How do you deal with the situation, where you feel that verbal abuse is being thrown at you within your marriage? And how do you know if this isn’t just a “normal” matter of one spouse disagreeing with the other? Plus, there is also the matter of emotional abuse. There’s no doubt that both of these are destructive for you and your marriage relationship.
One thing we do here at Marriage Missions is to hunt for information that will best help spouses to understand the different aspects of marriage. This way each marital situation can be approached prayerfully, carefully, and better educated. The goal is to be led by our Wonderful Counselor, the Holy Spirit, to do what He shows is best.
Clarification Concerning Verbal Abuse And Emotional Abuse
With that in mind, we want to first deal with the topic of emotional abuse. It’s important to clarify what it is and what can be done about it. And then we’ll go on to the topic of verbal abuse. You can have one directed at you without the other, and yet, they often overlap.
First of all, we encourage you to pray before reading —that the eyes of your heart and mind will humbly be open to comprehend what God wants for you to know.
“Good and upright is the LORD.
Therefore He instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them His way.”
(Psalm 25:8-9)
Secondly, it’s important to recognize emotional abuse for what it is. Dr Barbara Shaffer asks the questions:
“Can you identify a symptom of emotional abuse? More importantly can you define emotional abuse or identify any of its forms?”
To obtain some answers, please click onto the link below to read:
• CAN YOU IDENTIFY A SYMPTOM OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE?
More on Emotional Abuse
Next, it’s important to know even more about this type of abuse. Counselor, and author Leslie Vernick explains much more about emotional abuse in her book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope
Verbal Abuse
And that takes us to the issue of verbal abuse. Most often it overlaps with emotional abuse. But here’s a little peak into the way relationship expert, Leslie Vernick, explains it:
“Cursing someone out is bigger than just using four-letter words. Cursing someone is condemning him or her as if you’re their judge or even their god. When someone does that he (or she) believes they’re the superior one; and as such have the right to cast “judgment” on another’s character, personhood, or even actions in a demeaning or derogatory way. The Bible speaks to this kind of person. Jesus says, ‘If you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell” (Matthew 5:22).
First, Concerning Verbal Abuse:
“It’s helpful to make a distinction between an abusive incident and an abusive relationship. Since we are all sinners, we are all capable of some verbal abuse. (James 3:2). James also cautions believers that our tongue can be misused as a weapon to hurt other people. (Yes, the Bible speaks of emotional and verbal abuse). James describes it this way. He says the tongue is ‘restless and evil full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father; and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!‘ (James 3:8-10). He also warns that if we ‘claim to be a believer and don’t control our tongue, we are lying to ourselves and to others‘ (James 1:26).
“Therefore, when someone who claims to be a Christian sins and verbally curses someone out, or just says something hurtful, he or she should immediately recognize that he has crossed a line and used his tongue as a weapon for harm. James clearly says this is not right. As does Paul in Romans 13:10 when he says, ‘Love does no harm.‘
“Once that line has been crossed, a sincere apology should be given; repentance before the Lord should occur and a strong effort to never repeat that kind of abusive speech should be made. However, when abusive behavior/speech happens again and again and again, then it’s not just simply crossing the line and being a sinner. It is being an unrepentant sinner who refuses to submit himself under the authority of God.” (From Leslie’s article, “Emotional and Verbal Abuse”)
Verbal Abuse: Intimidation and Bullying
So, what do you do when there is verbal abuse, intimidation, and bullying in your marriage? And what exactly IS bullying? Dr Juli Slattery says the following:
“Intentionally or not, a bully uses intimidation and coercion to get his or her way. Yes, women can be bullies too. A wife can skillfully use emotional coercion like humiliation and cynicism. She does this to ‘punish’ a husband who isn’t ‘behaving’ according to her desires. I’ve met powerful, competent men who panic at the thought of crossing their wives. Is this normal conflict or bullying?”
That’s an important question to consider. To help you with this issue, Dr Slattery recommends reading the following books. We also recommend them:
As far as emotional abuse (including bullying), author Mary Yerkes describes it this way:
“Emotional abuse leaves few physical scars. Its victims suffer no broken bones, torn flesh or spilled blood. Still, those wounded might describe it as the most painful and destructive form of domestic violence.”
Additional Information to Help You
To discover what Mary lived through and learned about this form of abuse, we direct you to a posted article for Focus on the Family. After reading the article, also read the additional articles they suggest in the series. We believe they will help you gain a fuller picture of this type of abuse:
• UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Christian counselor, Dr Barbara Shaffer writes the following concerning emotional abuse. (It comes from the article, “Emotional Abuse: The Abuse Beneath Abuse.”)
