The following are quotes from various resources to help you as you are planning your wedding. This is a monumental day, and you want to plan it well.
We pray you will find these planning tips to be helpful to make your day a blessed event.
Quotes on Planning Your Wedding
• Getting married is the boldest and most idealistic thing that most of us will ever do. (Maggie Gallagher)
• Marriage is not to be entered into unadvisably or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God. When you consider marriage in these terms, you may wonder how two relatively immature individuals can make such an awesome commitment. Too often, we tend to focus everything on the wedding ceremony and little or nothing on marriage. We see the beauty of the ceremony but miss the beauty and wonder of the covenant. We sometimes also miss the fact that we are embarking on one of the most difficult journeys of our lives, one that does not begin on the wedding day. (Kay Coles James)
• A wedding is not a marriage. A wedding is only the beginning of an undertaking that may or may not, someday, develop into a marriage. What the couple have on their wedding day is not the key to a beautiful garden, but just a vacant lot and a few gardening tools. (David and Vera Mace)
• A copy of the words of the wedding ceremony makes a wonderful keepsake. Ask your pastor or rabbi to provide a clean copy for you so that you and your fiancé might make reference to your vows and promises each year on the date of your anniversary. (Todd Outcalt, from book, Before You Say “I Do”)
• As you make your plans, keep the big picture in perspective. Marriage is about building an entire future together, not just a wedding, reception, and honeymoon. Don’t allow yourselves to get so consumed by planning a party that you lose sight of the life you want to plan. Make time to talk with one another about the future beyond your wedding. What are your dreams and goals? What experiences do you want to have together? Take a little time away from wedding talk and dig into the life you want to build. (Drs Les & Leslie Parrott)
More Wedding Planning Quotes
• Advice for the mother of the bride: It’s her wedding, not the one you wish you had. (Renae Willis)
• One of the first things you and your fiancé need to develop is a meaningful prayer life even before the wedding. …My wife, Shirley, and I did that, and the time we have spent on our knees has been the stabilizing factor throughout nearly forty years of marriage. (James Dobson, Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide)
• The event of getting married is a lot of fun. It’s a party —you plan it, everybody comes, they celebrate, and you’ve got caterers and flowers. That’s the wedding. But it’s the merging of two lives after the wedding that will be the greatest undertaking you’ll ever face in your life. It involves sacrifice. It involves work. And if you have children, it involves huge amounts of responsibility.
Being in love does not mean that you shouldn’t have to work to create a life. You’re going to have to learn to share time, and space, and money, and effort and energy. You need to have a division of labor. Set goals for your children. There’s a lot of work in a marriage and when you’re thinking about it, make sure that you have goals so you’re moving in one direction. Don’t just flounder around. (Dr Phil McGraw)
More Planning Quotes
• Ask your pastor for a copy of the words of your wedding ceremony. (Tell him in advance that you’ll want this so he’s prepared.) Then frame and hang them in a place (like in your bedroom). There, they will be a continual reminder of what you promised one another, and what you vowed before God on your wedding day. Too often married couples forget the promises they made. The old saying, “out of sight, out of mind” is not good when it comes to following through on sacred wedding vows. Your vows are supposed to be kept “until death do we part”… “from this day forward.” (Cindy Wright)
• Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth. So let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin.
And do not protest to the temple messenger, “My vow was a mistake.” Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God. (Ecclesiastes 5:2-7)
Wedding Planning Quotes:
• Often the female is infatuated with a “wedding” more than a marriage. The wedding is the ultimate showcase. But later the relationship quickly subsides afterwards. Beware on this one! (Delores Stone)
• Unless you plan to elope secretly in the dark of night, or have planned a small intimate wedding, you may soon find your wedding plans escalating out of control. This one-sentence wedding mantra may be helpful. Recite it to yourselves in those moments when everyone about you seems to be going crazy with the planning details: The point of the wedding is to celebrate our love. It is to make a public commitment to each other for life. Everything else is extra. (Lilo and Gerard Leeds, “Wonderful Marriage”)
• Sometimes, engagement triggers family drama. The good news is, you and your fiance don’t have to feed into it—or participate in it at all. In fact, avoid drama like the plague; all it can really do is hurt your bond and take away the fun of this season. Here are some ways you can avoid engagement drama:
• Don’t respond immediately to requests or statements that upset you. – Keep your decisions and plans between the two of you until you’re ready to reveal them. – Set boundaries for family members or friends who make unreasonable demands or try to commandeer your plans. – Make a game plan with your fiancé on how you’re going to constructively handle difficult situation. Remember, this time is meant to be enjoyable for you—so don’t let anyone make it miserable. (Drs Les & Leslie Parrott, from their article, “7 Secrets to a Peaceful, Fun Engagement”)
• Snared by the $40 billion wedding industry machinery, brides and their relatives are mauled and squeezed until they come up with a sum large enough to buy a small car or two. “The belief attached is that if I spend hand over fist —if everything is perfect —we’ll have a great day and a great marriage,” said Sheryl Paul Nissinen, a bridal counselor in Los Angeles and author of “The Conscious Bride: Women Unveil Their True Feelings about Getting Hitched” (New Harbinger Publications). But future brides certainly know that dress designers, florists, caterers and others in the matrimonial bazaar are playing upon their deepest, most childish fairy-tale dreams. That’s not the problem.
