The following are quotes from various resources that we pray will help you in your relationship with your Unbelieving Spouse.
• If an unequally yoked wife is wise, she will take advantage of her domestic setting and use it as a womb in which the Lord can woo and win her husband into birth in God’s kingdom. She can use their home and her God-given position as a wife to counterbalance the worldliness that predominates her husband’s life. She must be open to the wonder of their love. She must devote herself to him, the same as she would if he were the greatest Christian who ever lived. She needs to learn to separate her personal reactions to what her husband does from the actual agitation of the Holy Spirit. And above all, she must do everything within her power to be the kind of helper, friend, and counselor to her unbelieving husband that God meant her to be. (Jo Berry, Beloved Unbeliever)
• Nobody was ever nagged into the kingdom of God. Nobody was ever manipulated into the kingdom of God. We come to Christ because we’re shown grace, we’re shown love, and we’re shown mercy. If our spouse is on the receiving end of criticism and manipulation —they’re going to run. The harder we try, the faster they run. If I were coaching somebody, I’d say, “Stop, because God knows what He’s doing.” I didn’t come to Christ until I was 23. Somebody else might not come to Christ until they’re 33, 83, 93, or 103. It’s all in God’s timing. He has a plan, and He knows how He’s going to work it out, and He will use us. He doesn’t need us, and that’s a freeing truth —that God can run the universe without me.
I’m a newspaper reporter. My beat is religion, and I’ve written the Christian testimonies of well over 400 people. When I do a story of a man who has come to faith in Christ after his wife, I always ask, “What was it about your wife? What did she do? What did she say to help you come to faith?” Every single man that I’ve talked to says the same thing –”It’s not what she said, frankly, I tuned her out, but it’s how she loved me. She just loved me. Even when I was cruel, she loved me.” So what I would say is love your spouse into the kingdom and let God deal with him or her. (Nancy Kennedy, Family Life Today radio broadcast aired 06/04/03, titled, “What I Did Wrong,”)
• An area of battle is coping with the daily changes that occur within yourself, and how that interacts with your mate. As a “child of light,” you begin to see life differently through God’s filter. Things of the world no longer satisfy, excite, or challenge you. Your sights are set higher. Part of that is reflected in your relationship as a wife [husband] friend and lover. There unfortunately are things that you begin to dislike about him [her]. We are to “love the sinner, but hate the sin.”
There were times I had to pray, “Lord, give me a desire for my husband … help me to love him with Your love, because I don’t like him very much right now.” Remember, you have to “take every thought captive, unto the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). Give it to God and then you will have peace. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep him [her] in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he [she] trusts in You.” “Let not your heart be troubled…” (John 14:1). You will have peace when you give these struggles to God and let Him keep them. (D. L. McCarragher, from book, “Mission Possible”)
• Pray specifically over the strongholds in your spouse’s life. Be bold. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you. Ask the Lord to give you a scripture specifically for them and turn them into a prayer. Insert your spouse’s name and give God’s own word back to Him for your spouse. Ask God to show you how to love them beyond their faults and flaws and to show you the battles you should face head on versus the ones you should walk away from and lay totally at His feet, to be dealt with in His time.
Know that Satan will try to distract you. He will try to frustrate you and unsettle you and discourage you. That is the time you need to press into the Father and seek Him with your all. It will be worth the sacrifice. (Rosheeda Lee, from the Spiritually Unequal Marriage email, Jan. 4, 2010)
• God never says, “Oops!” Perhaps the most difficult thing for a spiritually-single wife to understand is that God is fully aware of her situation. Your spiritually-mismatched marriage can “mold you into someone who looks and loves more like Jesus,” Nancy Kennedy says. When an unbeliever’s wife recognizes God’s presence in her situation, she can relax. “You’ll be able to enjoy your life and that will ease tensions at home. When that happens, you won’t have to talk constantly about your faith because you’ll be living it” (from Lifeway.com article “How Spiritually Unequal Marriages Can Be Whole“).
• In our zeal to get our husbands saved, we do everything but show the love of Christ. The fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, etc.) is totally absent from the picture. In our efforts to be his savior, the fruit of the Spirit is not perfected in our lives. Although you really want to “be all that,” you still have growing to do. So stop thinking that you are better than your spouse —he can see right through you —and your superior attitude does not provide a warm welcome. (Sabrina D. Black, from the book “Can Two Walk Together?”)
