The following are “Real Life” testimonies from people who have dealt with the destructive force of abuse marriage. We believe you will learn through what they have to say and will prayerfully find hope through reading what they have lived through and learned through.
We pray this will help you in your marriage situation.
ABUSE IN MARRIAGE TESTIMONIES
• HE ENROLLED IN HUSBAND BOOT CAMP
If God has given you a testimony, a personal experience you have lived through in your marriage— one that could help and encourage others who are living with the horrible pain that comes through infidelity, we would appreciate it if you would write it down and send it to us— even if what you have to write isn’t very long in length.
Please share your testimony with us by going to the CONTACT section and clicking on “Contact Us” and then writing it out for us there. If you want to remain anonymous, please let us know. We will not to reveal your name and the name(s) of your loved ones if that is your wish. Our aim is to encourage others, not to embarrass anyone.
Thanks so much!
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62 responses to ““Abuse in Marriage” Testimonies”
(USA) I have a situation where I divorced my spouse, due to the abuse that was happening. It only got worse (believe it or not) when counseling started. The minute I asked God for release, it was then that my life changed for the better and my spouse sought help.
As of today, he is still not well, however, he has no power over me anymore and my children are safe. I’m not saying divorce is the answer, but in my case, as my pastor confirmed, my actions could be saving my spouse so he would seek help. Sometimes they are so far gone, the enemy has convinced them that their spouse would never leave so there is no need to change. Again this is my situation. I’m living a safe, healthy life, and God is showing me that I need to renew my mind, re-think what being a valued woman of God is, and to be honest, my life has changed for the better because I heed God’s Word every day. The most vital thing is Hearing the Word of God and submitting to the Holy Spirit for direction.
Every situation is so different. There are different purposes that serve for testimonies to bring others back to Christ. I know without a shadow of a doubt, I did the right thing, and letting go, was actually putting God back in his rightful place in my life. For that, he has literally been overtaking me with blessings.
So be mindful Brothers and Sister’s, God does hate divorce, but he doesn’t condemn you for it when it is within the bounds of His Word when it occurs.
Also, divorce in a world sense is when you go to court. But truly, divorce occurs when adultery occurs, when the spouse has an emotional affair, when they abuse their spouse, “the temple of God” without true repentance. Let us not get caught up that divorce is a piece of paper. It’s our divorce-actions that deem what divorce is. Please keep that in mind when we, as Brothers and Sisters are quick to tell victims of abuse, we are not to “Divorce.” At times, divorce has already occurred for those victims, and they need to be released and set free to heal fully in Christ.
(USA) To all the women staying with bad men because “God said to,” you have a choice in all situations… use your head! Love yourself!
God’s love took the worst treatment and our adultery as His bride leaving Him for rebellion, yet He loved us. LOVE IS SELFLESS. However, you can set boundaries to protect from abuse; but be willing to forgive because none of us have arrived in perfection. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God.
(USA) My husband and I have been together 8 yrs and married just last Nov. We both had been in a bad relationship prior to our which he has 3 children from previous and myself 2 from previous and two together… like the brady bunch. We each love the kids unconditionally but when they are all together, he seems to favor his first born son and daughter. I don’t have a problem with that cause they don’t live with us as my first two and our two do, but I have a problem when I tell the child (the girl who is twelve) to please put appropriate clothing on, he starts cursing me! This has progressed more, so honestly since we married the abuse has even occured a couple of times.
My last marriage ended because he was strung out on drugs and abusing me, almost choking me to death in front of my children. How can I stay there for almost ten yrs. and be a role model for my daughter? You can’t, there is no justification for a man to hit a woman other than if she is endangering his life and he is defending himself from bodily harm. I don’t want her to grow up and marry and think that a man abusing her is okay and I don’t want her dealing with that because “her mother did”!