Dr Shaffer writes:
“Abuse in the context of an intimate relationship involves a persistent pattern of behaviors. It is not simply a mistake. Nor is it an isolated incident or a sudden loss of control. The goal that motivates all forms of abuse is to exercise power and to control…
“Physical abuse can leave bruises, and break bones. It can cause various permanent, structurally based impairments, like hearing and memory loss. These observable signs of impact signal the need for healing, assistance, protection, and safety. In contrast, emotional abuse is characterized by invisibility and great subtlety. It leaves no obvious mark that would call attention to injury, danger or the need for intervention. Although abuse comes in varied shapes, intensities, and every forms, it has an emotional component.
Definition: What exactly is emotional abuse?
“Emotional abuse is foundationally an attitude of entitlement and profound disrespect. It discounts at every turn the inherent right of the other person to dignity, separateness and autonomy. The other person is seen as only a contemptible object. Out of entitlement and disrespect spring the various behaviors that use anger, violence and/or contempt to induce fear, guilt and shame. The other person is thereby controlled, punished, or demeaned.”
Additionally, here’s something Kerby Anderson points out that is important to note:
Verbal Abuse Doesn’t Leave Evidence
“Almost everyone knows of, someone who has been verbally abused. Perhaps you are involved in a verbally abusive relationship. It is also possible that no one even knows your circumstances. Verbal abuse is a kind of battering. It doesn’t leave evidence comparable to the bruises of physical battering. You (or your friend) may be suffering in silence and isolation. In this article, tackle this very important issue in an effort to understand this phenomenon and provide answers.”
To learn what Kerby Anderson goes on to explain, read this Probe Ministries article:
“Harsh words can destroy your marriage. Here’s how to defuse verbal abuse.”
Dealing with Verbal Abuse
If you do want to know how to deal with and defuse verbal abuse we recommend that you prayerfully read the following articles. We need to tell you that they are not Christian articles per se. But they are very good ones. So, if you read something within them that you feel God would object to, please disregard that particular piece of advice. But overall, most of the advice can be very valuable. As you will see, one article will lead to links to others to read. Please read all you can. It’s important to glean through what you read to decide what will work for you in your marriage.
The articles we recommend you read are:
• YOUR VERBALLY ABUSIVE WIFE, WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Also, the ministry of All About Life Challenges can help you to better recognize verbal abuse. They also show you ways to avoid depression and find hope. This is important when you feel beaten up verbally. To learn more, please read:
Lastly, the following scripture is something you may find helpful to pray:
“Guard my life and rescue me.
Let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
“May integrity and uprightness
protect me,
because my hope is in you.”
(Psalm 25:20-21)
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International compiled this article.
If you have additional tips to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Abuse in Marriage
(US) I have written and re-written this 4 times now… It’s such a long story. My wife has suffered since I have known her, from PTSD stemming from horrible childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse. In the last few years it has become a terribly severe issue. There are SOOOO many details that affect any attempt to convey what has happened, but in a nutshell I have dealt with emotional infidelity for sure, possible physical infidelity as well, consistent lies, half truths and emotional and physical isolation among MANY other troubles. All of the crazyness is punctuated by bits and pieces of the wonderful and amazing beautiful girl I married 17 years ago.
I constantly attempt to communicate to her that I am completely and totally committed to and in love with her but that I cannot handle the behavior that causes damage. I honestly believe and desperately attempt to convey my belief that she is the embodiment of God’s tenderness and beauty and that I passionately treasure her but it seems to just bounce right off as if I had said pass the salt.
Because of the things that she has done to damage my trust, I am now struggling with whether or not she is lying or manipulating me with almost every interaction. When I set boundaries that I believe are legitimate, when I tell her I am struggling to trust her, when I am obviously uncomfortable with some decision she has made or something she is engaged in, her response is almost always one of fear, panic or just general disgust. It appears to me that somehow I have taken on the roll of the abuser(s) in her mind. She is able to be the sweet, loving, devoted mother and friend to anyone and everyone else in her life but when she interacts with me it seems forced or contrived… or at least I am afraid it is.
