When we think of domestic violence, we don’t often hear about husbands being abused. It’s usually the wife who is the reported sufferer. Yet, there are many husbands who are the victims of spousal abuse. Yes, husband abuse is real; it does happen.
So why don’t we hear about husbands being abused by their wives? David L. Fontes, Psy.D, in the article titled, “Men Don’t Tell” gives insight into several reasons. He writes:
“When a man is a victim of his wife’s physical abuse he is both shamed by the assaults of his wife and shamed by society for not ‘controlling’ her better. Men are considered ‘wimps’ for letting their wives beat them or for complaining about their wives’ attacks. For many men ‘taking it like a man’ means don’t complain and don’t show you are vulnerable or in pain!
“With the prospect of being viewed as ‘wimps’ and/or having the assaults by their wives not believed or minimized by the general public and law enforcement, it’s no wonder few men report their abuse or discuss it openly.”
Yes, Husband Abuse DOES Happen
We, at Marriage Missions, can testify that many, many husbands are the victims of abuse, more than people realize. Part of this is because it’s difficult for men to report their abuse and find help. This is especially true in the Christian community. We’ve received a number of emails from husbands who are dealing with their wives abusive behavior. They write that they want to be honorable men and won’t abuse back. But they don’t know what to do to stop their wives from hurting them in these ways.
We’ve tried to find articles —especially Christian articles, written on this subject to help. But there seems to be very, very little help available for abused husbands.
Does that mean that it’s less important to minister to the hurting husband as it is to the hurting wife, even though the numbers “appear” to be less? Should a husband just accept and silently suffer from abusive behavior, if it is directed at him from his wife? No. Abuse is wrong no matter who is victimizing the other, male or female.
This article is written to give abused husbands a voice that is MUCH needed and overdue.
Husband Abuse: Different Types of Attacks
Maxine Marz wrote a Metronews.ca article titled, “Husband Abuse Erodes Dignity” where she had the following to say on this issue:
“While it is true that most physical assaults caused by women tend to be less severe when compared to a man’s physical assault on a woman with his fist or a weapon. But still, the abusive woman’s slaps, bites, kicks and/or pulling of her partner’s hair are nevertheless very hurtful. In addition to subjecting physical pain, they attack the man’s dignity and erode his sense of self-worth. Many men also encounter emotional abuse when their spouse uses their children to assert her control over the relationship.
“To add insult to injury, some abusive women not only victimize their spouses by abusing them verbally, emotionally, financially and/or physically, but they also attempt to manipulate the criminal justice system in their favour and against their partner. This unconscionable attempt of some abusive women not only re-victimizes their already abused husbands by denying them equal rights and fair protection under the law, but it simultaneously devalues and undermines the admirable progress women’s groups have achieved over the years in trying to protect the rights of legitimately abused wives and their children in the criminal courts.
“It is evident that our society has made positive strides over the years to bring needed attention to domestic abuse and to better protect women. Unfortunately, based on what many abused husbands currently experience, we still have a long way to go to afford them with similar protection of their safety and security. We need to eliminate the current gender bias in our system that re-victimizes them all over again when they step into the legal arena.”
Husband Abuse: Out in the Open
To help bring this type of victimization out into the open, we will provide several web site links to articles that you can read on this subject. We hope it will help husbands to better protect themselves.
The following is a Youtube video that shows a little taste of what some men go through as far as abuse. This is not a marriage situation. It is a boyfriend/girlfriend one where she is assaulting him in different ways, with part of it being caught on camera. It’s part 1 of a Tyra Banks television show that featured abusive women. The quality of this video isn’t the best. But the content is enlightening. Please watch and you will see a small part of what some men go through:
Different Standards for Husband Abuse
What struck me about the featured story is that if that man would have been the abuser, I believe with all my heart that the audience would have been outraged. But the woman was absolutely clueless as to the gravity of it all. Plus, the audience didn’t seem as moved, like they would have been if a woman was getting berated by the man. If he was acting as she did to him, the outrage would have been ramped up. But because it’s a woman hitting and berating a man, it’s more palatable. It shouldn’t be, because abuse is wrong no matter who commits it. And yet, that’s the way society views wife abuse as opposed to husband abuse. This is so, so wrong.
