The following are helpful sexual issues links to web sites and recommended resources to assist you in your marriage. We pray they will lead you to a healthier sexual relationship within your marriage:
Sexual Issues Links to Web Sites:
• Authenticintimacy.com This is a non-profit organization, designed “to minister to women on topics related to intimacy in marriage and intimacy with God.” Authors, Dr. Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow, among others, address “sexual intimacy within the framework of marriage. But they also speak into the emotional and spiritual intimacy of women.” Their intent is “to empower you with God’s perspective. Additionally, they help you understand your unique role and beauty as a woman.”
• Barbarawilson.org On this web site, you will find resources you can obtain and audios you can listen to. The topics address “how you can heal from your sexual past, whether it’s from your own choice, or someone else’s choice forced on you, as in abuse or rape…” As Barbara Wilson writes, “Maybe you’re one of the casualties of casual sex. I was. And then God healed me. The great news is… He wants to do the same for you.”
• Covenantspice.com: This is a web site dedicated to strengthening marriages and increasing playfulness and intimacy in your sex life. They believe God created marriage to be a lifelong passionate romance. From bedroom toys to Christian sex manuals, from body toppings to romantic games, they have everything you need to keep the sparks flying in and out of the bedroom. You will not find any nudity on the product packaging or web site. This is a web site that you and your spouse can feel comfortable browsing together in the privacy of your own home.
Additional Sexual Issues Links:
• Christianlovetoys.com Christian Love Toys was created to provide a fun and non-pornographic experience for Christian married couples to explore and enjoy Godly sexuality. This is a Christian Sex Toy Store for married couples. They ignite intimacy for married lovers by providing a safe, curated, enjoyable Christian sex toy and marital aid shopping experience. There is NO nudity or pornography, and NO images that degrade women, men, or marriage. As they say (throughout the web site): “We care MORE about honoring Jesus and your marriage than your $$$.”
• Christianrecovery.com: Christian Recovery International is a coalition of ministries dedicated to helping the Christian community become a safe and helpful place for people recovering from addiction, abuse, and/or trauma. This Christian recovery web site deals with a wide range of recovery issues. They include those that are sexual in nature.
• Everymansbattle.com: This New Life Ministries web site is dedicated to men to help them to win “the war on sexual temptation, one victory at a time.” They also provide free weekly curriculum for men’s sexual integrity accountability groups. Whether your group meets at a church, a home, or a coffee shop, whether it’s with a large group or just two men in an accountability partnership, this curriculum provides the tools you need to stay sexually pure. They also have articles posted and a virtual bulletin board. This is a place where people post and view messages in forums. The Every Man’s Battle message board is for MEN ONLY. It is for men who want to stay connected with those battling the same issues.
• Forgivenwife.com This web site has blogs written by Chris. She writes: “After 20 years of being a sexual gatekeeper and refuser, I am now learning to enjoy passionate and joyful sex with the husband God provided for me.” She also writes, “After 20+ years of stubbornness, selfishness, sexual gatekeeping, and discontent, I started to change how I behaved toward my husband. After action came feeling. After all the years of being a poster child for how not to be a wife, I’ve reached a deeper level of intimacy with my husband, emotionally and physically.” If you can relate to any of this, visit her web site.
• Honeycombspice.com Are you a Christian wife who wants to grow in the area of sexual intimacy? Do you want a safe place where you can learn and find encouragement? Whether you’ve struggled with sex, have a husband who struggles, or already enjoy much sweetness and spice in the sexual intimacy in your marriage, Honeycomb & Spice is for you.
• Hotholyhumorous.com This blog web site has articles written by a Christian wife, mom, and writer. She wrote, “What I write about in this blog is the kind of stuff I would talk to my closest girlfriend about in confidence. But plenty of us don’t have someone who’ll chat biblically and bluntly with them. Read my posts to see how sex in a Christian marriage can be HOT, HOLY and HUMOROUS!”
• Intimacyinmarriage.com This is a web site where the goal is to encourage “Christian Women Toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy.” Julie Sibert covers a variety of important topics on sexual issues on this blogging web site. If you have a question or just want to learn more concerning sexuality in your Christian marriage, we encourage you to check out this web site.
• Joedallas.com: This ministry aims to help people in recovery with sexual addiction, homosexuality, and other sexual problems. They work to equip churches and Christian leaders to address the sexual and relational problems that may arise in their own congregations. They also educate the Christian community regarding sexual issues.
