so far. I have had miscarriage, after miscarriage.. And I started to blame him for these problems. Feeling like he had tricked me into marrying him. I said to him, “Now I know the reason why I can’t have children. God is sparing me from the regret of having a broken marriage and household. Saving me from having to raise my children, in Him, alone!” Very, very harsh! I immediately felt horrible for what I said! So I took a few days to pray, and collect my thoughts- so that I would not have another outburst!

    What I came up with was- THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME!!! It is about Him! As much as I love my husband, which is more than I can describe, God loves him even more than that! And as much as I yearn for his salvation- God yearns for it even more! Friends- our God is a mighty, and awesome God! Do not lose hope with your unsaved spouse! And do not nag them! Don’t even speak to them about the Lord! Give up, and give in! Only pray, and continue to be the godly spouse that you vowed, before your Lord, that you would be! Be encouraged that God has chosen you to bless! Study your heart, and ask yourself, are you really ready for this battle? You chose to marry your spouse- whether they were a “believer” at the time, or were not… and God commands us to stay with the person that we joined with, before Him!

    Do not doubt the craftiness of Satan and the fact that he is going to use every ounce of power that he has to get in the way of the truth, and the search for the Truth! I believe that Satan is using my husbands need for evidence to keep him from the truth. MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN THAT!! I am thankful for my husbands doubts and questions! I believe that God is going to use this in a mighty way, and bring him back to Christ… and stronger than ever, having REALLY decided for himself. I know that it is not ensured that he will come back to faith, but I will not be discouraged! Not now, not ever! I am thankful for this opportunity to strengthen my faith, and to be a godly wife, and a light for my Lord!

    I am not trying to encourage someone who is dating a non believer to go against what our Lord commands and marry that person anyway… That is not at all the case! I am trying to encourage those of you who are already married! Do not be depressed! God is bigger than even our biggest problem- and you need to let him use this for His glory! I know most of your situations are different than mine… but our God is still the same- and nothing is too big for Him!

    TRUST HIM with EVERYTHING in you!!

    • Narci says:

      (USA)  Hi Bethany, I have so much to say. First, I was an unbeliever when my husband and I got married. It has been a miserable marriage I have done nothing but be hurtful to myself and husband. I had my times when I thought I was drawn to him but wasn’t. Now, my husband has left and wants a divorce. Before I knew it, he wanted a divorce. He left and that drew me to read the Bible to find answers as to why this was happening, and for him to reveal to me what I should do.

      Well, I’m very confused and have mixed emotions about everything. I now know that I do want to know him and seek him. It’s sad, on my part, that it took this for me to come to want to know him. I want to save my marriage but I think it’s too late. He says he now knows that we weren’t meant to be and it was not God’s will for us to be together. I understand completely why he wants out. What can I do to let him see that I do want to change my life and be the wife I should have been before?

  3. Stephanie says:

    (IRELAND)  Hey, I was reading all your comments and I myself am in a similiar situation. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago when we were both non Christians. I then got saved a year into our relationship and was and am still supportive of my decision. He has no church background whereas I was brought up in a Christian home. Recently we have talked about getting married but I know my parents will not approve because he is not a Christian. I really love him and want to marry him. I have 2 children from another relationship and he is amazing with them and they asked if they can start calling him dad as they don’t see their real dad. I’ve never been happier. HELP someone, please.

  4. Ebere says:

    (NIGERIA)  I am a Christian who loved God so much. When I met my husband he was very kind to me and I fell in love with him though I noticed he didn’t love the things of God so much. I was warned but I went ahead and married him. Now six years after I am regretting my decisions. I wish I never married him. We hardly pray together and he hates to go to church and honor God. He is very abusive verbally, proud and very critical of others. We have 3 lovely kids.

    I wish I could change the hands of time and have another opportunity to honor God with my decision of a partner. I am praying for him. I know God will win him back to himself. I need advice on the things i will be doing to facilitate his repentance.

    • Bethany says:

      (U.S.)  Please go out and get the book The Power of a Praying® Wife by Stormie Omartian. I am reading it right now, and loving it! And pick up a Bible and read 1 Peter 3:1-4.

      Talking sometimes does NOTHING, except for make the situation worse! Pray, and have patience! And pray for patience! God does not transform people overnight. It takes time.

  5. Dan says:

    (USA)  I am a Christian man who finally came to the Lord after 15 years of a marriage to a non-believer. I knew of God at a early age and was involved in church. However, I was never 100% until recently. My wife was not raised in the church and is ignorant of what the Bible really says and means. She’s accepted Christ but at this point is seed on shallow soil.

    We have known each other since our teens, fell in love, experienced the same kind of abuse as kids from friends and family members, and had a child out of wedlock. I have and still do love this woman with all my heart.

    Christ has turned my life around and has healed alot of my issues and wounds. It is amazing what He has shown me through decernment and I see things that my wife needs to deal with but won’t. She is totally against God and uses my relationship with Him as an ‘adultery/ Love with Him more than Me’. Everything from time away from home, raising our child, movies, books, friends, is a war between beliefs.

    I share scripture that shows no condemnation but how Christ is there to heal all of our wounds no matter how deep, but she doesn’t want to change. I know there is nothing I can do and that a believer is ‘Called’ and saved through Christ, not our means or works.