At this point I live in a constant state of being ‘unsure’ and at times I am consumed by overwhelming hurt and fear. In the last few weeks a thought process has started in my mind that maybe I AM the abusive one but am unwilling/able to see it. It is making more and more sense given that a) our relationship is the only one she appears to be having problems with, b) my kids seem to isolate themselves from me too at times c) she does appear to react in fear/panic as if I am being abusive d) nearly every relationship I have had has imploded horribly in a similar cycle of what looks to me to be my devotion met with abuse.
Is this a manifestation of her PTSD? Is she emotionally abusing me and essentially making me ‘pay’ for her abuse? Are there known cases where a loving and devoted spouse or other relation has assumed the role of abuser in an abuse victim’s mind and been subjected to emotional abuse as a result? Is it possible that I have some predisposed tendancy to select mates having trauma issues that eventually manifest themselves in this swirling torrent of pain? Or am I simply an abusive ogre in denial?
I believe with all of my heart and soul that I am a great husband and father. If I AM the abuser and I am so sick that I fool myself into the belief I am a victim all the while devastating my beloved bride and beautiful children. May God have mercy on my wretched soul.
(AUSTRALIA) JHW, if you were an abusive ogre, you would not be asking these questions. You would not be self-introspective and you would not feel guilty. You would be blaming her.
It is a classic tactic of an abuser to turn it around and make the victim out to be the abuser. Read about it in Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
PTSD is real and can be treated. It doesn’t have to cause abusive behavior. She is simply using it as an excuse to blame you, blame the past, blame others. I know many victims who suffer PTSD. They are not abusive spouses, although they may have anxiety and anger issues as a result of the past abuse. These things can be worked through if the victim with PTSD is willing to uncover the issues and recover.
If you set legitimate boundaries because you are uncomfortable with what she has done, the mature response is to respect that boundary. An abuser doesn’t respect boundaries. In her eyes, you have no right to do that because it is all about her. So then you become the abuser because she is not getting what she wants.
She cannot expect you to trust her. Trust is earned. If you feel manipulated or lied to, you should keep your distance. Follow your gut feeling. It is nothing abusive or mean to do so. Ask yourself, is the way she treats you the way you treat a good friend? If it is not, then there is something wrong and it is not your behavior. In fact, it has nothing to do with you.
Keep seeking God and hope you find some support among people who understand and see these things clearly. You are right that sometimes we attract people into our lives that mess our minds because of their issues. If you are surrounded by people like that, be careful of the counsel they give – it will be useless.
(USA) Last July My wife of 25 years (but have been together 27) told me she could not stand me and that I would not do for my kids (she had two children before I met her). I raised them, after a list of other things she complained about I left for a month to get my head together. I came back and she told me she was not going to look for me because she did not care where I was. She then stated she wanted a separation.
I left to find work up north; after three month went by I came back hoping to figure out what was going on. My wife said there was no limit on separation. By then she had moved out of our home and has her apartment. I lost my home and everything in it. I went to stay with her a few days and she nit picked everything. I would touch her and she would pull away. I asked what was wroung and the dam broke.
She told me she only married me to make herself legal in gods eyes and that our marriage was based on sex, and the only reason she stayed 25 years was to raise her kids. And god has her walking a different path. It hurt and I cursed her out, I sent an email telling her I was sorry. She sent back an eamil stating because I cursed her I do not love her and she does not want that kind of love and she was moving on. All the differences through years made her decide to move on (she believes demons come out of the tv, I don’t) and she went back years saying this is the reason she’s moving on. This is someone that claims she loves the Lord but walked out of her marriage. I never cheated or ran around or beat her but her verbal abuse never stops. Not sure what to do. Ball’s in her court at the moment.
(USA) Randy, I think your wife has built up resentment and waited 25 years to express herself. She waited till the kids were grown when she should have expressed her main frustrations a long time ago so you could address them. If she had done that you may have been able to work them out, maybe if you can get her talking you can work it out still.
I have been married 12 years and have resentments that my husband is not listening to. My latest example is that I booked a romantic hotel tomorrow night but he told me to cancel because I did not want to go to bed at same time tonight. This type of dramatic reaction is typical of him, and I have in the past gone through with the romantic evening.
Many of our romantic or planned family outings end this way though spontaneous romance/outings works better. In general he doesn’t want to do the things that I do. I just go to games, or whatever he wants to do, and have fun and not try to suggest any plans of my own. I generally ask my girlfriends to go with me to events that interest me. I also often take my kids to amusement parks etc without him because he is 90% not interested in going with us.
I know you are upset with your wife but thought you might be 1. interested in a woman’s perspective and 2. have some advice for me so that I can stop the train wreck.