• Some of our situations are far beyond us and beyond our ability to change. …There were times in our marriage when in my mind I was ready to leave, and I’m sure there were times when my husband may have wanted to leave. I had [figuratively] beaten him so badly with the Bible that he was probably saying, “Take the Bible and go.” Scripture says if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let him go. “But if the unbelieving partner [actually] leaves, let him do so; in such [cases the remaining] brother or sister is not morally bound. But God has called us to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15). However, it does not say to put him out. I wanted to put [my husband] out. I said, “You are not a believer, and I am a believer, and this is not going to work. We are both struggling. Why don’t you go ahead and pack? God will understand.”
But that is not what the Scripture teaches. It says, if he wants to leave, it is OK to let him go. It did not say make him leave, encourage him to go, or tell him all the reasons why the marriage won’t work. Instead, you should be praying that God would move in the heart of your spouse, as well as in your marriage, and that He would strengthen you —give you endurance, patience and forbearance. (Sabrina D. Black, from the book, “Can Two Walk Together?”)
• Question: What more can a wife, with an unbelieving husband do, besides trusting God that He’s sovereign, praying in faith – believing that eventually God will reveal answers to your prayers, and finding ways to respectfully building him up?
Answer by Nancy Kennedy: Find common ground, especially when the spiritual difference is so profound, and maybe there’s antagonism. I would suggest finding the things that you do have in common and not talking about Jesus all the time. You can speak the Gospel loud and clear by never mentioning the name of Jesus. And I always tell women to start building a bridge. Build upon that relationship, find common ground, even if the only thing you have left in common is that you both like chocolate chip ice cream. Build on that, and then just keep finding common ground. (Nancy Kennedy, from the Family Life Today radio program, Won Without a Word, aired 06/26/03)
• Pray for your unbelieving spouse. If your spouse is not yet a Christian, ask God to show your spouse his or her need for Jesus. Pray for God to deliver your spouse from evil that deceives him or her, and help your spouse to discover the truth of the Gospel, which will set him or her free. Pray that the way you live out your faith would be a good example to your spouse that will help him or her draw closer to Jesus. Ask God to give your spouse an unmistakable encounter with the Holy Spirit. Pray for Christian friends for your spouse who can influence them in positive ways. Never stop praying for your spouse’s salvation as long as he or she is alive! (Whitney Hopler, from the Crosswalk.com article, “Pray Big Prayers for Your Marriage”)
• During your time of “waiting on the Lord” (Psalm 27:14), you must be courageous. This is not a time for whimpering and whining. This is a time to dig in and serve —and a time to dig trenches and fortify your position in Christ regarding your mate. The enemy is stealthy and clever in distraction regarding your mission. He will try to divert your energy and resources into other areas that might be good, but not GOD’s best! Be careful with too many church activities and over commitment.
Remember, your spouse does not understand your need to serve the kingdom purposes. Balance is crucial, when it comes to home, church, and work. Pray that God will prepare your husband’s heart and give you that understanding and favor regarding your “God assignments.” Use spiritual sensitivity and discernment when it comes to volunteering yourself for everything that comes your way at church. God will affirm to you the right things to do, and conversely, He will squelch those things which are wrong for you at the time. You must stay in touch with God on a daily basis through prayer, reading the Word, and seeking the Spirit’s leading to know His will for you and your household. (D. L. McCarragher, from book “Mission Possible)
• While perfection isn’t possible or even necessary, your behavior can attract or repel your spouse where spiritual growth is concerned. You’re living out what you’re experiencing with God. Is it appealing? Is your relationship with Christ making you a more enjoyable person to live with —or just a more religious one? (Rob Jackson, one of the authors of the book, The First Five Years of Marriage)
• No matter what your husband’s spiritual condition may be, he deserves a wife who exhibits God-pleasing behavior. You don’t have to hold back any good thing from your husband just because he doesn’t believe in God, in fact your loving treatment of him may cause him to have a change of heart! This is not to say that a wife has the power to save her husband’s soul; only the Holy Spirit can accomplish that, but you can certainly influence your husband (without words no less!) and show him the love of Christ. (From the web site Childoflight.org)
• The spouse who struggles with faith issues needs a gentle partner to come home to. A holier-than-thou approach is sure to deepen the divide —not only between your partner and yourself, but also between your partner and God (and it can’t do much for your own walk with Christ, either). Nobody wants to be smothered or judged or patronized. It’s not an issue of spiritual leadership or authority; it’s just human nature to pull away when someone invades your space physically or emotionally. (Rob Jackson, one of the authors of the book, The First Five Years of Marriage)
• Love really is the greatest motivator of all time. If you really want to see a spouse come to faith in Christ, it’s not going to be through cramming the Gospel down their throat. It’s not going to be through the Gospel ambush, through teaching a parrot how to present the Gospel, getting our toddler to be able to say, “Daddy, why don’t you go to church?” It’s going to be that spouse that allows the Holy Spirit to fill her, to fill him, and to be a mirror of God’s love to a man who doesn’t have spiritual eyesight.