    I have tried everything from being vacant, distant, over-involved, to hard line based on each circumstance and it always comes back to ‘go find a good Christian woman and let me die’. She uses beer to cope with all of the issues, and I wait here for change.

    I see examples of Noah’s family saved through his walk, the centurion whose family was saved because he believed, etc. I need a good book resource that deals with this condition. Winning them through your actions and your motivations is great. Faith is absolute. I just need a couple of resources to check out. Ideas?

  6. Shaun says:

    (MALAYSIA)  A Youth leader/pastor once told me his experience of how he got married. He did have his eyes on one of the most sought after girls on his campus I think, but she wasn’t the type God would approve of (although God changed her completely at some point, she told her side of the story as well).

    Well, getting to the point, he left his wants and desires in God’s hands, prayed for more than 3 years and just continued to serve God in his youth ministry. The thing he emphasized most is that we shouldn’t cheat and try to ‘help’ or ‘guide’ God if we truly trust in Him. Finally, his path and her’s met (through their ministries) and yet he along with her continued praying before finally getting married 2 years later. And they’re happily married!

    What I’m trying to say is, put everything in God’s hands. God knows you well and will give you the best when the time is right. But of course, continue praying and serving and stop worrying whether he/she is the right one for you. I think it’s important to teach our kids these things as well instead of letting them go through trial and error. There are so many other more important and significant things God has planned for His children anyway!

  7. Beki says:

    (ETHIOPIA)  I am not married to unbelieving girl,but am seriously dating with this unbelieving girl right now. We really loved each other. Besides, I don’t want to lose her cause she is the only girl who treats me in the way I want to be treated. I have a lot of problems but she accepts all of my problems and decided to live with me. But we both know that we will not get married if she doesn’t believe in Jesus Christ as her personal savior. I feel deep in my heart God will reach her life through me. Do you think I am feeling the right thing? Anyway, I am confused right now. Can anyone tell me what I have to do?

  8. Christopher says:

    (UNITED STATES)  I have read some of these comments and I am deeply heart broken by them. First, let me get something off my chest. While I believe in God and was raised to be a Christian, I am not a Christian. It felt to me, that God did not wish me to be one, and so I am not. I worship God in my own way and we are very close. I seem to find myself closer, in some sense, to old Judaism, and unique in others. I felt that at least that much must be gotten out before I start speaking my feelings on marriage and relations with Christians.

    If you love someone, truly love someone, you should be willing to give them the chance to be worthy of your love. Love is yours to give, as it is God’s, and like God’s love, if you love this person, it should be unconditional. If your love is true, then you should give it every opportunity. You don’t have to give up your religion to do so, and you don’t have to force your significant other to change his beliefs. Maybe, in some way, your other will connect to God through you, and maybe not.

    If God loves all people, as I believe he does, then should we really do less because of spiritual and religious differences? Love, and too, be loved, but beware of love that is not there.

    • Irit says:

      (CZECH REPUBLIC)  This is a common thought accepted in the world concerning love. And I believed it too and made some bad decisions because of it. But through my walk with Jeshua I came to realize that true unselfish love can only come from God. Human love is selfish and often stands on feelings and expectations more than on genuine interest of a person.

      People often confuse falling in love with some person they don’t really know with what is true love which involves true commitment and most importently a DECISION. God showed me that love is a decision and your feelings should be led by your decision and not vice versa. The best decision you can make in your life is to follow our True love- Jeshua and all the rest will be given to us Mathew 6:33. May you find Him in your life.

  9. Elle says:

    (USA)  Amos 3:3 Can two walk together except they agree?

  10. Srinivas says:

    (INDIA)  Greeting in the name of the Lord Jesus. Sir, please pray that I should not have a bad life for that sake. What shall I do? Please tell me as I am not having the life according to God’s Word. It’s like I have a curse from God that is in my life. My private parts of my body are not acting correctly. I am loving one girl and she is an unbeliever. She does not like Jesus. Please pray for her salvation. Her name is Premalatha.

    And please pray that my body will restore in every part, including private parts. If God’s will is there, it means and I am loving her and my body has damage in private parts. I lost one valuable life in my living part before coming to God. After God saved me, I came to know that darkness lives in my living and in my physical life. I lost that valuable life and I do not want to lose in the real spiritual life.

    Please pray that I will get complete deliverance from darkness in this life. I do not want to live like a bad slave, and I do not want to get a curse from God like Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, according to Acts 5. I do not want to get a curse as in Matthew 12:30. Please, I am not having interest while I am thinking about this, to live. Please pray to God not to destroy my soul and spirit. I do not want to go to Hell. I want to be like good slave; I do not to be like bad slave and I do not want to fear God for hell’s sake. I should fear according to God’s love but not for hell’s sake; that’s it. Please pray to God and tell me. I am waiting for your reply.

    • Steve Wright says:

      Srinivas, I want you to know that I am praying for you and will write more to you later. Until then, I want you to read and meditate on Psalm 23 today. As you read through the Psalm ask God to show you His love as your “Shepherd” and that you will lack nothing in your life…including the help you need to deal with what you are going through. I am also hoping others will respond to you today to give you encouragement and insight. So, as much as you can, keep you focus on Christ, because when you do this, you defeat the attacks of the devil. -Steve Wright

  11. Lily says:

    (AUSTRALIA)  I became a believer 7 yrs ago and I have been with my partner for 6 yrs now. We are not married but always talked about it yet I have had some very hard times that have prevented it. We now have two sons together a 2 yr old & 10mth baby. I love him but we are definitely unequally yoked. I know we are not married but having had children together I thought now joined us.