(USA) I want to stay with my husband for my kids and also for us. But he is very narcisstic and I have been trying for years to get through to him. I am 100% sure that he is a classic case and I am scared mainly for our 3 boys. I know that they are learning this behavior no matter how good I am at shielding them from it.
I do think I am successful at demonstrating non-narcisstic behavior and have even had a small positive influence on my husband. But I wonder am I doing the right thing? I will use the specific example from today to tell him (once again) tomorrow that self-focus is not nice and will not bring him happiness.
(USA) Please make me understand how any of you would stay with an abusive husband??? You love him?? He doesn’t love you. Or know how to show it. For years and years?? Wasting your life?? Letting your male children see how horribly a woman “should” be treated? Letting your female children learn that it’s OK to be treated like that? Think about your children. Go to family. Get a job. Have some self respect. This is baffling to me.
(DUBAI) I have been married for 6 years. I am away from my family and relatives as they are back home and we are living here in Dubai for the past 4 years. My husband has probably said all the worst things. I am just hanging in here because we have a beautiful daughter that needs both of us and I don’t have the heart to watch her grow up in a broken family. He has been a good father to our daughter but I am just afraid that our daughter might think that it’s normal for her father to act that way when he loses his temper.
To most of the people we know, they think my husband is timid and quiet but when it’s just us and he gets angry his whole face turns different. I just realized that whenever I hear someone shout, I feel nervous because it makes me feel that it is him getting mad and I am wondering what did I do this time. I was cursed, called names and humiliated in public so many times. I actually lost count on how many times he has shouted, cursed and behaved horribly in public but I still stood by him all because of my daughter.
I have gained a lot of weight since we got married and was just starting to realize that eating made me feel better and it gave me the feeling certainty…. and I have just realized that a month ago. So I am back at taking care of myself but it’s a struggle for me as there is not day he wouldn’t curse, shout and blame me for everything. Does anyone feel this way? Eating to feel certain about themselves? I have been very good for the past month and lost weight already. When do I know if enough is enough?
(U.S.A) Hello… I am pretty sure I am in an abusive relationship. I don’t feel I have a way out. The abuse is not clear cut. My husband is controlling… but he doesn’t realize it. He has a way of messing with my head. He is mean with his words… he is intimidating and harsh. I don’t have family that I can go to. I have no money to get out. I feel stuck! Help!
(USU) Yes, you are in an abusive relationship. My husband is exactly the same. I am divorcing him after 14 years of marriage and almost 3 years of counseling. My advice is to read all you can on the subject, start journaling your experiences, try to open up to one friend, or call the abuse hot line. They are very truthful with you -get in your prayer closet with God and read your Bible. God will show you what to do. It is not easy but people do get out. Remember that God loves you.
(USA) I been through emotional turmoil with my husband. He refuses to talk about our problems, and what is bothering him. He would share or paint a pretty picture with his friends how much of a wonderful person I am, how he could not live without me, but yet he refuses to deal with our marital problems. He has a territorial problem when it comes to his phone and his computer.
I have a hearing disability and he refuses to come to terms with it. I know in my heart this is the reason we are not the way we are supposed to be. He refuses to get counseling, thinking he can fix himself but I cannot take the silence, the arguments and much more any longer!
How do I get him to open up and to talk to me to make things right? How can I keep living like this? I was recently in an accident and he refused my friend’s help to drive him to the scene. He didn’t want to come.
(USA) I experience being called a worst mistake ever. I know this to be not true however, it is said to me by my spouse. I am the keeper of all things here and the only one responsible enough to pay the bills and cook and bake and clean and scrub. I work fulltime and so does he. But, at home he is not much help, if at at all.
We have one son and even he can tell me how much I mean to him but, my husband cannot. He says it is a trick question? I have tried everything and sacrificed everything for a man who will not even shower. I know this can’t be the type of marriage that is spoken about in the Bible. No, I am not just complaining. This is a 21 year marriage that I can truly say I have given it my all. For?
So, getting help for myself through therapy is a start. It is a start to for me to let it all out there.
Lord, please let him find this I pray. Amen
(USA) My husband does not like me. He finds fault with me every single day. He listens and watches me for evidence to support his opinions of me. Even when he is disproved, he looks for something new to critize me. His favorite expression lately is I am busting his balls. I do not know how this could be. I work 3 jobs and he does not work. He sits home and plays the guitar. He is almost 60 years old.
