The question was posed to us if flirting on the internet, by someone who is married, considered cheating. Here’s a portion of the answer I gave:
If someone is married, why would they think it’s permissible to flirt with anyone other than with their spouse? What about Internet flirting? Aren’t they putting themselves into a situation where they can fall into temptation? They’re playing with the emotions of someone else who shouldn’t be flirting with someone who is married. Isn’t this called being a “stumbling block” in tempting them to sin?
Is Flirting on the Internet Considered Cheating?
That other person may not know the person who is flirting with them is married. So, what if they build up romantic feelings for the flirting married person and they eventually find out that this person is married, is that fair? It puts them into a place of pain as they then have to make the decision to tear their heart away from someone they care for. It’s either that or they end up participating in cheating —either way, they lose.
I sure wouldn’t want that done to me if I were single! And I think the person who is flirting should consider that other persons’ feelings also. That’s really being cruel and inhumane to have so little compassion on the feelings of others —to be so insensitive that they would consider doing that to them!
I’m reminded of the Pharaoh of Egypt in Genesis 12 when Abram allowed his wife to be passed off as an unmarried woman and Pharaoh took her into his palace. It says in verse 17, “But the LORD inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram’s wife Sarai. So Pharaoh summoned Abram. ‘What have you done to me?’ he said. ‘Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife? Why did you say, ‘She is my sister, so I took her to be my wife’?”
Even Internet Flirting Can be Considered Cheating
One can argue that the circumstances went a step further than flirting. But it still comes down to one person contributing to another person sinning, and innocent people are hurt in the process.
Also the Bible talks about the fact that if we do something in our thoughts it’s the same as actually doing the deed itself. Flirting is being sexual in your attitude and/or words, so it doesn’t leave out the fact that this is defiling the Marriage Bed —which the Bible warns us against doing!
And even if the flirting spouse was up front with the fact that they were married, they’re contributing to another person sinning. If someone flirts with someone who is married, they’re guilty of trespassing into that marriage. They have no business flirting with someone else’s spouse.
So… tempting someone to flirt with you when you’re married is causing them to sin. Is that something we should do —contribute to tempting someone else to sin? Would that spouse want that to be done to their daughter or son? God doesn’t want it done to His either.
What About the Feelings of the Spouse?
And even if you put all of this aside, what about the other spouse who has their marital partner flirting with someone else? How is this cherishing and honoring them (as the flirting partner promised in their wedding vows to do)? Can this be considered as “forsaking all others” as promised in the wedding vows? How does this make the faithful spouse feel? I can tell you that it hurts into the core of their being! How is that humane?
It takes an insensitive and/or immoral person to do that to someone else! We’re to be different than the animals. Being creatures of compassion is a large part of what separates us from the animals. I don’t see much compassion in this situation. It sounds more cruel to me!
It all comes down to making the choice of being a promise-keeper or being someone who only cares about themselves —that they don’t care who they hurt in the process. THAT’S what the person is deciding when they flirt with someone else who isn’t their spouse —whether it’s on the internet or elsewhere.
Just because it’s on the internet, it doesn’t mean that integrity is supposed to be removed from our actions. Integrity is who you are, and what you do, when no one else is looking but God. And flirting outside of marriage screams against being a person of integrity. It says, “I’m self-centered and I don’t care who I hurt in the process! What I want is what’s important here!”
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
— ALSO —
Here’s another article that could bring further insight into this issue:
• HELP! My Spouse is a Flirt. What Can I Do?
(USA) I came to this site looking for answers, 2 yrs ago I left my husband because he had been cheating on me through the internet with more then one woman. I had been fighting him for 3yrs before I left begging, crying, angry. I have never felt so many feelings at once. When I left I was done fighting. I was just so emotionally beat up I couldn’t handle it anymore. Before I left him I had befriended a neighbor who was dealing with the same thing. After I left I stayed friends with this guy and things moved too fast. Before I knew it we where dating. Then that all fell apart ,his wife begged him to come back so he did. My husband was begging me to come back so I did. We went to marriage counseling and things have been better. I’m not going to say good because I still don’t trust him. But throughout all of this I still love him.