• KHSministry.com KHS stands for Knowing Her Sexually. And who better to teach husbands about how to sexually understand their wives than two women who write and speak about sex? J. Parker (Hot, Holy & Humorous and Sex Chat for Christian Wives) and Chris Taylor (Honeycomb & Spice and Sex Chat for Christian Wives) combine their knowledge and insight to bring you information that can help you pursue deeper sexual intimacy in your marriage.
• MarriedDance.com MarriedDance is a Christian-owned sex shop that’s run by a husband and wife team. This adult store has helped tens of thousands of couples add intimacy to their marriage beds. All of the adult toys in this sex toy store for couples are displayed nudity-free with marriage-focused and informative descriptions. They also include one-on-one email support before and after the sale on everything from product features to advice about using the item. This is so they can add intimacy to your marriage bed at no additional cost.
Other Sexual Issues Links:
• Oysterbed7.com This is a great web site put together by Bonny Logsdon Burns. In it, Bonny blends science, scripture, and stories of her own life to encourage and empower the low sex drive wife. As Bonny says, “You write what you know. And I know about low sex drive.” Bonny and her husband Dave, have been married for over 30 years. We encourage you to visit her web site.
• Passionatecommitment.com: This is the web site for the Christian Sex Therapists Clifford and Joyce Penner and Associates. They have five therapists on staff to help those that need their help. All of the therapists see clients with a variety of sexual issues. They will assess your situation and connect you with the therapist to best facilitate your therapy process. In addition to their therapy practice, the Penners make available a variety of resources for healthy sexuality.
• Puresexradio.com This ministry is “training men and educating women on biblical sexual purity.” When you click on one of the icons they provide, you are taken to a “Subscribe” page, a “Listen Online” page or a “Main Page” of their radio outreach to learn more about Pure Sex Radio. They also provide “Radio E-News.” This will come to your inbox as a “weekly email newsletter that keeps you informed on upcoming show topics, latest news, podcast info and more.”
• RomanticBlessings.com Romantic Blessings seeks to encourage the continual exploration of God’s gift to the Christian marriage through sex and intimacy. They strive to accomplish this mission by providing marital and romantic aids and a sex positive resource community in a Christian safe, No Nudity environment.
More Sexual Issues Links:
• Sexy Marriage Radio “So what is Sexy Marriage Radio all about? Put simply … sex. There are many resources across the Web about sex. But many (if not most) are not healthy, or appropriate. Sexy Marriage Radio is straight-forward talk about sex and marriage. New shows air each Wednesday. And you don’t even have to visit this web site to listen. You can subscribe for free on iTunes, Blackberry, and Zune.”
• Themarriagebed.com: The Marriage Bed provides a Christian alternative for married and engaged couples seeking information about marital intimacy. They combine the truth of the Bible with biological facts to educate, and minister to those seeking God’s best for their marriage relationship. Whether you are just starting out, or just want to improve an already good love life, they offer information and resources on many areas of sexuality and marriage enrichment. You can also write them with questions for them to answer.
• ThePureBed.com: This is a web site where married couples shop online for products to enhance their intimacy and romantic experiences. They believe that God created the gift of sex for marriage. If you’re married and are seeking to buy intimacy products in an environment without nudity then The Pure Bed is for you. Their products are selected for their quality. They are also purchased from wholesalers who DO NOT sell adult videos or literature. This is very important so the marriage bed stays pure between the husband and wife without having another person or images of another person involved.
Sexual Issues Links to Recommended Resources:
In addition to Sexual Issues Links, here are some resources we recommend you obtain to further help you in your marriage relationship:
• A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy is written by Dr Douglas E. Rosenau. It is published by Thomas Nelson Publishers. This book is more than just a “how-to guide” from a biblical perspective. A Celebration of Sex reminds couples of the foundations of a satisfying physical relationship. This includes playfulness, love, honesty, creativity, and communication. It also offers useful exercises to build these traits in each other. Plus, it answers often hard-to-ask questions about sexual topics.
• A Celebration of Sex After 50 is written by Dr Douglas E. Rosenau, Dr Jim and Carolyn Childerston. It is published by Thomas Nelson Books. This book shows readers how to make the most of what many experts consider to be the prime time of life. Though bodies change and desires may fluctuate, couples can bring about passion in many creative and mutually satisfying ways.