He’s just a man, but you know what? He recognizes love when he sees it, and the real assignment for those listening to us right now is I want you, before your head hits the pillow tonight, I want you to sit down and write down five ways you can begin to aggressively show love to your spouse and none of them can be the proclamation of the Gospel verbally. They all need to be the proclamation of the Gospel through your life and through your actions and your heart and your respect and maybe even a kiss on the cheek for your spouse. (Dennis Rainey, from the Family Life Today Radio Program, Won Without a Word, aired on 06/26/03)
• The Scripture teaches us that the Lord inhabits the praises of his people (Psalm 22:3 KJV). If you want the Lord to inhabit your relationship, then a natural ingredient is worshiping together. Unfortunately, some couples don’t have the benefit of worshiping together. Perhaps one works or just won’t go to church. This is an area to keep on your prayer list; look for ways to find meaning together when you can.
I know of a husband who agreed to go to church with his wife once a month. Instead of nagging or condemning about the other three weeks, she made a big deal out of that one morning a month by serving fun food and turning it into a pleasurable event. Within the year he was going most Sundays. Today, after many years, he is a leader in their church. Set the tone for a good experience. Pray for God’s Spirit to inhabit your worship. (Jim Burns, Creating an Intimate Marriage)
• Before you sum up your spouse’s spiritual struggle as merely a “sin issue,” take some time to consider his context. What was his religious experience as a child? Was his faith nurtured or hindered? Was his parents’ faith meaningful or a chore? Has he experienced a personal relationship with Christ or mere religion? The Bible is clear: We’re not authorized to judge others (Matthew 7:1). Sometimes in marriage we’re prone to judge because of what we know —or think we know —about our spouses. We do know, however, that God cares about our mates. The struggle may take time, and may even challenge our faith. In the meantime, we can trust Him to nurture our spouses and our marriages. (Rob Jackson, one of the authors of the book, The First Five Years of Marriage)
• Most women who are involved in unequally yoked relationships have heard the Scripture that your husband may be won through your quiet and gentle spirit. “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1). My caution is that Scripture says that he may be won, not he will be won. It does not say that because you are quiet, gentle, and meek your husband will be saved in two weeks or any specific time frame.
As a counselor, I see a lot of women who are carrying anxiety and guilt about their husband’s salvation. However, we must remember that there was a time in our lives when we were without God and didn’t know enough to know we needed salvation. Even if we knew, we could not save ourselves; and we certainly cannot save anyone else. Do not become burdened or feel responsible for your spouse’s salvation. I know you probably don’t fully believe that things will ever change. So go ahead, take matters into your own hands, tell him what he’s missing, brag about what the pastor says, and what so-and-so’s husband is doing! And after you have wasted your time doing these things —and it is a gross waste of time —trust in the Lord to draw your husband into the faith the same way that He drew us. (Sabrina D. Black, from the book “Can Two Walk Together?”)
• “How would you treat your spouse if you saw them as being autographed by God?” Gary Smalley posed that question as he spoke on the subject of marriage and it’s a good one to think and pray about.
• Can you look at loving your spouse as doing it for the very heart of God? (Goes with Matthew 25:40)
• We often hear it asked, What am I getting out of this marriage? But the more appropriate question is: WHAT IS GOD GETTING OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE? He’s seeking a colleague —a dedicated partner and coworker —in the ministry of loving your spouse, and YOU are the colleague he wants. Furthermore, He’s seeking a colleague to JOIN HIM in the ministry of loving you, and He wants your spouse to fill that role. (Never Alone – by David and Teresa Ferguson)
• Big mistake! Don’t ever compare your husband to other men, especially those at church, or you’ll be truly miserable and setting yourself up for some very harmful emotional situations. It’s easy to idealize men you don’t have to live with especially if your own husband doesn’t seem to be matching up, but all men (and women) have their faults and foibles. No one is perfect except Christ Jesus.