He has humliated me in public. When I see me in his eyes, there is no love. His moods change not only from day to day, but from minute to minute. He cannot get along with people. In fact, he rarely sees the good in anyone. He runs over my words and he uses my words and feelings against me. We have only been married for 5 years. It has been like this. He never calls me or shows care over me.
He has never put me first. He will never know the joy of putting his wife first.
(US) One practical way in this situation is to protect your money. Keep a separate bank account and any inheritance definitely keep separate. My close friend has a husband like yours, and has been married for 25 years and now she finds it too expensive to divorce because she will have to pay him alimony and give him 1/2 of her retirement. The attorney says it is too difficult to prove verbal and emotional abuse. So be smart. Protect yourself. God is on your side and loves you very much.
(BOTSWANA) I have been with my husband for 9 years now, in marriage just three years. At first he was the most sweetest thing ever. Then I got pregnant with my first child and things changed. He was angry that I had a baby before marriage then he was ok with it. By 7 months he cheated and there a lot of insults from him and the lady. It was a painful journey, my parents were there to comfort me.
Then he comes back and asked for forgiveness and I did. It’s a long story but will cut it in short, he went home then came back and we continued with the relationship. I got pregnant again and I started bleeding. I was asked to rest and do nothing but he will come form work and tell me all sort of hurtful things and I lost it. Then I got pregnant and he brought pills to abort it.
I ran away, then the next thing asked me to marry him, that he didn’t want to have another baby out of wedlock. I married him but the women kept calling him from the past and he will tell me he broke up without a fight and that he was married to me not them. He communicates with them and I’m supposed to be glad that he married me.
I got pregnant again and he was willing to sign the divorce papers because I found out that there is another lady. He claims he stopped the affair but every time I ask why he gets very angry with me. His father left his mother when she was pregnant and came back months after he was born. I love my kids and they have never bout their father, I’m angry, hurt and I am not sure if I love him anymore.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Good morning. I would like to know how can I help my Brother in law. Him and my sister have been together since 2001. They were together for a few years and she fell pregnant. They actually ended the relationship just before the news she was pregnant. In 2007 they got married. They had a daughter that is 3 and half today.
My sister and I come out of a very verbally abuse home. My mom was single mother since we were babies and never remarried. Luckily she sent me to boarding school and kept the young child (my sister) at home. I today see my sister being exactly the abuser my mom was then and still is today. My sister’s husband has gone from a “Hero to a zero” in 10 years. He comes to my house and cries of the hurt he is feeling, but when the families reach out to help to get him out of the relationship, he just crawls back to her and begs her to change. She makes promises and 3 weeks later the abuse starts all over again. The children is the real victems here.
They live in a 2 bedroom home. The mother is a hoarder, she walks at night to find stuff she can bring home. The result is when you visit, there is no place to sit and you have to walk over things and the outside yard is even worse. Not safe. So the kids dont have space of their own. The boy brags at my kids that he only goes to sleep at 1 am on school nights and plays computer games all night long. The little girl showed my son the middle finger 4 weeks ago. The boy has been off school for 60 days in 2011. He was not at school for 10 days before the school closed because he was “sick.” He still doesn’t have a school report to show he passed the year, but his mother walks around and tells everyone he is a “A grade student”.
The father is a successfull computer technician for a great company. He was told to go seek marriage counseling and the company will pay for it. He never used that opportunity and was asked to leave 3 months ago.
I’m tired of being optimistic and being positive that things will improve. I feel like getting social workers involved, but the system in this country is so overloaded that I was told it could take months to years for this case to be addressed. My sister (the abuser) thinks there is nothing wrong with her, and If I talk about counseling she says she will go so that they can see how crazy her husband is.
I cannot pretend to be optimistic about this marriage anymore and I cannot take seeing these kids suffer. All the doors in the house have holes in them from him hitting them. The doors and the windows facing the yard at the back are broken from them throwing stuff at each other. From the street it just looks like a normal home. I don’t know what to do.
(USA) If I knew what I know now… I’d have never married. My dad always wanted me to be a nun… now I know why! If I was ever at the end of this marriage (which I’m not, I believe in the “Till death do us part” verse in the Bible) or if he decided to leave…sure, I’d be extremely upset… but I certainly would NEVER REMARRY! I’d probably do some kind of mission work… or something like that… I’d give myself totally to God and never look back.
