Below you will find “Battered Men Who Share Their Experiences.” These men have graciously and bravely shared their stories through an abuse awareness web site. Unfortunately, this web site is no more, but the stories of these men live on.
As you read, you will undoubtedly find a piece of yourself and your life within each of these abusive relationships. And even though their stories are different, the result of the abuse is the same. Abuse devastates the lives of the victims.
Email Excerpt:
She was physically aggressive in the past, and turned downright violent toward me. It started by hitting me with the phone, throwing objects at me, kicking and clawing. She drew blood a number of times. Under advice from my attorney, I was warned that even taking a defensive position could be seen as an act of violence toward her. The ONLY physical action I took toward her was to restrain her from hitting or biting or kicking me. She was an expert at falling down and screaming — “See kids, look at what your Dad is doing to me.”
Email Excerpt from Jim:
Even though she didn’t return to my office that night, she did go on a rampage when she got home. She went into my home office and gathered my personal papers, threw them into the bathtub, and burned them. Then she destroyed my personal property. Of all the property she destroyed, the care-bear was the hardest to tolerate.
I have two care-bears that are about 2 feet high that sit on my dresser. They are stuffed bears, which were made from the dresses of my two deceased grandmothers. My wife took a steak knife from the kitchen and impaled the crime victims card given to us from the police. She then stabbed the care-bear through the heart. My son found the care-bear the next morning.
Email Excerpt from Steven:
I never actually realized prior to reading all the other people’s stories what sort of situation I was in. It’s still hard to come to terms with that I have been in an abusive relationship, me as the abused. I am writing because I want to know what to do! I have separated from my wife, but I still love her and she is suggesting that we come back together.
To give you some history, we broke up before we married (I broke us up) because of the abuse and the control tactics she used. I didn’t realize at the time it was abuse. I just thought that it hurt too much to be with her. Now I have separated from her again for exactly the same reasons, two and a half years later. I always hoped it would get better but it never did.
Anonymous Email:
At age 42, I am 6’2″ and about 200 lbs. I have a solid background in wrestling and have dabbled in TKD and Judo. I am also a DV survivor, but I am NOT a “victim”!
In the summer of 1993 my X came home drunk and on pain pills. I was asleep in “our” bed having returned from a charity event earlier that evening. I was awakened by her screaming as she came through the bedroom door swinging a baseball bat. She brought it down across my legs. I managed to avoid most of the blow and took the bat away from her by twisting it out of her hands.
She went to the kitchen and got a marble rolling pin. She stood above me in the bed and swung the pin down at my head shattering the light fixture above us. I managed to block that blow with a pillow and trapped the rolling pin. Again I twisted the object out of her hands.
She left the room and I got up to get dressed to leave. As I started to get dressed I could hear her screaming as she approached the bedroom door “I’m going to kill you…!” Instinctively I knew that she had retrieved my 357-hand gun. I was prepared as she entered the bedroom. No, I didn’t hit her with the bat or rolling pin. In fact, that option did not occur to me until I wrote this. I “locked” the cylinder and hammer with both hands so the gun wouldn’t discharge. I twisted it out of her hands. She suffered a minor sprain to her wrist at that point as I was a bit “motivated”.
What I Did Next:
I unloaded the gun, finished dressing and left the house. Then I called her father from a pay phone in the hopes that he might be better able to deal with her. I did not call the police and I did not call a “shelter,” and stayed with family that night. The next day I went home and cleaned up the mess from the broken light fixture. Her response to the event was that she was giving me a “pretty major plea for a hug”. I guess I missed it in the translation.
Since we separated she has tried to run me down with her car. I did not report it to the authorities, as I was afraid that the judge would further limit my contact with my child.
An Email Excerpt:
My wife of almost 9 years was a woman of an incredibly short temper and possessed the ability to swing from mood to mood faster than you could shake a stick at. Over the years, she had thrown things at me, including knives, slapped me, punched me, and shoved me on numerous occasions. I had always felt sympathy towards her because of the fact that she had no one in her life that truly seemed to care for her. I was going to be her protector.
