They talk a lot about using “protection” when you have sexual relations with someone (other than your spouse). But what if you are haunted by thoughts of your past? As someone (unknown) once said,
“There is no condom for the brain or the heart. So when you have sex before marriage you’re playing with fire that will most likely burn you at some point in your life… especially in your marriage relationship.”
And tragically a lot of couples are finding this to be true. How do you erase the memories you have of having sex with someone else? And how do you stop playing “the comparison game” when you are making love with your spouse? Plus, how do you deal with the guilt when you realize that you have violated God’s standards?
When you confess and ask the Lord for forgiveness, “God is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,“ but then there’s the matter of forgiving yourself and moving on in life past it. Premarital sex is sin and sin causes problems.
As Brian and Heather Jamison said:
“Premarital sex wounds the sanctity of a heart and, left untreated, can scar a marriage for a lifetime. We speak from experience; our relationship began with a fall. And we have the scars to prove it.”
Brian and Heather have learned a lot that has helped them to deal with this issue. They share what they learned plus the “Four Keys to Reclaiming Intimacy” in the linked article below. I encourage you to read:
“It’s true, you can’t get your virginity back. You’ll never be the person you once were. You can, however, be stronger and wiser than you were before, and more able to resist what you know is wrong.”
The above statement came from Laurel L. Cornell. She knows only too well, how a person can be haunted with memories after having had sex before marriage. But as she says, you can become wiser than before. You can also be stronger than you ever could imagine at this time.
She wrote an article that is posted on the Marriagetrac.com web site that addresses those who are married and those who are not yet married. It is written to women who want to feel clean again and not plagued by feelings and images of the past they want to forget.
I encourage you to read:
On this same issue, below you will find a link to an article written by Christie Mohamed. Christie is a young gal who gives hope to those who have done things they now regret. Plus, she gives insight into ways to deal with it and experience freedom and forgiveness. Please read:
I know this is a lot to take in, as far as all of the reading I’m recommending you do. But please know that this is a journey you are on. It’s one that is different for everyone who has had to deal with this issue. I’m hoping that as you read you will glean from each article some things that God is speaking to you. I pray that you will gain some “ah hah moments” where you’ll think, “I never thought of that before… that really helps.”
The important thing is that you don’t get stuck in continuing to do that, which you know is wrong. Also, don’t get stuck in regrets. They will paralyze you in ways that will cause you NOT to go backwards in your spiritual growth.
To learn a bit more on this please read:
For those of you who are not married, here is something written by Dr Greg and Michael Smalley. It is posted on the Marriagetrac.com web site and is something that would be helpful to read:
• SEVEN STEPS TO REGAINING AND MAINTAINING VIRGINITY
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have additional tips to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
More from Marriage Missions
Filed under: Sex Before Marriage Sexual Issues
(USA) I’m 26 getting married in 2 months. I saved myself for marriage. I told my soon to be wife I didn’t want to know her past cause it would bother me so she promised me she wouldn’t and in pre-marriage counseling my insensitive pastor point blank asked us in the middle of some other conversation if one of us had sex. She said yes. I lost it.
I dated many girls, some that were virgins, some that weren’t and that always bothered me so much when they weren’t. So I talked to other Christians about it and not wanting to be alone the rest of my life. By chance I reconnected with someone I went to school with, dated, got engaged, and now I’m here! It straight up broke my heart. I don’t know what to do.
(CANADA) Ben – it’s a difficult thing to hear from your bride-to-be that she’s been with someone else – I’ve been there. In fact, I can still remember that conversation, almost 18 years ago, and how much those initial feelings first struck me. That kind of intimacy means the world to you, and to have it shared with someone else is a violation of the way God intends us to be. However, feelings are not your key guide here -they will learn ways, gradually, to deal with it. If she’s a good woman (now), then consider not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I read the following article a couple years ago, and the author (a Protestant pastor) had some very insightful things to say that helped me a lot. (http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/sexuality/se0230.htm).
None of this is to say that you have to go forward with the wedding. But you should have a clearer idea of what you’re saying ‘yes’ to if/when you marry. As difficult as it has sometimes been, I deeply love my wife and our children, and it’s important for me to concretely live out the fact that Christ is merciful and wants people to have true redemption in their lives. My wife gave up all that other ‘stuff’ before we got together. I also have a friend whose wife didn’t tell him until after their wedding day that she hadn’t been a virgin beforehand, and it destroyed him (they split a few months later). As difficult as it is, it may be good to actually hear it ahead of time.
I respect your desire not to know -it appears to be maturely-motivated. But you can’t go back and ‘unknow’ now (and that really was an insensitive thing of your pastor to do). It is possible for this knowledge to bring you greater intimacy with her. It is a somewhat obsessive thing, and I struggle now with wanting to know more (everything, in fact), but not really knowing if that will help us become more truly intimate, or if it will create obstacles to us. I’ll pray for you both.
(USA) Hello all. I am struggling with issues at this moment and prayers would be appreciated. Let me first say that I have complete faith in God that my husband and I will work through this. Nearly 8 years ago my husband and I started dating. At that time I had never been with anyone sexually. It was important to me at that time to know his sexual past. He shared with me a handful of incidences of various sexual activity, one which included sex. Over the years we have continued to discuss this because I have had difficulty moving on. While we were dating, we had numerous talks about waiting until marriage and God’s plan. Needless to say, he did not feel the same way. After many discussions and feeling like I might loose him if I did not reciprocate what he wanted, I made the decision to engage in premarital sex and activities. He did not put overt pressure on me, but I knew being sexual was important to him, so I gave in. You see, even though I did not have the strength to wait until marriage, I have always recognized God’s plan and held it close to my heart.
