This is an article, which features couples whose marriages were saved and transformed. We asked some of the couples whose marriages were once in crisis and who now serve with us in ministry what they would say to you. Here is what each couple shared.
From: Mark and Debbie
To: The person trying to save a marriage alone
I (Debbie) want to say that if you are working on your marriage with an unwilling spouse, you must not underestimate the power that you have with God by your side. If your spouse is in sin, you don’t need to be his or her judge and jury. When I didn’t want to save our marriage, Mark had to learn to get out of the way so that God could convict me of my hard heart.
Learn to entrust your spouse to God and take care of your own side of the street. Your relationship with your spouse will never be as important as your relationship with God. The truth is, you are not going to heaven with your spouse by your side. You will stand before God on your own.
I (Mark) want to encourage you to pray without ceasing. It is the most powerful weapon you have! So many people forget that, and they get busy trying to play God in their spouses’ lives. I had to learn to entrust Debbie to God, even when I knew she was walking outside of God’s will. If you will reconcile with God first and do what He tells you to do, then when your spouse repents, you will be ready to reconcile. If your spouse never comes on board, then at least you will be able to move on knowing that you did your part.
From: Marion and Jeanne
To: The couple whose marriage is in crisis
We have been married 45 years, but there was a time when we thought our marriage would end in divorce. Even though we were Christians, you would have never known it by the way we behaved toward each other. I (Jeanne) used to secretly wish I could be a “godly widow” so I wouldn’t have to deal with our marital problems anymore. But God had other plans for us. Instead He wanted us to learn to take our focus off each other. We needed to put it where it belonged —on Him.
Jeanne and I (Marion) were married 10 years. We served in our church when our marriage fell into crisis. Neither one of us wanted to work very hard to save the marriage. But because we were Christians we felt that we at least needed to give it a shot. We want to encourage you as a couple to learn to pray together —from your hearts. A counselor taught us how to pray as a couple. Even though in the beginning we used the prayers to give little digs to each other, God used our prayers to reveal years of unresolved issues in our hearts. We never miss a day without praying with and for each other. We are praying for you too.
From: Clint and Penny
To: The couple or individual whose marriage looks hopeless
Nothing is impossible with God. We are grateful that God gave us a second chance when we remarried after being divorced for 11 years. But that wasn’t just something special He reserved for our marriage. As long as your spouse has not remarried, your marriage can still be saved. No matter how hopeless things might seem, stay focused on God and let Him lead you.
Think of your marriage as you would an invitation to a sacred dance with God. What is required on your part is to accept His invitation, take His hand, and let Him lead you out onto the dance floor. There you will apply the steps you’ve been practicing along the way. Sure, some steps will be much harder to take than others. That’s to be expected. There are stumbling blocks in every relationship and there will be times it seems that for every mountaintop you dance on, a valley awaits on the other side.
But remember that no matter how hampered your steps become, do not hesitate for a moment to listen to the music and follow God’s lead in whatever process He uses to mend your marriage. Keep dancing …and know that we’ll be dancing right beside you.
These testimonies (along with a lot of other helpful information) can be found in the book, Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved: 12 Truths for Rescuing Your Relationship. It is written by Joe and Michelle Williams, published by Tyndale House Publishers. This is a Focus on the Family book which gives “12 Truths for Rescuing Your Relationship.”
I want to save my marriage but my husband doesn’t want to anymore. It breaks my heart; we have been together 11 years we have 2 beautiful children together. We’ve been having problems for years sadly. Yet we always found our way back to each other. The past few weeks we really drifted apart and sadly me and our children moved out because he had left home with all his things first.
I was praying and praying that God would open up his heart and show my husband that I do love him.it was like the more I prayed the more he pushed me away and now we’re not living together. It hurts so much that I want to save my marriage and he doesn’t. I’m praying God will help me through this and help me and my husband grow closer to God to help save us from getting a divorce..