Stories of Battered Men
On a further note, the articles linked below, consist of stories of battered men. (Some of them are followers of Christ and others who are not.) In these blogs, they share their life experiences of being battered by women. Please read what they have written. Abused men and husbands need to be heard too:
• BATTERED MEN’S PERSONAL STORIES
• SURVIVOR’S STORIES: Case Studies, Experiences & Stories of Male Victims
The following articles and blogs are posted on various web sites that deal with the subject of husband abuse and battered men. These articles are not posted on Christian web sites. Please be aware of that. However, we believe they give good insights. They also provide a lot of helpful information. We encourage you to glean what is good —that which lines up with Biblical standards. And then throw away that, which doesn’t apply to your situation. As you pray, the Lord will show you what NOT to use. Let the Lord be your guide.
Please click onto the link provided below to read:
• MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
— Additionally —
Many people ask why battered men don’t leave the abuse. They also question why do they remain silent? Murray A. Straus, a family violence researcher, gives this insight:
“There is a fear of having a 911 call turned around. If a man is being battered, is trying to protect the kids, and he calls 911, all too frequently he is the one who ends up being arrested. At a minimum, he may experience problems getting the police to believe that he’s been assaulted or that he needs the help of the police.
“Men are also less likely to call the police, even when there is injury. This is because, like women, they feel shame about disclosing family violence. But for many men, the shame is compounded by the shame of not being able to keep their wives under control. Among this group, a ‘real man’ would be able to keep her under control.”
And there are even more reasons. There is also help for men that are being abused. Read the following to learn more:
• WHY MEN DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
Read, Even if the Article Needs to Be Adapted
In addition, please read other articles that are provided on this web site in the Abuse in Marriage topic. They mostly address wives who are victimized by husbands. (Sadly, it’s difficult to find info that addresses husbands who are victimized.) Even so, we encourage you to ask God to show you how to apply the advice that is given to your own situation. God can show you what advice you can use, and what you shouldn’t, or won’t be able to use.
We hope you find the help you need. May He help you as you reach out to Him —that is our prayer for you.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
More from Marriage Missions
Filed under: Abuse in Marriage
335 responses to “Husband Abuse: Can a Wife Abuse Her Husband?”
I am looking for help with an abusive wife- verbal. Whom I can I call to get help or guidance?
Luis, The best I can think of would be the ministry of Focus on the Family. They have marriage counselors on staff (we don’t), and they also have a great referral list of counselors all over the country. You can find their contact info on their web site at https://www.focusonthefamily.com. I truly hope they can help because abuse of any kind chinks away at the marriage relationship and can kill it if it isn’t tended to properly.
If My son wouldn’t have insisted I not get involved after his wife gave him a concussion, jumped on him and beat his face black and blue, called 911 5x, and once got him arrested, although charges were dropped for lack of evidence…still cost money. If he wouldn’t have insisted, I somehow would have convinced him to tell the doctor she broke the glass candle over his head while he was walking away and I should have called the police when he was beat up, but I did nothing, but wait on him to act. I finally convinced him to leave and then she disappeared until the divorce day when she popped up in court.
She told the judge there was no child of the marriage 3x but he was going to put her under oath, then she told him there was a child. It is my son’s child. He was 8 months old that court day my son found out he had a child. Now she’s abusing my grandchild verbally. I know by the things my grandchild says. I’m so worried.
I hope you don’t have children because she harasses my son every week about something and he doesn’t even have custody. She breaks all the court orders and it’s almost impossible to get the truth to the judge to be heard. It’s been 3 years of torture, thousands of dollars to attorneys who did very little, and she keeps moving farther away. Now she’s 8 hours away, so that’s a 16 hour drive to get my grandchild. She has a boyfriend and just wants my son and our family out of their life. She didn’t even give the baby my son’s last name, even though they had been married.
Tell somebody. Leave. There is something very wrong with women who do this. It’s so cruel. It will not end until you stop it. They enjoy hurting you. I know God does not want you miserable. You have to get help. You have to tell somebody who can help. Like the other lady said, contact Focus on the Family. I didn’t know about them then.
My wife has been abusing me so long I don’t care anymore really. I can’t leave her. But she is getting worse and I’m afraid she is planning to kill me. She tried to get people to help her kill me in 2009 but they backed out. She then accused me of rape and kidnapping. They almost gave me 80 yrs. I am still on probation. She tells everyone she is single on facebook. She cheats on me. She steals and lies to me. She bankrupts me over and over. She threatens me with police daily.