Email from George:
It started with a 911 call made to the police in 1988, during an argument between my wife (of very short duration) and her 16 year old delinquent, alcoholic, out of control daughter. One of them said something about calling the police, and I said, “OK, if you want cops, fine, I’ll call them, which I did. No violence, nothing except arguing, and, the rest is an all too familiar story to most of you —I WENT TO JAIL ON A 5TH DEGREE ASSAULT CHARGE, and shortly thereafter, ALSO GOT HIT WITH THE “ORDER FOR PROTECTION” SCAM!!
Then of course I got divorce papers, numerous court appearances on the criminal assault charge, OFP proceedings, divorce court (two years later finalized), and lost my job, screwed by attorneys and the sick anti-male, anti-dad, “system”. I was labeled as an abuser and a criminal, while the real TRUE facts are that I was abused by my then wife and her daughter, THEN, the worst was yet to come (does this sound familiar to any of you?). Fortunately we had no children together. …Thank God for big favors! I wound up serving 30 days for the “guilty plea” on the assault charge.
Demanded a Jury Trial
I had absolutely refused to plead ”guilty” and demanded a jury trial. So I spent 11 days in jail because I didn’t have the $500 bail money (she had all my money). I was told by my “public pretender” lawyer, that if I would just plead guilty that the judge would kick me out immediately, end of problem. Otherwise, if I continued to insist on a jury trial, I would remain in jail until my trial. That would be in another three weeks or so! I was also told that I would be sentenced like any other guy for a first time domestic assault charge, one day in jail. Of course being that I had already served ELEVEN days, I would be released that same day, so like a dummy, I did that.
In court that afternoon, the judge was going to release me. He asked me if I was going to leave my wife alone. I replied “No I love my wife and value our marriage, so I’m going to try and get her to go back to the doctors who had been, or were treating her for her ‘change of life problems.'” At that point, the judge said, “No Mr. G—–, you’re going to stay away from her and her daughter. I’m going to sentence you to serve NINETY DAYS in the workhouse, and you WILL serve all 90 days! Bailiff, take him away NOW!” After I wrote the judge a nice fanny-kissing letter, I ended up serving 30 days…
Anonymous Email:
I have been verbally and psychologically battered and abused. I’ve been threatened with bodily harm, and threatened to be shot right between the eyes. I’ve been kicked in the groin; I had to watch while my ex sexually molested my daughter and not dare interfere for fear of retaliation.
Then one day, while my ex was grabbing and hurting my daughter, I reached out and grabbed her, telling her to stop. There ended up being a red mark on her neck. She called 911 so fast and had me arrested, that my head was spinning with disbelief. When trying to tell the officer that I was provoked and that she was hurting my daughter and that I was protecting my daughter, he told me that I had better keep quiet. I’d charge you with a felony if I could, he said.
We met at a singles get together in July, 1995. She seemed very friendly and outgoing and liked a variety of activities. We began dating, and in a few months we were getting pretty serious. In December 1995, we became engaged. In March 1996, when we went to get our Marriage License, she informed me that she wasn’t ‘officially’ divorced. She had to file those papers first, then we could apply for the Marriage License. She never mentioned to me that she wasn’t divorced or free to marry. I was a bit shocked. We went ahead with the wedding in April 1996.
Right before the wedding started, her friend whispers in my ear that she would kill me if I did anything to her. I thought the comment was a bit inappropriate, but I smiled at the cameras as I walked down the aisle.
A Change
Just a few weeks after the wedding is when the big change seemed to appear. I had 10 acres of land that I lived on for 6 years. I was in the process of building a house on it when I met her. And it so happened that I had completed it just in time for us to move into a brand new house. Two months into the marriage, she becomes pregnant. What should have been an extremely joyous celebration for us, was tainted by the fact that she chose to take the EPT (early pregnancy test) at work with her boss and friends instead of with me. It’s only when I noticed a used EPT, that she told me that the test was positive.