I stayed friends with the other man’s mother. Which I thought was fine until about a month ago when I found out he was living with her again because his wife left him once again for another man. I thought I would be okay with this but when I saw him the first time when I went to visit his mom my heart hurt. I still have feelings for him. I don’t know why we have spoken in 2 years. I try to avoid him when I go to see his mom but I always just want him to talk to me when I know I shouldn’t . Tonight I was using my husbands phone because mine died and I came across some text messages that hurt me. They are from a old friend from childhood that he swears he never had feelings for but why would you say I love you and miss you if you never had feelings. I guess my questions are do I have to worry my husband will do this all over again? And do I still have feeling for this other guy because I m still not able to trust my husband fully? I am so lost and confused.
(USA) Hi. I am here because I found out last night he was flirting with this woman on line with two kids. At that time, me and my man had problems and I broke up with him last Thursday. I was wanting a break because he seems like he’s changed and kept putting off the wedding. He cheated on me once but he said he never had a sexual relationship with the lady who did her best to break us up. But I stayed, because I loved him.
He tried to gain my trust back until lately that he kept putting off our marriage. During our break, he kept begging me to come back and said he loves me. I lied and said I’m talking to someone now and he knew I’m not that kind of person. I went to my phone IM and saw he was online. I asked him why. He said he wanted to see if I was on and I thought it was unusual because he never goes on. He said he can’t live without me, he wants me back.
Then I went to his IM (he thought I forgot his password). Then I saw his convo, flirting with a girl, gave his number, asking for a naked picture, and trying to set a date to meet up with her so they can have sex. I was so devastated. I know I was at fault but I felt betrayed that he can say he loves me and does that at the same time. I don’t know what to do. I know I have to leave him but I find it hard because I have no friends here since I moved from another state. I feel like I died and haven’t slept at all. :(
(GABORONE BOTSWANA AFRICA) It’s amazing how some info may elude us but is practical for us all these years. I am under going a very stressful and dis-jointed marriage that has been aggravated by a distant relationship, characterized by pain and agony, and lack of warmth and affection for the past 15 years of being together. I’m enduring this for the sake of the children and family.
I always wondered whether this dis-orientation was a result of having decided to chose before acknowledging the purpose and plan of God first. Is it ok to start afresh and invite God in my life and ask him to lead and be in my heart?
What can I do to reverse the whole situation as we have hurt innocent lives as well, in the process. Divorce is not an option for me. But the pain is just unbearable and unhealthy as it has lead to ill health because of the stress and depression of feeling unappreciated, dejected, and unworthy. We are just like strangers as it grows colder each and every day.
We have both done bad things to each other and went astray in having extra marital relationships, which haunts me till now. Although we went through counseling and family talks, it seems difficult to bring back that trust. Despite all of this, she is withdrawn and despondent. PLEASE ADVISE AND PRAY FOR ME AND MY FAMILY.
(UK) My Dear, This is a good piece. I was just searching about online flirting, and came across this interesting write up, just similar to what I am facing right now. It is my belief as a Christian to share some of your worries in places like these, especially when no one will identify you, so not to be ahsamed of yourself.
I have been living with my partner for almost 6 years and we have a daughter. We have been planning for the future as husbands and wife. I went out of the country for about a year and she definitely knows that the contract will be long. However, she went for holidays in one African country. There she met with her former boyfriend, whom they had planned to meet there.
I was working without having a clue of what was/is going on. Then all of a sudden, I saw an email sent to her by her friend saying that my partner should “greet our person for me”. That our person is not me, but the former boyfriend of my partner.
I really did not take that email serious, but it rang a bell in my head. I have the password to my partner’s account, because she gave it to me. I help her do some of her work online that is the only reason I had the password. I forwarded this particular email to my own email for future reference. It came to me to check on all her past emails. In the course of that I realised that she has been communicating with this, her former boyfriend, and she even sent her flight details to him so that they can meet at the airport.
My senior brother had arranged with a female friend of his to pick her at the airport in ths African country, because I knew of the trip there. So when she arrived, the boyfriend picked her up, and my partner turned down the help from my brother’s friend.
However, I came back to the Uk and we met. The welcoming was not good especially not seeing each other for a year. My daughter did not recognise me even though we have been talking on Skype always, during my one year of absence. My daughter calls me uncle and that I am not her daddy.
