If you haven’t seen the movie, Fireproof we highly recommend it! You can purchase it on DVD by clicking by using the link provided in the previous sentence.
If you HAVE seen it (or you are going to watch it), the following questions and “Personal Points to Ponder” are provided to help you and your spouse discuss what you have experienced from the movie
Discussion Points:
- Caleb and Catherine obviously had a lot of problems to work through in their marriage. Do you think their problems were “unique” to them? Or do you think they are pretty universally experienced —even with Christians? Explain.
- Who was more at “fault” for the near failure of their marriage —Caleb or Catherine? Explain.
Co-writer/director Alex Kendrick says the old adage “Never leave your partner behind” has “significance to non-firefighters” as well. In a television interview aired on the Dr Phil Show Drphil.com he said,
“You know, it’s now national policy for firefighters: two in, two out. If you go to a fire, you stay with your partner, you go in and you come out. And that applies to marriage as well. You’re going to go through fire. The meaning of Fireproof is not that fire will never come. But when it comes, you can withstand it. And the only way to do that is to purposefully stay together. You are to have a higher standard than living just for yourself, but in meeting the other person’s needs.”
Also Discuss:
- Think of one thing that impressed you or that you learned from this movie that could help you to meet your spouse’s needs and improve your marriage relationship? Share what it is and how you think you can implement it.
- What was it about the “Love Dare” that impressed you?
In the movie, there is a scene where Caleb and his wife Catherine are involved in an explosive argument about being disrespected. Dr Phil asked Kirk Cameron, who played Caleb, if that was a hard scene for him to do. He replied,
“That was difficult, yeah. I’ve always said to myself, ‘You don’t go there. You’re not going to go there. You don’t just turn into an ugly beast on the person whom you love most. But I know that that is all too real for a lot of people. That is because it just wells up and it comes out like a volcano.”
- How did this scene affect you? Could you identify with this level of friction?
Fireproof Interview
Dennis Rainey, host of the radio program, “Family Life Today” Familylife.com, said the following. (This was during a 3 day broadcast.) It was concerning the above mentioned scene in the movie:
“I wonder if this is not going to be used by God for a man to be exposed to his own behavior in like a mirror, where physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse is happening. He’s going to finally see how disrespectful and how demeaning it is to a woman.”
To that, producer Stephen Kendrick replied,
“It’s interesting, Dennis, you used the word ‘mirror.’ That is because I believe that God uses a spouse to be like a mirror to us. And He will reveal to us how selfish we are, how greedy we can be, and how we’ll claim our own rights. There’s nothing like a wife to reveal to her husband his real nature.”
“You know, if the people who respect him at work lived with him and had to be in that kind of relationship with him, they may realize who he is. But a spouse brings it out of us. And God did that on purpose. That is because a marriage relationship is supposed to really be a discipleship to the Lord to form us into the image of Christ. If we’ll see it that way rather than resisting this person, we’ll say, ‘God, you’re revealing things that are not like Jesus that are in me. I know that they need to be dealt with so that I can more like Him.'”
Question:
- What are your thoughts on what Dennis and then Stephen said about God using marriage as a “mirror” to reveal our “real nature”?
PERSONAL POINTS TO PONDER:
Have you experienced anger with your spouse that “wells up and comes out like a volcano?” After it “wells up”, have you given yourself permission to “go there?” Do you allow yourself to say things in ways that has turned you “into an ugly beast on the person whom you love the most?”
If so, we encourage you to pray together. Ask the Lord to help you work through your future times of conflict. You may do this through talking together once, twice, or several times. Do this until you both feel you have figured out how to make your times of disagreements less explosive and disrespectful.
We have numerous articles and “tools” to help you in this journey posted and linked to, on our web site. You may even need a pastor, mentor couple, or counselor help you work through these issues until you BOTH feel you can resolve conflict in healthy ways. You CAN do this, and we encourage to do so.
On the Dr Phil program mentioned above, Dr Phil asked Executive Producer Michael Catt, “Is forgiveness and unconditional love a real message in this movie?”