At first, she adored the house and the country setting. But soon, she began complaining of the design. “I sure wouldn’t have done it this way.” She started complaining of the 50-mile drive to work. She started bad-mouthing the neighbors. Then she started bad-mouthing the land, then the local church, it’s members, the music, the smell of the church. Then it was me. After she insulted and degraded everything that I built, my friends, the church… I guess it was my turn.
Stunned
I was stunned at first, just trying to understand what could be going through this woman’s mind. She no longer would do any housework. I would get up at 5 am just to do laundry, clean the floors, clean the toilets, sweep the porch, feed the cats, and get breakfast ready for us. I wouldn’t go to bed until 12 midnight. She wanted me to do extra things around the house, like change the light fixtures, change the electrical outlet color, paint cabinets. Soon I decided to hire a housekeeper once a week to help out. Now I’m lazy, because I won’t do the housework.
In October 1996, she was about 4 months pregnant. She informed me that she’s moving out and getting a divorce unless I sell the house and move to her hometown 60 miles away. All during these months, I was keeping my mouth shut, trying to be the good and understanding husband.
She now reveals to me that she works out with police officers, practices regularly at shooting guns. She tells me that she will have me killed or better yet she will shoot me between the eyes herself because she is a sharpshooter. My wife says that she doesn’t believe in wounding a person…she would shoot to kill. I have no response to this except to say that I don’t believe in guns or violence. I would just try to defend myself the best I can. She says that she would hunt me down wherever I was and “take care” of me.
Why Stay?
You may be asking me why did I stay in this relationship of threats. Well, my answer is that I believed in the bonds of matrimony. I figured since she was pregnant, I would tolerate this as long as possible. Yes, I probably was a bit naive, but I was trying to keep loving this woman. Yes, I was depressed at this time and sought counseling. The counselor was understanding, and said, try to keep your chin up; it won’t last forever. So I stayed in the relationship, constantly being bombarded with insults like, “You’re worthless, you’re a quitter, a loser, stupid, so f-ing stupid”.
What was I supposed to do? I had already been through a divorce; and didn’t want another one. It was a family that I wanted, not a war zone. But what was I to do? I know how men are looked at by society. Men don’t dare accuse a woman of threats or violence, or they’ll be ostracized by the world.
Well, I sold the house. The very next week, she secretly, while I was asleep, takes the child in the middle of the night and moves 60 miles away, claiming that she was kicked out with only the clothes on her back. The attorney and judge gives her everything she wants, and I don’t even get to see my daughter. Nearly every single visitation, I was insulted and degraded in front of my daughter.
A Confrontation
On the day mentioned above, I go to pick up my daughter. The ex yanks her out of my arms, twisting her legs and making her cry. She then kicks me in the groin. I grab hold of my daughter with one arm, and grab my ex with my other hand on her neck. I tell her to stop hurting the child. She kicks me again in the groin. I fall to the ground, my daughter falls, too, and my ex falls on top of me. She kicks me again. Being stupid as I’ve been told, I get up, help her up to the sofa, pick up my daughter to see if she is ok (she is, thank God). I tell her that I should just go… sorry that all this happened.
9-1-1 is called and arrives within minutes. I tell my story; she tells hers. I get the handcuffs and a ride to jail for 48 hours. Now I can’t see my daughter at all. The police don’t believe me, the judge doesn’t, and I can see in the faces of others that all this is questioned also.
I would like to stay anonymous if possible. This is a terrible injustice.
Nothing Can Be Done
I have two police reports of Communication Threats, and I have a Telephone File on 7 harassing telephone calls. I approached the magistrate with this. This woman magistrate told me that there was nothing to do because I waited too long. Days later, I approached another magistrate, a man. He sent me to a shelter for the abused for a Restraining Order and possible criminal charges. The lady at the shelter said that she appreciated all the work it took me to gather all this information. She then said there was nothing that she could do because between the police reports and the telephone file, it was several months. But she did say that she would keep my name on file for the future.
