“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all. She didn’t feel love in the same way he meant it.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)
Have you ever thought about this before? Do you want to just “love” your wife, or do you want to love her in a way that is most meaningful to her? Isn’t the point of love, to share it in the most meaningful way?
Here’s a suggestion for you:
A List of Suggestions to Show Your Wife Love
Discuss the following list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her. Then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline. But keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS! Not all, or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.
(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives wives 100 ideas, as well. It is titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)
Here Are Some Suggestions:
1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends, and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —such as taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
Additional Suggestions:
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
More Suggestions that Speak Love:
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Give your spouse time to unwind after she gets home. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. Treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
Plus:
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her feel insecure (without judging).
64. Pray and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go further).
67. Keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Write a mission statement together for your marriage, and family.
69. Physically touch her every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
Lastly, Here are a Few More “Love” Suggestions:
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called dumb.
85. Hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her at different times.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.
— ALSO —
From the ministry of Marriagetrac.com the following is a link you can follow and learn. (And then another link for your use.):
• 50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE
• 56 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER
PLUS:
• 102 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION EVERY WIFE WANTS TO HEAR
• 25 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(US) How do I talk to my wife when she says I am being nasty? I am just either asking questions or giving my opinion on a subject we are discussing and I do not mean to say anything nasty. I don’t even think of being nasty or mean while I’m talking, and when I tell her that, she still can’t accept it. It’s getting where I don’t talk at all and the marriage is suffering.
(SOUTH SUDAN) When I first read the heading, I thought I just can’t wait to peruse and try my best to emulate so as to please my wife ‘cos she’s all that I’m living for… Trust me many will find it helpful.
(INDIA) Great advice, though I haven’t been married but planned to. So right before my marriage I learnt a lesson to make my life happier. Thanks.
(INDIAN) Is there 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Husband
Yes, just look in the “Romantic Ideas” section. And there are other articles there that can give you and/or any husband additional ideas.
(HOLLAND) Most American women do not treat their husbands well, and their appearance always seems to be lacking, from what I see when I visit the states. I like this site, with many different opinions. It makes it interesting.
(U.S.A) There are some things that are true and there are some things I need to work on… At the end of the day we may not understand each other but we love each other… I know that I have a strong, beautiful, black, sexy woman that I love… I love my love; she knows how she is!!!
(USA) My husband just emailed me this list as well as the list for 100 ways to show love to your husband his way. I’m trying very hard not to be upset right now. If a man or woman wants to improve their marriage then why not read the list and improve on the way you treat your spouse without sending the list on how she/he can improve how they treat you? It would have meant so much more to me to have just had my husband read the list and improve on how he treats me without emailing it to me and asking me to print them off.
(USA) Patricia, I’m so sorry this happened to you. He obviously hasn’t read his whole list, nor the comments that followed. One woman, wisely, specifically told the men NOT to print/send/communicate the “His way” list to their wives if they wanted things to improve.
I don’t know you or your husband, but if he’s anything like mine, I’d chalk it up to a man wanting to “fix” things and not really knowing how to do it. They’re all about “doing” and having their needs met, forgetting that “being” meets our needs better.
My husband has been distant and clueless for a LONG time now, so I feel for and with you. I’ve been married more than 20 years.
(USA) So what is he supposed to do if there are things on that list he would love for you to do and you have not yet started doing them?
You have two choices. You can curse the darkness, or you can light a candle and enjoy the light. With the list, your husband has handed you a candle. So you can either light it and use it to demonstrate you love him, or you can continue to curse the darkness. I.E. continue doing what you are doing and complain when he asks for you to do something more or different.
Let me suggest this. Why not take BOTH lists and you and your husband sit down one with another and you each show the other the items off of each list that would best reach you. You see, not every item on a particular list will have the same impact. So why not sit down with his list and ask him which ones he would like the most, say a top 10? Then he would ask you which 10 on this list would mean the most to you.
If he asks for specifics, because items such as #72, while it sounds nice, is pretty vague and what would make one wife feel like the most important person might make another feel nothing at all.
These lists are good to use to open up a dialog. So as I suggested before, you can curse the darkness and keep fumbling around doing what you think you should do for your husband, or you can strike a match to the candle he’s given you here and learn more about how you can love your husband in a fashion that meets his needs.
No reason you can’t take this list and ask him to do the same. The choice to be offended or grateful that he’s willing to communicate is totally up to you.
(TANZANIA) Those tips are great and it’s good for saving the marriage.
I will always love my wife for who she is… I am so committed to this promise.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Don’t stop reminding your wife that you love her. Make sure that she knows all your moves. Trust her, kissing is what ladies like most. Seriously, they like to be kissed.
(USA) #72 just about sums up all the others. Love her as you love yourself. Treat her as though she is the most important person on this earth to you.
(YEMEN) I do indeed thank you so much for these helpful and precious tips which I am sure will get its benefit to everyone. Thank you.
(USA) What a bunch of horse manuer. Whomever wrote this is a dumb, illogical doormat of a human being, lacking the intelligence to think for themselves.
(USA) What is manuer? Do you have any to add for us doormats?
(USA) I am a wife and I can see how the list would be helpful for a husband, but I am afraid if I put the list in order of importance my husband would stick to the top 10 or even top 5 and never try anything else. When it comes to the 5 love languages, I like them all. However, time is at the top and gifts is at the bottom. I am not saying I never want gifts, but having his time and attention means the most. Not spending too much helps with my sense of financial security which means a lot to women. It is the fact that he thought about me and my interest when he bought a gift.
Anyway, husbands, try not to get stuck in a rut. Out of curiosity I would read the book “How to Love Your Wife” before I suggested to my husband, but our problems arise around the fact that he won’t read. He can read; he just won’t do it. He won’t learn from it if he won’t read it and I would be frustrated because I would have read it and know what he is or we are missing.
(GHANA) I am very happy to be part of the discussion. I like every bit of 80% of the 100 steps. They are indeed workable.
(QLD) I want to show my wife a lovin time but dont know how to so that’s why I’m on here for some help.
(AUSTRALIA) JUST REMEMBER, NO TOUCHING ABOVE THE KNEES GUYS :o
(USA) I’m not sure if you noticed the title of this, Doctor Courtney… I will touch my wife however I please.
(USA) Roger, I’m not sure if YOU noticed the title, but it’s “100 Ways to Show Love to your Wife HER Way.” Maybe you should touch her however SHE pleases.
(USA) I don’t know, Danielle. I love it when my husband touches me however he pleases. I am his for the taking.
(ALABAMA) Carolyn: The point is that’s what YOU like. Which is fine because this whole article is about the wife’s happiness.
But not all women like to lay there like a cold fish. Some are more lively and passionate and like to take the reigns at least some of the time. Most men enjoy that.
I think Danielle’s point is that this list is about pleasing your wife. Not your husband. There was another list for that (which got a lot more comments since many of the things listed there were UNfair and UNreasonable).
This list is much simpler and easier to follow. Any husband – no matter how simple minded he might be – can manage to do all these things.