We have now been married for 2 years and only recently did my husband tell me that he was keeping things from his past from me. For years he promised me that what he previously shared was all of it. It was not. And he only “came clean” because I caught him in a lie and he finally couldn’t take it anymore. He confessed that his plan was to never tell me. His sexual past consists of so much more than I could ever imagine and I don’t know that I would have continued with him had I known all of the details. In this sense I feel deceived and as if I was tricked into believing he was someone he was not. I also found out another lie he told me about him making out with a girl when we were dating. I found all this out over a 3 day period as I caught him in more lies. The repeated lies that he told me and denials hurt, and I will need to learn to trust him again.
But what I think I struggle with the most is he continues to not recognize his past sexual relations (including our own before marriage) as against God’s plan. I think he feels bad about his past actions because they hurt me and make me sad, but I want him to also understand he betrayed God. I want him to seek redemption and go on this journey together, but I don’t think he recognizes the importance or wants to go there. And I don’t know how to get him there. He has never had a strong faith in God, although I will say it has grown some recently.
During our three days of struggle, crying, yelling, swearing, etc. he told me he prayed for us. Praise God! I didn’t know he had prayed for us until afterward but I will say in all the arguments we have had over the past 8 years, this is the most calm and rational I have ever been, despite the deep deep hurt. I know God answered his prayers.
I want to believe he has finally told me everything. But how can I believe him when he has lied to me so much over the past 8 years, as his friend, his girlfriend, his fiance, and now his wife? I can’t imagine having his children and him still having secrets and lying. Also, I don’t know that he will ever recognize his past sexual history as immoral and against God, and I don’t know how to help him. I am not struggling so much with the actual actions as I am struggling with lies and deception and longing for him to be closer to God and seek redemption. A pure heart is so much more important to me than a pure man, and I have finally realized that. Advice and prayers are welcome. Blessings to all!!
(CANADA) I have been married to my wife for over sixteen years, and her past still hurts our marriage. While my wife and I were dating, she confessed to having a “colorful” past. Inside, I knew this meant that this meant premarital sex, but I refused to accept this for some reason. Eventually, the truth hit me –hard. She had been dreading this day, as she believed I wouldn’t want to marry her because of her past.
As I spoke to her about it, she confessed that she had been with multiple sex partners, starting from when she was sixteen. She felt terrible about it, and wished that she had saved herself for her husband. She had told herself that nobody would want to marry her anyhow, so she might has well have sex. I remember being told by a couple of friends that if I truly loved her, her past wouldn’t bother me. I pushed though the pain and eventually married her. She later told me through tears that she knows women with similar pasts, with husbands whom it doesn’t bother at all… she was hurt that her past bothered me, and now felt it should not!
I had had opportunities to have sex, which I turned down in order to save myself for my future wife and to please God. But throughout our marriage, I’ve wondered if I should have had sex… perhaps I would not be so bothered as I am now. Simple images on TV, and stories from her old friends or relatives can trigger the pain all over again.
My wife is a godly and sweet woman, a good wife, and I do love her. But through the years, I have become colder towards her, and though her past hasn’t been talked about in many years, the bitterness and hurt has never left me. If I had known that so many years later her past would still hurt, I probably would not have married her. Sadly, sometimes I feel that perhaps I’m the one who should have “waited.”
(USA) Bruce, you have gone 16 years with the woman GOD gave you. If that is your only issue my friend, you guys are doing well! I would suggest going and getting GODLY counseling, because you need to be healed. The more you anger about what you already knew, the more you keep your wife on probation. You have to keep her delivered by loving her and washing her with the word. You sound as if you love her unconditionally and I think GOD honors you for that. Stop believing the lies of the enemy about your wife. She is a new creation as you are! Stop second guessing yourself and GOD. You guys will be fine… continue to be her hero.
Jupo, I couldn’t agree more… well said. Bruce, please don’t allow the enemy of our faith to keep you hostage to bitterness and the lies of the enemy of our faith. The plan is to get you entangled in bitterness and confusion so you are fighting against the calling to love and forgive your wife, instead of fighting against the schemes of the devil. Your wife confessed, has been repentant, and is receiving the grace of God. Her sins are no worse than any of ours, that we have confessed and received forgiveness for, from our gracious God. If God has forgiven her, so should we. What is past is past, and needs to stay there (applying Philippians 3:12-14 and Hebrews 12) –especially if it hinders you from pressing forward “toward the goal to win the prize” for which God has called you.
If you need marriage-friendly, Godly counseling, please get it. We also have the topic of “Bitterness and Forgiveness” on this web site, which might help you in some way as you prayerfully read through the quotes and articles. Go with God on this. Live out Philippians 2:1-11… “your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus”, as it pertains to your wife. Also apply 2 Corinthians 10:5, where we’re told to take captive every thought. Make your thoughts obedient to Christ.
I agree with Jupo, “be her hero” just as Christ Jesus –our Bridegroom has shown Himself to be our hero. I pray you will. I pray freedom for you, from that which is tying you up in knots. “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!” (Romans 15:5-6)
(CANADA) Bruce -I wrote about my experiences earlier, but you and I are very much in the same place (I’m also married just over 16 years). We’d been dating for about a year when my wife told me that she’d fooled around with 3 different boyfriends in high school, including having sex with the third one when she was 17. She had a conversion/change of heart part way through this relationship and started living chastely for God.