So now what do I do? Tell my story in hopes that others may see that this really does happen to men. There truly is gender discrimination. I’m almost at the point of going public, even at the risk of being humiliated by many. So I ask again…what do I do?
Email Excerpt:
Funny, at the time I told myself I deserved it.
Email Excerpt:
I was awarded temporary sole custody of my three children and possession of the marital home. My ex-wife was in shock and refused to leave … Her attempts to provoke an incident increased. Finally one morning she cornered me alone in the kitchen and again began to punch me out after a nasty verbal exchange. Unfortunately, my 10-year-old son witnessed this episode through a window while he headed for his school bus. I did not strike back. My ex then left and went to the police.
Email Excerpt:
I was abused too many times and decided to end the relationship many times but I was unable to do so. Because she followed my each and every move and I was reluctant to file stalking charges against her because I did not want to hurt her feelings. The abuse intensified, she did not hesitate to hit me …She also clawed me numerous time and even cut me with a knife. I was again failed to report the incidents to the authority. Many times she had threatened me that if I bring any charges against her, she would not hesitate to bring false charges against me…
Email Excerpt:
Her definition of the proper way to conduct an argument was to slap me around until I stopped disagreeing with her. … However, I was willing to put up with it for the sake of her kids…at least until she started endangering them.
Email Excerpt from Judge G:
A very destructive habit, which I have identified in my relationship, I refer to as “echoing”. This abusive habit is extremely destructive to a relationship, yet is a very effective tool, which the abuser uses to in conversation. This habit takes two distinct forms. The object is to feel whatever the partner feels whenever an “attack” is detected by the abuser. The scenario goes something like this:
Partner: I don’t like what you said to me this morning.
Abuser: I don’t like what you say to me either.
This is an easy way for the abuser to avoid addressing your concerns, remain in control, change the subject, and launch a counter attack. You may also notice that this avoids answering a question. Abusers DO NOT ANSWER QUESTIONS!!! That is perceived by them as giving up control. They generally answer a question with a question in attempt to throw the partner off balance and regain control. They will do this repeatedly until you capitulate or until they provoke an argument. This also has the added benefit of teaching the partner not to bring any complaints to the attention of the abuser. The second form is to accuse the partner of whatever the partner accuses them of.
Scenario 2:
Partner: Please don’t raise your voice at me.
Abuser (Screaming): You’re the one that’s yelling.
– OR –
Partner: Please stop cutting me off and let me finish my sentence.
Abuser (angrily): You’re the one who cuts me off all of the time.
When the conversation is discussed later, the abuser quickly takes the opportunity to first accuse the partner of the infraction and seize the high ground. The abuser will then take every opportunity in the future to accuse the partner of doing what they do saying “See, you do it too.” This is generally viewed by the abuser as a way out. Anytime they accuse you of an action similar to one of their destructive actions, that is viewed by them, as a license to do it at will and a “win”.
Common Tricks
There are many other “tricks used by abusers to avoid communication.” These are two of the most common. I think the key is to understand that the abuser’s language is not the same as a normal person. Their “language” does not convey their thoughts and is in fact designed to do just the opposite. Once we understand this we also learn that we can’t, and shouldn’t want to, speak their language. However, if we have to deal with them, for whatever reason, we can learn to interpret their words and phrases enough to decipher the true meanings. Unfortunately, learning this “language” also seems to more clearly show the hopelessness of establishing a normal relationship with a person of this mentality.
This blog was formerly titled, “Abused Men Speak Out: Battered Men Share Their Life Experiences.” It was posted on the web site at Heart-2-heart.ca. (We linked to it in several ways and referred battered men to often.) Unfortunately, this web site is no longer found on the Internet. If you see that they are now back up and running, please let us know. We would like to link to their blog, rather than trying to post these men’s stories here. We would greatly appreciate it.