The Bible is clear that we are to put God first and that he’d rather have us single if we can’t put him first before our marriages… I should have really adhered to the Holy Spirit’s prompting to not get married. But I was a huge fool… because I didn’t know myself before getting married.
I would implore anyone who hasn’t been married, to really ask themselves if it is something God wants for their lives. We live in a society where people believe God wants or has someone for everyone…when that is totally not true. First of all, he wants us for himself, and if we choose to marry… he still wants to be first place in the marriage. It’s difficult enough juggling a marriage, it’s twice as hard to find time for the Lord and a marriage and oneself. Consequently, if you don’t like yourself… you don’t have any business being married to someone else… because you have to like yourself in order to like someone else.
(INDIA) Hi Mary, Greetings in Christ! We all get married for the very same reason. We are God’s creation, biological entities that need companionship, to be united in Christ in a holy marriage that is right in the sight of God & by not letting the devil trick us by spoiling our God given body among company of unbelievers. The coin has two sides & I’m not taking sides, but each sex has their own insecurities and fail to bring balance in a married life if they do not let God to head their marriage with the same kind of humility that he led his life as a human being with all these physical needs and yet restrained from the world and remained holy and set us an example to follow.
Just because, one of us end up with an unbeliever it doesn’t mean marriage has no meaning. It’s the most sacred union of all & both men & women in christ with mutual submission in christ led love experience it.
Chosing God before everything else is one thing & chosing a life partner without finding true Christian values & character in practice in a person is another thing. This is the most common mistake that we believers make when we yoke with unbelievers or haste our decisions by deceptive appearances when we’re almost out of connection with God. This world deceives us by its advancements and the enemy cashes it just at the right moment when we’re still gazing at what appears as green pastures (of the world).
Christian believers, beware of such hasty decisions, if we already took one; our options are to seek God’s will through prayers and humility. God doesn’t plan anything for us, when it’s us most of the times making decisions for ourselves all our lives with our worldly wisdom & virtue; he just honors our decision and will help us live with it and in some cases he might even transform it to something better. But, it might not be true all the time & suffering is not new to a Christian believer, and we might not receive our promises from God in this world but we will certainly receive it when we’re connected with him until death & he’s preparing a place for us while we still breathe.
Sufferings as a result of a worldly decision and when we realise it & seek God’s help in humility, he certainly won’t turn his face away from us and I’m sure he’ll make a way to overcome such state. My fellow Christian believer, just don’t curse yourself for your current state, rather depend on God in every walk of your life and he’ll certainly take care of you as he paid a price for you on the cross of calvary, for he careth for you. God Bless!!
(USA) If nothing changes then nothing changes. As a wife of a controlling and abusive man… my life almost ended and our 3 boys motherless. So yes, it could change that way but the hurt would continue for our boys.
Healing and knowing, and understanding ABUSE, the questioning am I being abused.. and how do I know, stop rushing around your head and finally you realize avoiding the fact doesn’t make it hurt any less. So first off thank you for the article which defines in detail abuse and has a Christian outlook on marriage and the family. His actions might not be malicious and hateful but controlling and belittling are still abuse.
To all the others that have tears in their eyes and are losing hope, PLEASE breathe; you are beautiful and a gift from God. I am just beginning on a journey of healing and believe that “Through God all things are possible.” Crawling out from that spot of worthlessness, especially when there is someone who you trust and love, which picks you apart as a person is VERY hard and may seem impossible.
Put God First – He created you and loves you for the person you are. All those negative comments make you question your worth. God is able to handle them so just hand them over to him. Release them fully, stop worrying about them. “God doesn’t want us to worry.” Find a few positives about what you do well what makes you happy and do it. Congratulate yourself on it today and allow God to shine on you when you do it accomplish it and see how much of a Gift you are.
It is a start. I am still starting -learning about God and what my role is as a wife and how to be God’s child and live with his love and Grace even when my partner chooses to hurt me. Good luck and I hope my words will encourage and brighten a very hopeless feeling of an abused wife into not destroying what God has created but invest in it. Love you all and I feel your pain sometimes daily.
(USA) I’ve dealt with this for years, and my husband is a minister. It happens in all situations, sad to say. At times he is so nice, and at times he is so cruel. Please pray for us.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Indeed, the Holy Spirit is our comforter. I bumped into this website cos I don’t know who to tell about the 14 yrs of emotional abuse, liquor abuse, and empty promises from my husband. How long should a person take this? I pray, fast for this situation but I sometimes want to give up. Without the Holy Spirit I would have left.