She didn’t tell me anything further, really up to our marriage, except on the day before our wedding she surprised me with some roses and told me she was sorry she hadn’t waited for me. I honestly thought she didn’t care or know that I thought about it and it really meant a lot to me that she did this. Since we weren’t married yet, I declined to ask further questions, assuming that we’d talk about things after we were married. Rationally, I knew that she was a new creation and that she was over her past. I’d also had people (in other contexts) talk about how we should try to know the facts, then act in faith, and expect that the feelings will eventually follow.
I feel very let down by this advice, because I feel like I should have been much more proactive much earlier. I feel like I’ve wasted years of time quietly harbouring bitterness about her not talking nor wanting to talk to me about the struggles I was having. A couple years ago I finally decided to start journalling about them, and it brought a lot of things up that I finally began addressing. I also had a graced moment in there where I saw a picture of us on our wedding day at her Aunt’s place, and I was overcome with the reality that she was my bride, whatever else we had to work through. It hasn’t been perfect, but we’ve made progress these past couple years.
I’m still frustrated that she won’t openly dive into talking to me about it. I feel like my doubts and lack of trust might disappear if she would trust me openly with all of her past. I feel called to fully know her, including the details that would probably hurt to hear -but I don’t feel like I can force her or pressure her to share that with me -and she just wants to leave it in the past. If I could do that, I’d probably agree to it, but I know that I’ve obsessed a lot, and need her to help me out of this place. I literally have wasted hours for days on end thinking about it and wishing she would open up to me and want enough to talk to me and help me through my struggles. Her unwillingness, perhaps more than the acts so long ago, are what grieve me the most. I want to know everything about her past, to not just know, but to feel, that I am her number one guy forever -otherwise, I feel a bit just like ‘the most recent guy in her life’.
I had opportunities for sex when I was single, which I turned down, and wonder today if I/we would be better off if I had given in to the temptation so that I wouldn’t be tempted to ‘hold my chastity’ over her. I often run across stories and situations where I feel it hit me strongly -often just wishing that we would fully talk about what happened back then and what it meant to her at the time.
I did try talking to a few trusted priests about it, because I felt (and still feel) like the Prodigal Son’s older brother, unable to fully celebrate her new life in Christ. Our parish priest counseled that it’s wrong to talk in detail about the past, but I don’t feel capable of giving up that desire -although I do try to offer it up to God and ask Him to take it from me if it’s not His desire that we talk about it.
Michael and Bruce, TRULY it is sad that your wives didn’t “save” themselves for you. You saved yourselves for your wives even when you “had opportunities” to have sex, and your wives didn’t do the same. I wish they had –I’m sad for you. I’m sure they wish they had, as well. But the fact is that they didn’t. But please don’t allow yourselves to believe the lie that because you hurt so badly, solutions to cheat and do that which you should not, are acceptable. They aren’t. Wrong is wrong no matter when you do it or why you do it. They did wrong earlier in their lives, which hurt you later on… if you do wrong now because of their actions, how does this make anything any better? Piling wrong upon wrong doesn’t erase hurt, it only adds to it.
I’ve never made love to anyone but my husband. I’m SO glad I can testify to that. But I confess that I didn’t always feel that way. Yes, I “saved” myself for my husband –I said no to a lot of other guys. But honestly, after we had been married for a while, I began to wonder if I did the right thing. I heard others talk about this encounter and that and I became curious. I wondered what it would have been like to have had sex with someone else. Admittedly, it plagued me for a while and even tempted me. One guy that I cared about in particular, I wondered about later in life. I now know that I was listening to too many voices that I shouldn’t have. Thankfully –very, very thankfully, I never did anything about it. And now that we receive so much feedback from others who did give in, I’m truly and deeply glad that I can say that I don’t have memories of making love with anyone else but my husband. That is a badge of honor and courage that I wear in my heart and will until I die. I want to finish well. I want to be faithful to my husband and to my Bridegroom –Jesus Christ.
You both made vows to your wives on your wedding days, but you also made vows to God. Be faithful… stay faithful. Christ tells us in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will now forgive your sins.” How can you accept God’s forgiveness when you are wanting to be conditional in how you deal with your wives who ask for your forgiveness? Each of your wives did wrong. But can you say that you have never done anything wrong that needs forgiveness? God tells us to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, JUST AS GOD IN CHRIST FORGAVE YOU” -Ephesians 4:32. Please let go, forgive, and work on releasing bitterness. Bitterness can only choke out good. That’s why we’re told in Hebrews 12:14-15, “Make every effort to live in peace with all men (that includes wives) and be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up in you, because it will cause trouble and defile many.”
I want to appeal to you as your Christian sister to please do what you can –whether you get your wife’s full cooperation and help or not, to release that which you can’t change. Let go of the past, which is poisoning your present life and future life. As you’re told in the Bible, “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” 1 Peter 3:7. As your sister in Christ, I hope you will stop living in the prison of bitterness, but will instead reach out for the freedom that comes with accepting God’s forgiveness and grace. And then pass it on to your wives as God would have you. I sense that you are good men. Please don’t entertain the enemy of our faith any longer with bitter thoughts. With these hurts, don’t nurse them, or rehearse them, or give them anymore of your attention. Reverse them and make them your strength –strength of character, not to give them your energy any longer. I hope you will present these grievances to God and move on in a GODLY way. I pray that as you do this, God will abundantly bless you and pour out a blessing in your life and your marriages. I wish you well.
(CANADA) I won’t pretend to fully know myself nor my motives, but I don’t think Bruce nor myself were suggesting any kind of future infidelity. We talked about how tempting it is to think that if only we had the same kind of past sin as our wives, that it might be less of an obsessive struggle.