    He has lied & stolen plus cheated and continually let me down, yet I thought that if I had faith and believed God would one day bless us as a family & open his heart to Christ and we could marry. I try to forgive him because I love him and want to see him saved. I don’t wan’t to hurt our boys, & sometimes think I have to take responsibility for our mistake because I should have known better but was deluded and sinned. We go to church but he has little understanding or interest it seems. I can’t bear this anymore and need help!

  12. Laurie says:

    (LORDHELPUS)  I pray for you all each day and for the ungodly spouses that the Lord will forgive us all and help us to mature in Him. That we will rise above the sinful natures of our flesh and put Him first rather than a mere man, mere lust and mere sinful pleasures of this wicked earth. Please pray for me as I need to get out of this ridiculous, sinful marriage to this man before I go crazy. Satan is using him to drive me nuts and I speak against that for it will not work. I’d rather run away from this derelict than to step away from the Lord. Please, please pray for me, I need real true hard help and forgiveness from the Lord.

  13. Kristina says:

    (USA)  Saeed, thank you for your explanation of the passage in Corinthians. I think you did a very good job illustrating the connection of a spiritual level between husband and wife. Other posters have been very realistic in pointing out that just because we’re married doesn’t mean that marriage is always happy. There were many saints who lived difficult lives, who’s suffering increased, and even asked it to, to save their pagan spouses and children. Of course, this terrifies me as I’m nothing close to a saint, and I’m worried that I will be unable to help sanctify the soul of my lost spouse. But then, I realize that it is God who will do the sanctifying, not I. I have to be like our Holy Mother and pray that whatever will be done to me will be according to His Word. Oh, the faith of Mary, I pray to attain it….

    I’ve recently been married, and I am a Catholic who was marrying a Protestant. We married in the Latin Rite. He agreed to the pre-marital counselling and to have a church wedding. He also agreed to let me raise any children God blesses us with as Catholics.

    However, soon after we were married, he started dabbling in the “logic” behind atheism, and now he does not believe in a Christian God, doesn’t believe we have a soul, doesn’t believe any of the previous Christian ideals he held before. He says he’s experienced “major dissent” from his faith. Little does he know that’s the devil at work…

    This distresses me, because now he speaks of how he is against the “indoctrination of children” in our faith –and I’m thinking “you’ll indoctrinate them in another ideal that is not as critical as you believe.” I’m wondering if my cross in life will be to handle this. I’m trying to educate myself to debate him adequately, but it’s difficult to argue with someone who believes only, and I really mean ONLY, in empirical evidence.

    It’s moments like these that I realize what GK Chesterton said was right; “all ideas are narrow.” Please pray that his soul returns to Our Lord. Thank you :)

  14. Mimi says:

    (PHILIPPINES)  I have a boyfriend; we have different religions. We believe in the same GOD, Jesus Christ, but different in terms of practices in the church. He believe in some things that I don’t believe in. I’m a born again Christian while he is a Roman Catholic. It was good to know we believe in the same GOD, but the problem is those practices. We differ in such.

    We are talking about our future marriage and actually can’t fix it up. We are having trouble as to where we are going to have our wedding, to their church or to ours? We’re having trouble deciding where our future children will attend church… we can’t decide.

    Actually, I was thinking to break up with him, cause I think it’s hard and will be even harder in the future, but I love him, and he also told me that he loves me. :( What are we going to do? I dont what to do… I just pray to GOD. Please give me some suggestions? Thanks!

  15. Jeremy says:

    (USA)  This is literally the most condescending article I’ve ever read. Christians are always trying to tell you it’s not their place to judge, but they do it time and time again. I am a non-believer and my wife is devoted to her faith. You’re telling me we can’t be happy. That is an utter load of garbage. You don’t have to be married to someone who believes exactly the same ideologies. People can be married and have different views on society and politics… why not religion? I think this is due to the Christians unyielding attention to recruitment and fund raising. After all, with people in the seats, there couldn’t be enough tithing to pay the preacher.

  16. ZaBrail says:

    (U.S.A)  I am trying to show my husband how great God is, but things are not going so well. We are newlyweds and we have a young child to take care of. Things have been stressful and hard. He is having trouble being positive. If anyone could give me some words of encouragement, please. Thank you and God bless you!!

  17. John says:

    (USA)  Hi, I came across this website in an attempt to understand what is happening in my marriage. Good stories but they all are about believers marrying non-believers. My case is a little different. Both me and my wife were Catholics when we wed 10 years ago. Approximately 10 months ago her father became ill so she went to her native country to be with him and while she was there she converted to Christianity.

    We were already having problems in our marriage so this just exasperated the situation. She says that she loves me and that I should convert in order to save our marriage. Further, she does not want to return to the US and has told me that I should find a job in her country for that is where she found Christ and therefore she does not want to leave her church.

    She also stated that if I did not convert or move that we would ultimately have to divorce. Now I love my wife but this seems like an irrational decision and that she is not considering what I want. I have a good stable job that I have hard in my career to achieve. I do believe in Christ and God and would not have a problem converting however, I’m not as committed and don’t know if I ever would be. I feel like I am in a quandry for I truly love her but don’t know if this is the right way to go.