The trouble is that they like the fairy tale. In fact, they adore everything about it, especially the glass slipper that fits their foot and theirs alone. Is it so terrible to want to suspend reality in favor of magic for one day, as long as you promise to don your sensible shoes the next day? I don’t think so. But it’s terribly tricky because a wedding is a fantasy magnet. The fantasy may start with a single desire—to look beautiful or to marry in a spectacular church. Then, before you know it, you’re expecting every element and every person involved to conform to an astonishingly detailed blueprint called “My Wedding Day.” The diagram seems to have been drawn secretly by your brain. (Smartmarriages article, Putting Your Wedding on a Pedestal)
Wedding Plan Debt
• For couples under the age of thirty, debt from their wedding is the most common and intense source of conflict. This is according to a Creighton University study. Among couples of all ages surveyed, wedding debt was the third most troubling issue in their marriage. It comes right behind time management and sexual issues.
To avoid these common wedding mistakes, keep the wedding meaningful and manageable. Set aside some of the money you save for a great honeymoon or maybe a house or a baby. And don’t forget —enjoy the day. (Lilo and Gerard Leeds, “Wonderful Marriage”)
• But what is the true cost of marriage? In our opinion the true cost of marriage is much more than the cost of a ceremony or a wedding certificate. It outweighs the cost of the reception or the dress. The real cost of a marriage is dying to self. Without being willing to pay that price the marriage will not last long. So much more time and expense is put into formulating pre-nuptial agreements, planning for the end of the marriage, than is put into the ingredients that make a marriage healthy and last forever.
If you both choose to become selfless, laying down your own wishes, expectations and desires the benefit is that you both demonstrate real love. Your investment reaps the return of love, thoughtfulness and happiness. It also reaps a marriage that can last a lifetime. (From the web site 2equal1.com)
Planning for a Marriage
• So many celebrate the wedding by putting forth months and months of work into planning for and preparing for this sacred event. And it’s good that couples hold the wedding ceremony as something to be celebrated. It’s a sacred God-honoring event. And then after the wedding ceremony there’s an immediate wedding reception held in celebration. Also, so much work is put forth ahead of time so the reception is a true celebration. This is also good. It’s a joyous time to enjoy with all those that witnessed the marriage of this now married couple.
“But what about the marriage? What effort is put forth to prepare for the marriage after the wedding celebration? It seems the most important aspect of all that the wedding represents is too often neglected. The wedding ceremony commemorates the first day of a life-long journey. That’s why it needs to be diligently prepared for in advance. This is to insure that the love the marrying couple is pledging in covenant with one another and with God, starts off with their best foot forward. From that day forward, a new life together as husband and wife begins. They are to set forth as a team, with God and for God. It’s not about us. We get that so twisted around. It’s all about God. We miss the “mission of marriage.” (Cindy Wright)
• A wedding is just a wedding —a party. It doesn’t prepare you for the marriage that follows. (A guest on the Oprah Show)
Additional Planning Quotes
• Make your wedding a celebration that brings you and your partner —and the family and friends who celebrate with you —closer together. Resist outside pressure. Understand what you really want in the way of a wedding —talk calmly about the dreams you both have. Do you want a big wedding or is it your parents who want it? Could you be just as happy with a more intimate gathering? If you want something modest and your parents want something grander, see if you can work out a compromise that makes everyone happy.