She said the other day that she is selling my home that I paid for. Then said she put it in her dad’s name and is moving in to his house soon. She uses meth daily. She threw an ash tray at me and broke the glass range front last night. She stalks me. She will trace this message and I will pay for this. Please help.
Robert, I wish there was some way we could help you since it is obvious you need help, and NOW! There is a place you can go that is designed for men are being abused and there is a hotline you can call. Here is the link: http://www.thehotline.org/2014/07/22/men-can-be-victims-of-abuse-too/
Se hope this provides you with the help you need.
Girlfriend abusing boyfriend. Need advice, my girlfriend is very abusive, she hits, swears, yells at the top of her lungs on a daily basis. We have been dating off and on for two years. She says she does this because she doesn’t trust me. I’ve been honest and faithful with her but she always finds a way to bring up my past and hit me in the face blackening my eye twice. I need advice, I’m so frustrated I’m afraid I might hit her in defense.
Dear Poor Soul, This is a very, very disturbing situation, to say the least. There are all kinds of red flags waving, which are warning you to get away from this gal. It doesn’t matter WHAT she gives as an excuse… abusive behavior is NEVER okay. And if she does this now, just imagine what will happen if you marry this gal. Trust me, after marriage this kind of behavior just escalates. I realize that you may feel very close to this gal. You may even love her, and when she is not abusing you, she may be a very engaging person. But this behavior is toxic. She needs serious help. If you conducted yourself like this, you would be put into jail. Women, who do this should also be put into jail, but they very, very rarely are. That is not right in any way, shape, or form. I’m a woman, and yet even I see that abuse is never okay–not if it is committed by a man, and not if it is committed by a woman. What you describe in your comment is physical, emotional, and verbal abuse–that, which is never, ever excusable.
I plead with you to read two articles we have posted on this web site, and the linked articles we provide within them. You truly need to hear from others who have been through similar things that you have been through so you can make better life choices. This first article mostly addresses single gals who are being abused by their boyfriends (because that’s who we could find who are writing this type of info). I wish we could find more guys to write articles like this, but it is what it is. Most guys just wouldn’t do it for a host of different reason. Even so, please read this first article and the ones that are linked within it. It is titled, Warning: Escape Abuse BEFORE Marriage. It can be found at: https://marriagemissions.com/warning-escape-abuse-before-marriage/.
The second article is written by abused husbands. You need to read it whether or not you intend to marry your girlfriend. When I say that abuse escalates, these men confirm that. You really need to see how bad it can get and the dangerous situation you are in by continuing on with this abusive girlfriend. You can find yourself on the “being arrested” side of the abuse issue. The article is titled, “Husband Abuse: Can a Wife Abuse Her Husband?” You can find it at: https://marriagemissions.com/husband-abuse-wife-abuse-husband/. Please read this article and the video and additional articles that are linked within it. I believe you will get a fuller picture of the danger you are in and enabling to perpetuate and grow by being in this relationship. Please, please take this seriously. Your life and future may depend upon it.
I didn’t know I was getting abused, and then it happened.
My wife is a compulsive gambler. She has stolen money to play, has managed to copy my bank card number and uses it. She has her own account, doesn’t pay bills to play, and claims it’s just a hobby. She is also a chronic prescription drug abuser, and lays on the bed all day, unless it’s going to spend money. We have not had any kind of physical relations in over 14 years; she doesn’t like sex. I do not touch her the right way. I will admit I have tried to divorce her, and was turned down at least 7 times by the court.
I finally built up the courage to speak up against my wife’s abuses. She’s an MA. I had sent her two links about the abuse she was doing to me. She told me I was crazy to think that of her, although she said that all the signs were there; but it wasn’t like that. She told me she loved me, but someone that loves someone won’t do that. When I told her that I felt hurt, that we should look for help. She told me it’s too expensive. Later I found out that we get free sessions through her insurance.
My doctor let me know my wife is an MA and she was working under the family’s doctor. I know she knew how the insurance worked. When I told her I wanted out she told me if I dare go to the police she would be the one hurt and just like she said my words didn’t mean anything to the sheriff’s court and to my doctor, my wife’s boss.