Dear God, I pray to You that Amanda’s relationship with her husband is healed. I pray that their family stays together and heal together. I pray that the marriage is transformed with Your loving grace. If it is Your Will, I pray that the marriage is better than before. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
Hello, I do not wish to reveal my name but I need prayer. I want to save my marriage but my husband feels so hopeless and doesn’t see how that can happen. He says his feelings for me have completely changed and he can no longer try to make our marriage work anymore. We have two beautiful boys who are 4 and 6 months old. The thought of divorce scares me so much. I don’t want that for my husband and I and especially for my children.
Truth is my husband and I have had problems for sometime but were never able to address them appropriately. When I had my first son my husband was having an affair. We went for help and at the time he was willing to stay and make our marriage work. However looking back we basically slapped a bandaid on that terrible wound in our marriage. I know I never really healed from it nor did I ever really forgive my husband or the other woman involved. But I kept going and here we are with another beautiful baby and we find ourselves again struggling like never before to the point where he doesn’t want to even try to make it work.
I want to save my marriage and I know that nothing is impossible for the Lord. I need prayer that I step out of the way and stop playing God and so He can do is work; that he change my husbands heart and breathe life back into our marriage and that we can together come to Him. I want this chapter in our lives to someday be a testimony to others just like the testimonies I read above. To give hope to others just as the stories I read above have given me hope. Thank you.
Hi, I was reading through these comments and I noticed your post was from over two years ago. It broke my heart to read it and I felt your pain! I’m curious how things are with you, the children and your marriage! Thanks :)
Please pray for me and my wife Ann not to go through with divorcing me. I do not want a divorce. I am going to hope for reconciliation and restoration.
Good morning! I love your encouraging stories! My Husband John and I have never had a healthy marriage; however I know in my heart that with God nothing is impossible! Today John is in complete misery; he hates to even come home, it’s really very sad. He struggles with temptation and a very dear Christian lady told me recently if he’s not cheating now then he will be soon! That broke my heart for this lady to see what I don’t.
John has many female friends and I feel as his wife that they should have come to me in the beginning to see how I felt about them hanging out all the time but it never came and he constantly talks to other women ex’s women he’s been intimate with. To me and how I was raised is that is complete disrespect and disregard for my feelings. Am I wrong? When I approach the situation I immediately get put down like I’m crazy or that I’m dumb for even saying something.
For example: while my Dad was dying of Glioblastoma (a very aggressive brain cancer) we were separated and he went to Hawaii with a female friend. He gets caught in his web of lies. First he told me I have my own room but the truth was they shared the same bed. It was like a huge slap in the face! The funny part was that he called me constantly and video chatted very often. Why?? My Husband John does not respect me and I’m the only one fighting for our marriage! But I’m tired and now I have misery and feel like I’m walking on egg shells. Please, please lift up John and Kasey and our beautiful family up in prayer! Thank you and God bless!!
Kasey, This is sad and it is wrong on so many levels. And your husband knows it. There is a difference between fighting for your marriage, and allowing your spouse to walk all over you before he totally walks away from you. And I’m guessing he will someday if he doesn’t wake up and change his ways. This type of behavior is not sustainable. Somehow, he needs a love must be tough wake up call before his respect and love for you is completely emptied out, and yours for him, as well. You can only take so much of being cheated on in this way. Sharing the same bed with another lady while he is chatting with you is “crazy.” You aren’t crazy… this type of behavior is crazy.
Here is a link to an article that I hope will help you in some way: https://marriagemissions.com/why-doesnt-my-spouse-change-functional-fixedness/. Your husband appears to be stuck in what is termed as functional fixedness. He is sinning. He knows it, but he believes it is working for him, and he has no motivation to change in any way. He believes you will just keep putting up with this toxic behavior as long as he throws the accusations at you that you are the crazy one and he has not reason to change. I hope you will gain wisdom and apply it as to how to move him off of this destructive stance. I pray for you and for your family.
We have been married for less than 2 years. I have moved to another country to be with him (USA). Since the beginning we had issues of all types but I do believe that with our different pasts we bring our baggage to the relationship. I believe in loving unconditonally. I believe in forgiveness and second chances. We are very different in how we deal with things. We had many issues and every time I would wanna fix it or talk it out, he would shut me down. He would always say that everything is my fault. He became distant and would not pay attention to me. He would focus on hobbies or on his phone.