I have two pieces of advice here: One – Never make a man your confidante. Aside from conferring with your pastor, as a Christian woman you should confide in one or two trusted Christian sisters only. There are many reasons for this but I’ll only mention the obvious here. If you’re feeling your husband isn’t meeting your needs, unburdening yourself to a well-meaning and sympathetic male friend sets up an atmosphere of false intimacy that can lead to adulterous thoughts or actions.
Two – Don’t make it a habit to complain about what you perceive to be your husband’s “negative” qualities. Dwelling on and talking about your husband’s short-comings only re-enforces those thoughts in your mind as well as making him look bad to others, and you don’t want to do that to someone you love. (From the web site Childoflight.org)
• When you are in an unequally yoked relationship, one of the things that can really trip you up is looking at other people’s marriages. It is It is so easy to look at other couples and think, “I wish my spouse was a Christian and my relationship was like theirs.” Do not set yourself up to stumble. Do not look to the left or to the right; look up from whence cometh your help. Look up! Your help comes from the Lord. “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth” (Psalm 12:1-2 KJV).
Remember, if you look to the Lord and learn to praise Him for your spouse regardless of what is going on around you, you will have the abundant joy that He desires for you. (Sabrina D. Black, from the book, “Can Two Walk Together?”)
• As the wife of an unspiritual man, you naturally worry about how your children are going to come up. But God doesn’t want your children to be lost. Though I’ve often worried about this, especially when I see signs that my children are developing ungodly habits, I remind myself that God Himself gave my beloved little ones to me and is watching over their hearts and minds protecting them. Not only that but Jesus Christ died for them because of their ungodly habits. In His Hands they are safe. (From the web site Childoflight.org)
• Just because our spouse isn’t a believer (yet) doesn’t mean we can’t have a God-centered marriage. You are the conduit to bring God into your marriage. Keep the faith and remember that through that very same faith, your spouse partakes in your sanctification and God’s covering. (Dineen, from the Spiritually Unequal Marriage ministry)
• There are times when you might question God’s timing. Don’t beat yourself up by asking why your prayers haven’t been answered yet. Don’t let the terrible trio of fear, doubt, and unbelief do a number on you. The enemy loves to torture you with those, so don’t be double minded (James 1:8). Take authority and just believe. Try not to analyze why your spouse won’t “take hold of the cross.” Was it pride? Anger? Resentment at God?
We are not the Holy Spirit. Only God searches the heart and tests the mind (Jeremiah 17:10). God knows the perfect timing and perfect plans He has for your husband. “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). Give it over to God today! (D. L. McCarragher, from the book “Mission Possible”)
• Question: Being mismatched can cause a marriage to be a roller coaster emotionally and spiritually. How do you combat those low times?
I stay close to God. Always. Even if I don’t feel like it. I find that a heavy heart is always uplifted by those precious words in the Bible. There’s so much in there, so many who have struggled before us and God put their stories and struggles right there for us to read and learn from.
Plus, it’s really hard to lose hope when God puts it on your heart to help someone who needs help or prayer. That helps me keep things in perspective. And the small group I’m part of is such a blessing in my life. These ladies are mismatched too. We pray for each other and hold each other up though it all.
The worst thing to do is to isolate yourself. I used to do that too. That’s where the enemy gains power and control in your life. We need other Christians to stay strong, I understand that now. Especially in a mismatched marriage.
But I’m noticing that the roller coaster is becoming more like a boat ride now. We have smooth waters most of the time, choppy waters occasionally. As long as I keep my eyes on Jesus, things smooth out and we sail along. (From “An Interview with Lexie Baltimore – Part 2″, as posted on Spirituallyunequalmarriage.com”)
• Isaiah 40:31 tells us that those who hope in/wait on the Lord will renew their strength. That’s God’s promise of what time spent with him will produce. This is my pursuit right now… how can I live more victoriously in Christ and be a living and visual testimony to my husband of who Christ is?