  18. Eleanor says:

    (UK)  SERIOUS QUESTION! What do you do if you have a child with the non-believer?

    Do you not marry in this case also? Is the child better off if you do not marry and seek another believing husband? Do you stay single? I would really appreciate an answer to this thank you.

  19. Virginia says:

    (USA)  Hello. I have been married for almost 6 yrs now to a believer of GOD but doesn’t believe in organized religion. He has extreme bipolar disorder but he won’t seek help or take medications. He recieves goverment income being found incapable to work, mentally broken. We used to argue about this all the time but I got tired of it so I just stopped. He won’t do much at home either, except just play video games all day long. Througout the whole 2011, I was having lots of trouble finding jobs but his influence of lazyness is dragging me along with him.

    I married him cuz I thought he will change… and now I feel I need to separate from him so I can figure out what I want to do with my life. And I hope he does the same. We have no kids. Some of my friends and family think that he is just using me. I see a chance of starting over if I leave him. But will the LORD be ok with this?

  20. Jane Doe says:

    (ASIA)  Sometimes I come to the conclusion that God is playing a joke on my life. I am almost 40, have never seriously dated because I was waiting for a good Christian partner. I was so selective. There were many bachelor Christians guys in my church, but most of them just would not make any first move. Some of them even preferred to date non believers, whom they brought to church later.

    I guess part of it could be my own fault. Maybe I was not being aggressive enough in looking and praying for a partner. But it is my nature that I wouldn’t make the first move. I just cannot bring myself to do that. I tried with one guy that I really liked but he treated me like trash.

    I met my boyfriend last year, through a pen pal website. He put Christianity as his religion in his profile, and we did discuss the Bible and such. I found him to be still searching. As he said, there are so many denominations. He came to see me and we fell in love. He was really a nice guy, honest and we discussed a lot about God and such.

    He told me about his religious background. He is raised up as one of the sect that we mainstream Christian considered as a cult. He has become inactive and is searching for the truth. I was unaware of the problem we had until I was too involved in the relatioship. Only then I realized that in this sect, they are being mind controlled and it would be very hard to help them out. He is obviously really loves God but the doctrine that he was taught is just way out from the truth.

    It has torn me apart to know the situation I am in now. We planned to get married in a couple of years and he is seriously working on getting a proper career to support us. On my part, I know that marrying him will make me unequally yoked, and it is only by God’s work that he will come out of the cult, with the risk being excommunicated from all his friends and family.

    Of couse, breaking up with him is the easiest way out. But does that reflects the love of God? I’m torn. I waited for so long, being strictly selective about the faith of my life partner, wanting to honor Him but I ended up in this situation. IRONY!

  21. Lynn says:

    (USA)  I’ve read these stories and all of the women regret being unequally yoked, they are miserable and have heartaches. They also warn others not to fall into the same pit because deliberate disobedience is not worth living a miserable life.

    I’m a single Christian woman who knows Christians that have been and are unequally yoked. The have beens regret it and the ones who are presently unequally yoked are totally spiritually blind and are beginning to compromise biblical standards, and it is very scary.

    Even though sometimes loneliness sets in I’m content and I’m not miserable or regretful. I’m patiently waiting for my Lord to provide a mate, but my soul mate is my Lord for He dwells in my soul. I have realized that whatever the Lord says it is for our good, He knows what is best, and He knows the consequences of being stubborn.

    Also, while no true believing born again male is perfect, his heart and soul has been enlightened to spiritual matters, he does not expect to be idolized, and he is able to relate to other true believers. Thanks so much for this website, and for imparting the various experiences.

  22. Lindsay says:

    (USA)  I couldn’t sleep tonight mostly because my family constantly tells me that they are unhappy of my decision to date a non-believer and to live with him as I have done. I hate arguing with my family and yet at the same time I wish they would be nice and want to get to know my boyfriend because he is such a great man. Biggest problem is that he is not a Man of God.

    I realized this from day one of meeting him because we have always been very open and honest with each other. I thought it might be fine to continue this relationship because as of now it’s AMAZING. He just purchased round trip tickets to Europe as my birthday present because he knows we both have a love for seeing the world. That is one of the many amazing things he has done.

    But after stumbling across this website, I am fearful now. Deep down I have a great love for the Lord and I have tried to witness to my boyfriend many times. He doesn’t like it. And he doesn’t want me to feel I should change him. He says I can choose to believe in God and he will never try to change me. But after reading all the postings online -I am terrified of marrying him because I don’t want to be unequally yolked.

    I moved all the way from CO to FL now so that we could be together. We dated a year apart and the distance took its toll. He would fly out a lot and would have moved to CO but owns his own practice with many clients. So I decided a new experience would be wonderful. I transferred with my job out to FL. So far, everything is great- I am 5 min. from work and have already made wonderful new friends. His family loves me and I love them.