So when I asked her who is her daddy, she said her daddy is “Daddy Sly, supposedly the name of my partner’s boyfriend. I came in on a Sunday, then my daughter said all those things to me. It came up to me that she must have missed me, but how come she called me uncle and another man daddy, a 4 year old girl?!!?
Two days after she called me uncle, after dropping her off school, I came home to use our computer. In the course of trying to save some documents, I saw pictures from her trip to Africa. Had a lot of pictures with this boyfriend, kissing in front of my daughter, with him smoking a cigar and drinking whisky. The pictures were so shocking. I felt so bad. Then I took the camcorder. I saw all these videos of her having a good time, walking down the beach hand in hand with this boyfriend. In some scenes this guy will be playing with my daughter with the cigar in his hands.
The sad thing her is that, I asked her to explain all these. She became mad and told me that the guy stayed just for 3 days. I asked her if in just for 3 days my daughter will call someone else, daddy. It is a very long, a sad story, but let me write.
She told me that she had lost interest in me and that she wanted someone to hold her. I asked how how they slept in the room of the one bedroom flat. Who was sleeping in the middle or how could my daughter sleep with a stramger; someone she does not know even if the man was/is your boyfriend? Then you take pictures?
I said, let me check on facebook. This guy had pasted pictures how he had a good time with my partner. When I confronted him, my partner became mad. I told her to tell him to remove pictures of my daughter with him. Instead she responded by blocking me totally from getting to her facebook. However, I had copied and pasted their communcation for about 4 months until last week before she could block me.
Now I am shattered, my heart bleeds. The once jealous relationship is full of mistrust. The sad thing is that when I asked her why she blocked me, she said I should not be seeing stuff, that will make me angry.
Please can someone advise me on what to do. She has attacked me violently, but I did not fall into her trap so that I did not attack her in return. Please can someone here advise me on what to do. I really love my partner and I am looking forward to making a family with her. She has blocked all my siblings too on facebook. I sleep with her, we have sex, but I no longer trust her. What can I do to please her? She is a fine lady in the heart and face but I don’t know what has happened to her. Can someone please help me? Thanks
(USA) Hello, I have some comments to make. I hope someone gives me some advice. My husband and I have been married for 30 years. My husband has flirted on and off though are marriage, mostly in front of me. Even though he knows it makes me mad. I have told him that I don’t like him flirting with other women in front of me and behide my back. So for the longest time (10 years) he has not flirted with women in front of me.
Now all of a sudden he’s back at it. Again!! and I have told him I dont like it. I dont Flirt with other men because he doesnt like it. So my relatives got their noses stuck in my marriage. Long story, short – they are Christians and say there is nothing wrong with my husband flirting with other women. But they will not let their husbands and wives flirt with the opposite sex. HMMMMMM.
I dont know if he does this on line but that will probably be next, who knows? Should I have my so called Christian relatives stay away from us because they think it is ok? I don’t think myself, a husband or wife should do this. And how is a wife to feel special to her husband if he treats other women the same way he treats his wife? Please help.
(USA) Dear Deb, I am so sorry for you to have to endure this pain. Your husband is clearly in violation of God’s law and the sanctity of your marriage. The Bible makes it very clear that even lust is adultery of the heart and any adultry is punishable by death. In other words when you partake in adultery you are playing with a fire that may burn you for eternity.
Flirting comes about through sexual and or emotional attraction therefore, lust would be involved, not to mention the fact that as you are his wife, he is expected by our Lord to love you as Jesus loves the church. Do you think Jesus would ever make his church feel unimportant? Never. So, there are two accounts in which he is disobeying Christ.
One more to think on, and this one I can’t answer but, if you and your husband are BOTH true believers in Christ then, he is also hurting a sister in Christ. That in and of itself is an offense to God. We are his daughters and he loves us dearly. I do believe with all my heart that you guys can work through this. However, I think you and your husband need real Biblical Christian counseling to move foward.
Regardless of the outcome, know that God has had your life planned since the beginning of time. If your husband chooses not to honor the gift that God has given him, know that your life will always be blessed by God. He knows what you feel and he will truly heal your heart with time and earnest prayer. I will keep you in my prayers. With love and God bless!
(USA) I am 20 years old and have been married for two years now and have a 15 month boy. It started about 7 months ago. My husband started looking at a site, similar to MySpace. He set up his profile and soon enough he was talking to other women, telling them he is single. He would flirt with them, talk to them in sexual ways.
