When you’re dating, the process of getting to know one another becomes one of your top priorities. You spend time together sharing activities and talking. That’s what you’re all about. Part of you is evaluating and thinking about whether or not you can marry this guy and live happily ever after as his wife. Those strong feelings of being in love may carry you through accepting many of the differences in your spouse.
At the same time you’re trying to show your best side, which is often more accommodating than your usual way of relating.
After being married for some time, you may feel as if the relationship has changed, and you’re not sure you like it. It can be that you and your husband don’t really talk the way you used to. And some of your husband’s personality traits or habits are now more irritating than charming. What’s happening here?
The Change from Bride to Wife
You’re changing from a bride to a wife. There’s a difference! Your relationship is becoming more real. Now you see the differences between you and your husband in light of forever. He’s going to want to watch football every Sunday for the rest of his life. That doesn’t sound like fun to me. He just sits in front of that TV for hours. What happened to talking?
Life has changed. You’re now married and living life with all its responsibilities. Jobs, homes, and children can take up so much of your energy that you seem to stop growing as a couple. And the most frustrating part may be that it seems perfectly fine with your husband. That’s where the acceptance comes into play.
Accepting What is as a Wife
Mature love can accept that marriage is different from dating. Not worse, just different. Mature love can accept that priorities do change and that they need to change. A mature wife can accept that the way her husband shows his love now may be through working hard to provide for his family instead of taking you out every week for a long talk over dinner. A wife accepts that after a long week, maybe the activity her husband needs the most is just “zoning” in front of the TV.
Please don’t misunderstand me. Marriage is meant to include many forms of love —friendship, romantic, sexual, and unconditional. And the expression of each type includes communication.
We as wives need to accept that communication —like anything else in marriage —will be better in some seasons than in others. Sometimes you will enjoy new heights of intimacy, but at other times you and your husband won’t have opportunities to talk about much more than the coordination of your busy schedules. Accept the ebb and flow of communication, and find a balance that you and your husband agree on.
This article comes from the book, What a Husband Needs from His Wife, written by Melanie Chitwood, published by Harvest House Publishers. In this book, the author reveals why the best thing you can do for your relationship with your husband is to focus on your walk with God and let Him transform you and your marriage.
Author, Melanie Chitwood, herself, says the following about this book:
If you’re like me and many of the women I’ve talked to, you’ll have some reservations about discovering what your husband needs from you. You might think the ideas in this book are outdated or overly traditional. You might believe that a woman who has neither a mind nor an identity of her own. One woman laughed out loud at the title of this book. Another said she would probably never read it. Still another woman said the title makes her think of hired help, like the housekeeper or gardener.
I discovered that many times a husband’s needs are the last thing women what to talk about. After all, our pop culture promotes thoughts like these: What about my needs? How can I be happy? How’s this working for me? What’s a quick fix? However, considering that half of all marriages end in divorce, even among Christians, I would venture to say that our faulty thinking and practices are simply not working. Many women have adopted the lies of the world that tell them to put themselves first, fearing that if they don’t, their husbands will take advantage of them.
I hope this book will point your heart and mind to God. God created marriage, and the Bible is His instruction manual. His Word is eternal and does not have an expiration date.
A second reservation might surface as you consider the challenges of your own marriage. Perhaps you’re thinking, “But wait! You don’t know what kind of marriage I’m in! You don’t know what a jerk my husband can be! And you don’t know all the awful things he’s said and done to me! He doesn’t deserve my love at all!” No, I don’t know about your marriage, but be assured that God knows everything about you, your husband, and your marriage. Nothing is too difficult for Him. No situation is beyond His loving hands and healing touch.
…As you read this book, be careful not to think of it as a self-improvement plan. Anything based on fixing or changing our marriages in our own strength is mission the point. A self-improvement plan focuses on self. By surrendering our marriages, however, we are putting our faith in God. As you read numerous ideas to apply to your marriage, ask the Holy Spirit to show which specific actions and attitudes your husband needs, and ask God to reveal ideas not mentioned here. God knows you and your husband. He knows the transformation your marriage needs.
More from Marriage Missions
Filed under: Newlyweds & Beyond