    I do miss my family very much. I have visited a lot and each time my parents look sad because I know that they want me doing what’s right. This is by far the HARDEST TEST of my faith I have ever had! I don’t understand why I met my boyfriend in the first place because I prayed for the right man to come into my life :(- I hate that my family is hurting and I hate arguing with them. My boyfriend is a family person so it is hard on him as well, knowing why my family doesn’t accept him. What in the world has happened? My oh my… how my heart aches now because I love him, yet know it probably won’t work :( What have I done? :(

  23. Nathan says:

    (AUSTRALIA)  This story has an twist and a very happy ending. I went into a relationship with a non-christian girl while I believed but still had a very quiet inactive relationship with God. I had been lonely for years and just couldn’t take it anymore. I longed for someone to love and we had an instant bond when we met, at least on the surface anyway. At first she was interested to learn about my beliefs but after a couple years had ‘heard all I had to say’ and had chosen that it wasn’t for her.

    During this time my faith had a rocky ride but steadily grew. But when I realised she didn’t want to accept Jesus as her saviour I let my faith gradually die to the point where I could read the Bible, go to church or to barely pray. I did this because after 2 years our hearts were so intertwined and our relationship so good in every other way that it felt impossible to let go. But thankfully God didn’t leave me and I just kept praying to Him to please not forget me even though I had largely forgotten him. I kept praying that prayer for the next two and a half years unable to spend much more time with Him than that because I had let my faith die so much in order to ‘keep the peace’ with her and her family.

    We were talking very seriously about marriage but something didn’t feel right in my soul. Something never felt right in my soul about us but I just kept pushing it aside because I ‘needed’ her so much. Then God finally showed his hand and saved me from a lifetime of loneliness and division.

    I went to Canada to learn more about the profession that I was passionate about in order to come home and build a future with this girl. One week before I flew out I found out that I would be randomly billeted into a house that would go on to change my life forever.

    God had somehow miraculously landed me straight into the most solid sensible loving Christian home that I could ask for smack bang in the middle of the Bible belt. I finally saw that there was absolutely no way I could live without God as the daily foundation in my life. It was amazing that He took me overseas to experience it because I needed to be that far away from the emotional and physical connection that I had with my long time girlfriend to see how untrue to myself I was being and how I was willing to kill my love of Jesus in return for a lifetime of spiritual isolation and probably a divided home… at best! I shudder to think what the worst case scenario could have been.

    It was as though the scales had fallen of my heart and I could finally see the truth about what I really wanted my love life and family life to be like. I’m certain I could not have done this without Him taking me overseas away from my girlfriend.

    I resolved that I would not make a decision until I got clear guidance from God on what He thought about the whole thing. After 5 weeks of prayer and emotional turmoil I got the wisdom, clarity and conviction that I needed. I also got a personal sign that I asked especially for.

    Since then I have gotten to know a wonderfully beautiful Christian with a deep immovable love for God. And she thinks I’m not bad either! We have so much in common including our profession, which is one that has very very few women in it (especially lovely Christian ones). After building a thorough friendship first through working together and going to church and other cool places, we discussed honestly exactly what we want out of life and then me asking her parents if I could go ahead I invited her into a God centred courtship and she accepted!!! Woooot!!!!:)

    God has finally delivered me from my own plan into his plan (which is strangely enough exactly in every way what my heart always yearned so deeply for all of these years). I have found redemption through Jesus promises for my past relationship and also through the loving understanding heart of this new Christian girl.

    I have read so many of the stories here and my heart absolutely goes to each and every one of the people involved in them. My message is that God can work in the wildest ways ever! Even though I was living in total sin and had let my faith almost completely die I never totally let go of God because I knew he would never let go of me. God saved me from a life friendly wretchedness even though I did absolutely nothing to deserve it at all. To all of those struggling with guilt please remember. God will never forget his people.

    To all of those dating non-believers or thinking about it. Get out while you can!!! Trust me it might seem hard now but it only gets more and more impossible! I had a chance to leave after 6 months in this Godless relationship and I didn’t take it out of fear of being alone. It took 4 years, nearly marrying her and some wild, awesome, divine intervention to save me from myself!

    I will be eternally thankful to my Saviour for saving me from what was shaping up to be a living hell when I most certainly didn’t have the strength to save myself.

    I will also be eternally thankful for the absolute bliss that it is to court a wonderful Christian girl who understands my deepest most foundational love. It has been the most amazing heavenly experience of my life the way we met and did everything the way it should have been done. Because of following God’s way we have enjoyed the most beautiful innocent romance and been TRULY able to get to know each other with total respect to everything that still belongs to marriage.

    Praise be to God!! He certainly hasn’t forgotten me! I hope with all my heart He relieves all of the people involved in the terrible stories of pain and unhappiness posted here the way he relieved me from my probable future suffering.

  24. Diane says:

    (USA)  I have been married for 21 years to my husband. I am a Christian and he states that he is also, but he shows no fruit of being a Christian. My 18 year old daughter ask me if he was saved? I told her only God knows for sure and I cannot see into his heart.

    I feel that I am a single parent to my son and daughter. He has never been the “Spiritual Leader” of our home. If I did not get up and take the kids to church we would not go. He does not read his Bible or do anything but go to church and that is all. I feel that we are spiritually unequally yoked togather. I have to work outside of our home but would love to be in the rightful place at home, according to scripture. He states that in order for us to keep our home I have to work and pay the bills. He also has not left his mother’s apron strings. He is over there every Sat. working for her and has does not know the concept of Leave & Cleave.