Anyway, it has progressed terribly but yet I keep my hope and faith in GOD and know that he will show me what is best for me and the children. But all this arguing is taking a toll on me. I know it is on the four children here and my main priority is keeping them safe, teaching them what’s right and also trying to teach my two boys how to respect a lady and that they should NEVER put their hands on their wives… EVER. They saw the last incident and I was about knocked unconscious …my head literally shoved through the wall, meanwhile trying to tell my oldest son and daughter NO as I heard them screaming and saw them running in the room to try and get him off me. I got punched again. My 16 yr old daughter screamed at him “it’s only clothes, just stop” as I could barely breath after he punched me in my ribs and me on the floor, she kicked him to get him off me and I saw him raise his fist to her as he was grabbing her and GOD must have been in me somehow I got up gasping for air and threw my arms around his neck and got his attention back on me and told her to run! She called the cops and they came out. He was telling them he needed counseling and help. He put on such a show, but I am very forgiving as GOD wants us to be and way too kind hearted, and agreed to do counseling that never has happened yet!
The incident started over laundry. He is very manipulating, selfish, inconsiderate and he has to have the best of everything even before his children or myself! I was drying clothes for me and the kids (his were done washing). He threw ours out of the dryer and I just held my tongue. His got done; I placed them in the laundry basket to be folded, and placed ours back in dryer to finish drying and that made him mad! The everyday arguing like a child if things don’t go his way and the hurtful disrespectful words he says to me hurts so bad. When we used to argue in the beginning, I would argue back and that fired up a fight for sure, so somehow with the love of GOD I keep quiet and don’t argue back or say a word (as hard as it is) to prevent him abusing me again and more so in front of my kids. But again I feel like a loser sitting there taking the mental abuse everyday again. What is that teaching my children… to sit there and never stand up for yourself and what you believe in?
He flirts a lot, talks trash to girls and I’ll find out about it, but yet I get accused of seeing or talking to an imaginary man! I am a very shy person and also my belief in GOD is a reason for me to want to live a Christian life. Before we married, we went to church all the time. Now I say “can we please go to church as a family”? The children and I end up going cause he doesn’t want to, but only GOD can judge him for that. What does that teach my children that I continue to go even though my husband won’t go with me? To ALWAYS believe in GOD and to continue to go to church to worship GOD no matter what… Just like my mother did! That’s one thing that I’m confident that they see me doing what’s right and wanting to live for GOD!
Just today he put me down so badly. it’s hard to take, hard to hear the man that I so deeply loved talking to me worse than his most hated enemy. I couldn’t sit quiet anymore and four words came from my mouth “I’ll pray for you”! He was silent and walked away. It wasn’t long before he started in on me about something else… but just to know at that moment he was at a loss for words!
I say this prayer everyday I ask GOD to help my marriage or may my husband seek medical treatment so I’ll know if this is actually an illness or just plain satan taking over. I don’t want to leave if he indeed has a medical issue that makes him this way, but if it isn’t… please help him LORD and let me be stable finacially to provide a home for me and my children and continue to live a Christian life as we want without being in a hostile environment.
LORD I pray that you’ll watch over my children, guide them, keep them happy, healthy and safe. I pray LORD, that you help me be who you want me to be and that you’ll touch our lives, hearts, and home. Bless it and us LORD. I pray that the lost people in this world have you come into their hearts and accept you as their savior. I thank you for all the things you do. I LOVE YOU. I repeat this daily and If things get really tough I shout, “You might shake me satan, but you aren’t going to break me.” I pray for all of you in a situation like mine. I hope that you do the same for me. God Bless you all. Be safe. I pray one day we’re all free from abuse whether it’s physically or mentally… and we can live a peaceful life and be happy and whole. Love and Peace to you all!♥
Dear Trisha,I hope your situation has dramatically changed for the better. If not please know God releases you as his daughter. It’s unbiblical for you to be treated like this. Plus you are protecting your husband from the consequences of his actions which could be helping him stay lost longer!
TrIsha, I’ve been married 25 years yesterday. Let me tell you, so far you are doing the right thing when it comes to the children. Keep your faith in God our father, he will not lead you wrong. It may not be when you think, but right on time. No one should be going through mental or physical abuse. My advice to you is to plan safely to separate you and your children. Don’t rush, you will know when the time is right. Keep praying and God will tell you what to do. May God bless you and your family, I will be praying for you.
(UK) I came across this website and I would like to share my story. I became saved at 18 years old and I got married at 19 years old to my husband who is also a saved Christian. However, we started off in a Pentecostal/charismatic church. We found a church mainly to get married. Over time, I thought this would help overcome my husband’s abusive behaviour. But it got worse over time even when we attended the right church and even came to know the true doctrine of the bible, following famous old teachings from Charles Spurgeon.
