“What primordial gene is it that enables women to do 6 things at once while keeping a lookout for the saber-toothed tiger lurking somewhere down the path? We are the world’s great organizers and doers. Yet sometimes this capability runs rampant. When it does, it runs our life —literally. Marriage [and the Christmas holiday “rush” and busyness] can kick this gene into high gear. We need to monitor ourselves carefully, resisting the urge to take care of too many things at once.” (Toni Sciarra Poynter)
Beware of Too Much Busyness
When I read this quote I thought of how true this is. Sometimes it’s helpful to be a “Martha” (told of in the Bible in Luke 10:38-42). She is the one who opens her home and heart to so many, and works busily to get everything done. Martha’s can be great that way. But sometimes we (I include myself in this) can try to do too much. We attempt to cram too many things into the space of too little time to do them in. And it can drive us, and others around us (especially our spouse) crazy.
There have been many times when Steve has told me to cut back. He has asked me not to try to do so many things. I’ve complained, cried, crabbed, and carried on, telling him I HAD to get it all done. But in reality, when I truly look at it all, asking the Lord to show me where I could cut back —it’s there. I will see this or that, which would be nice to do, but it shouldn’t be done at the expense of the stress it will cause. These are things I should let up on and let go of. I can’t do it all (and still stay sane and truly bless my family).
A Tips for You:
So, here’s a good tip given in the book, “Marriage: Clues for the Clueless” that you may find helpful this next month and beyond:
“It’s not God-pleasing if you’re so busy helping everyone else that you have no time or energy for your spouse. Turning down a request may be difficult to do, especially if it’s for something you’ve ‘always done.’ But in order to simplify your life and spend more quality time with your spouse, you need to say ‘no’ to at least half the things you’re asked to do.”
For the love of Christ, and I mean that literally, let up on what you can. Take your foot off of the gas pedal, so to speak, and only do that, which you believe God would have you do. Remember, if you’re too busy to be kind, you’re too busy. You need to cut back on the less important, so it doesn’t crowd out the more important.
Jesus States Priorities
Here’s what Jesus told Martha, from the Bible, when she was trying to do too much and didn’t take the time to look to Him, as her sister Mary was doing:
“‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things. But few things are needed —or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”
This time of year and beyond lets focus on Christ and what HE would have us do.
Here’s an aside for the husbands, written by Steve:
Guys, you may think that stepping back, letting your wife “do her thing” without your getting in her way is the best approach to these matters. Sure, you may feel less hassled. But is that truly following the way of Christ? How does that go along with scripture where husbands are told, “Love your wives, as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her…?”
Through our 45+ years of marriage, I’ve learned to go beyond what is comfortable for me. I’ve learned to look to the needs of my wife and family. And that includes helping in the Christmas preparations. Be proactive. LOOK for things to do, which might ease her load. Ask your wife this important question “what can I do to best help you right now?” She’ll tell you. And as you do what she asks (and hopefully beyond), you will bless her, and God more than you can imagine. And in the long run, won’t that truly bring more “peace on earth” and into your home in a godly way?
Lets not run so fast that we forget what, but especially WHO we should focus on, this time of year and ALL year long —JESUS.
As It Is Written:
“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth…” (as told to us in John 1:14).
And as you’re giving to ministries at this time of year, please consider the ministry of Marriage Missions. We could sure use your help —especially as more and more people are reaching out to us and we’re working to make the web site more mobile phone friendly, to help even more. Just go to the Donations link on the Marriage Missions web site and give as you feel God would have you.
And may God bless you and your marriage all the more as you do.
Steve and Cindy Wright
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Filed under: Marriage Insights