“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all. She didn’t feel love in the same way he meant it.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)
Have you ever thought about this before? Do you want to just “love” your wife, or do you want to love her in a way that is most meaningful to her? Isn’t the point of love, to share it in the most meaningful way?
Here’s a suggestion for you:
A List of Suggestions to Show Your Wife Love
Discuss the following list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her. Then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline. But keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS! Not all, or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.
(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives wives 100 ideas, as well. It is titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)
Here Are Some Suggestions:
1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends, and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —such as taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
Additional Suggestions:
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
More Suggestions that Speak Love:
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Give your spouse time to unwind after she gets home. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. Treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
Plus:
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her feel insecure (without judging).
64. Pray and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go further).
67. Keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Write a mission statement together for your marriage, and family.
69. Physically touch her every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
Lastly, Here are a Few More “Love” Suggestions:
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called dumb.
85. Hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her at different times.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.
— ALSO —
From the ministry of Marriagetrac.com the following is a link you can follow and learn. (And then another link for your use.):
• 50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE
• 56 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER
PLUS:
• 102 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION EVERY WIFE WANTS TO HEAR
• 25 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
I just read 100 ways to love your wife her way. At this present time we’re going through a few things in our marriage. I’ve got an anger problem I’ve tried to work on it through self-help books but it’s not working out for me/us. I was brought up in a broken home but I know that’s no excuse for my actions or the words I say to her. But it seems anything and everything I do is never good enough for her. I honestly love her and don’t want to lose her. Any advice that anyone wants to share is much appreciated. Thank you.
Go out and purchase a book called The Love Dare
. Follow the book to the tee. There is also a movie based on the book, called Fireproof
. If you really want to save your marriage. Follow the book. It saved my family.
My Dear, the only piece of advice I can give you is that “You must pray to God to give you the grace so that anger can go in the Name of Jesus.” May the Lord help you, my dear.
How do I make my husband know how to care for a wife? He believes caring is all about money, which is not so.
Aygentle, You can’t “make” your husband know how to care for you… all you can do is try to gently pry his eyes open. Many, many men believe that taking care of financial matters –providing well for the family is the best way to show “love” to them. While that may or may not have been true years ago, and it may be true for some wives, it’s not true for you. I’m not sure HOW you can help him to open his eyes, except to pray that God will give you insights as to different ways to bring this to light for him.
I can’t even start to tell you how many emails and comments are left on the web site where the husband (and in some cases, the wife) wakes up one day and realizes that their thinking in this area of love was faulty. Sadly, many of them find out at a time where the other spouse decides to give up and won’t give them another chance. That is truly tragic.
All I can say is to keep looking for ways and pray that God will work in other ways to help open your husband’s eyes. Perhaps you can even make a copy of this article and highlight what would speak love to you. While your husband’s way of showing you he cares may have its merits on some levels (because many spouses don’t provide well for the family), he is misinformed into thinking that’s all it takes. I pray that someday he will open his eyes and will bless you in ways beyond your imagination. That is what happened with my husband Steve… and now, I am truly blessed.
I have just read the 100 things to do and I honestly have only tried 5 of them and my wife is such a amazing woman that forgot how to love is and it’s not her fault. I’m trying to work our marriage out and I have been mean to her. She has taken my 3 kids from my first wife in too and she has the biggest heart ever and I feel I have torn it apart.
I really would love to show her how much she really means to me and I have been trying; she is truly wonderful. She has even adopted my 3 from my first marriage cause the mom passed away and I want to help her any way possible. I would accept any help or advice you can give me; please help me show her more than she wants and more I want her to feel all of it thank you. Shelby
I want to win a love of my wife back because recently the last 6 months have been horrible. I don’t want to lose her; she is my first love. She is honest, innocent and very loving. It’s just her past has been rough- more than one can expect but I want to make her forget her past and live with me in the present era .
Because I love her very much I want to do too many things with her if I can I will spend the rest of my life just watching her because her innocence is what makes me love her. It’s just sometimes when she is out at nights with her friends I get worried about her and that makes her unhappy so please suggest how I can win her love back in life.
This is a good list. I love my wife more than anything. I am going to always love my wife. This list is a great way of honoring and showing your love one how much you really love them. If only I could have seen this sooner. God bless.
I’ve spent some time studying what women want and all these things are true but they want them from a man that they want. It sounds complicated. And the question is what kinda man do women want? They want a man that is wanted by other women.
This does not mean they want a man that has other women, but is only wanted by other women.
1. workout regularly.
2. become passionate and excel at something.
3. be socially aware.
This will get you whatever you want with your woman and you only have to do some of the things on the list when you feel like it.
Juan, That’s a great short list to win over a woman early in a relationship. But it will NOT help you keep her. The list you provided becomes very shallow when you put it against the self-less, sacrificial love represented by the 100 ways you can love your wife. God Bless.
I am highly motivated and encouraged with this write up. I thank you for this. I am engaged, hoping to be married soon.
Make an effort to buy the birthday/anniversary/Christmas ect gift without asking the woman what she wants or what she wants to do. Take control and put the thought/effort into a gift and surprise the woman with it.
Hi, my name is Eimies. We have been separated for three months now. I have been trying to reach out to her ever since we got separated. She has been very hard on me and refuses to even pick up my calls. But yesterday she texted me and invited me, and we had a very lengthy talk about our love. She said she still loves me very much but she is not ready come back and to be with me. I feel I need her every minute of my life. What should I do?