Then it got to a point where he threatened to hurt a part of my body. My pastor advised me to separate, so I left the house while he was at work. I made the decision after some deep thinking and prayer.
However, while my husband was busy trying to get help for his abusive behaviour, sending me letters with mixed messages, bad and good, I became more angry and bitter and backslid into sin. I began drinking heavily and was so lonely I committed adultery because I had no one to talk to.
My husband found out everything through me after we met sometimes. Then he wanted a divorce and said you better fight for this marriage or else I am carrying on with my new girlfriend. After much prayer, fighting long term depression and anxiety, God blessed my life, I made new friends at church and began to support myself independently and felt free.
I am still in prayer. My husband said he wants a divorce. This has taught me patience and valuable lesson, that we must trust in God and not allow sin to enter into our lives, no matter how difficult the situation.
Even though I still do not know what to do or what will happen, I know that I am a child of God, and that God will forgive me along as I am repenting of my sins. I still love my husband, but I can not control the situation. In time, I am sure God will reveal everything to me.
(SWITZERLAND) I have been waiting for free online counseling for such a long time so as find ways to release all the tensions, pains and despair I kept on my own. What I need to know if my decision of going out of marriage is the answer of my marital problem.
I was married for almost 21 years, but within those years I would say there was not even 1 year that me and my husband been together. Three months after we got married he left me and our first child to go and work in another country. Since he was illegal he cannot go home regularly. Instead we came to see each other again after 7 years. I cannot say that within those years of absence our marriage was perfect. He had an affair after a year he had left. The woman he had an affair with even called me to say that they are about to get married. I was devastated and miserable I cannot accept the fact that my husband whom I loved and cherished so much was already taken by another. I thought it was the end of everything to me.
I always have sleepless nights, nightmares and even became emotionally driven. My child was the one who suffered much. At a very young age he was already physically and emotionally abused by her own mother. My parents were the witness of my struggles but never lost hope that I still can bring back my lost self. My mother encouraged me to join a charismatic group and it brought me closer to God. By joining the group and eventually getting a spiritual healing I was able to rise up again. I started working and eventually healing my wounds and pains. I started to forgive my husband and let him back to us.
But the reality of life is really bitter. When he returned after 7 years I thought I was a princess and he was my prince who finally met again and live happily ever after. But that was even worst than I thought. He didn’t even show to me that he missed me and never slept with me for almost a week. I was only 30 that time and he was 33 and when I asked him why did he change he told me he was already old that his sexual desires had declined. I was so naive to believe him and or maybe because I was still living in a world of fairytales. After 4 months he left and went back to the country he worked. That time I was pregnant with a second child, fortunately.
My life from then on was not the way it was. We always fight over the phone. I started to doubt his words and loyalty, though I struggled not to lose my faith in God. One reason that we lasted for 21 years was because I hold on to God’s powerful words. Learn to forgive, persevere… but now I feel that it is about time to give up. Year 2008 he decided to bring us here to Switzerland. He said he wasn’t getting any younger anymore and he wanted to spend his life with us. At that time in my country even, I still have problems with him. I was able to cope up with my life and became successful with my career. With the support of my family and friends even without him my children and I were happy and contented. But then again I’m still married to him and we are still a family that made me agreed to go with him.
I left my job and my parents though it was very difficult decision I went through. I was never been convinced deep inside me but my vow of marriage has to be taken into consideration, plus my children too. They need a father, especially my son, who needs a father’s care so I don’t have any choice. My beautiful and positive life turned out to be living in a zombie land here in Switzerland. After 3 months of our stay here (2008) I never had a chance to enjoy my life with him peacefully. The joy in my heart, the happiness that cherished within me had turned out to sorrow, bitterness and endless regrets.
He betrayed my trust again, which I rebuilt for years. And this time bearing this kind of situation again by myself face to face is hard for me to do. Until now, for 4 years I suffer mentally, socially, emotionally and my spiritual life has been affected too. My boundary is limited because I fear that every person I meet knows my husband and his mistress and I am being laughed at my back. I limit myself in socializing with other people. I become lazy going to church. I am always discouraged. Also, I experienced from him verbal abuse so many times. He never respects my parents anymore and even talks to the children harshly as if cursing them always. He even nags like a woman… more than I do. And he dislikes confrontation. He never admits his mistakes though obviously he is lying.