Ladies and gents, we’re in a battle here. We can either stay alert at the feet of Christ or live in defeat. I know I much prefer Christ’s “feet” over “de-feat.” (Dineen, from The Spiritually Unequal Marriage email, April 14, 2010)
43 responses to “Quotes on “Unbelieving Spouse””
(CANADA) Thank you for the encouragement. It was much needed. I really feel like my wife hates me, yet I continue to pray for her salvation. I don’t think she loves me at all. How would she leave if she wanted to when we have a teenage son and 2 adult daughters at home? I am sure she would like for me to leave. But it says if they, the unbeliever, wants to leave, let them go. Should I leave if she tells me to? She can be quite aggressive verbally and physically. Please help me.
(UNITED STATES) It is very difficult to be married to unbeliever no matter if you are the saved husband or wife because you will experience a certain amount of division when you are on different paths spiritually. Once you are a Christian you are looking at everything through God’s eyes and life changes and you realize what life is really about while your mate is still looking at life through the world’s eyes. I have often had to remember to look at my marriage and husband the way God does and when things really get difficult I try to remember that I may be the vessel God is going to use and that I am a witness by example.
It has been said by many that the hardest people to win are your own family members, this is very true. Be prepared not to give up because it might take years but they will see Christ through the life you live. It can be frustrating. My husband was really having a positive change of heart when I was hurt and betrayed by my own pastor and that was the only reason he hardened his heart again. But I trust God can and will change his heart one day.
(USA) I’m worried that no one is answering/counseling/guiding most of these posts. I’ve read the comments on other articles and many of them have replies from more mature, experienced Christians. The encouraging words and suggestions and general support is great. But on this article, where it seems we would need the most support from mature Christians, we get none. I find myself in many of these previously posted commentor situations, so I don’t feel the need to post my particular problem. I should be able to get some idea of the way to go, or where in the Bible to look for help, or some kind words of a fellow believer from the replies to the comments.
Do you understand? I don’t feel strong enough in my walk with Jesus to give advice to any of these comments. I’m still a “baby Christian”, but I have this exact problem. I’m married to a “I need proof to believe” Christian wanna-be. I understand where these people are coming from and frankly I would like to learn from their experiences and others who have been there and made it through. Can anyone tell me why there’s only 1 reply to a comment?
Hi Angie, After I read your comment, I went up to look at the absence of those that are “answering/counseling/guiding most of these posts.” And you’re right that there are a number of posts that didn’t receive “answers” to what they had said. But there are also a number of them that did receive replies. I totally agree that it would be great if mature Christians would come in and give answers or at least some type of support for all of those who are seeking help. But it just isn’t happening. SOMETIMES it does, and often it does, but not as often as we’d sure like to see, and believe it should be.
It’s our continual prayer that mature Christians — those that are growing in Christ in their maturity, would embrace the wonderful mission they could have if they kept an eye on this web site and prayed for those who post and also pray about responding to comments (those that are appropriate for them to answer), as God leads. If God shows them they should reach out in some type of response — whether it’s an “answer” or a tip, or a written prayer, or a supportive note, we hope they will do so. We know it would bless others in wonderful ways.
My husband Steve and I certainly can’t do it all, nor do we feel led to do so. We are so busy with other ministry work and opportunities with Marriage Missions, that we could work 24 hours a day and still not get it all done. It’s like Jesus said, as recorded in the scriptures, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore to send out workers into his harvest field.” And we do. We continually pray and give God the elbow room to inspire others to help as well, to lighten the load. We believe He is inspiring, but not everyone answers His call. In the meantime, we do what we can, as God leads and empowers, and trust God will raise up His workers. We’d sure appreciate your prayers on behalf of this work.
If you could only see all the emails and responses we receive from those whose lives and marriages are changed for the better, despite the gaps that we see in not having enough workers, your heart would swell with gratitude to our God for the “great things He has done.” Thanks Angie, for caring. We appreciate your concern.
(USA) I married my unbeliever husband 20 years ago. After 7 years, he accepted Christ and has served in our local church for many of the past 13 years. A couple of months ago, he told me that he is finished with Christianity. He said he only did it to better fit into my Christian family. He doesn’t believe Christ is God nor that he or anyone else can die for him.
