“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all. She didn’t feel love in the same way he meant it.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)
Have you ever thought about this before? Do you want to just “love” your wife, or do you want to love her in a way that is most meaningful to her? Isn’t the point of love, to share it in the most meaningful way?
Here’s a suggestion for you:
A List of Suggestions to Show Your Wife Love
Discuss the following list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her. Then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline. But keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS! Not all, or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.
(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives wives 100 ideas, as well. It is titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)
Here Are Some Suggestions:
1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends, and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —such as taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
Additional Suggestions:
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
More Suggestions that Speak Love:
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Give your spouse time to unwind after she gets home. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. Treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
Plus:
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her feel insecure (without judging).
64. Pray and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go further).
67. Keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Write a mission statement together for your marriage, and family.
69. Physically touch her every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
Lastly, Here are a Few More “Love” Suggestions:
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called dumb.
85. Hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her at different times.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.
— ALSO —
From the ministry of Marriagetrac.com the following is a link you can follow and learn. (And then another link for your use.):
• 50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE
• 56 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER
PLUS:
• 102 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION EVERY WIFE WANTS TO HEAR
• 25 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
If you lose the connection, turn her into everything. If you lack comprehension, say, “yes” to all opinions (good people do that). And LIVE IN LOVE WITH LOVE.
I love your website and there is much more family and couple education. I want to help me to teach Christian family and couples every week. Shalom the bride. Amen
My husband did not have many of these gifts. I was often asking for love and affection and it took so much from me. I questioned who I was as I often gave without thinking of my needs. I gave and gave until I had no more to give; I changed so much the old me died. I even changed my first name totally trying to turn my back off who he failed to accept. I felt he used every one of my hurts as a weapon to control me calling me horrible names if I was unhappy and telling me I was a terrible mother If I dared to try and speak about my unhappiness. I lost any hope of fixing these issues; I tried for so long to read books, watch marriage today; I gave up on God fixing things. In fact I felt the only way I could help him was to leave and as I watch Jimmy (marriage today) the guidance I recieved was to leave in the hope things would change.
My husband did more hurtful things; I found out so many things that he had hidden from me including my father’s address so that I could not see him. He refused to help me bury my father and I was totally alone so I felt I could never truly forgive him in my heart. Things went from bad to worse as one by one the lies came out; he started to involve his family, which were my only family. Someone that could ever love me could one by one strip me of my needs. I was alone finally unable to fix things. He turned his back on one of our children who he had raised but he was not the boilogical father. This was before I met him and he refused to now be his dad despite raising him for 25 years. What that did to our son I could never explain. For me it made me see him for what he was, but I still hoped he changed.
He call the police and social services and reported me for things just so I could either go to jail or get the children taken from me. I can’t tell you how many times he made false reports and got me arrested. A lot of things was to cover his tracks because he had beat and abused me. I feel now as though I should of left years ago and God was keeping me in a marriage that was never going work. I think my faith did not help or the fact the Bible guidance is only if he cheats on me; there are so many other things a man can cheat you out of. Why is it only seen as the physically sense? There are so many things I now hurt over, knowing the kind of man I married was a difficult thing to accept; this is a man whose family gots to church yet cruelly ignore me, never accepted me into their home and forced me to acknowledge them as Mum & Dad despite the fact I lost both parents. My mum left when I was five, my father, my husband lied about sending him my letters and his address. How can you truly forgive in your heart and be with that person when they have taken everything from you – even your faith?
I truly can’t imagine your pain but I do feel it from reading this. God who sees everything and anything is seeing your situation. I pray that one day you will be able to really gather the courage and stop him. You have the strength and God by your side. Do your part and leave the rest to God. You are God’s creation and He created you in His own image. You are the only person that is going to stop your husband from treating you this way. The grace of God will sustain you all the way. May God bless you.
Stephen, the deacon, prayed that his executioners’ sin not be put to their charge.
Jesus said “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”.
How does one maintain love in the midst of persecution? Separate the offense from the offender. When Jesus, being all-righteous, went to the Gadarenes, he could have killed the guy called “Legion”, but he didn’t. Instead he rid him of the demons. So now the guy being in his right mind, wanted to follow Jesus. It is not in God’s will that any soul be lost. Your husband isn’t a bad person, but rather a soul that does bad things. My point is, when people are put in your path that at the very least, “irritate” you, you are to pray for that person’s salvation with as much fervor as the intensity that you have been hurt. Is there going to be a change overnight? I dare not say, but now the situation has been submitted to God to fix… and unlike ourselves, HE handles all the loose ends that we didn’t even know existed, so the fix is complete.