I’ve tried everything…all the numbers I could find and nothing. If I felt bad enough for what she was doing to me I feel worse. I cant tell my story anymore just to get shouted down. I see why victims lie when they get asked if their suicidal. Why should they be honest if they don’t get heard? Anyway, sexual, mental, emotional, verbal, financial abuse I’ve been ignoring. I have never seen my tax return since a little after we got married. I don’t know who to go to or who to talk to just to get shouted down.
1st, MA ? medical assistant? Medical Administrator? Martial artist? Unless MA is a mental health condition or physical health condition it doesn’t make any difference. Sorry. You both need counseling. Maybe even a psychologist or psychiatrist. She sounds like a control freak with a psychological issue.
Lot of times the abuser will deny it. If you try to record it, it will make the situation much worse. Please don’t do that. A friend’s wife was similar to this. She was good to us, bad to some others, awful and controlling to her husband. She died this year of a brain tumor. My wife’s 1st husband was physically abusive, beat her, bruises, concussion. She wised up and left him. He is still around; he broke his 2nd wife’s arm, black eyes, etc.
Do you work? If yes, start filing married and filing separately. If no, look for a job TOMORROW. Wife does not have to see your W2 or 1099. Your doctor is your wife’s boss? You need a different doctor.
If your situation is truly abusive, your life or physical health is threatened, you need to leave.
How to stop being abused by husband?
I have been married for 6 yrs. This is my second marriage; my first lasting 13 yrs. She left me for a childhood friend. We had one daughter and disagreements but never violent. I am fifty now and it was many yrs before I found a new wife. My new wife has a weird switch. Sometimes she just gets mean and yells and can try hitting me. I put her on the house and she has given away all my stuff so now it’s all hers. Last night she freaked out and held a knife to my neck. We were not even fighting; she just went nuts? I have no where to go and no extra money? I did not call the police; men never win. I trust and Love God; she won’t go to church or psyc help? What should I do??? 😞 God bless.
Men in state of Colorado be = WARNED = I’m going through divorce and my wife is accusing me of rape, domestic violence, and stalking. Wife is doing this to get custody of my son. This state is pretty much messed up for a male. The authorities take the female’s side when divorce comes around. I’m being mistreated when I have solid proof and witnesses; when it comes to showing evidence about these accusations and yet get mistreated.
My wife has a bipolar and Narcissistic disorder. I feel a female can abuse any shape or form to a male and even they could harm the male and yet they are totally innocent and get away with anything they feel in this state of Colorado they can. They can even do adultery in the state or be married and be dating other men; this is total not fair. Soon I’ll be going to pre-trial. I hope the judge or D.A. see my story and evidence and witnesses and gets these accusations dropped. If they do get them dropped I’m leaving this sexist state of Colorado. :**(
My brother is married to his wife now 2 years. They lived with our parents, but now she moved out.
My brother’s wife is abusive. They have a child “together”, not sure if this child is his too because she refused to do a DNA test. She uses all kinds of verbal abuse, uses profane language, threatens him, manipulates him with the child, talks so badly of him, is jealous of his relationships with his family and friends, and she controls him. And despite all of us telling him that this is not a healthy marriage, it’s like he is in complete denial. She demands things and he just jumps at all her requests.
She has zero respect for him or anyone for that matter, not even for our parents. She humiliates him in front of people and in public and he’s just not saying anything. I don’t get that. And unfortunately he’s the only one that could really put this to a stop. Please help. I’m his sister and I’ve got no idea how to help him in this matter.
You’re right Octavia. He’s the only one who can stop this. Right now she’s not motivated. Why change something that’s working for her? She’s in charge! Unfortunately no one else has the right to step in and interfere… even though this is blatantly wrong. This is THEIR marriage. Unless she breaks a law, this will only stop because he says, “no more” and she responds in the right way.
Now, you CAN talk to your brother in a loving, caring way. You can do that. If you verbally attack him on this he obviously doesn’t respond to anger in healthy ways. But if you pray about this, asking God for the right words… God may use you to start to open his eyes. He has a child that is going to be influenced by all of this. She’s teaching her child that men are weak and are worthy of abusive behavior. And he’s teaching this child that men are weak and won’t stand up to abusive behavior. This will hurt that child for the rest of his/her life. And it really needs to stop. He needs to be this child’s hero to stand up and change things as God would have him.