Lately, though we’ve lived under one roof for almost a month now we’re not talking to each other. I have no plans of making the first move to communicate since he knew from the very start the reason of my silence. But he never made way to break the silence. Instead, he just ignored me and did not talk to me either. I have decided to end my sufferings because I cannot just waste my years waiting for him to change. He already destroyed me by breaking my soul and my heart. But, I cannot tolerate him destroying my children’s souls.
Now, I am lost because I’m paralyzed. I do not have a job to sustain my children needs. I don’t know why, but since we got here I never had a chance to land a job. My luck has been too nosy for me. That is why he always discouraged and put things on me. It is totally the opposite of my previous life. Am I making the right decision to step out from my marriage and not gamble for another chance? But how can I go out? I am still looking for a job so that I can have my means to support lives. I cannot fly; my wings are broken.
(UNITED KINGDOM) Dear All, I really need help. I am a 27 year old lady and my husband is 30. I have been married now for 2 years to a physically abusive man. We have been together for 5 years. If I say something he doesn’t like he physically abuses me. He will carry me up the stairs or throw me into them. He attempts to push me down the stairs or grip my neck and shove it on the floor. He also bashes his head against my head and slaps my face.
He’s very possessive over our laptop and his iphone. He gets angry when I go on the laptop and practically sleeps with his phone. He stays up till 2 am and doesn’t get up for work. When he’s up he rarely works. He lied to me for 5 years about smoking. He recently admitted to causing arguments with me so that he could leave the house to smoke. I was terribly upset to find out that my Christian husband smokes so many cigarettes a day. I’ve tried talking to him about quitting but he isn’t interested. No one else knows he smokes except me. He avoids hanging out with friends because he might need a smoke break.
When we first got married I found porn sites on our computer. He said it was because we didn’t have an anti-virus on our computer and someone hacked in. I believed him. Still not sure. We hardly ever have sex. Maybe twice a month. I am a Christian lady. After the abuse I drive around in my car and cry my eyes out and ask God why. Why me? I know God hears my prayers but I’m not sure what to do from here. Plz can you pray for me for deliverance and protection as the abuse is getting worse. As I write my neck is so painful from the abuse over the past two nights.
I need advice on whether to move out. At present I pay all the bills and I am the breadwinner. I just want to do what God wants for me. I haven’t told anyone about what is happening in my marriage I am so devastated. When we were dating a saw a few signs of anger but I never knew to such an extent. We didn’t live together before we were married. Thank you all.
May the Lord God Almighty intervene in your situation and give you the deliverance and freedom you desire. Please contact any organisation that helps women suffering abuse. In the U.K., “Women’s Aid is well known for bringing hope, accommodation and safety to women suffering from abuse and I’m sure there are organisations that can assist where you live. God will make a way for you. He did it for me and He’ll do it for you.
POUR YOUR HEART OUT TO GOD. TRUST HIM AND FOLLOW HIS GUIDANCE. THIS MAN IS VERY DANGEROUS. THEY HAVE MANY SUPPORT GROUPS TO HELP YOU LIKE CELEBRATE RECOVERY, DIVORCE CARE, AND OF COURSE THE DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE HAS 24/7 PHONE COVERAGE AND ALL KINDS OF RESOURCES.
(USA) I’m a victim of the verbal abuse to my husband. I don’t mean half of the things I say to him, it’s just that I let my family problems get in my way and I lash out at him. It’s not his fault so he got fed up. He told me I don’t respect him and I don’t need him and he doesn’t need me. I do need him; he is my world. What can I do to bring him back home to me?
(USA) Marquita, pray, pray and pray. While you are waiting, immerse yourself in the word of God. Don’t push, nor try by fleshly means to win him back. Perhaps The Lord wants to clip off some dead branches in you. Pruning is hard and painful, but don’t resist. Trust your Lord, don’t lean on your own ways. It’s going to be ok. The end result is one that will glorify The Lord, and draw you closer into becoming more like the master.
(Canada) I have been married 18 years and have been with my husband for 28 years. He was verbally/emotionally abusive since day one. I knew something wasn’t right, but I married him anyway cause he was the only person I had really ever been with and I thought he would change.