A few years ago, I was drifting toward a mindset in which I imagined our married life spent trudging along, with resentment and bitterness under the surface, unaddressed. It was only when I chose to start facing it directly that it started to be dealt with. Rationally, I understand that my wife is a new creation and that she’s chosen a new life in Christ. Emotionally, I still struggle with her past selfishness and willingness to put our future at risk for the short-term ‘gains’ that she had in those relationships. I genuinely am pained to feel like the elder brother to the Prodigal, but I don’t feel capable of changing my feelings, either. Over the past 2 years, I’ve become much more at peace – although we’ve had to talk some things out that she sometimes gets upset about (although she has also thanked me for being willing to face things head on -to be honest, I get mixed messages from her about this -sometimes she’s grateful, but usually she doesn’t want to talk about it -and she never initiates these conversations -a real source of pain for me).
I don’t want to keep holding something that can’t be undone against her. At the same time, I struggle with the fact that my wife at 17 years of age chose to engage in lustful sin in a casual relationship, expecting (or not considering?) that someday her husband might have to deal with her past sin. She was raised better than this, and voluntarily gave in/pursued the temptations, until she chose to change her life.
From my side, I feel called, more than ever, to be truly united with her. I’d lost hope that we could be deeply emotionally-united for a while, but I’ve seen glimpses of that these past couple years that give me tremendous hope. I also feel stuck. It’s my opinion that she should fully open up to me about all of her past experiences (actions, thoughts, words, feelings), in order that we can face them together, and that I would know her more deeply. It feels to me like this is the only way to get past the fear I have that she’s holding on to some part of those past relationships privately. Rationally, I’m quite certain that these relationships are safely in the past, but my feelings are what are causing my turmoil. I am definitely open to advice about this -especially from anyone who pursued this course of action. I’ll be away for the weekend, but will check in again next week. I do also appreciate your prayers and thoughts -it helps just to talk it out and try to sort it out (which is why I suspect doing so with her could get us past this).
(USA) I have been celibate for the past few years, and me and this young man have been dating over a year. I have been in prayer and fasting regarding our relationship and we have manage to keep God in it from the beginning. Everything has been beautiful up to this point God has been teaching me how to be a wife, how to handle him and how to also pray for him.
Over the course of the year we have not had an impure conversation and when temptation presented itself we manage to get away from each other to keep the relationship pure. I give God all the glory because everything that I have seen him do in our relationship has all been a God doing. And without a shadow of a doubt I know God put us together. Just recently we had sex. There is not a word on the planet that I could use to describe how I felt. I felt like dying because of how I could do such a thing to God. How could God use me for His kingdom?
Part 2 of this is not knowing if God would still allow us to get married and have a successful marriage. We repented and vowed that we wouldn’t have sex until we’re married. I just feel horrible because everything was so beautiful and now it’s tainted. I know that God is all powerful and we could never begin to understand His ways and he could change this whole situation around if He wanted to. But at the end of the day the decision is His. I’m just having a hard time forgiving myself for shaming God. I let him down and Victory was at the door and I didn’t make it and it left me feeling like a failure. More so because so many people have been watching me and my walk with God because I’m a leader and now I’ve stumbled.
One thing I will say even after the incident, God gave me peace. All I could do was weep because I thought God gave me peace in the midst of all my mess. I would like to know if anyone has gone through what I’ve been through and did God restore the relationship, use it for His Glory and did you eventually marry your spouse? I feel like I’m alone. Please seek guidance from the Holy Spirit before responding. I’m in a very low place and do not wish to hear any worldly comments.
(RWANDA) My dear Ann, Praise the Lord Jesus! The same happened to a very closed person. She definitely married the person she was in love with and have 3 beautiful children with him (6 yrs, 3yrs and 6 months) now.
She also struggled to forgive herself but managed to do so because it is the devil trick to make someone feel so bad about themselves while God has already forgiven or wiped/deleted their sins. Remember once God forgives you, he in fact forget your mistake as if it has never happened. Just believe it has never happens and it is God plan and stumbling is not falling down. You know now by experience that there are rocks on the way so you will be careful not to stumble again.
God will give you joy on top of peace and trust him to give you a beautiful marriage and long years to serve him faithfully. God bless you.
(USA) Thank you Esther for your sweet words. Yes, the devil has been beating me up since the incident took place and I allowed him to because I felt like I deserved it. I’ve been in the bed not wanting to get out just constantly crying out to God. It hurts so bad and I can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even now as I’m typing my eyes are flooding. I’ve just been so much over the past few years and my walk with God has been so good. I’ve obtained victory in many areas of my life and I felt heaven rejoiced when my faith withstood the trial.
I’ve watched the enemy attack my relationship with this man and God showed me the power of prayer and God perform miraculous things in our lives. Now I feel that every purpose, promise, and plan that God had for my life like it won’t come to pass. Everyday the enemy plants thoughts like, “because you did this your marriage will be that, and all these great things God called you to do won’t happen and you miss your breakthrough; now God won’t prosper you. You’re not the Christian you thought you were, now look at you.”
All I wanted was for God to use me; I wanted Him to get all the Glory and it’s my fault because I wasn’t prayed up enough, I should have walked away like times before. This time it felt like my spirit departed from my body because the flesh completely took over. I just have a lot of praying to do.