• And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity is written by Dannah Gresh. It is published by Moody Press. “It’s well-written and is interesting without being ‘preachy’.” It gives guidelines for dating and friendships, dealing with regret, and healing a broken heart. Dannah also gives a 3-step plan to break off destructive relationships. It may be used alone or with a 10 session workbook designed for small groups and retreats. “The incredible thing about this book is that as you read, it feels like an intimate conversation with a close friend. I encourage you to completely and wholeheartedly dive into this book. I know it will be an encouragement for you as you stand strong in this world of pressure and confusion.” (Jaci Velasquez)
More Recommended Sexual Issues Links to Resources:
• Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time is written by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. It is published by WaterBrook Press. If I (Steve Wright) had to pick one book that should be a “must read” for all men, this is it! Arterburn and Stoeker tackle the issue of sexual temptation and lust in a hard-hitting way. They’re writing from first-hand experience. Plus they use the stories of dozens of other men. They also give a practical, detailed plan for any man who desires sexual purity. This book is helpful, whether you’ve “fallen” in the past from sexual temptation or just want a way to remain strong today and in the future.
• Healing Victims Of Sexual Abuse is written by Paula Sandford, the co-founder of Elijah House ministries. It is published by Charisma House. This book is an invaluable tool for those who counsel and minister to lives fractured by sexual abuse. Written from a Biblically-Christian perspective, Paula carefully intertwines Biblical principles with the tools that allow victims to put the abuse behind them. They can then leave it there. This book also provides tools for becoming whole again. Paula knows the pain that all the victims share, but she also knows the way to healing.
• Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It is written by Jerry Jenkins. It is published by Moody Press. This book introduces you to ways to practice preventative medicine in your marriage. As Gary Smalley says, “Men need this book. In a warm, personal, and refreshingly honest way, Jerry Jenkins sounds a compelling call for us to protect our marriages. He then skillfully teaches us how we can do just that. This may be the most important book on protecting your family you’ll ever read.” We agree!
• Intimate And Unashamed is written by Dr Scott Farhart. It is published by Siloam. This book can be a guiding light in an area of darkness to most Christians. In it, Dr Farhart, Christian physician, approaches traditionally forbidden topics boldly. Dr Farhart answers the questions Christian men and women of America are asking. His answers are not pious platitudes. They are instead, insightful, biblical and no nonsense in his approach.
• Intimate Issues: Twenty-One Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex is written by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. It is published by Waterbrook Press. This is one of the best “no-holds-barred books on intimate issues that’s available for Christian women (if not THE best)! The authors present the union of two people so attractively, and sacredly that it may be one of the most important books for Christian women to read. That is because it honestly addresses the real sexual concerns of women.
Additionally, Sexual Issues Links to These Resources:
• Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage is written by Dr. Ed Wheat. It is published by Fleming H. Revell. This book is a standard medical book on sex from a Christian perspective. It gives an accurate description of sexual function in the male and female. Plus, it has a helpful balance of the scriptural and the sensual, along with the technical and the practical. The material is presented in wholesome terms for any married or soon-to-be married couple.
• Kiss Me Again: Restoring Lost Intimacy in Marriage is written by Barbara Wilson, and is published by Multnomah. This book deals with the questions: “Why it was so hard to resist sex before marriage? And yet why is it so easy to resist it now?” “Many married women want to feel more desire toward their husbands. But they can’t figure out what went wrong. However, Barbara Wilson shows how powerful ‘invisible bonds’ from past relationships can cause distance for couples in the present. Then —with sensitivity, honesty, and hope –Barbara walks you step by step toward healing…and a rekindling of the closeness with your husband.”
• Red-Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle is written by Bill and Pam Farrel. It is published by Harvest House Publishers. The main point of the book is that “sex is not to be an event. Sex is to be a relationship.” In this book, Bill and Pam Farrel give you practical, personal tips for creating a sex life that really works. They have a lot of fun with the topic. But in actuality they believe that sex is a serious matter. Whether you and your spouse are newlyweds, a mature couple, or somewhere in between—this book offers hundreds of ideas to fan the flame of love.