He never wants to talk to me or spend time with me. He spends most of his time watching TV, playing games on Iphone, or going out with friends. He never eats at the table with me. When I brought this up as a concern for our marriage, he said why does he have to spend time with me? He said I’m selfish and it’s all about me all the time. He tells dirty jokes (which I hate), he drinks and needs to be the centre of attention. When we go out with friends (cause he’d never take me out alone on a date), it’s like I’m not even there! He doesn’t want to help with anything because he’s done enough (for instance movie night… he’ll say make the snacks and put the movie in while he plays on his phone). I’ll say could you please put the movie in while I get snacks and he yells that he got the movie!
He did tell me the kids are more priority right now and we can spend time together after they are gone. I don’t believe him. When I try to explain all these things to him, he just yells and says I expect too much. I live in a fairytale. I am afraid to tell him anything or ask anything cause the eyes roll and he yells like I am inconveniencing him. He lets my 14 year old watch R rated movies and even condones them even though he knows I am so against it. He says I have too many hangups.
He’s only nice when he wants sex and that’s just an “act”, it has nothing to do with love (he told me). He’s never affectionate and if I’m in his way he shoves me. If I’m in the bathroom, he barges in and tells me to get out. He is always critical of me and complaining. I have a job and make good money, I take good care of my home and try to please everyone. I have cried, fought back, been complacent, prayed, told close friends and family… but nothing has changed. Even my Christian sister-in-law tells me to pray and change will come. But what do I do in the mean time? Be subjected to neglectfulness, criticism, yelling daily? I’m a very happy, positive person and I know that God can change my situation, but my husband has to admit to the abuse and want to get help. But he tells me I need counselling and to get help or maybe I should leave if my life is so hard!
I’ve been married to my husband for 2 yrs. In those two yrs he has been verbally abusive and controlling to me and my 16 yr old daughter. Could not take it anymore and made him leave. He says he’s sorry and wants to get help but my daughter doesn’t want to give him another chance. She doesn’t believe that people can change if they want. She now is checking my every move to make sure that I stay away from him. If he does change with help how can I get her to understand that people can change??? I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do…
I fell in love with my husband. He is retired from the military and he lost his 1st wife to a lung disease. She was just 45. He’s a man that needs to have a partner. When he asked me out I was surprised but I thought he was the best man that I’d ever met. I had been married and divorced and had 4 kids. He had 2 step children and 4 with his wife. My youngest child was 17. He didn’t stay with us long because he wanted to work and felt I was going to be taken care of like a princess. I’ve worked all my life because my first husband abandoned me and my children. The youngest was 3 months old.
My father was a pastor and I was raised in Church. He told me I could work if I wanted to but I didn’t have too. But I found a very good job with in 3 months. My story is much too long to give all the problems that I had to suffer. He never let me drive myself to work and on payday he was there to pick up my check. I asked him to give me $20 dollars for lunch and snacks. He said if I needed anything he would get it for me. I’ve never been allowed to have a friend, to go to a store unless he drove me, and as time passed he was so possessive that my kids stopped coming to see me. If I got a phone call from my children he stood there and we never had a moment of privacy. We’ve been married about 28 years.
His son got married and they had a precious little boy. I loved that child even before he was born. One day the mother of this infant called me at work and told me she wanted us to adopt the baby. Shocked, I just said I can’t talk right not. When I called her back she said she didn’t want him but knew that we’d take care of him. The father was ok sometimes, but drugs and drinking was his major love of life. We did adopt this child and I loved and took care of him and thought that God had chosen us to raise him and love him and teach him right from wrong.
My husband still was so possessive that I still had to be driven to work or if he had to go somewhere I had to go also. This child was so wonderful and loved to go to Church. We moved to another state and they dedicated the Wednesday night service to him and everyone there had a little story that had touched their hearts and shared with everyone. They gave him gifts, books, a pillow case with cardboard inserted in it so that they could all write a little message and it was the most touching show of love that I’ve ever seen. It was hard for him not to cry and his eyes did tear up several times. He was only about 7 or 8 at the time. He let his son who had spent over half of his life in prison, just take over all his time. I guess my husband was too lazy to spend the time continuing to teach him things that he shouldn’t do. Our child was ADHD and once he got diagnosed (he was 4), he was going to a special school at the University of South Carolina. I hated that he had to take meds but when he got caught up in school he made the highest grades in Math. No one came close. He was a student at a Magnet School. I thought he’d become a very educated successful man.