Hello Ann, my girl and I have been having worship every day and night. Now we are both 18 and I’m in my first year of college and she in her last year of high school. We have had multiple talks and fights about this situation simply because every weekend when I come home, we end up having sex. We almost reached a month! But that ended just recently. I can tell you first hand that it is a struggle for us and we feel horrible about our actions just like you. In the Bible, God says that he doesn’t like lukewarm people. When we have worship during the week, and on the weekends have sex, we feel as if we play God. We don’t like it at all. Yes, we may be young but we are gonna get married next summer before I go to military.
All I can say to you, is to keep your head up. Never down. Make sure that when you make a stand for celibacy again, make sure you stand tall. Because if you don’t, then you will surely fall. God bless you.
How can you shame GOD? God is aware this will happen. I see you are a devotional person. You are looking at God in one aspect only. I mean, he is God; limitless father. He accepts us as we are – humans – a living breathing soul. HE ACCEPTS you as father, not as a sinner. As a daughter, living soul who needs love that’s why daughter get married .
For God you were a young girl who did so much in a relationship and waited for the right moment to earn respect of your date, feared elderly, gave respect to your partner, kind at heart and didn’t repeat which hurt feelings. God is proud of you .This is the respect of a father towards his daughter. This is the reason why he is with you. Don’t over think or over do it or the devil will trick you with unnecessary shame which will start low self esteem and later you will loose interest in life, causing not living your life which is given by God. You are aGOOD GIRL. TAKE GOD AS A FATHER not as a judge who believes on evidence and pass verdict. This remorse that you shamed God is itself a sin. You need to understand God’s ways and beg him to teach you.
I had a “tooth for tooth, eye for eye” childhood. I’m 6’2 tall, strong guy. Every one believes that I’m a sinner. Later I believed in God’s existence and believed in miracles and that the world will never see crime later on. I developed a feeling that I needed to use my strength for better purposes. I am still a police informer, who can tear someone down. So God took me as a strong child and he forgave me and corrected my path. Now I’m strong guy with good purpose in life earning his means not just praying for miracles. I have accepted my past my past but I will not let someone judge me. I know my limits and strength. I believe this is the correct path for you, too.
(UGANDA) Hi, recently I have been feeling so much guilt about my past. I slept with so many men I even lost count or I don’t wanna count. I was saved but would backslide. About 6 years ago I recommitted my life to Christ and started walking in sexual purity. I met a good man who I told that I would not have sex with him until marriage. He left saying that he cannot wait for me. I have the desire to live for God but when that man left me it was painful. However, I still choose to live for Christ anyway.
The problem is I wish I had not lost my virginity. I wish I had kept myself pure. Maybe this man would not have left me if I were a virgin who wants to wait until marriage. I believe that God forgave me but sometimes I wonder which man would want to wait for a girl who is not a virgin? I just pray I meet him but the guilt is sooooo heavy on me lately. I am 36 but I fantasize how it would have been if I were a virgin, but I cannot turn the clock back.
I have truly learnt that nothing good comes out of disobeying God. I have tried to forgive myself but it seems hard. I have prayed but don’t feel better. Someone please counsel me. Thanks.
Jackie, I well understand regrets. Oh, if we could only turn back the hands of time with the knowledge of what we know now. But we can’t. All we can do is live our lives NOW so that we don’t live with additional regrets later.
Jackie, please let me clear something up. This “good man” was not so good. He didn’t cherish you. He was more concerned about his sexual needs than he was about piling more regrets upon you later –too bad for your feelings, as long as he’s satisfied sexually. What does that tell you about the future and the importance he will hold in satisfying his own needs over yours? That’s not a good man –it’s a self-centered one. He’s also not a man after God’s heart. He showed you that he cares more about his needs, than what God wants for you and for him. He does not have good spiritual integrity or moral integrity. No matter what your past is, if this was a good man, he would look at the standards you are now holding true to, and would admire that, rather than leave you with a broken heart. I’m SO sorry that he did this to you and put you into this confusion. That’s from the enemy of our faith. God doesn’t hold your past against you and loves you all the more for your present standards.
Please, please, please release him as best you can from your mind. Work hard on it. All that you think he could have been for you –quit nursing it and rehearsing it, release it every time it and he comes to mind. He isn’t worth it. I can easily predict that he would have brought you more eventual heartache than you have now. He didn’t cherish you and as a result, he would probably trash you and your feelings in the future.
As for the “what if’s” …you can drive yourself crazy with that. That’s another spirit crusher. And it will keep you prisoner every time you entertain those thoughts in your mind. You’ve GOT to keep throwing those thoughts out before they even have a chance to grab hold. When they first pop into your mind, throw them out as junk mail. If you have to throw them out a hundred times in 5 minutes, do so until they stay out. Jesus did that when tempted, and so should you. We’re told in God’s Word that we are to “destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:8 ESV)
Find something else more worthy to put into your mind in substitute, to think about, after you throw the garbage thoughts out. In Philippians 4:8-9 (my life verses) we’re told “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable –if anything is excellent or praiseworthy –think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me –put it into practice, and the God of peace will be with you.” God’s peace DOES come as we do this, guaranteed!
And lastly, keep in mind that most of us have things that we regret BIG TIME! Think of the Apostle Paul… he beat Christians up and was responsible for killing Steven and such. He horribly persecuted God’s people. You talk about big regrets! But we can take note of his life. He didn’t allow his past transgressions and the “if only’s” to drag him away from doing God’s present will. He pressed on. And you need to do that too. Paul, through the inspiration of God wrote the following testimony of his life and the challenge to ours: “Not that I’ve already obtained this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: FORGETTING WHAT IS BEHIND and STRAINING TOWARD what is ahead I PRESS ON toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ.” (Philippians 3:12-14)
I love how the Living Bible has it phrased, “I don’t mean to say I am perfect. I haven’t learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be. No, I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us.” THAT is the challenge for you and for me. What is past is past. We can’t live there in our regrets. We can’t change any of that. But what we can do is live for Christ now –whether it turns out as we would have hoped or not.