Well, I caught him and he told me he wouldn’t ever do it again. He told me it wasn’t cheating because it was over the internet and he was stupid to ever think of doing it in the first place. I just recently have caught him doing it again. I feel like its gotten worse with the way he talks to these women. And it’s not just one women it’s a lot, saying the same things. When I confront him about it he gets angry and mean like I shouldn’t be getting mad at him, and he turns it around on me making me look like the bad person.
I don’t want to turn this into a big deal if it’s really not. He’s not sneaking out with other women, just talking to them on the internet, but I feel the internet is just as worse but that’s not how he puts it. I just don’t know what to think or do. I love him and I know he loves me a lot (which is why I don’t understand why he is doing this) but I know if I left him he would be ruined and who knows what he would do if it were to happen? So it scares me to think about divorcing him.
I don’t want him to be miserable. I don’t want a divorce, but sometimes I feel I would be happier if I did. I don’t want to keep feeling hurt every time I catch him talking to other women. I just need to know if I’m turning this into more than it needs to be.
My wife wants to divorce me for the same thing. We must be not getting enough love are so many females do it 2 use so when we get that right 1 dnt even know it. But we hurt them from thank she going hurt me too, so let me hurt her before she hurts me in the long run we hurt I self because I am staying with 1 of my friends because my wife kicked me out. So I am going stay here until I get on my feet. I still love her. We have got two beautiful kids together and I miss them everyday. I don’t want her to divorce.
(USA) My husband and I have always had a good marriage and I know he loves me for 21 years now. But the other day he left his Facebook page open and I was looking through it for no reason except just bored. He messaged a pretty younger woman he had friended just telling her that he liked her inspirational post. Then he messaged another day saying I quite like “her name, each profile picture change gets prettier than the last. Very pretty and sexy. Have a good day doll.” She responded with a thank you and then he responded thank you back and how he loved her outlook on life. When I told him how angry and hurt I was he said I was making a big deal out of light flattery. This is really bothering me.
I hope it all works out for you. I’m now finding myself in the same EXACT position! I don’t know what to do. I love him so very much and we have 3 young boys. I just don’t know what to believe from him anymore. I feel I can’t trust him. Please let me know what you did and how things worked out for you. Thanks!
(USA) “Anything” you do or say behind your spouse’s back that you would not do/say in front of them, is cheating. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing.
(GHANA) I happened to meet this guy on facebook a couple of months ago. We became friends and we just chat most of the times. I know he is married and I respect that. I enjoy his conversation and I want to hear him always. I never knew that we are flirting and now I know it’s wrong. I don’t want to trespass in his marriage, but I have developed feelings for him. Please help me.
(SINGAPORE) After seeing this article and comments, I found out most of us have a challenging life when Facebook was created. I had a my bad experience! How I wish Facebook was not created or just shut down.
I am in my late 20s and just got married. Life was great at first. When both me and my husband stayed together, I found out that his favorite past time is FLIRTING with the opposite sex in Facebook. The worse part is he is flirting in front of me, calling her “Baby” and telling her “Miss You”. It hurts and burns me badly. I keep on convincing myself that he will change. How dumb and naive I am?
All this while, he’s been flirting with the opposite sex when we are together! He likes the attention. He never cares about my feelings. I am suffering it all alone. Is it fair? But this is not the worst yet… The incident that woke me up was I found out Facebook friends is more important than me (as a wife). One day, I was very sick and feeling dizzy (almost fainted). I told my husband I needed to go for a medical consultation. He replied “Ok” and continued his flirting and chatting with others. After a while, I asked him to bathe a few times but I received the same reply “Ok”. He continued his chatting… I felt angry and hurt and told him I would go alone, I do not need him. I rushed off.
After that incident, we had a big argument! He said I am giving him a hard time, always showing my temper. Did he know why I show my temper? I confronted him on his flirting habit. He told me, “I am just having some fun, this is nothing!” The second reason is he can’t immediately log off in the middle of conversations. Do you need 30 minutes to stop a conversation? I told him he is selfish because he is only thinking about his need to have fun. Did he ever care about my feeling. I felt I am worthless… I can’t even get my husband’s attention, though I am very sick.
I ask him two questions “Why did you choose to married me when Facebook is your life?” and “Why waste our time getting married?”