To that Michael replied:
“Oh, absolutely. I think people give up. One of the messages is that she’s getting bad counsel. All of her friends are saying, ‘Get a divorce.’ He’s getting good counsel to love and to forgive. I think who we listen to effects how we look at our marriage. We’re influenced by the voices around us. We need to pay attention to the people who are telling us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.”
Additional Discussion:
- Each of you reflect and ask yourselves personally: Do I need to make changes in whom or what I listen to? Explain to your marriage partner what the Lord is impressing upon your heart.
- Think of one couple you know that really needs to see this movie. What can you do to get them to see it? (Suggestions: Pray for them. Invite them to “double-date” with you to go see it. Maybe you can offer to baby sit their kids so they can go out alone. Then, after they see it, give them a copy of these questions to go through them as a couple.)
TO PREVIEW OR PURCHASE THE BOOK, which was featured in the movie, please click onto the link provided below:
A few additional resources that you may GREATLY benefit from obtaining are:
• The LOVE DARE Day by Day: A Year of Devotions for Couples
• FIREPROOF YOUR MARRIAGE Couple’s Kit
• FIREPROOF YOUR MARRIAGE: Leader’s Guide
[With Participant’s Guide and 6 Session DVD]
And:
• FIREPROOF YOUR MARRIAGE: Participant’s Guide
— ALSO —
For more discussion questions, please click onto the following Christianbook.com web site link below and scroll down and you will find:
• FIREPROOF DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
There is also a series of Marriage Sermons and Marriage Illustrations that could possibly help you as you reach out to improve your marriage. To see what they offer, please click onto the link provided below:
FIREPROOF SERMONS AND ILLUSTRATIONS
Also, below you will find a link to the great web site for the Association of Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM). This website has been created for you as an individual or couple to journal your 40 Day Love DareTM experience. On this site you can write your own personal entries capturing your experiences (totally private), and have access to their general blog. You can also use the message board to ask questions and interact with others on the journey.
To take advantage of this opportunity, please click onto the link provided below:
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Communication Tools
(SOUTH AFRICA) My parents have been forwarding some of the messages to me. I would like to save them the trouble AND I can read all other articles the web site and FORWARD THEM TO OTHER FRIENDS who I feel will benefit. Keep up the good work. God Bless you in your Ministry.
(UNITED STATES) THANK YOU. I JUST JOINED ABOUT A MONTH AGO, SO FAR SO GOOD. I LOOK FORWARD TO THE MOVIE FIREPROOF AND READING THE BOOK LOVE DARE, THANK YOU.
(ZIMBABWE) I AM WILLING TO SHARE AND LEARN FROM OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPERIENCES.
(USA) The movie was a great blessing, convicted me on different levels.
Thank you for your obedience to promote this. God Bless.
(USA) Last night my wife and I went to the movie “Fireproof”. If you have not had a chance to see it yet, I urge you to take any opportunity to do so. If you have, I hope and pray that it provides as much guidance and insight to you as it did to us.
By the grace of God, I had put many of the practices that they show in the movie into motion over the last 11 months. It was heart warming to see these actions played out on the screen with the reactions and responses that we went though in our own marriage.
On the way home from the movie my wife and I were talking about the movie and our marriage. She told me that she was very proud of me for having done many of the things they suggest in the movie, without having seen the movie itself. I told her that those were not my ideas, but rather, I had asked God to guide me in the way I related and treated her. God told me that I needed to be a “servant lover” to her regardless of how things went.
There were many times when I felt that what I was doing was a waste of time and things would never change. I thought this way until God got through to me that I was to do these things for my wife out of love for her, rather than doing them in order to change her and to get my way. Once God finally got my attention as to WHY I was to do things, the task became much easier and with a definite purpose and reason.
God has his ways of getting things done in accordance to His plan. The night before my wife and I went to the movie we had set aside some time to discuss some issues in our marriage. It was a wonderful eye opening experience. This discussion reaffirmed that when you make assumptions you are only asking for trouble. My wife and I had both made some wrong assumptions about various events. It was really good to clear the air and understand what each of us saw, experienced, thought, and how we each reacted. Any way, after the movie last night she said that our discussion had been like homework before going to the movie. See, God has his ways!!!