    He never takes time with our kids, he is a workaholic and has no interest in spiritual matters of any kind. I am very lonely and do not have a relationship with him other than co existing under the same roof. I am like his maid and the use of my wages. Last Sunday morning I got up and had breadfast prepared, ironed everyone’s clothes and except for my daughter my son and husband were still in the bed till the last minute before we had to leave for church, I get very frustrated doing it all by myself. Please help!!!!!!! I have spoken with him about this and even ask if he would go to marriage cousneling and he says that there is not a problem. -Frustrated Christian Wife

  25. Kalki says:

    (ITALY)  Hello everyone. I read most of the comments here and they really are useful for Christians who are in this situation. My situation is this. I was married to a Christian guy but I divorced him because I had an affair with someone and I felt guilty. I didn’t tell him this was the main reason although I had other issues too.

    Now I am in Love with the guy I had an affair with and he is a non believer, actually an ATHEIST. I have tried to leave him so many times but I can’t. I want to get married with a believer but I have him in my heart and can’t even think of anyone I feel like I am married to him even if he doesn’t want to. Sometimes I think if he wants to marry me I will say yes but when I think of the consequences I feel frightened. I am confused. I really don’t know what to do deep inside. I know that if I take this chance I’ll regret it for the rest of my life because the outcome is going to be negative, but I can’t convince myself. I know we don’t even have one thing in common only sharing a bed and even with that I am not happy as my soul knows it’s not right.

    Please pray for me and him as well. I wish he becomes a Christian and starts living together, sharing one GOD. I need your advice, if someone has been or is in my shoes because you know how it feels and you understand exactly what I am going through. Bless you all.

  26. Cinnamon says:

    (TANZANIA)  Hi people. Thank you for all the comments. I am currently in a relationship with a non believer. He is a great guy who seems meant for me. He is a Christian. However, he is not strong in his faith. He acknowledges his shortfalls as a Christian and is ready to work on his Christianity. However, he has asked me to take him as he is and not be into a relationship with him thinking that he will change or basing on that as a reason for us to be together.

    However, he says he is willing to come to church with me, to pray with me, to work on faith with me. Is there hope for this kind of relationship?

    • Cindy Wright says:

      Cinnamon, I see big red flags waving in front of you warning that you should pay attention to this. This guy has given you fair warning. You are seeing the best of him right now. He is “willing” to compromise at this point, but after marriage, I’ve seen it over and over and over again (with no exception), that once life settles in, you will be “lucky” to get him into a church and pray with you again. You will be on your own as far as having him partner with you in any way in your faith walk. He will not contribute to helping you, but rather will continually challenge you and pull from you.

      Read the comments of the others who are walking this journey without having spouses who will join them spiritually. If I were a betting person (which I’m not), I’d almost bet this will be your future, if you marry him. He is not drawn to the Lord out of wanting to be in relationship with Him, and growing with Him, but out of compromise with you, at this time. But because of all that is at stake, believe me, that compromise will withdraw. The enemy of our faith will work on him and you to rub that sore spot raw, until he turns away from being any kind of a spiritual partner and will antagonize and challenge your spiritual walk. It’s the nature of the beast.

      I’m not saying he isn’t a nice guy in other ways, but I’m saying, you will face a future of a very strong spiritual tug and pull –spiritual warfare being lived out in your home FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES TOGETHER. And if you have children, they will be caught up in that warfare, as well. Please take that very seriously.

      You might reason that perhaps he will go the way that you are going in being drawn to the Lord. Perhaps, but it is VERY unlikely –especially since the line is being drawn now, and you know better in your spirit. God is being merciful and is giving you a warning. Not everyone gets that warning. If you truly look in your heart, you realize that you have fallen in love with someone who doesn’t love God as you do, and you are trying to rationalize that this would be ok. Deep in your heart, I believe you know that if he doesn’t have that deep faith BEFORE you marry –a faith that he has because He loves Christ, not because he loves you –that you are walking on very dangerous spiritual ground here. You are taking a chance with something that you will almost definitely pay for, for the rest of your life. You need to know that you are being forewarned here. Don’t take this warning lightly. As the Bible says, “There is a way that seems right to a man…”

  27. Harley says:

    (USA)  Well, I married a non believer knowingly and believing that his Catholic upbringing would be sufficient enough. The marriage was a total disaster. We were very in love when we got married (or so I thought) but immediately after we tied the knot he started becoming extremely verbally abusive. He was an alcohol and drug abuser and tortured me emotionally and spiritually.

    Nothing I ever did was right, he blamed me for everything you can imagine. It was impossible to make this man happy. I tried everything, he didn’t appreciate anything that I did for him. He moved in with me. I was paying all the bills without any help. He refused to stop squandering any money he earned. He would spend it out boozing it up every night. He rarely came home to me and when he did it was absolute hell. The names I was called regularly and constantly are something that no woman should have to hear, especially a Christian woman.

    He showed no interest in church or things of God. We separated shortly after we became married and before we did separate life with him was hell, absolute hell on earth. I kept praying for salvation and a miracle to occur. It never did. He ended up having an affair while still engaging in sexual relations with me during our separation.

    So I immediately filed divorce. Even that has been a struggle as he has made that so impossibly difficult. Even though he doesnt love me and doesn’t want me he does everything in his power to make it harder for me (actually making it harder for himself). I look back and don’t really know how this happened, how we could be so in love and my foolish thinking that it would be a sure thing that salvation would come if I just waited patiently. What a mistake.