After months of feeling rejected, ignored, blamed and shut down, I snapped. I also felt betrayed because he believed his friend (a girl) over me. Short story, I felt betrayed. We had big fights and he would always find a way to make it seems like I was the cause of all issues so at two different times I got physical with him (pushed him and cursed at him). I am very ashamed and regret it deeply. Marriage is hard and especially when you are not in your country and you don’t have your family nor your friends there. I felt so lonely most of the time even when my husband was next to me because he didn’t seem to care that much. After that second fight in which I got physical, something changed in him. I tried everything to make him understand that I was sorry and that I would never do it again. But also I was hoping he could realize that he pushed me to my limits.
I am not a violent person. I do not wake up in the morning and feel like beating someone or my husband because he didn’t pick up his socks. I reacted strongly because of all that accumulation of negatives and strong emotions that I could never evacuate with husband because he would shut me down and even leave to his parents house and leave me alone. I went to anger management a few times because he asked me and I was ready to do that. The counselor told me that the issue seemed to come from the communication between him and I and that she wanted to meet him. He didnt want too. He said that I needed to fix my issue. Later we met with our bishop and he told us that we needed marriage counseling. My husband always believed that the issue came from me. Not him. I started to work and it was impossible for us to find a counselor that could see us at night when we would be both free. Then it came to a point that he was so cold to me that i was not even angry anymore but simply heartbroken. I cried in front of him and he stayed like an ice cube and continued to say that it’s all my fault if he is like that, etc.
I decided to leave and go back to my country to see my family. I was a mess. I was completely in pieces because I felt that my husband didn’t love me anymore. I left and I told him that I was done and that I was heartbroken. I started to think that maybe us being married would never lead to happiness. When I left, He didn’t really try to convince me to stay nor come back. Which hurt. He did text a few things including a sad face a couple of times but for me it was not enough. I wanted a phone call. A gesture. Some comforting words. Some love that I was longing for so long… then something changed over there.
I don’t know exactly but I feel that his attitude changed when our bishop tried to get in touch with him. I contacted my bishop when I arrived here and I asked him for help and if he could reach out to my husband because our marriage was in danger but because I was also worried for my husband’s spiritual health. Since the day my husband knew I asked the bishop to reach out to him, his attitude changed and instead of texting me sad faces or miss you, he would say that because I left him, he couldn’t pay the bills and that I was really unfair and irresponsible. Then his mom told me that he didn’t wanna meet the bishop and that he was done with me.
Despite everything, while being here and far from all the negativity I was able to see clearer. I started to pray harder and listen to beautiful talks from my church. I fasted. And I felt in all my soul that I couldn’t give up on my marriage. I had a personal revelation. I was able to see my husband through Jesus Christ’s eyes. I was filled with love and compassion for him. I know how Satan wants to destroy families and couples. I realized that the devil was making us see each other as two hostile enemies. I decided to step on my pride and to contact him. Since then I have been writing him emails filled with love and hope. I testified to him and I even asked for his forgiveness again even though he never did ask for mine, ever. Since then he had been telling me that he didn’t wanna be with me anymore nor had the same feelings for me. He said he was ready to move on. We are both believers but lately he was less active. He would work on Sundays and could not come to church. I begged him to turn himself fully to God and to ask if it was right to divorce. I know that God wants us to work on ourselves but also together. I have decided to go back to where he is and try to fix things in person. I have a strong faith that miracles can happen. However, he has been rejecting me over and over again in his last emails and even saying he didn’t wanna be in the same place as me. Only a miracle can save our marriage❤️
Married for almost 7 years blended marriage. My husband had an emotional affair and left the marriage; he believes in God but does not have a relationship with God. I have been separated from him for little over a month and I Pray every day, cry everyday, ask God to restore my marriage everyday. I just can’t understand what happened. I Love my Husband with all my heart and want him to love me like he used to. I want my marriage back so that I can too also treat him with more love and respect. I want God to PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE AT MY MARRIAGE. I HAVE HOPE!!!!