He never thinks that he is cheating or that he hurts me. One word in his mind “FUN”! He will never stop his flirting habit. He will only log on and have his way while I am not around. I learned from my mistake but he never acts wisely. I have proof that he is still on it and it hurts that your husband is not truthful to you. The trust has been broken. To re-build it is tough! I do not know where I am heading. GOD will definitely show me a way!
(ZIMBABWE) I am 33. As for me I was browsing internet dating sites looking for someone to cheat with and ended up on this site. I want to cheat on my husband to get back at him coz he has been cheating on me endlessly during the 13 years of our marriage. We have 3 kids together and I loved him with all my heart and devoted myself to him. He is the only man I have ever been intimate with.
Each time I find out about his extra-marital affairs he doesnt apologize, instead he shouts at me, belittling me. Our families played a big role in keeping us together this far. 3 years ago he started an affair with a co-worker and he said it happens in marriages, we will get over it. I chose to forgive him because I thought he was sorry and maybe he would eventually understand his wrongdoing. I decided not to report the matter at his workplace which could have jeopardized his career. I got depressed and decided against taking a lawsuit against the woman in the interest of giving my marriage another chance.
A year later, I came across a romantic sms he was sending this woman and he promised that he was ending it for good. Only this week I discovered that there were some funds he had been channeling to this woman since April last year till February this year.
I am fed up with him now. I am still deciding about divorcing him. Meanwhile, he has given me another perspective that marriage is boring and extra marital affairs are enjoyable. So I want to have a go for them. Maybe I will get the guts to leave him if I find someone. I am a Christian and divorce wasn’t in my vocabulary but now I no longer blame people who give up.
Thando, Please don’t lower yourself to “cheat.” You made a vow. Even though your husband is not keeping his, that does not mean that it gives you permission to compromise your integrity, as well. One cheating spouse is enough, and one cheating parent of 3 precious children is enough. Not only would you be cheating on your husband and your vow, but you would be cheating on your children –showing them that it’s ok to break promises. They need at least one parent who will not compromise morally, to be their example of how to conduct their lives.
Please, don’t allow yourself to believe the lie that because you hurt so badly, solutions to cheat and do that which you should not, are acceptable. They are not. If you are a Christian, then what do you think Christ would say to this? When his “bride” did not act in good ways to Him, did He turn His back on them (us) and act in sinful ways? No. He is faithful, even if all are unfaithful.
Your husband is wrong, plain and simple. He should be investing his time in putting romance into your marriage and into being a good example for his children, being a courageous role-model, instead of acting like an alley cat –doing that which pleasures him, without caring what it does to others. We have been married over 40 years. Yes, we’ve had some dry spells, but when that happens we put the effort in to spice things up between us. And it works. I think my husband is the most marvelous man! I love him with all my heart and still can get tingles down my spine when he kisses me. He shows me he cherishes me and that makes me want to lavish love on him all the more. He’s quite the man! A person who justifies cheating shows he or she isn’t man enough or woman enough to be a great person.
I can’t help but think of something one pastor said in a sermon one time. He was telling something that a famous actor, who has been known for being romantic, testified. He said, “‘To me the greatest lover in the world was my Dad, who married my mother and was faithful to her until the day he died 55 years later. Now, that’s a great lover —a man who’s intelligent and romantic enough to keep one woman interested all the time.’ Do you know who said that? He was a well-known romantic actor whose name is Ricardo Montalban and he has followed in his father’s footsteps. He has been married to the same woman for over 45 years.”
What this says to me is that your husband has decided to be shallow enough to NOT put the effort into being romantic to you and faithful to you and your children. He would rather cheat and act like an alley cat, than be a fine, upstanding, courageous man. How pitiable! Thando, please don’t lower yourself to act in the same manner. Act as God would have you, whether your husband deserves it or not. That doesn’t mean that you allow him to keep cheating on you. That’s only enabling bad behavior. He needs to make a choice. Either he honors your marriage and stays faithful –even in who he emails and texts, or he lives elsewhere –where he can cheat to his immoral heart’s content. Beyond that, all I can do is plead with you NOT to lower your morals as he has. His reasoning is sick, as our society is getting sicker. Please don’t be a contributed to that sickness. I hope you will prayerfully consider what I’m saying here. I pray for you Thando.