    I have suffered since the day I said I do, and yet we dated pretty much uneventfully for several years before we got married. There is a reason why God warns of this fiasco of being unequally yolked. Next time I will follow my head instead of my heart… obviously the heart can’t be trusted.

  28. Mary says:

    (USA)  I fell into an on-again, off-again relationship with a man who wasn’t a Christian. He was a friend of mine and I was drawn more and more toward him. He was and is a kind, charismatic, popular man with many good qualities. He is a very unique person and I feel that it would be difficult or impossible to find anyone like him.

    I never felt right about it from the beginning. However, I kept getting closer to him till eventually we talked and admitted our feelings for each other. I told him we couldn’t date but we ended up in basically a dating relationship anyway. I broke it off from time to time but always the pain would be too much and I’d go back to him. He was very persistent about wanting to be with me, despite how many times I rejected him.

    He showed some interest in Christianity and talked with the pastor of my church. However, when it came down to it he felt he couldn’t do it. Although he believes in God, he has problems with Jesus and believes that his spirituality is adequate for him.

    Although I had told him I was waiting for marriage to have sex, we eventually began a sexual relationship. This put me into even more turmoil and spiritual darkness because I knew it was wrong. Eventually I broke things off with him for the “last” time but we never cut off contact and we became closer and closer as friends again. The inevitable happened and we ended up in bed. This time, he came back to me and said he needed to break things off. He said because of my Christianity, it would not work. He could not be the man I needed.

    I panicked and begged him not to walk out of my life, I didn’t want to lose him completely. However after fasting and praying, I knew in my gut I couldn’t do it. I realized I had to either commit to him completely or break up with him forever, and I knew I had to make the second choice. I knew it would be incredibly painful, the most painful and difficult decision I would ever make in my life, but I knew that I had to. I knew the relationship wouldn’t work and would cause more problems down the road for both of us. We were too different and the main problem was our spiritual difference. If he was a Christian I believe we could make it work but I couldn’t marry someone with the hopes of that happening. It might never happen and it would be unfair on him and difficult for both of us.

    Now he is dating other people. He told me only 2 weeks after our last conversation. I am shattered that he could have moved on so quickly when I am still devastated and don’t know when I’ll be OK. I want to still pray for his salvation but I have to admit I’m losing hope for that. I don’t know how or if I can trust God for that to happen. I wish now I had cut things off from the very beginning and had the strength to stick to it. I know I caused him a lot of pain, as well as myself. Even though I do not believe we are meant for each other I care about him immensely and I am heartbroken at the thought of him spending eternity without God. I want to be able to pray for him but I am losing hope and also I don’t know if my motives are right.

    I sincerely wish now that I had the strength at the beginning to never get into it, but only remain his friend. I could still have prayed for him, but I would not have this heartbreak and neither would he. I am not sure when I will be over it. I loved him like I have never loved anyone else.

  29. Kim25 says:

    (UNITED STATES)  In 8 years he has left me 5 times. It’s always him leaving, putting the blame on me, then months later we get back together. We are in the same religion but stopped going to church. He started going back to church right away. He told me I needed to stop doing worldly things and try to go back. I told him that I will go when I feel it is right. He agreed and said that he has faith I will go.

    His dad just became a pastor like 4 months ago and he lived at home with them so he had to go to church. After he proposed to me we got in an argument and he blew up at me saying that I don’t love him because I don’t try to go to church and he will not let anyone or anything get between him and God. His parents would tell him you can’t go to church, work, hang out with friends, and have a girlfriend at the same time! His mom would text him, don’t be a sinner, you have church.

    I was there for him when he was into drugs and drinking. I was there when he needed me! We are supposed to help each other! Why couldn’t he have faith like he said? He said he still loves me but that he’s working on himself in church! I feel like his mom started talking behind my back. His own dad told him he would rather see us broken up and see his son in church! I have a drink here or there, I have never cheated on him, I’ve only gone clubbing like 3 times. I don’t do crazy stuff. But he acts like I’m the devil!

    I’ve been there for him when his own parents weren’t! When he proposed to me he was happy and my own parents were too! When he told his parent they didn’t seem happy his mom started being negative. He tells them everything! He does anything for me, and loves me. But why does he yell at me and put the blame on me that is my fault? He keeps saying that I did this to myself! His mom is really good at manipulating him! I’ve seen the way she truly acts fake! 

    He said I showed that I did not love him! I didn’t want to do it only because he told me. I don’t want to be fake about it and pretend to be involved if my heart isn’t in it. Will he come back? Was I wrong? I love him and I do want to go back to church but not because of someone. I’m hurt because he could have told me he would fight for me and helped pray with me but instead he cut all contact with me. Any advice? = /

  30. Paul says:

    (INDIA)  Matthew 7:11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts(A) to those who ask him!

    Hello, I think taking the verse 1 Corinthians 7:16 alone it, the meaning is clear that we should not marry believers, however if we consider the verse 7:15 the meaning of the verse 7:16 changes. The verse 7:16 applies to only non-believer spouse who are leaving the marraiage or breaking the bond. If verses 12 to 15 are considered, it clearly indicates that we can marry a non-believer and the believer is sanctified by the spiritual person.

    Coming back to Deutronomy 10, it tells about how to live a life like build a house, do farming etc there is no connotation to marriage.