I feel that I’ve been thrown back in time, back to where I am unequally yoked (again)~ I feel that my marriage is unreal and so full of dishonesty. We have two kids. One is 17 and the other 25. I’m in counselling… trying to accept the changes but oh so hard right now. Any advice?
(PHILS.) May the Lord bless your ministry. I learned a lot. I want your comment regarding my situation related to 1 Corinthians 7:13 and 15.
I am married to an unbelieving spouse and we have one child. Presently, we are living separately because of his infidelity. He left us and He wants divorce. In the Philippines, it is an annulment of marriage. Either of us can file. My question is, can I file an annulment in relation to the afore said verse? Because according to the verse if the unbelieving husband leaves… let him do so and the believing wife is not bound. Can you enlighten me with this verse. Thank you.
(UNITED STATES) After 45 years of marriage and being a Christian 39 of those years, I’m still living with an unbelieving spouse. Thank you for this website, which I just found. I feel like I have met a whole new group of friends who now understand the situation.
(US) On reading the comments I realize others have it much worst than myself –I am married to a back-slidden Christian. It is quite interesting because he knows the scriptures, and loves to quote them. He is verbally abusive, judmental, and critical –this I have come to accept.
I am on a mission now, to improve my boundaries, so in time, he will change the way he treats me. I have seen some success –He no longer ambushes me at night, since I have told him I cannot discuss things after a certain time, when I am tired. He has been very respectful in this. I have also recently begun to pray, in my prayer closet, in the Holy Spirit. I am in counseling, and I was very close to divorce. I highly recommend Christian counseling. My life would have been a mess without it. I am a committed Christian and love the Lord with all my heart –if this can shed some light or help someone, Praise God.
(USA) What about those men that are married to WOMEN who don’t believe in God? It’s not good to assume that only women are in “unequally yolked” marriages.
I am an atheist and my husband is a Christian. I found this page open and read it. Unfortunately, all your advice is geared towards women, so men like my husband cannot “benefit” from it. I’m sure there are others like my husband who would like advice geared towards both genders.
I don’t personally agree with the message (in any way), but I was more troubled by the fact that this page is extremely sexist. Please consider re-wording your message.
With all that said, I hope that every person out there in a strained marriage, looking for help in your religion, finds it.
(USA) Yanili, We totally agree that it’s not only women who are in these marriages. But the articles we’ve found that we can post are written by women. Trust me when I say that we keep looking for articles written by men on this subject and we WILL post those we are allowed, when we find them.. This topic is not meant to be sexist, it’s just that we lack men who are as vocal in addressing this issue.
Please accept our apology if we’ve offended you in any way by appearing to be sexist. As we tell all we can, that if an article is written by a woman or a man and your situation is reversed, glean from what you can use and apply accordingly. There are many issues where the advice is the same, whether it’s a man or woman — the gender reference just needs to be changed in one’s mind. We can’t change the pronouns in an author’s article according to what suits us or others, so hopefully, the reader will do so in their thinking. Thanks for your input, Yanili; we appreciate it. You have been most gracious.
(USA) I loved this! Thank you! What a blessing and confirmation! Thanks
(USA) What about for believers that have a spouse who is living in an adulterous relationship and is a non-believer? I asked him to leave… twice, and now totally regret it. I want my marriage, family and husband back. I know it says to let him leave, but I’ve heard of so many testimonies of people that held on and prayed diligently and their marriages were saved and are now miraculous. That is what I want, but I seem to really waiver in not knowing what God wants…
(UNITED STATES OF AMERICA) I was deeply motivated by this article, I understand what GOD requires of me as a believer in regards to my husband. I just had that error of getting discouraged when my husband doesn’t show any change towards GOD’S word and I sometimes feel like condemning him to hell. I just want him to come to know the love of GOD. I am encouraged once again to continue being what GOD expects of me. Thanks again, and I know the article is spirit filled.
(USA) I have done all I know to do spiritually and naturally to save my marriage for the last year. We were only married 6 mths before he backslid. I still love my husband very much, but he wants to separate. My issue is 1 Cor 7:15. He says he is leaving regardless and that I needed to find somewhere to go too.
