“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all. She didn’t feel love in the same way he meant it.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)
Have you ever thought about this before? Do you want to just “love” your wife, or do you want to love her in a way that is most meaningful to her? Isn’t the point of love, to share it in the most meaningful way?
Here’s a suggestion for you:
A List of Suggestions to Show Your Wife Love
Discuss the following list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her. Then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline. But keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS! Not all, or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.
(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives wives 100 ideas, as well. It is titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)
Here Are Some Suggestions:
1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends, and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —such as taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
Additional Suggestions:
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
More Suggestions that Speak Love:
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Give your spouse time to unwind after she gets home. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. Treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
Plus:
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her feel insecure (without judging).
64. Pray and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go further).
67. Keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Write a mission statement together for your marriage, and family.
69. Physically touch her every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
Lastly, Here are a Few More “Love” Suggestions:
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called dumb.
85. Hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her at different times.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.
— ALSO —
From the ministry of Marriagetrac.com the following is a link you can follow and learn. (And then another link for your use.):
• 50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE
• 56 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER
PLUS:
• 102 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION EVERY WIFE WANTS TO HEAR
• 25 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) LOL. I don’t 90% of the stuff on this list -sans a few of the “religious” ones that wouldn’t really appeal to my non-religious wife. All I ask of my wife in return is that she “love her husband so deeply that there is not one thing she would not do to show him” as Ems said above. She won’t even talk to me, much less love me and show me. This list may be great for wives who only want to get something out of a marriage and not put into it, but any husband worth marrying in the first place is already doing these.
(INDIA) Do all this if you want her to dance over your head :p
(JAMAICA) This is really interesting. You know, I found my husband reading this and I think things are going to work out for us if he follow these steps. I am newly wed and you would not believe the problems we are having already. So thank you, whoever thought of this.
(USA/AUSTRALIA) Hi Julie, I have been married for four years and it has not been easy. Life gets hard. But what worked for me is that I never stopped loving him and respecting him. Remember you learn as you grow. Ask yourself everyday, what can I do to make his day better and you will be fine. Marriage is a place to give, not take. Just remember husbands are big boys at the end of the day. Allow him to make mistakes and teach him how you would like to be treated.
After he must think of the world of you, right? That is why he married you and not someone else. No matter what, don’t think others have it better than you. Also keep your married life to yourself and never talk bad about your husband to others. If he is not abusive to you then you should fix your marriage. Good luck.
(UAE) It’s God’s gift to have a true and loving wife. Once you have one, then these 100 ways will work. otherwise, its waste of time… Good luck in life… an unfortunate husband.
(CALIFORNIA) Moving to the USA from the Middle East and seeing the way the majority of the American women keep up their appearances (just go to Walmart and look around), no wonder their men don’t want them. It’s pure laziness and taking their men for granted, and it’s just wrong. You deserve what you get.
(USA) Our relationship is slipping and I’m not doing the best to fix it but I’m trying. And she doesn’t come home; she stays at a friend’s house and drinks and other things. But she tells me that she just needs time think about our relationship. But she is also spending time at the same house with the guy she cheated on me with.
I can forgive her for what she did because I pushed her towards it by not showing her the love she deserved, and I’m trying my hardest to bring her back. She has two kids that are not mine but they may as well be. I’ve been there for them for four years, I dropped a lot of things in my life so I could be with her and the kids. I’m going crazy thinking she doesn’t want me in her life, just to watch the kids so she can have her time. Can anyone please help me? I don’t know what to do. Please help.
(NIGERIA) Please, can you tell me more about how to love your girl?
(USA) These ideas are to live by – I don’t want to hurt anyone, particulary my wife- this was an eye opener – thanks
(USA) This is great advice for men who are wise and are married. I have played the fool in not loving my wife in an understanding way. The heart of the matter of love and respect is knowing that men and women do NOT think alike. I have been married for 25 years and am just now understanding how thinking that my wife thinks the way I do is a recipe for disaster. Women want men to be men, but appreciate and love them as a women in a loving way, especially when they appear to be at the peak of frustration and wrath.
(INDIA) I did love marriage and I am happy with my wife. I don’t have any problem with her. I assure you that after getting these 100 happy ways I will make my wife more happy. And more over, we of the Indian culture, accept our life partner and know we are made for each other for a long life.
I’m thankful that I was born in India. We, as husband and wife, respect each other in India. If anyone wants to enjoy a happy married life come to INDIA. From here you will get tips on how people live in a family.
(USA) Wow! I’m the perfect husband. I do all these things without realizing it.
(USA) Thanks God. I prayed and you delivered.
(ZAMBIA) Truly, I don’t like being touched just because of sex. I would like to be touched most of the time to show that I am loved and appreciated and not a sex object! This makes me dislike being touched… as I know next it is sex.
(USA) I can tell a man wrote this. A woman can tell the difference between a man who truly values and cherishes her and a man who’s going through a list to manage to get some sex out of his wife. Healthy intimacy is the fruit of a man loving his wife the way Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. A loved woman blossoms like a beautiful flower. You can see the beauty of her husbands love reflect in the sparkle in her eyes. You don’t need a list!
(USA) Like it or not sex is important for a marriage, coming from a woman, a mother, a wife, and a believer. Case and Point: “The husband must fulfill his sexual duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another of sex.” -1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Amen, sis.
(UNITED STATES) This is a great list. The only thing I would add is that you can love your wife by first pursuing a deeper relationship with God and then you will be able to pour out His love on her. Here is a short post about first pursuing a relationship with God: http://www.thedatinghusband.com/2012/03/love-your-wife-pursue-intimate.html
LOVE this Matt. Thanks for sharing. After looking at the web site, we’ve added it to the “Romantic Ideas” as well as the “For Husbands Only” links part of this web site. We wish more husbands and more wives understood the importance of pursuing intimacy with God and each other for a lifetime in their marriages. Thanks for letting us know about this great web site. We love the mission!
(MALAWI) I am married with 10 years, and I love, care, adore a lot, my wife.