It works. I’ve been married 37 years and had differences with my wife, but I also prayed that my focus would be on Christ, and not on issues I had with her. Concentrating on getting the beam out of my own eye, I was able to notice that God was working on her also. Therefore there was no rift between us since God was handling the situation.
Granted, neither of us are holy and righteous that we walk on water, we still have issues, but we appreciate each other as God’s gift.
The Bible’s guidance has nothing to do with whether he cheats on you. The only passage that tells a woman she should not divorce her husband, is in I Cor 7:11, and it is followed by a statement that if she does, she must either remain single or be reconciled to him. This implies that she may leave him in a situation where her safety or the safety of her children is in jeopardy. The only place where it talks about fornication being involved, is when the husband divorces his wife, not when the wife divorces the husband!
My wife is a Christian and a wonderful mother but somehow we lost our first love and that was us. I have tried a lot of the hundred ways to love her and failed at a lot of them as well.
Where is: “Do not look at or “study” attractive women.”? I intentionally practice immediately looking away from attractive men because I don’t want my husband to feel disrespected or dishonored.
I only look at and study attractive women who do not have a former, current, or future husband, because Jesus said that lusting after another man’s wife, is adultery in your heart.
Thank you for this. It is great! Exactly what I needed.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
I have to strongly disagree with that statement. There is nothing dishonoring to my wife, for me to recognize another woman’s beauty. My wife has beauty, and I recognize that, but I also recognize when other women have beauty. I am not holding a contest where only one woman gets to be the winner. My wife already won her contest.
Life is hard to get back. I’ve had a few strokes.
Let us change the worries of the past into the thinking and planning beforehand!
Goals and beliefs give people lasting motivation.
Please send detail notes on marriage.
Stephen, as much as we would like to send you detailed notes it is physically impossible for us to do this because we have over 2,000 articles on our web site. However, you can print any article you want from our web site free of charge. All you need to do is scroll to the bottom of any article where you will see the words, “Print Post.” This is just above the place where you can leave a comment. We encourage you to take and use anything you think can help you in your marriage. The only thing we ask is that you never try to sell any of the material, though you can give away as many copies as you like, free to other people. We hope this helps.
It’s usually backwards with men. lol
It’s usually begrudging in my marriage and he’s very selfish, which make me think it’s for other women and not me.
The 100 ways suggested here, are not necessarily biblical. Josh McDowell says that loving your wife, means that you protect her and provide for her. Help her to see that it is wrong for her to create a fictitious ideal husband, and hold you up to that standard, just as much as it would be wrong for you to create an imaginary fictitious wife, and hold her to that standard.
The question we as men need to ask ourselves is not whether our wife is being unreasonable, but whether or not we are living up to the example of our Savior… and if not, are we making excuses, or whole-heartedly pursuing His heart according to the first commandment? What would my marriage look like if I was conformed to the image of the Christ, as I am called to be? Would my wife’s ideal be fictitious if Jesus were her husband? In my personal experience, the more I treat my wife like Jesus would, the less fictitious my ideal -wife- becomes.
I haven’t read Josh McDowell. Does he lay down his entire life like Jesus, leaving all glory and honor in humility to meet his wife where she is, giving her everything, even to the point of death, for the sake of love? Does he cover her sins, forgiving her, making her “pure and spotless,” before God and men through his self-sacrifice? (Eph. 5) I can’t make anything close to that claim, so I can’t judge my wife’s ideals until my life looks like the Messiah. ‘Cause I’ve heard of “can’t see the forest for the trees,” but I’ve had a forest of logs in my eyes.
Great work. I have been going through a lot of troublesome and painful moments so much in my life. Deep down in my heart I feel that I deeply love my wife but each moment we get together to talk about something it ends up in a serious disagreement. That really disturbs me a lot. It always brings me to this one question, does my wife feel may be I don’t love her enough? How else does she wants me to love her so that she can be happy?
If you’re considering this I feel for you. I wish you good things.