“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all. She didn’t feel love in the same way he meant it.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)
Have you ever thought about this before? Do you want to just “love” your wife, or do you want to love her in a way that is most meaningful to her? Isn’t the point of love, to share it in the most meaningful way?
Here’s a suggestion for you:
A List of Suggestions to Show Your Wife Love
Discuss the following list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her. Then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline. But keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS! Not all, or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.
(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives wives 100 ideas, as well. It is titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)
Here Are Some Suggestions:
1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends, and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —such as taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
Additional Suggestions:
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
More Suggestions that Speak Love:
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Give your spouse time to unwind after she gets home. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. Treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
Plus:
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her feel insecure (without judging).
64. Pray and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go further).
67. Keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Write a mission statement together for your marriage, and family.
69. Physically touch her every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
Lastly, Here are a Few More “Love” Suggestions:
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called dumb.
85. Hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her at different times.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.
— ALSO —
From the ministry of Marriagetrac.com the following is a link you can follow and learn. (And then another link for your use.):
• 50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE
• 56 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER
PLUS:
• 102 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION EVERY WIFE WANTS TO HEAR
• 25 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
#93 is dubious. People will disagree from time to time. A better idea is to come up with a compromise everyone can benefit from and/or don’t be bitter when you disagree. Try to work things out as peacefully as possible. Discuss what’s important to each other.
I am lost. I want to learn how to treat my wife again? We are married with two kids 1 & 3. We have been married for 7 years. For some time now, we have become to distance ourselves from each other. She is with the kids and I work like a mule. So time together is short. Mostly at nite after the kids are in bed. To my point, I have a hard time showing emotion. And when I do it comes out all wrong, usually with anger or frustration. Which pushes her away. I love her so much, but I feel like I’m not showing it to her when it counts most. I’m getting more frustrated with little things. And… Well I give up. I don’t know what to do. We are in a bad rut.
We have been together for so long 23 years, married 18. My husband does everything around the kids but can’t even organise a date night for us. I feel very alone in this relationship. Can’t discuss anything without it turning into an argument. Some days I just feel as if I can’t do this any more.
Read carefully
So inspiring… thank you.
I feel this list is beautiful and any woman would be honored to have a husband who loved her and did these things. It’s such a blessing. I appreciate all the Love ideas. Seems like something my husband wrote??
I read your list for tips for wives to communicate with their husbands, and I was pleased to find I already practiced many of the tips you mention. In six years, we’ve never spoken words in anger to each other, and while we believe God brought us together, we believe we keep us together though the choices we make every day.
That said, I was surprised to find no mention of how a woman feels when SHE comes home from work -or at the end of a particularly difficult day with the children. There needs to be give and take each day, depending on which spouse has had an easier our less taxing day. I do scratch my husband’s head and give him a back massage when his back hurts from being on his feet -but some days I’m the one with a stiff neck, and then he gives me a head massage and cuddles with me on the couch which is wonderfully peaceful and calming and loving.
No list is the end all, be all, but given the statistics today for the percentage of women in the workforce -and it’s only growing higher -we as Christians can honor our faith without dishonoring the work many women do outside the home. And for women who are at home carrying for children, their days can be just as hectic and stressful as my day at the office. Just food for thought.
I really do love and respect my wife; she saved my life in so many different ways. The problem is she finds it hard to believe I love her. My wife is very self conscious and does not value herself, always putting her self down. After reading this I will try different ways, because how do you make some one believe, you love them and you need them to live when all her life people have made her feel worthless.
Hi Jason, This is something I understand very well, because I am in the same place as your wife. For years it was hard for me to believe my wife loves me bacause of my history. My only reply is to keep up with what you are doing, to pray!! and to be patient. It is very difficult to expel childhood convictions once formed. But it CAN be done, with God’s help. Your wife needs your patience and your consistent affirmation.
You could also challenge her with questions, such as “Why do you not believe that I do not really love you?” or “Why are you convinced you are worthless?” You can also challenge her with, “How much evidence do you need before you are convinced that I love you? (or that other people close to her love her)” This was key for me…. Hope to hear from you…. I know how your wife feels. I also know it is not easy for you.
WP (Work in Progress) –
Exemplary stuff. Very helpful
I have a great marriage. Love is a choice, it’s not finding the right one, it’s about choosing to be all in, for better or worse rich or poor, in sickness and health. Here is the other choice, choose to make your marriage good. It’s like a garden, you get nothing out of it if you put nothing into it, love your bride like Jesus loved the church. Make marriage fun. Joe
It’s a great list. What if the situation is such that asking my wife to rate and then prioritise the list is difficult. Any suggestions?
I’m not sure why this would be difficult, but if it is, then do the best you can to guess what you think would bless your wife. You might look at the ways in which she tries to bless you (like giving you gifts, or honoring you with what she says, or being affectionate, and such)… and this is usually a pretty good clue as to what she would count as a blessing.
Just do them in the order that YOU feel is most important; your input into strengthening your marriage is every bit as worthy as hers; in fact if it were me, I would not tell her what I was doing; just implement the ways gradually, one or two changes a day, and see if she notices, to sit down with a check-off laundry list seems (to me) a little contrived/forced. If
I were a wife (or a husband, if there is/was an equivalent list) I have to say I would be a little skeptical.
I thank you for this big help you made in my life. After passing all these 100 ways for loving wife I started practicing, and thank God. Everything is working well in our marriage.
These are very good words on this matter.
Great article.
Thank you for this. I am 53, love The Lord, but I NEED to be taught this daily!