Eimies, There really isn’t much you CAN do, except work on the issues that she says are bothering her. Work on being the man of God –the type of husband she needs –the type you promised to be in your wedding vows. Work on yourself. When she allows you, show her this list and ask her to show you what ways would mean the most to her, to show your love to her. We all respond to specific acts of love differently.
You might also go into the Save My Marriage Topic and read what the Lord shows you there. Pray and act upon the things the Lord shows you. Don’t just do these to win her back, but to change your life together “from this day forward.”
We just discussed this at a marriage conference at my church. Imagine a triangle with you, your wife and God on each end. The proper order is: God at the top with you and your wife at the bottom corners. As you and your wife move closer to God, you move closer to each other. However, and I’m no exception to this, it seems that you have placed your wife at the top and God at the bottom. This distorts the natural order and causes both you and your wife to move away from God to satisfy each other while neither of you can remain truly satisfied.
Become the type of man “God needs you to be” NOT the type of man she needs you to be. When you do this, you will be at peace no matter what your wife says or does, your wife will sense this confidence and you will become the man she needs because you are then a man of God.
God has joined you together. There is a thin unbreakable wire attaching you together from the moment you were married. No matter how far she moves, the wire will stretch and it will always stretch back. Save for adultery (including porn), addiction or abuse, the two of you are divinely joined.
I guess that I don’t understand. I try and do all these things for my wife. She told me that I wasn’t affectionate with her. I ask what she needs from me and she says she can’t explain it. I cook and clean. I get kids ready. She works nights and we don’t see each other a lot. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am very frustrated and feel like I am very alone. When I tell this to her it is my fault and I need to figure out how to be happy on my own and then everything else will be ok. I am tired of everything turning out to be my fault.
You are helping with the kids and fullfilling parent responsibilities, but I think she means that you’re not affectionate WITH her. She may not feel like you truly care for her with the way both of you kiss and interact. The two of you need to spend time together and try to organize both your schedules so it works. Even if the family is all home together, a simple thing likencoming up behind her to hold her means a lot. It really is the little things
How can I win back my wife’s trust after an infidelity?
Hi, there. As a wife who has endured MANY infidelities on my husband’s part, I know that trust is A LOT easier to lose than regain. There isn’t much, if anything, a fellow can do after hurting his lady like that. Outside of treating her like a cherished gift and, of course, NOT making the same mistake over and over, it’s up to the woman to restore the trust she had. SHE has to continue to forgive and make up her mind to trust. The best you can do is SHOW her you won’t do it again. Don’t lie, don’t keep secrets; let HER and her alone be your satisfaction in all ways. These are the only things MY husband could do for ME. The situations might be completely different for others. Just thought I’d throw that out there. ^^
As a woman, I’m not sure I would be able to trust someone after that again. It would stick in my mind how if you did this once, what would keep you from doing it again? Maybe he can stay devoted for a couple of years, but how long until this happens again? Just because there maybe little spark for a while, doesn’t mean two people can’t be super attracted to each other again. Marriage is work and dedication to keep things going and develop sparks again. A lot of people divorce because they want something new and exciting, but they’ll just get bored again. I’d ask her to take marriage counseling with you and find a good counselor
I work on the road 8 days, then I’m off for 6. I’ve done this for about 10 years now. We have 4 kids 2 are in college and two in grade school. We live out in the country on about 20 acres. So when I’m gone my wife is a very busy lady. She also works as a receptionist. So I got a text from her tonight saying that she’s tired of doing all the work and being alone all the time, and being a convenience for everyone. She gets upset like this from time to time and I know she hates me being on the road all the time. I love my wife and it saddenes me greatly to think that she feels unappreciated or unloved. I want her to be happy and feel appreciated and loved. I was wondering if you had any suggestions.
Ben, when you’re with your wife, then find out the “ways” to show her love in ways she most feels loved. And then, when you’re away from home, do some other things that will help the two of you connect (if you can’t find another job that would help you to stay home more). Go into the “Assorted Marriage Issues” topic and read through the articles that talk about when one spouse is away (if it’s about the husband being away… you can still glean through the advice given to see if you can use any of the advice). She needs to feel loved and valued. She also needs to know that she is a priority with her. Obviously, you have to work, but there are still some things you can do to make your wife feel valued. I hope you will make the effort and mend this situation before it’s too late.
I agree with the first comment. You could also call and text while your away. Not just to see how things are going, but say things that make her feel special; things that make you two laugh and appreciate each other. You can recall memories too
I’m married to a lovely wife and caring. Thank you for opening my eyes; I didn’t know. Thank you so much.
I just read through the 100 ways to love your wife & the list is very true. I am a wife & I wish my husband would get it. I read some of the comments about men trying so hard to please their wives & wish my husband will at least even try or put some effort. I try to communicate to him about how I feel about some of the things he does to me & he seems not to even care.
I’ve once wrote to him about what I feel & he did not even read my concerns. If I initiate a conversation to try & express it he’ll go mute & not say a word. He is faithful but how to treat me is the problem; for example he’ll tease me in a hurtful manner & when I don’t find it funny he’ll say that he was just joking & he’ll do it repeatedly laughing out loud. Sometimes he just say things so as to hurt my feelings intentionally. I feel so hurt & I don’t know how to handle this type of immaturity. Please help
These are basically 3 tips repeated within 100 points.