If the right man comes along, he will cherish your heart and your desire to live for the Lord despite your past. If he doesn’t, then he’s not the man for you. He doesn’t have the strength of character to be for you what God would want you to have in a bridegroom. In the meantime, never stop living for God, pressing on to be all He created you to be, and allow Christ Jesus to be your Bridegroom. I hope you will. I pray God gives you the strength to do so. You are my sister in Christ and I am proud of you. And God is too! And that’s what’s most important. You minister to HIS heart when you turn from sin and live for Him.
(Philippines) I have read what you said and it gives me hope. Now a little background of my disobedience: I am a pastors daughter and I grew up in church.nAs a pastors daughter people would expect that I am always on the good path and not stubborn, not easily influenced by unchristian living. But they were wrong. I am easily influenced by these worldly things. And one time there was this man that came to me who was not christian at all but I easily fell in love with him. I am two years older than him; that’s why it’s my job to always understand him. Until we came up with sex unexpected.
The devil has pushed us to that situation and it was easy for the devil because I have no permanent praying and reading of bible. I was cold as ice in my faith in GOD. After that I regret what happend and a voice always saying in my mind that I am not virgin anymore. I am still in this situation right now and I can’t control my mind, even when I am praying. I know this would help but it takes a lot of time before healing. I don’t know what to do in my life. I don’t want to open this up to my mother because I know this would hurt her. I want to keep this from her. I felt guilty in disobeying God and her. Now I I don’t know how to tell this to my boyfriend because he woukd not understand. I am so devastated and depressed. I think this would ruin my whole life. I need prayer from you guys. I have this feeling that no Christian man would love me anymore.
I’ll be praying for you. I lost my virginity too and it broke my world because the shame won’t go away. I’m a praise and worship leader but to think that my ex and I had sex, was unbearable.
I’ve always been noted for being a good girl, a good example to the young people coz my ex was my 1st boyfriend and I was a college graduate at that time… now, God removed him from my life. A few people who are close to me knew my situation and prayed for me. I repented so much for 1 month. I cried every night and everytime I look at the mirror, I always tell myself this is the woman that Christ died for. We are free. It has been all paid… keep the faith burning and keep seeking Christ!! We will all find healing in His presence.
We are not to judge. Love doesn’t keep any record of wrong. You made a mistake as human and we’re not subject to perfection. Just pray you don’t fall in the same pit again. Remember it takes a long time to build a reputation, but only 5 minutes to ruin it all together. If we all could have this in our minds, we’d do things differently. For God has only good plans for all of us, not to harm us. God be with you.
Hey… to lighten you up… I’m 22 and a virgin and I’ve had plenty of men walk away from me because I’m waiting. So be encouraged. It had nothing to do with who you are, but it had everything to do with what that guy wasn’t. Be blessed sis.
I love this Shabreka. What a gem you are! You are so right about it not being who you are, but who the other guy isn’t. If he won’t honor a woman’s heart before marriage –a woman who has made such an important, sacrificial decision, then he probably won’t cherish and guard her heart after they marry. If it’s all about him before marriage, then it’s sure to be all about him afterward too. Thanks for sharing this encouragement.
(CANADA) I have some further reflections (this is very much something that I often think about and am slowly working my way through):
There’s a danger that I’ve noticed in myself – in thinking that my wife’s virginity is/was the ‘prize’ I should have received in marriage, instead of my wife herself. I really do not want to downplay and rationalize away the great harm that people do when they have sex outside marriage, especially with people who they don’t eventually marry (although I am also certain that people who do eventually marry but have premarital sex also harm themselves). Our virginity is the sign of the gift of ourselves that we give our spouse. When we give it to someone else who doesn’t deserve it (by making a full marital commitment to us), we tarnish the gift – to use another analogy, we ‘unwrap the gift’, and then hope that it won’t appear used when we eventually do give it to our spouse. When I look at how my wife’s teenage fornication has affected us over these many years, I see my own weakness to look through her actions and see her as the gift God intended for me – it’s very difficult, no doubt owing to my own sin, to look beyond her very specific sins that harmed me/her/us.
There’s a thirst in me for justice – I want to confront the guy who did this. Yet, I know that she willingly chose that relationship and the actions that went with it, until she came to her senses (finally mustered her will-power) to forego all others until I came along. If she agreed to those actions, how can I hold him (who didn’t have any kind of faith formation) to a higher standard? I also fear that if we all just take the approach that all past sins should be (easily) forgiven, that we risk creating/fostering a culture where these sins remain prevalent. Kids should know, from an appropriately-young age, that their virginity is a unique expression of the gift of themselves to their spouses – and that to give it to someone else for any short-term, selfish reason will (should, at least) come back to haunt them. I don’t think that anyone should assume that a future spouse will automatically be able to let it go (after all, isn’t this exactly what our lazy, low-morality culture is asking of us? Don’t we want things to be different, and not just expect our loved ones to take responsibility for the pain of our sins?). Just some thoughts.
(ZIMBABWE) I was in love with a certain girls for more than 7 years from high school. We had sex several times and I really loved the girl at that time. The problem is the parents did not approve of me as I drank beer. The girl seemed to love me, but was not so sure if it was pure love or the love of money as she was from a poor background.