Also, your parents have the right to stand up and say that this type of abusive behavior will not be lived out in their home. They do have that right. She’s not there right now, but if she does try to move in again, they can tell her that this type of behavior will not happen in their home any more. But beyond that… no one else can do much… sadly, very, very sadly. I don’t blame you for wanting to help him. But the best you can do is being there for him and loving, and praying for him. I wish I had more for you. I would be so disturbed if I was in your place. Keep loving him and praying for him. Pray God will open His eyes to Truth.
The law forbids me from having any sexual relationship outside marriage. But my wife has confined me to a life without any sexual intercourse with her for about 10 years as she has refused to sleep in our marital bed and therefore refused any sexual relationship. Can I claim this to be a domestic abuse?
That is so very, very difficult… no doubt! I’m not sure what is going on here. I don’t know if there is any other type of abuse going on (or went on) in her life, which has shut her down to making love to you. If there hasn’t been abusive talk/actions on your part, then shutting you down sexually is truly abusive on her part. It’s sexual abuse. It’s putting her in the position of controlling you by shutting you out sexually. If she didn’t want to make love to you, why did she marry you and sentence you to a lifetime of longing? That’s cruel!
Many women go through a time where they shut down because of past events. It’s a self-preservation thing. Sadly, I confess that I did this in my marriage. But eventually I woke up and realized my husband didn’t deserve to be pushed away from me sexually because other men abused me in my past. My husband wasn’t and isn’t an abuser. So why should I punish him or give my abusers further power to hurt me and other innocent people, like my husband? I worked on my issues (it was a tough journey) and broke free from the imprisonment of perpetuating sexual abuse.
I pray your wife will wake up. I also encourage you to pray–asking God to give you insight into why your wife feels she should do this to you and your marriage relationship. Ask God to help you to help your wife… and also open her eyes to how problematic it is to shut you out sexually. There is obviously a MAJOR problem going on here. I don’t know if the problem is mainly with her, or because of you, or with both of you. Whatever it is… it needs to be dealt with in healthy ways so your marriage doesn’t become a prison with one (or both) spouse(s) being the gatekeeper(s) of when they would share intimacy. Do what you can and should, and pray God will help your wife to do her part. I pray this helps.
My wife has been very abusive and I am the one who gets in trouble by the law. We have been married 1-1/2 years; during that time she started telling her family and friends and our landlord that I drank, and she was scared of me. No one has ever seen me drink. But she is pretty and they tend to protect her.
She has left 5 or 6 times, called the police to our house 5 or 6 times and no one was arrested. When she leaves, she takes a truck that I had before we were married, and leaves her 2007 Tahoe that her x had to given her from her previous marriage. She also said he strangled her and hurt her back. When she left that day during our argument she tried to take my truck again. But I made it to my truck, sat on the floorboard and put my hand over the key hole and told her she wasn’t taking my truck; she had to take hers. She did and left.
During our marriage she has threatened me with jail several times. I have the text to show this, I use to have video, but she got my phone and erased them. While I was in jail she told her story and I looked bad. She put a protection order on me and she got my 2010 jazz Thor 5th wheel camper, and I have to stay away. She put me on Facebook and has moved in with another man. She also has had him move and hide the trailer. But I continue to pay the insurance.
She lied to the court and got no court fees and a free lawyer. She said she had no income and no assets. But the truth is she owns a Chevy Tahoe and it is paid for and I put her name on the trailer. I and I alone paid for it $6000. But she was my wife so I had her put on it. Her boy friend called me and told me they were together and called me and told me my trailer was not where it used to be.
She still has most of my stuff, and she was told by the judge to let me have it. I have two recliners in the trailer and a regular size refrigerator and a cherry wood dinning room table and four end tables that I can’t pay for, because she sent a picture of me to my company’s insurance adjuster of me standing beside a pallet with my hands on it and said I wasn’t really hurt. She sent it on April 4, 2021. And she did not tell them it was taken in September 2020.
I had my operation for the screws and pins in my back on December 12 2020. She did this one of the times she left. That cut my payments from $4020 a month to $700 every two weeks. She has told people horrible things about me from when I was 20 years old when I got in trouble, and has really tried to have me arrested 4 times before. But four days after she left I got arrested for domestic violence strangulation. She went to the doctor and told him I strangled her and the police jumped on her side and no one has talked to me.