I have one son who was just like this one. He graduated at the University of South Carolina, then went on to George Washington University. My son also saw a great future in his little brother. My son got Scholarships and worked to put himself through school. I wasn’t allowed to help and my husband didn’t even like my child. If I didn’t do everything he said he told me he was going to change his life insurance and leave it to someone else. If I left him he would make sure I lost my medical care. He is 100% disabled from the military. He let this child quit school in middle school. I also found out recently that he had been buying him pot since he was about 14. He’s not 22 and he smokes pot freely in our home and drinks liquor every night. This is why I’ve been telling him I have to get out. I cannot take anymore.
He bought him a mustang and paid cash. He wrecked it and my husband fixed it. Then he went back where he bought the mustang and bought him a big yellow dodge truck called a rebel yel. The payments are $450 a month plus ins. He buys the gas. He gives him money every day. He has 4 charge accounts and has never had a job. My husband pays all the payments. Then he puts his stuff in the pawn shop and he pays to get it out. I can’t do anything because he’s 22 years old.
I’ve been cursed daily and accused of being unfaithful. I’ve never done anything like that. I never get out of his sight. I only want out. I want nothing but for my child to get into treatment and maybe I can die in peace. I’m not allowed to go into his room. And my husband told me that I should not go into his room. He deserved his privacy. I can wash his clothes, but have to put them on the couch because I can’t put them in his room. Then they never get put up and have to be washed again. My husband said why do I want to leave? He’s not doing those things. I told him I will not stay here and watch him die. This child’s bio father did die in jail when he was 39. I cannot go through much more. And I’ve just found out that my brain cells are dying and have been put on lots of meds to try to stop it, but they cannot ever be fixed. The ones that are dead are dead.
I feel that maybe I’ve said too much, but I have barely scratched the surface. My children are going to make me leave and I want to but what’s going to happen to that child that I adopted and love just as if I gave birth to him? I’ve always been a person who cares and wants everyone to live good and be happy. We buried my MOM about 7 weeks ago. She was 99. And my best friend. There are too many things for me to be able to deal with. What do I do? I haven’t been able to work since December and he won’t give me any money. But my son, who is an Aerospace engineer, said his new house has a Mother in law suite and it was added just for me. It’s hard to leave everything that I worked so hard for and love. But each day brings me closer to giving up. I’m not a whiner or complainer. But I have NO ONE TO TALK TO. Not allowed.
Hello, my name is Catarina and I am struggling with what I would say is the most unhealthy and worst marriage that I could even think of on this planet. I will not sit here and push the blame on him as I know I have many faults. But as a Christian woman I am trying to be better under God and feel so terribly bad because I want out of my marriage. It’s been 15 long years of struggle and trying. I’ve gone to church, I’ve tried going to meetings to Bible studies, I asked him to go to therapy with me. He says no he doesn’t want any of it; he doesn’t want to do anything to help this marriage. He only wants to do things his way, which is going to the bar, coming home drunk, acting like a fool, even sometimes bringing drugs home and I am not OK with that.
I have not been for many years as I came out of a very very bad detox and got my life in order before I met him. I am so brokenhearted because I know that I’ve tried with everything that I have to do the right thing to make this marriage work. I’ve prayed and I prayed for God to help me forgive and I even was able to at one point. Everything was lifted and I fell in love with him all over again and then he turned around and he just did all the most horrible things that you could think of and hurt me all over again. So now I don’t know how to even love him anymore.
My family is so messed up; my kids are so hurt from all this and it makes me feel like the biggest failure as a mother that I didn’t take them out of this years ago. The reason that I couldn’t do it is because my heart was so involved and I didn’t feel that I wanted to hurt them by divorcing their dad but yet I made the mistake of something that was so horrible. I’m confused, I’m scared and I know that I would do better on my own because I would not have somebody verbally abusing me all the time and trying to bring me down.
I am not afraid of what life has in store for me or ahead of me as I know that God will help me through anything and get me through the hard times. I just don’t know how to take my next step. I’m looking out in reaching out for anybody that might be able to give me advice and help me this is a horrible, horrible, horrible feeling in a horrible place for anybody to ever have to go through. My friends keep telling me that God will restore my marriage but it’s not happening because he wants nothing to do with God he wants nothing to do with listening to what anybody has to say or advice or help. It just has to be his way or no way and his way is not my way.
