If you haven’t seen the movie, Fireproof we highly recommend it! You can purchase it on DVD by clicking by using the link provided in the previous sentence.
If you HAVE seen it (or you are going to watch it), the following questions and “Personal Points to Ponder” are provided to help you and your spouse discuss what you have experienced from the movie
- Caleb and Catherine obviously had a lot of problems to work through in their marriage. Do you think their problems were “unique” to them? Or do you think they are pretty universally experienced —even with Christians? Explain.
- Who was more at “fault” for the near failure of their marriage —Caleb or Catherine? Explain.
Co-writer/director Alex Kendrick says the old adage “Never leave your partner behind” has “significance to non-firefighters” as well. In a television interview aired on the Dr Phil Show Drphil.com he said,
“You know, it’s now national policy for firefighters: two in, two out. If you go to a fire, you stay with your partner, you go in and you come out. And that applies to marriage as well. You’re going to go through fire. The meaning of Fireproof is not that fire will never come. But when it comes, you can withstand it. And the only way to do that is to purposefully stay together. You are to have a higher standard than living just for yourself, but in meeting the other person’s needs.”
- Think of one thing that impressed you or that you learned from this movie that could help you to meet your spouse’s needs and improve your marriage relationship? Share what it is and how you think you can implement it.
- What was it about the “Love Dare” that impressed you?
In the movie, there is a scene where Caleb and his wife Catherine are involved in an explosive argument about being disrespected. Dr Phil asked Kirk Cameron, who played Caleb, if that was a hard scene for him to do. He replied,
“That was difficult, yeah. I’ve always said to myself, ‘You don’t go there. You’re not going to go there. You don’t just turn into an ugly beast on the person whom you love most. But I know that that is all too real for a lot of people. That is because it just wells up and it comes out like a volcano.”
- How did this scene affect you? Could you identify with this level of friction?
Dennis Rainey, host of the radio program, “Family Life Today” Familylife.com, said the following. (This was during a 3 day broadcast.) It was concerning the above mentioned scene in the movie:
“I wonder if this is not going to be used by God for a man to be exposed to his own behavior in like a mirror, where physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse is happening. He’s going to finally see how disrespectful and how demeaning it is to a woman.”
To that, producer Stephen Kendrick replied,
“It’s interesting, Dennis, you used the word ‘mirror.’ That is because I believe that God uses a spouse to be like a mirror to us. And He will reveal to us how selfish we are, how greedy we can be, and how we’ll claim our own rights. There’s nothing like a wife to reveal to her husband his real nature.”
“You know, if the people who respect him at work lived with him and had to be in that kind of relationship with him, they may realize who he is. But a spouse brings it out of us. And God did that on purpose. That is because a marriage relationship is supposed to really be a discipleship to the Lord to form us into the image of Christ. If we’ll see it that way rather than resisting this person, we’ll say, ‘God, you’re revealing things that are not like Jesus that are in me. I know that they need to be dealt with so that I can more like Him.'”
- What are your thoughts on what Dennis and then Stephen said about God using marriage as a “mirror” to reveal our “real nature”?
PERSONAL POINTS TO PONDER:
Have you experienced anger with your spouse that “wells up and comes out like a volcano?” After it “wells up”, have you given yourself permission to “go there?” Do you allow yourself to say things in ways that has turned you “into an ugly beast on the person whom you love the most?”
If so, we encourage you to pray together. Ask the Lord to help you work through your future times of conflict. You may do this through talking together once, twice, or several times. Do this until you both feel you have figured out how to make your times of disagreements less explosive and disrespectful.
We have numerous articles and “tools” to help you in this journey posted and linked to, on our web site. You may even need a pastor, mentor couple, or counselor help you work through these issues until you BOTH feel you can resolve conflict in healthy ways. You CAN do this, and we encourage to do so.
On the Dr Phil program mentioned above, Dr Phil asked Executive Producer Michael Catt, “Is forgiveness and unconditional love a real message in this movie?”
To that Michael replied:
“Oh, absolutely. I think people give up. One of the messages is that she’s getting bad counsel. All of her friends are saying, ‘Get a divorce.’ He’s getting good counsel to love and to forgive. I think who we listen to effects how we look at our marriage. We’re influenced by the voices around us. We need to pay attention to the people who are telling us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.”
- Each of you reflect and ask yourselves personally: Do I need to make changes in whom or what I listen to? Explain to your marriage partner what the Lord is impressing upon your heart.
- Think of one couple you know that really needs to see this movie. What can you do to get them to see it? (Suggestions: Pray for them. Invite them to “double-date” with you to go see it. Maybe you can offer to baby sit their kids so they can go out alone. Then, after they see it, give them a copy of these questions to go through them as a couple.)
TO PREVIEW OR PURCHASE THE BOOK, which was featured in the movie, please click onto the link provided below:
A few additional resources that you may GREATLY benefit from obtaining are:
— ALSO —
For more discussion questions, please click onto the following Christianbook.com web site link below and scroll down and you will find:
There is also a series of Marriage Sermons and Marriage Illustrations that could possibly help you as you reach out to improve your marriage. To see what they offer, please click onto the link provided below:
Also, below you will find a link to the great web site for the Association of Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM). This website has been created for you as an individual or couple to journal your 40 Day Love DareTM experience. On this site you can write your own personal entries capturing your experiences (totally private), and have access to their general blog. You can also use the message board to ask questions and interact with others on the journey.
To take advantage of this opportunity, please click onto the link provided below:
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
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