To the writer of “Scenario 2” (written above), I’m not a spammer. I deeply extend my complete heartfelt sympathy to that “Partner” (above) who is locked into what is a tragically unbreakable and unchangeable “dynamic pattern” of verbal abuse perpetrated effectively by and from the “Abuser.” Believe me, I do understand. I’m the “Partner” in one myself.Assuming that one wants to sustain the marital union, I have found it necessary to discipline oneself to radically reduce forever one’s expectations of any close intellectual, emotional, and physical (i.e. sexually intimate) relationship. Accept the pathology. Withdraw from the war, avoid all contention and assertion, cultivate quiet collegial pleasantness with careful interaction (don’t abandon quiet responsive interaction because the “Abuser” will notice and react to the blatant abandonment with a vengeance) and cultivate wholesome private interests. Boy, it is the hardest thing to do. And it is sad because it is forever. But I can attest that it can be done and the strife ends. And the marital union is preserved.
The above comments, in fact, were my “RESPONSE” to ABUSED MEN SPEAK OUT – albeit more specifically to the poor fellow who wrote “Scenario 2.”
You headed my comment with the words [“No Response”] which, again, was my response.
Sincerely,
Jim.
I was in my opinion abused for 32 years, not just by my wife, but by my father, his friends and the society in general. When I was discharged from he military my wife was told that since I had not been in society for 3 and a half years because I was on underwater patrol most of the time, that I needed to be eased back into society. My wife was asked to make a specific promise to me, if I could forgo my seniority rights at work and in other things around the community.
My wife said recently that it was only supposed to be two years at the most, but things just got out of control and she was sorry. She said I should not have retaken my rights back the way I did. she maintains I just had to negotiate my rights a little longer instead of hammering 12 men including my father into the floor, and forcing her to keep a promise made three decades in the past. She said there is always time to negotiate rights and not take them by force.
I am of a different opinion however, I maintain that the negotiations carried on way too long and I was no longer going to allow my rights both on the job and in my marriage and home life, to be subverted to the needs and wants of other people. My father sticks in the counselors office the other say crying that most men would have just accepted their assigned roll and shut down and done what was expected, but not my son he decided that men who held weapons on him needed to be hurt and taught lessons. He forced his life against the will of others. Took his rights back and badly hurt people doing it.
He asked when is it the right of a man to tell everyone to forget it, take his rights without permission, and tell everyone he owes them nothing, that they owe him 32 years when he just should have quit his job and gone back to the military instead of inflicting his rights on everyone else. He said if he had not developed MRSA in his spine, had not had that brain tumor he would never have thought there was not a tomorrow and just accepted life as we planned it.
I don’t think any man should have to accept the place in society others have laid out for him. If a man has to fight tooth, nail, and claw for his rights to be observed he should. Fight with all his might and resources no matter who gets hurt in the procces. I know this is not a way that in our society it’s considered civilized, but when one man’s rights are subverted it starts happening to others, and we see I more every day.
My wife has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which is a nightmare that only those who’ve lived it can truly appreciate. My problem now is that I can’t get sexually aroused by her. This is a condition that has developed and gotten worse over time. I’m wondering how much her abuse has to do with it and what in the world I need to do to restore my ability to perform.
It is possible through years of abuse, especially verbal, eventually have an affect upon a man’s emotions. I believe in the power of words and since we men do not respond well to criticism, over the years these words begin to form in us defensive barriers, which are rooted in fear. Then we struggle to show our love in many ways because of fear for reprisals.
I feel sometimes degraded by my wife as my advice is not taken seriously. But if another person, male or female gives the same advice that I have given she listens and conveys it to me as though someone else can think this but you can’t.
It’s funny at times but then I sit my car alone and reflect on the abuse by the “wife.” I was boyfriend over a year -himself thinking this is the one. Little to find out as soon as I married her it all changed. My story is what most men say, “she’ll change.” But now 6 yrs in the making, it’s super worse. I have 2 kids 2 and 4 year old. I love them so! I hate when my 2 sees me beat up by the wife. Scared because of so many things. I know I must do something. I really can’t see myself married to her. 3+ sleeping in the couch.