• Sacred Sex: A Spiritual Celebration of Oneness in Marriage is written by Tim Alan Gardner. It is published by WaterBrook Press. This book is a breath of fresh air that will help you and your mate recapture not only the excitement of sex but also the spiritual oneness God desires for you. For years Christians have been told that sex is God’s creation. It was designed as a gift to husbands and wives. Yet few couples know sex as a spiritual, God-ordained experience. Sex is the one thing that joins two people into one. But now you can learn how to approach marital sex in a way that brings true oneness. Nowhere in this book will you find pictures and diagrams or revolutionary new sexual techniques.
• Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage is written by Dr Kevin Leman. It is published by Tyndale House Publishers. Some of what you’ll read in this book may be too straightforward for your personal taste. Every person’s view on sex differs. However, if you’re willing to forge ahead for the sake of the best marriage you can imagine, then this book is for you. Instead of just a how-to-do-it manual, it’s more of a do-it-yourself look at why to do it. Plus it tells you how to do it better. If you’re currently in premarital counseling, read chapters 1 through 4 and the “For Men Only” and “For Women Only” chapters. But please stop there. And then wait to read the rest until after you’re married.
• Sex and the Supremacy of Christ is written by John Piper and Justin Taylor. It is published by Crossway Books. Here’s what’s said about this book: “Another Christian book on sex? This is so much more. And we don’t need another book on sex that’s all about us. We need to have our gaze lifted. We need to consider the God who made us sexual creatures for his glory. This book will help you form a Christ-centered, Bible-shaped understanding of sex. This is something we all need.”
• Sock Monkey Kama Sutra: Tantric Sex Positions for Your Naughty Little Monkey is written by Vatsyayana Banana. It is published by Adams Media. This is a “photographic guide to sex involving puppets. This 96 page wonder-guide will lead you through the exciting world of sex.” Yes, this is a worldly book. But if you are looking for ways to spice up your marital love life together by having sex in different positions, this book is a safe one. If you don’t feel right about viewing even sock puppets demonstrating sex positions, then don’t get it. But it seems safe to us, even if the author’s original position isn’t to use it in marital sex.
• The Act of Marriage is written by Tim and Beverly LaHaye, published by Zondervan Publishing. This book gives a clear and thorough explanation of sex and how to do it. The authors give a frank, open explanation of how our bodies work, and provides basic information on sexual technique.
In Addition, more Sexual Issues Links to Resources:
• The Contraception Guidebook: Options, Risks, and Answers for Christian Couples is written by William R Cutrer and Sandra L Glahn, and is published by Zondervan. (We have not personally read this book, but it comes highly recommended.) This book is written in first-person style with anecdotes from real-life couples. The authors also give solid medical information. This equips Christian Couples to make informed decisions about the issue of contraception. Written in a personal style by a male obstetrician/gynecologist and a female educator and journalist, this easy-to-read book is packed with the most current medical information on every option.
• The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex is written by Sheila Wray Gregoire. It is published by Zondervan. This book is good to read whether you’re about to walk down the aisle or you’ve been married for decades. With humor, research, and lots of anecdotes, author Sheila helps women see how our culture’s version of sex makes sex shallow. God, on the other hand, intended sex to unite us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Gregoire walks through these three aspects of sex. She shows how to make each amazing, and how to overcome the roadblocks in each area we often encounter. Drawing on survey results from over 2,000 people, she also includes lots of voices from other Good Girls, who have learned to truly enjoy sex in marriage.
Plus, additional Sexual Issues Links to these Recommended Resources:
• The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free from Your Sexual Past is written by Barbara Wilson, published by Multnomah. This book shows “how God designed us to be uniquely bonded through sex.” But even more so, Barbara concentrates “on the tangible hope that is yours. Most of all, this book will equip you not only to break those bonds, but to embrace a new, abandoned, wise, and thankful heart.”
• The Right to Innocence: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse is written by Beverly Engel. It is published by Ivy Books. This book is a “Therapeutic 7-Step Self-Help Program for Men and Women. This Includes How to Choose a Therapist and Find a Support Group.” It offers hope for recovery through a seven-step program. Mostly, these steps will aid you in: facing the truth, releasing your anger, confronting those responsible with facts and feelings, and helps you in forgiving yourself. This book is a great starting place to initiate healing. Engel is a therapist who has suffered sexual abuse herself. She uses visualizations and exercises in her well written and practical book for restoration.