I can’t afford our home alone, so if he wants out is it ok for me to leave? Am I still considered the one leaving? Because I don’t want to go against God’s word but I want to use wisdom, as well, and not just watch him walk out the door leaving me with a mortgage. I still believe that God can save our marriage. We have to be separated for a year before we can even file in my state. So I’m just not sure how to go about doing this. I told him I would never leave him and promised God the same. But am I truly leaving if I physically leave? I will still be praying for reconciliation while apart. Just need advice on what’s right scripturally.
Dear Joy, You can’t MAKE someone stay married to you. Essentially, it seems that at this point your husband has left you and your marriage in his heart. But that doesn’t mean that he can’t have a change of heart. And that doesn’t mean that you have to leave your marriage, even if financial circumstances may mean that you have to leave your home.
You can tell your husband that you want to bring peace into your marriage situation, and the only way you know how to do that is to physically leave the house, but that he needs to know that you are not leaving the marriage. You are just removing yourself from the house because of the volatility of the financial situation. Tell him that you will not file for divorce and that you still want to reconcile. Tell him that you still consider yourself to be his wife and you will remain faithful, praying for him, and will be available to talk about reconciliation at any point. Only do this if you are certain that you can follow through with your promises (guard your heart and leave it open for him). And only do this if, after praying about what I am writing here, God directs you that this is sound advice.
Above all, pray, and see how God unravels this thing. I pray your husband comes to his senses and that God keeps you strong. You’ve been married such a short time. It’s natural for there to be “bumps” in the road, but it appears that your husband is piling more and more debris upon them. Keep praying, even if you have to leave the house physically. This is a dark time, but God can give you light. I pray He will. May He strengthen you and help you and give you hope that there is “Son”-shine beyond the clouds that have formed over your marriage.
(USA) This is my struggle, although my husband is saved born again, and filled with the spirit. We have an awesome church, awesome pastors, and he has made a lot of progress. But in reading this it feels like I am married to an unbeliever! I am even more frustrated because he has had a walk with God and throws it at the wayside in cycles… when he is mad he even doubts there is a God! He knows what he is supposed to do and does nothing. It’s not my job to be the spiritual leader im not the head he is!!!
The main frustration is how it has confused the kids. He is sooooooooo addicted to video games. God has told me to stay, keep believing his promises, and believe in him (God)! At one time I didn’t want to go back to church because it hurts to see all the men that lead their family. As frustrated and hurt as I have been I have to focus on what God said and his promises and know things are turning! God is at work!!! I keep my mind sound by ignoring all I see and steadily speaking, it’s turning. I really make a strong effort to walk in love and show Gods love towards him. God has shown me things I have to change, as well, to better serve him while serving my husband!
Who said it’s not “your job?” Yes, the man is SUPPOSED to be the spiritual head, but when he won’t do it, then it’s left up to you. Meekly do what needs to be done if he won’t. Meekness is defined as “strength under control.” We’re told in Galatians 6:1, “if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” Don’t get caught up in whining about this or in pride, just be the hero here and lead and pray for your husband that eventually he will take over. In the meantime, do what needs to be done.
There are times when someone is “supposed” to do something, but doesn’t. We see in Judges 4 and 5 that men were supposed to lead out in battle, but instead, they shrank back and Deborah, a woman, ended up doing the leading –doing what they should have done. She did so giving all glory to God. Obviously, your husband needs a lot of prayer and encouragement to release that which is stopping him from being the man God has ordained that he become. Look to God to help you to do what needs to be done with a prayerful attitude. “May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ to whom be the glory for ever and ever.” (Hebrews 13:20-21)
(USA) It was so good to find this site! I am someone (I suspect that I’m not alone!) who needs CONCRETE suggestions and the testimony of others along with being in an ever-closer relationship with the Lord. By the way, I am a believing husband (though a poor example of Christ) with an unbelieving wife. I think that I better understand why …why should she embrace Christ when His representative is so harsh? Pray that I may get right with (love) the Lord first, then love my wife as she deserves. Thank you so much for your ministry.
(PHILIPPINES) You’ll never believe how my mind and my heart is at peace now that I have come across your article. I have been struggling as a Christian wife to an unbeliever husband for four years already; and I am currently residing with my in-laws who are unbelievers as well. I am so relieved to find that it’s really necessary for me to be part of a small care group. I have isolated myself from other Christians, which made me even weaker.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful insight. I’ll always refer to this whenever I’m weak and I’m being attacked by the enemy. God bless you!