“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all. She didn’t feel love in the same way he meant it.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)
Have you ever thought about this before? Do you want to just “love” your wife, or do you want to love her in a way that is most meaningful to her? Isn’t the point of love, to share it in the most meaningful way?
Here’s a suggestion for you:
A List of Suggestions to Show Your Wife Love
Discuss the following list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her. Then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline. But keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS! Not all, or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.
(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives wives 100 ideas, as well. It is titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)
Here Are Some Suggestions:
1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends, and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —such as taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
Additional Suggestions:
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
More Suggestions that Speak Love:
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Give your spouse time to unwind after she gets home. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. Treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
Plus:
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her feel insecure (without judging).
64. Pray and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go further).
67. Keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Write a mission statement together for your marriage, and family.
69. Physically touch her every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
Lastly, Here are a Few More “Love” Suggestions:
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called dumb.
85. Hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her at different times.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.
— ALSO —
From the ministry of Marriagetrac.com the following is a link you can follow and learn. (And then another link for your use.):
• 50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE
• 56 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER
PLUS:
• 102 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION EVERY WIFE WANTS TO HEAR
• 25 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(NIGERIA) I’m so grateful to be part of this great family. This where I need to belong.
(USA) I left my husband on 12-21-10. Love is strong but only so strong. I had feelings of be criticized about every thing I did. He puts my 11 yr old step son above me most times. The final straw happened when I was helping him clean and move things around in the house for the Christmas tree. Not feeling well myself. A fight over something/nothing. My son asked where the cough drop was and I told him in the car. Headed that way, he said he was so sick too. I said we should cancel his appointment for 5 A.M. in the morning. My husband asked what time is it. I said lets look at the time on the phone. As I walked over to the phone, my son grabbed it away and put it up to his chest. I walked away saying, ok fine.
My husband asked if that was ok. I said, it was not ok for him to grab the phone away from me. He then insisted his son did not and raised his voice at me saying I needed to calm down. His son went out the door and I asked what time is it then. When my son came in, my husband was still on my case about I need to get into my skin.
My son took some cough drops, put them on the table, and then I took a drop. Son got back up and took all the drops. With 2 already in his mouth, I told him he only needed 1 at a time; they are not candy and he could come back and get another one when he needed it. Son put it down but husband grabbed it threw it to son and said to me what is wrong? Why can’t he have any? I said he can; just one at a time. I need them and tried to retreave them when my husband grabbed me from behind, lifted me into the air, and threw me down. I suffered bruising on my arm, hip and leg from hitting the wood stove and floor.
When I got up he grabbed me again throwing me onto the bed and breaking it. I have tried very hard to be a pleasing wife / mom but there is only so much I can do. My Dad came from 4 hours away to get me. Husband takes no responsibility for his actions saying I was out of control and fell on the bed myself.
With this, I am looking for answers on leaving my family and returning to my original family (father). I never planned to marry and divorce but I never planned on a husband who did not put me first either. Please advise. Ps Husband is an AA member, not attending meetings and has slipped. I cannot hold him up anymore.
(USA) You need to read a book called The Verbally Abusive Relationship
(PAKISTAN) Speechless … The best part is … I am actually following it all :p
(U.S.A.) I would add to the woman’s list-never physically abuse your wife and be willing to together work through difficulties that include your relationships with your adult children. The key part of that sentence is “work through” not cut off the relationships. Otherwise I think both list give us something to think about.
(CANADA) Of course, that is the same my idea…
(KENYA) Love is the mirror in which one’s shortcomings are sacrificed for a common good.
(UNITED STATES) 80% of divorces are initiated by women. It’s just sexist to say men aren’t invested in marriages succeeding. This is great advice for a man who hasn’t married an abusive woman. My new girl is Christian, and it makes a huge difference. I can actually see these lists working with her in a way they never would have with my spiritually ungrounded, narcissistic, and abusive ex wife.
(USA) Some of these things are more about just being a decent human being, like not belittling or degrading your spouse! Or doing some of the housework… most women work fulltime these days – why does that even have to be mentioned? Isn’t it just common sense that you don’t treat your spouse like dirt under your feet or as if she entered into a voluntary contract to be your house slave?