(ZIMBABWE) Thank you Cindy for your counsel. I have always been a person of integrity and I fear God. My husband’s behaviour wants to drive me to the gates of hell but I feel better after reading your comment. God bless
(ZIMBABWE) Its been 2 weeks since I posted my problem. My husband as usual, didn’t apologize for the incident despite verbally and physically abusing me when I asked about the money he gave that woman. We are only on talking terms here and there. Then yesterday he comes home with a letter informing him of a disciplinary hearing. He is in trouble at work for work-related issues.
I need help on this one. The “grieved” part of me is wishing him to be punished so that he feels pain because he doesn’t care how he treats others… especially me. Another part, which I can’t explain, is urging me to pray and fast for him. So far I haven’t done anything because I don’t know what to do. The hearing is on the 15th.
(USA) I found a text message conversation on my husband phone that he had left on the screen and my purpose for even picking up his phone was to download a app that would allow us to see each other when we talk to each other during the day while he’s at work. I ran my eyes over the words in the text and realized that my husband was having a sexual conversation with this woman. Yes I texted her and told her these conversations between her and my husband was over and I also confronted him and called him a cheat. He denied it. I still can’t believe that he tried to make me think what I was reading wasn’t what I was reading. Anyway, he lost apart of me that night and my feelings has never been the same. Everything is different. I don’t trust him the way I did and I don’t show him love the way I did before that night. I miss being able to trust my husband that wonderful feeling of knowing that someone loves you and will NOT hurt you. All those wonderful feelings just went away that night and what hurts even worst is he didn’t rush to say he was sorry or say that he made a mistake. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would not just let it go he would have never said he was sorry it’s almost like I force it out of him and that is the reason why I will never trust him the same again and believe me I tried so hard to get over it but you can’t just get over matters of the heart like that I know from my last marriage that you need God to heal your heart and take away all the hurt and bitterness and give you the grace to go on. Maybe I made the wrong choice in a man again. God help me, AGAIN!!
(USA) I do not want to add to your grief but I remember telling myself that some things weren’t what they were, the pain was so great.
Have you considered that if the texts were that intense, other things have happened?
I sincerely just want you to go into this with your eyes wide open and truth. You deserve that. Love and prayers
(USA) Flirting on the Internet is an open portal that leads to worse behavior IMHO. How about this for a story… in April I found out that my husband of 42 years had been cheating on me. I was oblivious. It sounds incredible but true. could be forgiven missing the signs I think as I had spent the prior year fighting a second bout of cancer that I originally battled four years before. Guess how I found out? His paramour of the past 15 months texted me, pretending to be a coworker of mine who had seen them together. Talk about Fatal attraction. This woman proceeded over the course of the next two weeks to completely rat him out.
I found out from her the following info: he met her on an Internet dating site. She lived four states away. He first hooked up with her while I went to visit my son. They met monthly thereafter. She stayed in my house when I visited my children while on chemo breaks, yes slept in our bed, made love on our sofa; he cooked for her. They got an apartment together when I got too sick from chemo to go see my kids. She told me she was one of a long line of women, mostly one or two night stands, told me he kept a file on them all. I searched, found the file. There was was a list of over 20 Internet dating websites. There were at least 20 women. I found fake email accounts, fake Facebook pages, hotel receipts and photos of other women, money he had spent and tax records he had lied about. This over the course of at least the last six years.
I found this all out the week after I gave up a job I loved because of the cancer and chemo side effects. I had been there for over 20 years. I am an Orthodox Christian. He is Agnostic.
Pain is a word that I thought I understood, especially after having cancer twice, two years of my life with multiple surgeries, radiation, chemo and all that goes along with that. However, the pain of the first weeks of finding this all out will remain with me forever. It is now five months later, and here I am in the middle of the night awake and grieving, he is sleeping. I have seen a lawyer. My daughter has begged me to leave him. He says he is sorry and will never do it again, so I have stayed.
But really, for what? He is still on the computer a lot. I have installed spyware to monitor the activity. He swears he is not visiting sites. I do believe he has a sexual addiction and will just not face it. He says it all started out with just fantasy, innocently and then progressed until he went searching and seeking to meet someone.