Lastly, but no less importantly:
• The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse is written by Dr Dan B. Allender, and is published by NavPress. This book is “an intensely personal and specific look at this form of abuse. Dr. Allender explores the secret lament of the soul damaged by sexual abuse. He lays hold of the hope buried there by the One whose image we all bear.” We recommend that you go into the link provided for this book to read the testimonies.
3 responses to ““Sexual Issues” Links and Recommended Resources”
(SOUTH AFRICA) I have lost interest in my husband. I don’t want him to touch and kiss me. If I can run away, the intimacy somewhere, somehow, it’s lost. I’m so impatient with him. We are married for 8 yrs now, with two little girls and I don’t feel anything for him. I believe I have a problem cause when I look at him, I wondered why I got married to him. He’s not handsome, not my type, and my colleagues keep asking me what attracted me to be married to him. I say we were friends then our friendship lead to a relationship in spite of his appearance. There were times where I dumped him before we got married and he never gave up on me, saying I will regret good things if I dump him. I always pray that God would assist me as it causes problem in my marriage. What must I do?
(USA) Hi Vicky, I feel compassion for what you are saying, concerning your husband. It’s difficult to look at a husband and feel no love for him or attraction what-so-ever. I know this, because I was in this place in my own marriage at one point. But thank God, He helped me to fall in love with the man my husband IS (not who I thought he was) — someone that God loves and values greatly… and now, so do I.
I don’t know if you should have married your husband in the beginning. But you did. And I don’t care if your friends don’t see him as attractive as they think he should be for him to be “worthy” to be your husband. Actually, they sound pretty shallow to me as far as friends, if they focus on the outside rather than the heart of someone (as God does). I think I’d change friends. I’m reminded of 1 Corinthians 15:33. It sounds like you need friends who won’t plant wrong thoughts into your mind and tempt you to stray from building a stronger marriage.
The fact is that you ARE married — whether you should have married or not. You also have two little girls who need to witness a mom who is a promise keeper — one who doesn’t reject their father because he’s not attractive enough. They need to see that you are a woman of character who won’t build walls in relationship against your husband, their father, because he’s not your “type”, but will instead study marriage and study your husband to find relationship bridges that can be built.
I like what author Zig Ziglar wrote (and believe it to be true): “I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy successful. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s possible that you did marry the wrong person. However if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having marriage the right person after all.
“On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to BE the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.”
Vicky, I hope you will “BE the right kind of person” — someone of honor and perseverance to do what God would have you do. Honor your wedding vows. Quit focusing on what you DON’T see that is good in your husband and instead look for the gold that is buried deeper. Don’t go the way of the world and allow yourself to lose interest in making what you have going for you work, as God intends.
Also, you might want to look in the “Marriage Stages” section of our web site — particularly in the article, http://host.agencysrvr.com/~marriage/weathering-the-stages-of-marriage-marriage-message-15/ because it sure appears that you’re in Stage Two of the “Marriage Map.” If you can whether this stage with integrity, you might be pleasantly surprised by what you’ll have going for you in the future of your marriage.
When I “fell” out of love with my husband, God impressed upon my heart to start looking deeper and start treating my husband with love that is extravagant, as God gives me. Apply the principles of Philippians 4:8-9 and focus on that which is “right” and “admirable” and such. Throw out the negative thoughts and focus on that which is good. God will help you with this as you commit it to him. I found as I was persistent (see James 1:3-5) and faced this with maturity, God gave me abundantly more blessings than I ever thought possible. As I invested in my husband, not only did I see his better qualities, but he also was inspired to be an even better man than he was before. It was an added bonus. I can honestly tell you that I am passionately in love with him. What was dead is now alive and greater than I ever imagined possible, because God is in it!
I hope you will think and pray about all of this. If you keep the sex drought going and you keep being impatient with your husband, he will become more of a monster in the way he acts (or you perceive his actions) than he is to you now. Please don’t go with the logic of the world. Apply the principles of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 in your actions of love and Romans 12:1-2 by being “transformed by the renewing of your mind” by studying and applying God’s principles for loving, as laid out in the Bible. If you do this, God could very well amaze you as to the ways in which you will fall in love with your husband. I pray so.
I did not read this, but my problem is solved. My mind is being renewed. Thanks so much for this insight Cindy.
My thoughts for my wife Suzan are now positive. She is now always in my heart. Very attractive and lovely. I did not see that before I read your advice to Vicky. Thank you again Cindy. Blessings!