The way she liked sex also depicted the actions of a purely commercial sex worker. She never refused any time I wanted it. She later on dumped me for someone who was maybe better than me financially and education-wise. We had sex several times after the seperation until the new boyfriend suspected that there was something wrong. I got the phone numbers of the boyfriend and told him several times that the woman was a whore. I really feel bad about that as they later on got married. I wonder what the husband thinks about that now.
I wish I could apologise to her. Right now I have strong feelings that if we meet we can still engage in sex and I know she will accept. What can I do, should I cut all communication with her?
Prosper, You need to stay away from that woman. She is married –she is someone else’s, and temptation will be too easy to give into (as you’ve already acknowledged). I believe these “strong feelings” are given to you by God to tell you to “flee temptation” and to warn you not to go there. If you do, there could be GREAT regret and consequences on many levels. You are blessed that God did this for you. Don’t ignore His gift.
We all go through times when those we were involved with in our past come to mind. We become curious about this or that. But curiosity can be a killer. I’ve seen it happen over and over and over again where those who are curious and those who want to revisit with lovers of the past “innocently” end up stirring up feelings and actions that can be and often are dangerous. I believe it’s best to say a prayer for them and put our mind on other matters, and move on. We’re told in Philippians 4:13-14 that it’s a good thing to forget “what is behind” and instead strain “toward what is ahead” to “press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called” us.
With this woman, ask God for your forgiveness in what you did to her and ask Him to work on her to help to heal whatever hurt you have caused. God is VERY capable of doing that. He doesn’t need your help, unless He personally tells you to do this (which I would doubt because of the nature of your past together). If you contact her, not only would you be putting yourself in the way of temptation, you could complicate her life in other ways too. Personally, I wouldn’t want a past girlfriend of my husband’s to contact and meet with him to “apologize” for any reason. And this husband may very well feel the same. It would be better to pray for her and pray for her husband and let GOD work in both of their lives, and then you go in a different direction, living a pure life, being a “man after God’s own heart” –which truly IS your calling. I hope this helps, and I hope you will NOT contact this woman or go to a place where you could meet her. I pray God gives you the strength to let her live her life and you live yours.
I am currently dating a Christian woman and we have both agreed that we will not be intimate before marriage. The problem is she says she’s having problems with that because she doesn’t want to be with someone that she’s not sexually compatible with. My take is that if we love each other then we already are compatible but she doesn’t agree. I don’t separate intimacy from love and so I’m now wondering if she’s the right one. Can someone shed some light on this? I care for her and actually love her. She has such a great heart and loves God but this scares me when she’s so worried about being sexually compatible. -David
David, You have reason to be concerned. If you both “agreed” to not be intimate before marriage then that means you BOTH agreed to it. I’m assuming that decision was based on wanting to honor God. I believe she knows that having sex before marriage is what the Bible calls, “fornication” and that is what the Bible also calls sin. People who love God usually don’t intentionally go against His Word.
Compatibility is important, but it is also learned over the course of time. No couple is completely compatible before marriage. It takes work – especially in the bedroom. Ask yourself this question: If you were to have an accident and become paralyzed before you got married, do you think she’d still want to marry you knowing there was NO WAY you’d ever be compatible in the bedroom?
Take the time before the wedding to work on compatibility issues outside the bedroom (how to handle finances, in-law relationships, dealing with conflict in healthy ways, etc.) because while what happens in the bedroom is important – when you add up all the time you’ll be in there making love – it’s the smallest amount of time you’ll spend in your life together as a married couple.
I want to strongly advise that the two of you get into some pre-marriage counseling to discuss the important topics like the ones I mentioned above because I can assure you they have the potential to sabotage your marriage if you don’t learn now how to deal with them in a God-honoring way.
We have been married for 8 years now and have two children. We had an arranged marriage. When I got engaged with my wife, we came quite close and we used to talk quite freely. I asked her about her having any past relationships. Initially, she denied, but later she accepted that she had a boyfriend in office, but he was more of her friend and they broke of the relation completely a year back. I trusted her and we had very wonderful life.
Now a month back one other colleague from her office joined the company where I am working. Unaware of who I am, he told me stories about my wife along with her ex bf. I was stunned to hear that. Same day, I asked my wife about it and told her colleague’s name. She actually fainted when I asked her about this.
Later that night, she admitted to having a relationship with a guy for 2 years. She told that the used to have sex very regularly and during my intorrogation, I came to know that, there is nothing in terms of sex they have not done. Everything I asked, the answer was yes.
She later tried to convince me a lot saying that, it was her mistake to give her body to that guy. He was not a good boy that’s why they broke off and all such excuses. I have also shown her that, I am convinced with her story and it is ok for me.
But in the back of my mind, I am very badly hurt. I was a virgin before marriage and expected my wife to be the same or at least tell me the truth before marriage. I feel like, I have been fooled by a person whom I trusted most…
Now every time we become intimate, I feel nervous and imagine that she has already done this with the other man first and I am second to have this experience. In my dreams, I see the guy laughing at me for having a used woman as my spouse.
I am not able to overcome the thoughts of being number 2… I feel insulted. I can’t concentrate on work or on my family life. Please help me God!
I’ve been experiencing one of the most terrible situation ever in my life. I feel embarrassed to share this. I shamed God, and disobeyed God. This is too hard for me. I really need your prayer and advice. Thank you. Well, this is how it goes. As we are human beings, there are times we cannot escape from the temptation. I’ve been growing up as a good boy since my childhood through my parents guidance. (My parents eloped, they didn’t get married.) So as and eldest son of the family they want me to have a Holy marriage. My parents keep on teaching me, “don’t let the devil overcome you with sexual things until you get married.” They told me to stay away from girls, otherwise I might fall into temptation. And I did follow their instructions.