I am in counseling, I found him a counselor -he went twice and did not like the woman. I suspect she pulled no punches, I mean for God’s sake -other than John Edwards I have never heard of someone doing something so mean and cruel to a wife of that many years, especially one with cancer. I am finding it very very difficult to get through each day, and night. So my friends, be very suspect of Internet flirting.
Our retirement years, how we would spend them, and the way I look at what is left of my life are now so changed. I feel like I am in a place where I have just been abandoned, all alone. My friend of my life is someone who I do not know, someone who lies, who can’t be trusted. It’s so shocking to me to find myself in the middle of a drama like this.
If not for my faith I would certainly have taken an overdose of pills. As it is I can barely get through without anti-depressant pills. I go from trying to cope to having horrible meltdowns, from days where we talk and make plans to days like today when I can barely speak to him I hate him so much for what he has done. And yes, I have been to confession. I know he is still justifying and rationalizing his actions, and that is the cruelest part of this all.
If your man won’t come clean and face what he is doing, then sure as I am typing this, his Internet flirting will end up like this, you will end up like me, and your life will be a shambles. Put a stop to it now, or leave. My husband was so careful, I never suspected. It’s rather poetic justice to me that God, who surely loves Truth, allowed this to be found out. I do thank Him for that. I know my husband has feelings of betrayal from this woman. He was so careful and then she spilled the beans, even sending me proof. I pray still that this experience will lead him to God but I am disheartened as I really think he is just being good now because he was caught. As I you can imagine I ask myself every day if I should leave. Sorry for the long rant. Would appreciate anyone’s thoughts.
(GERMANY) Hello, I have a similar situation but in our case, we both hurt each other. I cheated on my wife about three years ago before we were married. Just recently I went to my wife’s yahoo conversation and found that she was chatting with one of her guy friends she had an intimate relationship with before we ever knew each other. The conversation was about her not being satisfied being with me and how to meet each other to have an affair. We have been having marital problems throughout the entire marriage and she kept asking me to go to a marriage counselor but I refused and said we don’t need it. I knew she would keep in contact with her male friends through Facebook and yahoo. I didn’t like it but she assured me it was all innocent until I found this particular conversation that wasn’t about just the weather. She said it was a mistake and she did it because she didn’t feel happy with me anymore and that she did warn me to get help and stop hurting her feelings.
I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I wish it was just a movie I was watching and now I wish the end would come right about now. I know I hurt her before we were married but I confessed to her and it wasn’t a secret but she never told me she was chatting with another man for a month. I asked her for her email password and if she wants Facebook then we should share one page. I don’t know if that was the right thing to do because I want to trust her again but I don’t want to control her. The words she used in the conversation with this other guy still burns me inside and makes me have to stop what ever I am doing just to concentrate on my job.
I don’t know if she made a new account and still keeps in contact with him because the chatting back and forth lasted over two months. How do I save this marriage or put back the fire. I know about the Bible but even Christians make mistakes some even worse. I try to let what happened go and say that it may have not happened if I didn’t cheat but I don’t know if I would just be fooling myself.
Please your comments are welcomed and appreciated.
(BELGIUM) Hello, Kindly help me. I am at the end of the road. I recently married early this year. I dated my husband for 6 yrs long distance. We met when I lived in his country but I moved overseas and we continued the relationship. However, earlier on, about 3 yrs, I received a link from my hubby inviting me to join a certain website. I clicked it and found a picture of my hubby and his many female friends very unappropriately dressed and it showed how many emails he had sent and what he received. He had sent out over 1000 messages. I was broken but he kept assuring me he had never met any of these women but just communicated over internet. I forgave him and then again.
I gave up my whole life -left my job, family and friends to move to another country to be with my husband. So while in his country I was using his laptop and found a few women’s pictures that were very provocative. I managed to get into his email and found many messages he had been commnicating with women before I came. I confronted him and it was the same answer. I, however, forgave him.
We moved past that and again yesterday I was on FB using his because I don’t have my own account. I found some very hurting conversations he’s been having with women before I arrived and even now he tries to speak to them -most of the conversations are from before and leading to the months I arrived. Please help me I don’t know what to do. We got married legally but are having a wedding celebration next month and I’ve been tears since yesterday. I spoke with him and he assured me again that he didn’t meet these women -said he is sorry cried and so forth but I don’t know. Please help me, please. I don’t know what to do. I just want to walk away and go back home. Please help me.