Lord, why did I believe her bad temperament could improve? I know I love kids. One month ago I told my 5 yr son – when mommy hits me I will call the police and that is not in their happy list. You see I went to a lawyer just recently and was given 3 options but was very surprised at the last option. Let her beat me w visible marks/blood and press charges criminally….at the end get her deported. There’s no other remedy.
I never called the police in the 6 years and so many beating I received. I finally asked for help… and told the lawyer she doesn’t believe in cooperating and it’s very difficult … o well I’m just waiting for that day. All will change… I have to be touch. You see she is from Colombia and with high anger issues … I can write forever but all I can say is Lord, help me and my children. Next week I plan to go see apycologist. I need to know all will be ok.
The first few years of marriage to my BPD partner were not so bad…strange at times, but not so bad. We have now been married for fifty-eight years. Throughout that period of time I have been beaten with fists, hit in the head with a jump start battery pack, kicked in the groin, had dishes thrown at me, pushed down a flight of stairs, screamed at for hours on numerous occasions, repeatedly berated in every conceivable way, held in my home against my will, endured the humiliation of her spitting in my face, and threatened with death. I have been punched several times in the neck because she knows it is seriously injured. The last time she punched me three times in the neck I felt something move in my cervical spine and the neck injury has been much more painful since that time. I also have an injury in my back from a previous injury. When she pushes me backward; the sudden movement to prevent myself from falling is excruciating in both my neck and my back. That elevated pain level lasts for days, sometimes weeks.
I went through all the usual mental gymnastics other victims of BPD partners have struggled with; what in the world is going on? Is something seriously wrong with ME? I must be guilty of doing something horrible for her to become so angry so quickly…but I don’t have a clue what it was! My wife, certain that I was insane, happily accompanied me on many sessions with psychologists, psychiatrists, and marriage counsellors trying to discover whether or not I was mentally unbalanced. Problem was, three of them diagnosed her with BPD. So she pronounced them inept and stopped going. But at least I finally had a clue to the bizarre behaviors. I read every book, pamphlet, and paper I could find on BPD. I discovered that there was little or nothing that could be done about it, and that I could not place her into any type of program that might be helpful against her will. She had to voluntarily choose that for herself. Since one of the major behaviors of a BPD is “total denial”, that option is out of the question for most of them.
Now, after wasting almost six decades of my life trying to help, and thinking maybe I could, I now face the painful reality that I cannot. My wife has carefully taken pictures of the bruises on her arms from me holding her wrists now and then to stop her from beating on me. She dates them, catalogs them, and threatens to show them to the police if I call them when she is abusing me. She has also talked to the women in our neighborhood, and to her personal friends about the horrible ways I treat her. She tells me, “I have told the police all about you. They said all I have to do is “call them when your husband is abusing you and we’ll come out and take him to jail”. She also says, “all the neighbors know about you, and I have told the bishop at church all about you, too!” And do you know the worst part of all? She is absolutely correct. If the police get involved, regardless of who calls them, I will go to jail.
Neither our society, nor our judicial system even comprehends the concept of men being abused by women, much less provides protection for us. That is a travesty. Hang tough. You are completely on your own
D., You are correct.Men are being battered at an alarming rate in our country and yet there is still little credible information being provided about this. The WebMd web site has an excellent article about this problem and in it they give the following information about whom a man suffering abuse can contact:
“The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men is the only one in the nation that offers support and help in finding resources specifically for men,” says Brown, of the not-for-profit helpline. “We’ll provide options and support and help a man understand that the abuse is not his fault and it is not acceptable.” The Domestic Abuse Helpline can be reached from anywhere in the US and Canada, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, by calling 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754).
“What people should know is that abuse is about power and control, and regardless of whether the victim is a man or a woman, it is never OK,” says Havilah Tower-Perkins, media relations coordinator for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. “We urge anyone whose relationship scares them to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) at (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or the TTY line for the deaf: (800) 787-3224. The Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, year round with live advocates who can answer questions, discuss safety options, and connect callers to resources in their local area. Every call to NDVH is anonymous.”