I have a collage of text where she admits to taking the money from our account and the truck and took the keys to the Tahoe. I have texts, all sent by her from her phone. One time I had surgery and my son had to take me. No one has questioned me, and I can’t afford an attorney, so I did some investigating my self. I found her on several sites on the internet. She has quite a male following, and all the accounts are locked. She has put a lot of hot pictures of her on face book talking about God one minute and how she is going to have fun the next.
I tried to get help for her, and did. She spoke to a counselor 3 times and she declared he said she was fine. And never called back. But I have a text of her saying she took $800 dollars but she wouldn’t spend it. Then she texted and said she was leaving and she bought a car. She was selling the Tahoe and would pay me back what she had taken. But we reconciled, and she came home. We went to get the $800, which she insisted her aunt had. But on the way there, she started saying she spent this for that, and it ended up being $190. And the judge bonded the case over to the Grand jury.
I have still not talked to anyone in the form of a police officer or detective. The hospital had to call the police as it is the law, when she said she was strangled. I do not know what the doctor said. But she has screamed that she would tell them I hurt her many times during a fussing fight several times in the year and a half we been married. One time she came home after she had been gone 10 days, with 3 cell phones. I asked if I could see them, and she ran to the front door and on the porch and destroyed them with a hammer, and threw the pieces at me and said you can have them now. I called Mrs Ellen, the pastor of St. Andrew Church and told her what she did and Mrs Ellen said if her husband had done that she would have left him.
I have a text telling me it’s my fault that she cancelled her baptizing, and was going with her friends to gulf shores to have fun. Mrs Ellen was supposed to perform the service. She did these things and has lied to both courts. She has lied about the drinking and said she would never be with a drinker. Now that she is with this other man I have her post with a 5th of Jack Daniels between her feet with a post saying this is the way it should be. She also likes other things to get high on but she erased the videos. But I have a picture of a place in where she was buying 120 kratoms a week. I have the owner of the store saying he didn’t want to be involved, but I was recording anyway and he plainly states that he knows her and she did buy kratoms and if someone came and asked him he would tell them. Kratoms are a class 1 felony in Alabama. They have the same effect as loritabs.
She is a very mean, and hateful and vindictive, and will do anything to achieve her goal. She doesn’t know I have these texts. I wish I knew how to retrieve the deleted videos. She never acts very nice and flirty to everyone outside our family, only her and I. She is attractive and loves the attention, and they believe all the bashing she does about me. I have lots of sexy posts from Facebook and Instagram an tweeter, and FB messenger and Facebook book light, right after she had me arrested and is still going on to date.
I think it is a shame the way she is working the domestic violence claim in order to get the DA and the detectives on her side, but she does no counseling and she is on there bragging about her job and going to the smoke mountains. I am facing 2 to 20 years. I wish someone would come look at what I have and help retrieve my videos. She is only saying that it happened and I have proof of how she lied to the court under the penalty of perjury, and signed it in front of a notary of public. Can you help?
I need help; plz help me. My wife abusing me for last 2 years. I have 2 daughters. I can’t leave them. Save me; save my child. Plz help me.
I never saw it in the beginning, I thought she would be the one to always be there, like one of those Fairy tale Life Stories, till death us do part, a forever loving relationship and marriage. I should have paid more attention to the 1st question. I asked why me, why did you choose me? Her response was to get away from home, how bad her home life was, she liked older men (I was 23yrs older). Little did I know how she would play me for 23+ yrs, spending every spare penny I earned or transferring it to other accounts.
I had 3 well-paying jobs, enough coming in to have a pretty good retirement if saved, she worked 1 month and quit. Sometimes even over drawing the Bank Account on multiple occasions. She always bragged about how I took care of her, how she didn’t have to work. I of course gave her the option, she chose not to. I always made sure she had the best car I could afford, I always opted for myself the cheap and dependable vehicle for myself.
We had two Wonderfully/Beautiful Kids together, but she has managed to turn them against me. She is a manipulative Narcissist. She has it down to a science, she never does anything wrong, everyone else is at fault and she manipulates them into doing what she deems is necessary to bring them in line with her way of thinking and doing things.