Has he returned? Praying.
Please pray for my marriage, I am almost without hope. My wife gets very mad easily and explosive but I love her and just want peace and love with Jesus. Dear God, help me.
We are not married yet but it’s all about the love God has given in our hearts. Please pray for us that we find love for each other and our bond grows stronger.
Please pray for me to be a more Godly man. My wife filed for divorce in October. I feel so desperate for God to save our marriage. But I know I need more than that from God. I need him to transform me. Please pray for us.
My wife and I have been married for 5, together 10. We are separated right now. She came to speak the other day; she’s going to counseling to work on herself and I’m in counseling now. She told me she doesn’t want to get a divorce. I’m praying God will continue to lead us as better individuals and come together as a married, healthy couple. God has this victory already!
I want to save my marriage also but my husband refuses totally and wants nothing to do with me. I have accepted the fact, but still have faith that one day the story shall change. We were married for 3 years and now we are in our 3rd year into separation. I have refused to sign the divorce papers.
I praying about this for some time now, took steps into forgiveness. Even if the marriage doesn’t work out in the end I always pray for peaceful separation, not the hurtful one, full of anger, unforgiveness, unknown bitterness and hate.
My husband and I have loved one another for 16 years. We have been married for 11 years but separated a few times. We always somehow found our way back to one another. During our last separation, my husband’s prayers were answered and I came home, but not in his time. So he gave up.
We have spent the past 4 years struggling and I found out he was having an affair with a close friend of his. He claims he is not cheating but refuses to stop talking to her and she refuses to stop pursuing him as well.
I continue to pray for my marriage and for my husband. God has revealed so much to me and I have not given up. I know I am right where I am supposed to be and I know when change happens it will happen quickly. I know my husband and I have experienced this myself! I know God is with me during these trying times and I do truly love my husband and try to see him the way God does. He is hurting and I know he feels guilt for the wrongs he has committed but he also feels numb.
I pray for God to heal his heart and open his eyes to the woman He has made me through His convictions. I pray God saves our marriage and heals our relationship.
I join you in prayer over this matter. May truth be revealed and dealt with in healthy ways. And… “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!” (Romans 15:5-6) “May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you.” (2 Thessalonians 3:16) “May He grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans!” (Psalm 20:4)
I ask for your prayers for my marriage. My name is Jerry and my wife’s name is Dana. We have been married for 20 years and my wife has filled for divorce. She has been talking this for years but finally pulled the trigger after she was arrested for abuse. Both of us are Christians and do love each other. Unfortunately Satan has been given a foothold in Dana’s life and she refuses to acknowledge it. Everything is and has been my fault for years and there is no discussing that. So I ask you to pray for a change of heart and that both of our hearts would be united together.
Hello. Pray for me and my marriage. My husband and I have been together for four years. We have 2 children together. My husband has decided to walk out of our marriage to be with another woman. His family has supported his decision. We have never fought in our marriage. There was just a misunderstanding.
Our children are too young. I love my husband and I want him to come back to me and his children. I want our love to be restored and our marriage. I have tried talk to my husband so many times but he says that it is too late and he can’t change his decision.
I have now turned to God because I know there is nothing impossible that God can not do. I need God to intervene in my marriage and restore my marriage. I believe that He is able God. Help me to pray.
This was very encouraging to read all the testimonies. I feel like God has told me to hold on to my marriage, by telling me to speak life into it. He has shown me things that has yet to happen, images of us being happy and in love but right now there is only heartbreak and pain. I can’t trust my husband; he’s already had an affair and I don’t know if I made a mistake or not but I do love him.
Everyone tells me it’s over and to leave or prepare for a divorce but I don’t want to. I don’t want to raise our son alone and give up hope that there is no hope for us. I thought I gave my marriage over to God but every day gets worse. I want Him to save it. He’s saved so many others and I just want to believe that he’ll save mine too or give me the strength and courage I need to wait on Him no matter how the situation turns out. Please pray for us. Thank you