With all that being said, I have a few thoughts I would like to share. When a couple stands before God, family, friends, and say “I do”. That is not a “contract” of marriage, it is a “commitment” to each other and a “covenant” with God. A Christian marriage is not between two beings but three. Husband, Wife, and GOD. The strength of 3 strands. When we enter into marriage it is NOT “what can I get out of this marriage and my spouse”, rather it needs to be “what can I give to my spouse to make this marriage better”. All comes down to the old saying, “It is better to GIVE than to receive”.
My prayer for all of you, my dear friends, and for all marriages, is that we follow God’s word in how we are to live as married couples.
I realize that this is addressed to you as an individual. However, I ask that you share it with your spouse, for in marriage you are not two separate beings. In God’s eyes you are on flesh.
May you all have a wonderful Christmas Season. For His Glory!!!
(UNITED STATES) My husband and I watched the movie Fireproof and it shed a light on our marriage. Thanks so much it has been a blessing to us.
(USA) We are teaching the Fireproof sessions to a small group of married and engaged couples in our church. We are amazed at how God is transforming the relationships of the couples in this group. It is such a blessing! We encourage any couple who has not seen it to make the investment in your relationship, it’s well worth it. Ministers Mike and Wanda, ChristianMarriageToday.com
(USA) My husband and I were on the verge of a divorce and we started talking again we even went to a Marriage Encounter program. During the first class they talked about Fireproof so my husband and I rented it and watched it. Let me tell you how much our relationship paralleled Caleb and Catherine, even down to my crying to my friends and him telling his friends that my friends were probably hugging and crying with me… haha.
Toward the end of the movie when Caleb told Catherine about how he wanted to save the marriage and then when she told him she needed time to figure things out and not knowing if she could trust him again, well let me tell you that is the same discussion that my husband and I had "to the T."
And something else that was similar was their 7 year marriage. Well, my husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary. I do believe this movie was made for us and through God’s undying love for us and his desire to see that we not get divorced… it worked, because my husband and I now enjoy a more joyful and fulfilling relationship. :-)
(CANADA) I finally watched this movie with my husband and our friends. I loved it and so did my husband. The lessons were very good. It just shows what God can do to the lives of people and marriages that are on fire. We want to do the Love Dare and pray for God’s love to shine through us and our marriage. The only thing that got me scared was the realization of what my husband will do and will have to do when he becomes a fire fighter. That scared me and for a moment there, I asked God to stop him then I realised that was a selfish prayer. All in all, every couple needs to watch it.
(LIBERIA) Excuse me. Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self, will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking, but a full-on metamorphosis. Thank you very much. Ira
USA) This movie is a sad but true reality in many of our lives. We take the person we love for granted so much that we can’t see the blessings we have in front of us until it’s too late. I found myself in this situation some years ago before I saw this movie. But I thank the Lord that my eyes were opened in time to save my marriage. When my husband and I saw this movie, we looked at each other crying and we both thanked God for the miracle that is our marriage. This movie is beautiful.
If you would like to read more testimonies of lives changed by the movie "Fireproof" please click onto the following link: http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/stories. You will find the testimonies inspiring. We’d also love it if you have a testimony, if you would share it on this web site to inspire others as well. May God bless your marriage!
(S. AFRICA) I have had to watch the movie all on my own and loved it. Could anybody please give me the details of the 40 day journal? I would like to try implementing the daily instructions and pray that God will also enter into my marriage and save it.
(USA) Hi Rose, The book is called “The Love Dare.” I’m pretty sure if you can’t get it from our web site through the link provided above, you can get it somewhere in South Africa. I just Googled “Love Dare Book in South Africa” and found information there.
Trust me, it would be best to get the book rather than have someone just give you the list of the Love Dares. The book has support text that helps as well. It would kind of be like me describing the movie to you. You MIGHT get something out of my description, but when you see the movie, you will get a lot more! I hope you can get the book — it’s a good one!
(SOUTH AFRICA) What a good movie indeed. It kept me thinking very deeply. It made me to clearly realise that marriage without God will never work. I will like to see it over and over and over again. There is so much to say about Caleb and Catherine.