Your parents may want to invite some of their friends and family. And you will want to make them happy. But when it comes to your own guest list, ask yourselves if they are people you will want to see at your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, too. If they’re not that close to you, why do you feel you must invite them? You might consider saving some of the money you or your parents are spending on the wedding. Instead devote it to a great honeymoon or a down payment on a home, instead. (Lilo and Gerard Leeds, “Wonderful Marriage”)
• Have you done your emotional work before the wedding so you’re prepared for the marriage? (A guest on the Oprah Show)
• Remember, you’re not rivals. Any time you disagree with one another on your wedding details, take a step back and remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. Disagreements about decor, food, music, and other details are fleeting–they likely won’t matter in a year, or even a few days, for that matter. But the way you treat one another lasts long-term. So it’s important not to become at odds with one another during this time. (Drs Les & Leslie Parrott, from their article, “7 Secrets to a Peaceful, Fun Engagement)
Unique Wedding Gift
• Alan and Lauri were leaving the church following their reception. Alan’s mother came rushing out with a formal looking piece of paper and a pen in her hand. “I know you’re eager to leave, and I want you to,” she said, “But this is so important. It will take just a minute. Alan, I need your signature on this form. I’ve already signed it.” Alan looked puzzled but took the paper. He quickly read it and then signed it with a flourish and handed it back to his mother.
His mother then gave the form to Lauri. And with moist eyes she said something important. “Lauri, this paper belongs to you—and so does Alan. I used to be the Number One woman in Alan’s life. I’ll always be his mother. But this is my declaration that I’m transferring the position of being Number One to you. This is a signed certificate giving this position to you. It is also my announcement to Alan, so he understands this change. Have a wonderful honeymoon. I love you both.” With that, Alan’s mother turned and walked away with both Lauri and Alan smiling. But now the tears were in their eyes. This was their wedding gift. (Norman Wright, from the book, “The Other Woman in Your Marriage”)
More Planning Quotes
• Most couples finish Pre-Marriage Mentoring sessions with more confidence in their relationship. Most go on to marry. But sometimes the opposite happens. One guy, Mike remembers, “canceled his wedding two weeks before the wedding. Her parents were flying up from South America. He had already bought the tickets. But the mentoring, Mike says, did exactly what was intended. It helped identify and stop a bad marriage. That is painful but so much less painful than marrying and later divorcing.” (From the article: Can This Marriage Be Braved, featured in the Washington Post Sunday Magazine)
• If you are planning a wedding shower for a friend or family member: A Basket Shower provides useful gifts and gives your guests a chance to be creative in their gift selections. Inform them on the invitations, that this shower requires that they bring a gift in a basket or a gift that is a basket. Gifts might include a set of decorative nesting baskets, or a casserole dish with a basket server. It can be a wastebasket or painted basket filled with guest towels and decorative soaps.
Give the bride a wicker laundry basket, a hamper, or any large, decorative basket in which to place gifts both during and after the party. … Food: Serve as many of your menu items in baskets as you can. This can include rolls in a bread basket, a casserole in a basket server, a dessert on a wicker tray. Consider serving a pie with a basket-weave top crust for dessert. Decorations: Use baskets in your decorating. In addition, put flowers in a basket on your table and nuts or candies in small baskets around the room for nibbling. (Courtney Cooke)
Planning a Christian Wedding
• A Christian wedding ceremony is most natural for believers because it publicly displays the deepest of commitments. It gives the couple an opportunity to declare before family and friends their life-long devotion, and thus invite the support and prayers of their Christian brothers and sisters. It also gives the Christian community the opportunity to publicly approve and support the marriage.