    Another reference in this context is 2 Corinthians 6:14. Here also God asks us to keep away from Idolatory, which is kind of constructed into not marrying a non-believer. Hence I think marrying a non-believer is not Spiritual Sin, but we must not be dragged into idolatry as King Solmon did. Paul

  31. James says:

    (EUROPE)  Greetings. I am a young man in my 30’s. I am in the same situation. I had a call in my life when I was young, raised and brought up in a Christian way. I am a believer but four years ago I met this girl who I knew was not a Christian but I thought God would use me to bring her to Christ. We started dating and moved in together. She knew I was a committed Christian. She was drinking and smoking but since we started dating she stopped.

    Now it’s four years together; we have a two year old baby but the sad thing is that whenever I read the Bible she start sleeping, or dosing. Her parents are atheists and non-belivers. Whenever I pray she just plays with the phone. I want to go to a Bible college in few months in America but she is not ready to move from Europe to America. I worry about our two year old baby. We’ve had problems since the beginning. She beat me, screams at me and abuses me in many ways. We just can’t talk in a loving way.

    But part of me is still holding on hoping God can change her… She has good sides. She cooks, washes and she is so loving. I also love her dearly. But I want to serve God and I know that time is running out. We are not married but we live together. Should i break it off and move to America for my Bible college without her? How about my daughter now that we are not married? How can I help her get saved?

  32. Dana says:

    (GERMANY) Dear H, I came across your comment by searching and wanting to know more about the consequences or marrying a non-believer. I am in a relationship with a man that does not share my faith and we have agreed to get married but for the last couple of days I don’t seem to have peace anymore and I keep getting the feeling that this is not right and I don’t want to do anything that might cause me to lose my salvation and/or upset God.

    I do love him very much and he is a wonderful man. I wanted to reply to your comment to tell you that even though your actions might have gotten you far from God, the fact that God gave you TODAY, you have the chance to repent and seek Him and He will not throw you away. Every single day that we open our eyes to is a chance for us to turn back to Him with repentance and He is sure to take us back. The consequences of your actions you have to bear because that is the price you are paying for them; but it is better to bear the consequences here on earth rather than in eternity. So be happy through you trial and have peace in your heart that the Lord still loves you and He wants you to cling to him more than ever. He is there to give you strength to carry on.

  33. Enrique from Brazil says:

    Dear brethren, I would like to share with you my own experience. I have fallen in love with a budhist woman. She is very pretty, nice, intelligent and educated. We met at a concert of a brazilian group. This group plays very beautiful secular songs.

    We started dating and even changed our status on facebook to a serious relationship but I do not know why and how since she started taking part in a group of meditation she changed radically. Suddenly she wasn’t interested in me anymore and even worse, she did not even want to be my friend anymore. It has been almost eight months now, since we broke up, and I still have feelings for her. I still pray for the Lord to change her heart, to manifest himself to her because I believe that everything is possible. The Lord appeared to apostle Paul didn’t he? But sometimes I do not know what to do. I do not know if I must keep praying and waiting for her or if it would be better to give up.

    She’s been the best girlfriend I’ve ever had. I think I will never find someone like her. We shared the same taste for music, things, food, books, movies, everything. I really do not know what to do, and I do not really know what God’s will for my life is. I know I need to forget her. But it is dfficult to find someone who pleases me like she did.

  34. Craig from United States says:

    I do believe in God and pray to the Lord (was doing since my childhood) as well, except that I’m not a Christian. I was dating this girl (Christian) for 7 months and she broke up recently. She has not been going to church for a long time (she went as a kid) and we never had an open conversation about God and I probably should have done it and tried to understand what she was going through. After reading the letter, I understand now the inner struggle that she was going through.

    All I know is I love her and she is a great girl and I do know that she likes me, as well. Sometimes you run into a person and you know that this is the one for you. That’s how I felt after I got to know her. I do respect her beliefs and understand how important faith is to her.

    I haven’t talked to her yet about this -but have thought a lot about it. I cannot change the fact that I was born in a different religion but I’m open to become a Christian and accept Lord as my savior and become closer to God. This is not an instant decision and this is what my heart tells me to do. Sometimes you meet or run into someone for a reason and maybe I ran into her for this reason -to become closer to God. She has never asked me or hinted me about conversion but wanted to know if this is accepted as me being a believer and what the Bible says about it, and how you feel about it.

  35. Judy from United States says:

    I certainly believe that there are consequences in defying God by a believer marrying an unbeliever. However, if one spouse becomes a Christian after the marriage, scripture ensures that the marriage and the unbelieving spouse is sanctified. I’ve encountered believers who think that the latter situation is still inferior to a marriage of equally yoked Christians. As a new believer I found their attitude to be a source of pain and God Himself proved its error.

    While people were offering their condolences and prayers, I found scripture that told me to be joyful and grateful in all things. More than a few marriages in my church and those of Christian friends fell apart. It taught me to appreciate my husband even more. He and I ministered to some of those families. I believe ours (celebrating 41 years) is our Christian marriage.


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  1. My Daughter Is Dating A Non Christian | Christian Dating from United States says:

    Marrying a Non-Believer: The Ox and Mule Syndrome – We have never met a Christian who wishes he or she had gone ahead into marriage with their non-Christian dating partner. I am not trying to encourage someone who is dating a non believer to go against what our Lord commands How about my daughter now that we are not married? How can I

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