I came across this page just by searching for help and if anybody reads this and can get back to me with any advice but as far as I feel right now I can’t even look at him. I don’t even love him anymore. I care about him as a human being and godson but that is as far as it goes. He has said too many hurtful things to me that make me wonder why he even married me in the first place. He’s never been happy with me. If I could get into the depths of how horrible our marriage is bad and the things that have gone on in this marriage maybe people would understand it a little bit more but it’s so shameful to me. I need help.
Catarinamarie, I’m so sorry for your pain and I am praying for you right now. I just wanted to mention leslievernick.com as a possible resource for you. You are valuable to God and He is hurting with you.
My husband has been unfaithful in our marriage; I caught warts as a result. I had it for a year in a half then JESUS finally healed me. He was going to spas, had male number saved under women’s names in his pocket, all my kids said he sexually molested them by touching and harming their private areas. I’m currently dealing with cps, because I got advice from a Christian talk line who were mandated to report it. I have no job due to the fact this was scouting while I was at work. My spouse is denying everything. I love him but I’m awaiting for my low income apartment to be ready by next week. This is a lot but till God be the glory. Many people have secretly gone through this and I’m awaiting for joy that will soon come when my trials go away for a season.
I have been married for 11 years. I was 20 years old when I got married. I met my husband in church…so my story begins. While growing up in my Christian home I’ve always had expectations of what I wanted in my spouse and when I met my husband I thought he was the one I could spend my life with. I was married for 3 months when I realised my husband had an anger problem. He would look me up in our room with our first daughter at the time…he would choke me and physical abuse was minimal.
As time went on I would pray that God would change my husband but at the same time I would ask God to change me too to become a good wife. I would seek help from my pastor’s but they would not believe me because my husband was the best in church. Everybody loved him and so it would be so hard for them to see the monster I have to deal with in my home.
It’s been 11 years now and things have not changed. I’m being put under the radar all the time. He would ask why I’m painting my nails, etc. I would hear how ugly I am; how fat I am. He would tell me how horrible I am as a Christian woman. How I’m not normal.
He gave me an ultimatum after I got a promotion at work that I need to leave after two years. I’m so confused now because he says he’s been a good boy for 3 weeks but I’m not responding well to it. You must understand that I went through 11 years of hell and good too but the bad days were unbearable. I’ve been hurt so much I’m so afraid to give into the new. I can’t even get myself to be intimate with him. I find myself crying while we are busy being intimate.
This is only the least I’m telling you. But what do I do? I’ve sat in so many counseling sessions but it never helps. We’ve went through deliverance because he had two affairs too. I’ve done everything I’ve could. How do I get thru this deep hurt?
I really recommend that you read more that is in the Abuse in Marriage topic. You will see that there are many different types of abuse. And it mainly centers upon wanting complete control of the other person. Ask God, before and as you are reading each article to show you what He wants you to know… what you can learn, apply, and maybe even adapt for your marriage situation. Abusers can appear wonderful to everyone else around them and yet be toxic to the person they are abusing.
God CAN and sometimes does change people. Only time will tell if your husband is truly changed and is changing or if it’s all a mind game where he THINKS he has changed, but he really hasn’t. I can’t tell you whether or not you can or should leave him because some spouses become more dangerous once you leave them. But sincerely pray about this. Also, I would recommend that you talk to someone who you can converse with about this. Please go into the “Links and Recommended Resources” part of the Abuse in Marriage topic. And then go into the Focus on the Family Counselor Referrals part of it. You will find a link within that, which says, “Global Outreach Sites.” Go into that and you will find a web site for “Africa” in there. Go into that part and you will find Focus on the Family Africa. On the Home Page you will find a link to their Counselling Centre. You can call them, visit them, or email them to talk to someone. I would highly recommend that you do. You need some good, godly counsel so you can determine what you should do at this point in your marriage because of the abuse. I pray God leads, guides, and helps you.
You are an amazingly strong woman of God. May you see yourself through God’s eyes. May your husband lay down his life for you as Christ did for the church. Abuse is not of God. I don’t believe God the Father would want you with an abusive man.