The image of the bride, radiant in her white dress, and the groom, lovingly at her side, provide a marvelous symbol of Christ and the church. One day Christ will “present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle” (Ephesians 5:27, NASB). This unique symbolism in itself is reason enough to have a Christian ceremony. (Ruth Muzzy and R. Kent Hughes, from the book, “The Christian Wedding Planner”)
• One couple I know lights the unity candle on their six-month and yearly anniversaries. They read the Scripture passages they chose for their wedding ceremony and reflect on God’s goodness. They talk about how their marriage has grown or been challenged in the past six months or year. Often these discussions lead them to ask for and receive forgiveness from each other. Sometimes the couple sets goals for the coming six months or year to set a direction for their relationship. They then hold each other accountable for the things they decide are important. Then they pray together and commit themselves once more to their vows and to being a couple. (Gary Smalley)
• When my husband and I got married 47 years ago, we felt that the tossing of the bouquet and the garter were mindless rituals that people did only because of tradition. Somewhere I read that it was proper to select someone to receive the bouquet as a gift. I then thought of my groom’s sweet grandmother who was too frail to travel 500 miles to our wedding. At the reception, I gave my bouquet to my new mother-in-law, to take home to her mother. Later I learned that Grandma B dried that bouquet. She treasured it till her death several years later. More recently, my daughters did something similar. It makes much more sense. (Madeline Johnston -as posted on Smartmarriages.com)
• At my niece’s wedding, instead of throwing the bouquet to the single women at the reception the DJ asked all the married couples to get on the dance floor. He played the Anniversary waltz. Then he started by asking for anyone married for one day to leave the dance floor —which was the bride and groom. And then couples married one year, two years, five years, eight years, and so on were asked to leave. The last couple standing were married 56 years. The wife was given the bridal bouquet by the bride. (Bill Doherty, from the web site for Smart Marriages website feature, “Wedding Rituals”)
As you are planning your wedding, here are a few added ideas you might use:
• The DJ at my son’s wedding did something similar. As the longest married couple was left standing (my aunt and uncle, married 62 years) —he asked them for their secret of a good, lasting marriage. My uncle said when one is wrong to say, “I’m sorry” even when you think you were only 10% wrong. Another tip was learning to laugh at ourselves and not take life too seriously. It was a wonderful tribute and an affirmation of marriage for us all. At the rehearsal dinner we took few moments of silence. As a part of a prayer we called out the names of those that could not be in attendance. It reminded us of the importance those persons and the influence they have had and will continue to have on the newlyweds. (Bea Haledjian, from the Smart Marriages website feature, “Wedding Rituals”)
• When my daughter was married a couple of years ago, at the end of the evening the MC asked everyone to form a circle around the bride and groom. He then gave a speech about how “marriage will have its ups and downs and all the people surrounding you right now are here to support you through whatever happens.” Then he asked everyone to hold hands and walk slowly around them in a circle as the band played, “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” (There wasn’t a dry eye.) (Pat Ennis, from the Smart Marriages website feature,”Wedding Rituals”)
Other Planning Tips:
• When you get married, create your Marriage Flag. Fly it at your wedding. Think of it as akin to establishing a country with its own mission statement and constitution. Talk about what it stands for and what it represents. You can add amendments from time to time, but establish the entity, and then protect it with intentionality. Do this for your marriage and for your kids. Where would they be without a country? (Anonymous, as posted under Marriage Quotes on Smartmarriages.com)
• A unique wedding custom on the Indonesian island of Java illustrates well the principle of “leaving.” On the day before her wedding, the bride calls together all of her friends. In their presence she burns the things associated with her past life. This includes dolls, toys, and other cherished items of her childhood. At that point her friends console her over the loss of these past treasure by giving her presents.These include things identified with maturity and representing her new life. Marriage is the time to leave behind childish things, childlike behavior, and childlike attitudes. It also includes childlike dependency on parents. It is only by leaving the past behind that we best walk into the future. (Dr. Fred Lowery, from: “Covenant Marriage”)
In closing, after planning your wedding, take note:
• J.R. Miller, from his message, “The Marriage Altar —and After”:
“The preparations are all at last made. The bridal dress is completed and the day has been fixed. All of the invitations have been sent out. The hour comes. Two young hearts are throbbing with love and joy. There is music, flowers, a solemn hush —as the happy pair approach the altar. Then the repetition of the sacred words of the marriage ceremony, the clasping of hands, the mutual covenants and promises are given. Afterward, there is the giving and receiving of the ring, the final ‘Whom God has joined together —let not man put asunder,’ the prayer and blessing —and the twain are one flesh.
“There are tears and congratulations, hurried good-byes, and a new pair puts out upon the sea, freighted with high hopes. God grant it may never be dashed upon any hidden rock and wrecked!”
And that is the prayer of our hearts for you, here at Marriage Missions, as you are planning and preparing for one of the most life-changing journeys of your life. May God grant that your love and the vows of commitment never be dashed. And may your love always grow through the changes and challenges you will face.
“May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.”
(2 Thessalonians 3:5)