Hopefully you can find some help there. You may also find more help in the article on our web site, Husband Abuse: Can a Wife Abuse Her Husband?
Blessings!
Not sure if I should even say this, but my abuse is all psychological. She’ll get all worked up to the point I get nervous and shake. When I ask her to stop overloading me the cycle starts. She says I yell, so she kicks me out. Why do I get kicked out of my own house because she is so controlling? She calls me shaky boy, which makes me more nervous. I don’t know which way is up or down anymore. 60 year old men shouldn’t have to worry if they have a place to live.
I’m at least fortunate enough to have an RV as a place to stay when she does this. Her response is… “at least we aren’t homeless” Why she includes herself in it I have no idea??? Is this a way for her to justify her actions? She has me so confused I’ve thought about suicide to excape this crazy madness. I’m at a total loss??? I can’t keep getting kicked out each time she does this. I’ve worked too hard to get where I’m at to have her take it all from me. Just wish she wasn’t so mean.
Bopped with a skillet.
“Battered Men Share Their Life Experiences.” I have a stupid friend that has put up with his crazy wife for over 40 years. His 2 sons are adults and on their own. Some one needs to evaluate him. For a long time he spoke of retirement and running off with his pension checks. I found out he has his checks deposited into her account, so again he stays broke.
My son has been verbally abused and sometimes hit across the face for years now. He has been married for 22 years and has always believed once married always married and he is so in love with her, and on top of that he considers himself to be the problem.
He started having seizures about 10 years ago and I always believed it is from all the mental abuse she has inflicted on him. She knows how much his children mean to him. It’s crazy how her personality in front of people is so loving and if something does spill over in the public she will always play a very convincing abused wife. My son isn’t perfect and knowing her he will apologize for the excitement in his voice. Her response is, it is too late and fire starts flying. Is there anything or anybody that can help? Still praying for the family :)
Oh Peggy, my heart goes out to you! It’s got to be so difficult to watch your son go through this. We love our sons so much! You don’t want to get in between them (nor should you) but what can you do?
Peggy, I’m not sure what you can do. I know that you need to stay out of the middle of this. You will only do more harm. The Bible says that he is to: “leave his mother and father” which means that what is between them is between them. You are stepping into their marriage relationship if you try to interfere in any way. All you can do is love and support and encourage wherever and whenever you can. And you can pray, and pray, and pray (which you are doing).
They have to address this. And I’m not thinking his wife is open to this right now. In the Abuse in Marriage topic we have quite a few resource links posted. By changing some pronouns, your son could find some insights into how to protect himself. It’s difficult for an abused man to get help, most organizations and ministries just recognize abused wives. It’s unfair, but that’s what happens. However, some agencies will help in different ways. Here’s another article I encourage your son to read to see if he can find tips and help in some way: https://marriagemissions.com/husband-abuse-wife-abuse-husband/. I hope this helps.
In the meantime, keep praying, loving and trying to encourage them to build a healthier marriage in the ways you can. I know this sounds simplistic. No mother would want this type of advice. I certainly wouldn’t. But there have been times when I’ve had to close my mouth, pray, look other ways, and try to tip toe around difficult marital situations with our sons. It’s HARD to do that. But it’s all we can do. If his life or the children’s lives are in peril… that is another thing. But for this, you can’t do much more. That is the role we were handed when they said, “I do.” Our role then became, “Yes, they did” and be as supportive as possible. I wish I could give you more than this. I pray for you and for your son, and for his wife and the children. May God make a way for them to resolve this in healthier ways where there seems to be no way–given the circumstances.
Keep in mind: “The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.” (Psalm 145:18) Keep crying out truth to Him, asking for peace in the midst of this storm. I pray God brings peace to all concerned.
My ex wife did bash me and emotionally abused me.
So sorry Mark. I hope this article helps you in some way to have your voice heard. I pray you are able to stay safe and that the Lord will comfort you and minister to you.