Its been my experience that if a man needs to be told these things, then he probably doesn’t have much respect for his wife or women in general and a list like this is not going to help much -he would just laugh at it. …and yes, I just got divorced from a man who would laugh at many of the things on this list -a Christian man whose father is the president of the theological seminary at my church and by the way, who almost completely turned me AWAY from Christianity if it weren’t for my awesome pastor talking with me.
(CANADA) It is all very good “advice”. But as we all know, talk can be cheap, and opinions endless. I Believe with all my heart, mind, and soul, that unless we keep our hearts as pure as we (very foulable men) can, and our God at the front of all this, it would be virtually impossible. Praise God, I can do all things in Christ Jesus, Phillippians 4:13.
(USA) Make sure you treat your step child with the same love and generosity as your own children like praising them, teaching them, taking equal photos, not just ones of your own kids, want what’s best for them, and treat them all equally 100%, no exceptions.
(US) It’s true from my point, and yet I’m only 16 turning 17 soon. But I need help with something. I wish to ask my girlfriend of 18 months to marry me (on our 2nd year). At that time, I would be a senior (HS) and she would be a freshman (C). So, is there anyone out there that can help? (She is my best friend, and I love her!) P.S. MAKE SURE TO TELL YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER.
(USA) “JU”, I just hope you change your mind. Marrying so young will keep you away from doing the things you want to do in life. At your age, you should be experiencing life, not worrying about pleasing your wife and family. Most people I know who married young are now single and regretting it, wishing that they could get back their prime time.
Experiment a little bit, do a bit of everything, get together with different women. Right now you might think she’s irreplaceable, but trust me, it’s rarely that way. Just open your mind and give yourself some time and you can always marry later in life. When you marry, you simply have so much responsibilities. -Think about it.
(USA) Excuse me? Not everybody is made to wait so long to marry. Honestly, once the age gets up to early 20’s the difference in divorce rate is really negligible as you get older. I personally believe that going out and trying “different women” could in fact lead to you becoming pickier and less willing to accept any faults in your spouse. A relationship is about learning to love and live with a fallible human, and few people are truly better than others. Ask for God’s guidance, it may not be for you either, but that doesn’t mean it’s not for anybody.
(USA) Nice list. But don’t forget, wife has responsibilities as well (there’s a list for wives too). When both parties do their share, there will be a happy marriage. It won’t work if the husband does all on this list and the wife doesn’t reciprocate, and vice versa.
(USA) What do I do if she doesn’t want to look at the list?
(USA) You do the best you can, given the circumstances. A good book that you may want to read, to help you with this is Dr Gary Chapman’s book, The Heart of the 5 Love Languages
. Also, The Love Dare would be good to read and try to apply, as well.
You can only do what you are allowed to do. But sometimes heroism is involved in opening or re-opening someone’s spirit so they’re able to receive the unconditional love that’s given. You may have a tough road ahead (as if you don’t already, given what you said in your comment)… but if this is to work, please work with God on this and do things in HIS way, with the perseverance He shows you to apply. I hope for both of your sakes, this works.
(USA) I feel sorry for the people who mock this. Maybe you don’t know how to love and maybe it’s hard for some people even though they truly want to love. But I know it helps me out a lot and if it wasn’t for these things I would be a divorcee. So I thank God for these things and let it be known I am still with my wife!
(USA) Jason, your comment brought tears to my eyes and it makes me so happy that there are still men out there like you and my hubby. The world is still capable of love. :) I hope you have a Happy 4th and godspeed to you and yours.
(USA) I wasn’t sure at first why I was reading this, but… As I read further down the list I realized that my husband is probably one of the most wonderful human beings in the world. He focuses on the important things, especially what’s important to me and he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.
I even read “100 ways to show your HUSBAND you love him his way” because I wanted to see if there is anything I might be missing or not doing, and unfortunately, there is. I am 9 1/2 months pregnant and I have probably been less of a wife and more of a tyrant at times, but he stands by me at all times and he loves me. I have cried several times because I don’t like being so hormonal and demanding but all he says is, “It’s ok I understand how you feel.”
He has also thanked me for going through what I am going through to help our family grow. I love my husband so deeply that there is not one thing I would not do to show him. I am so thankful that there is a site on the internet dedicated to bettering your marriage. It makes living in this trying world so much easier. Thank you to whomever made these lists for helping me see exactly what I have in a husband and in my marriage.