Yes, even Husbands can be manipulated, and abused domestically, emotionally and financially. When I became sick and 100% disabled, she spent all my SSA, VA Disability & small pension, sometimes even overdrawing the Bank Account on multiple occasions. It wasn’t until I found photos of her in provocative and half nude photos of her on Social Media, that things got much worse, telling me I was crazy, I didn’t understand, it was none of my business, I was imagining things, I needed to be hospitalized.
Then she blocked me from all her Social Media, said she didn’t believe in marriage, didn’t want to be a wife, took off her rings and said she was going to start dating again, and she did, posting herself as single on Social Media, how she was divorced, how awful I was, that I was Narcissistic, that I was crazy, how I had cheated on her, how I had been mistreating her.
It hurt; it felt like she’d ripped my Heart and Soul out and then stomped them into the dirt. I was made to feel wrong for trying to hold on and work things out. She’d scream and yell, call me a liar, she shows no empathy to anyone unless it’s a gain for her. What do I do? It can’t go on, it’s totally depleting my emotions, my health, my mental processes, started drinking again after 40 yrs sober, smoking again after 15 yrs, not sleeping or very little, crying alone at night separate rooms at her mom and dad’s home.
She moved us up here November of 2021. I had a home and property, before we were married. Had to leave it all behind, and now she’s trying to take that away too. Turned our kids against me; they believe all her lies like they were truth.
My wife uses sex as a weapon, she promises relations if I do this or that for her, then of course, doesn’t deliver and makes excuses. I can’t remember the last time we made love, almost six months at least, the time before that, who knows. She constantly blames me for her body image issues she says are the root of her problem, but the deal is, that’s what she says is the root of her problem this year.
Previous years it was just about everything else, even suggested she was going through menopause in her mid-thirties. She of course, is a liar. It’s always an excuse. I feel so alone, so worthless, I used to think about suicide daily, my friends had no idea, now all I think about is leaving her. If I didn’t have some very special friends in my life, it would’ve happened and most of them never would’ve really known why.
She’s made it a point to make fun of me to our joint friends, I’m constantly disrespected by her, I have been the butt of jokes whenever the family gets together. My job is in the nuclear command and control field in the military. I’ve received many awards and been asked to be part of special national security projects, and I have made a difference in the world, but it’s never good enough because of how she’s made me feel, every accolade, every awards is like ash in my mouth, it’s bitter, it stings, and it’s poisonous, because I know there is no one there to celebrate it with me, to champion my achievements.
I have no cheerleader. Because she has cast me in such a disrespectful light, I’m now “That guy”, the crazy prepper guy, even if I was, it’s because I’ve been in enough government projects to again, know. She’s effectively isolated me from everyone. I refuse to go out with our joint family “friends” because of how they look at me or the stupid jokes they make thinking they’re funny. It’s clear to me they think I’m some kind of loser or grown child because of the filthy disrespect that pours out of her mouth.
She’s sexually assaulted me, in addition to the lack of sex and disrespect I’ve mentioned previously, a few of the times I attempted to be intimate with her, she would respond with a “no” and then at some point later, sometimes a day or two, or sometimes even a few minutes, grab me violently and do her best to hurt me while I’m trying to fight her off, saying usually something to the effect of, “I thought this is what you wanted.” Other times she would use her weight and simply lay on me crushing me, then do all manner of things I didn’t want her to do to me, other times while being intimate she would do the same, I’m thinking things are great then she would again crush me with her weight and do the same, all manner of things I didn’t want and clearly said no and stop to. She enjoyed having power over me.
I hate myself for trusting her. I’ve stopped trying to be intimate with her, because of her constant games and total broken trust. Even if she begged me to sleep with her, I wouldn’t because the trust is so completely destroyed. I’ve stopped looking at myself in the mirror because she’s successfully destroyed my own self-respect. To allow myself to be abused by her and I feeling I couldn’t use my strength to properly defend myself when I knew it would hurt her if I did, then of course, she would be the victim and be sure to tell all of her friends like she has when she gets bruises from the stupid things she does to herself.
She has also said many many times if she somehow dies, then it’s my fault to all of her friends so many times, literally so many times, some of them think I’m an assassin because my position is highly classified and I can’t discuss what I do, seriously, not joking.