After many years now, I’m away from my parents to earn for myself. Now here is the temptation: I stay with a cousin’s brother. Through him, I came to stay with his cousin’s sister again. (She is a married woman who got divorced from her husband a few years back.) She is much, much older than me. Well, we three of us slept together like brothers and sisters. I felt nothing for her. After a few months she started to like me. She said, I’ve been honest, and faithful with everything. After that she said she started to love me and started to hug me while sleeping. Weird things happened; she started to kiss me. I then avoided her. After few days, I allowed her to kiss me, which is stupid and foolish of me.
Days passed by like that, and she started touching my body and getting me to have sexual feelings. I began to avoid her. But after a while, I couldn’t avoid her anymore. When she started to smooch, I got high. I then had sex with her, even though she is not my girlfriend or wife. I didn’t love her with such feelings, but as my sister. I’ve been very stupid.
Now I feel like, Oh My God, what have I done? Help me!! I didn’t want to do this. Please know that. Now I’m so scared of what God might do to me. I began thinking of what my parents reactions would be if they came to know about this after having such a great future hope on me. I feel like crying but tears won’t come out. Now I don’t know what to do, what to say. I have no peace in my life. Tension is all over my mind. I can’t even work in the office peacefully. My mind is getting so dull. Please help me. How can I get relief?
*Lastly, I want to post some questions. Please answer me without hesitation:
– Will God ever forgive me for this mistake?
-As I came across some articles of which I can regain my virginity and purity, can I still fulfill my parent’s hope on marriage after making such mistakes (after regaining purity)? If so, how can I regain it?
I heard God punishes those getting married after they have sex before marriage; I’m afraid. And also, it doesn’t meant that I am going to marry that girl because she’s just a sister to me. And also she just wanted to have sex with me, not as a boyfriend or such. I’ve been very very stupid. And also she said I can marry any girl I like. Sometimes it makes me confused a lot when I broke my own hope.
-Can I really live a beautiful and blessed life ever after marrying another girl?
If not, I am getting scared day by day thinking God is gonna punish me.
Please advice. And I really need your prayer. Thank you for reading. God bless you.
Seth, You are at a crossroads in your life and your spiritual walk with Christ. You have realized that your actions were sinful; you’re remorseful for your behavior, and you’re compelled to make things “right” and to live a righteous life going forward. I believe you understand you allowed yourself to be in the place that set yourself up to fall into sexual temptation, first, and then sexual sin, second. You see temptation isn’t sin. It’s when we give into the temptation that sin occurs. Let’s face it, if you had never gotten in bed with those women this would never have happened. And I hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson – one that will never be repeated again.
Seth, I can assure you that if you came to God through Jesus Christ asking for His forgiveness -HE HAS FORGIVEN YOU! The guilt you continue to feel is what the enemy of our faith tries to heap on us to get us believe that God “could never forgive a sin like that.” Remember, Satan is a deceiver and a liar. The Bible is very clear that if we confess our sin God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Notice it doesn’t say “some” unrighteousness, but “all” unrighteousness. God doesn’t place any conditions on what kinds of sin He forgives us of. Something else Scripture teaches us is that once we’ve confessed our sin to God and He’s forgiven us -He forgets it. (See Isaiah 43:25)
We have to remember that as humans we will sin -it’s part of our nature. That’s why God gave us a Savior (Jesus Christ); because He knew we could never go through this life and live it in a way where we would be free of all sin and be able to get into heaven. Without Christ we would be doomed (even damned) to live a life of unforgiveness. But it gets better. Not only does Christ forgive, but He also gives us the power to turn from our sin and to live victoriously. And then, if we do slip-up and sin again, He’s right there to forgive us again and help us start all over again.
Another step for you, Seth, may be to go to the woman you had sex with and ask for her forgiveness. God may be prompting you to take this step in order to really seal it in your mind the damage pre-marital sex can have in a persons life. If you do this, don’t go expecting her to also ask your forgiveness. It would be wonderful if she did, but don’t expect it. All you can do is ask her for forgiveness for the part you played in this act.
Yes, you can live a life of secondary virginity and you CAN remain pure until your wedding night, but it’s going to be up to you to set boundaries so that you don’t ever fall into the sexual traps the enemy will lay out for you. You can find some very helpful articles on our web site to prepare yourself for this battle. Go into the “Sex Before Marriage” topic and read the articles that can help you establish proper boundaries. Then, go into the Links and Resources in that topic and you’ll see a web site called, apuregeneration.com/blog, which is for young people like yourself to help you stay pure. Also, Boundaries.org is a good one for all aspects of single life, including purity.
You can also find some helpful articles and resource links in the topic, “Single Yet Preparing.” This topic can help you find the answers to your question, “Can I really live a beautiful and blessed life after marrying another girl?” The answer is simple: YES! But, it will take a lot of work, both in preparing for marriage and then after the wedding.
As for your parents, it is not imperative to confess this to them. But be prepared, as they may find out. If they do that’s when you can tell them that this has forever changed you in that you have become painfully aware of your own sinful nature and that you have confessed your sin to God asking His forgiveness. Beyond that, say that you have asked Jesus to help you to never fall into that temptation again and your are doing things/putting things in place in your life so that you won’t fall victim to Satan’s temptation again.
Seth, you have tasted the pleasures of sex, and as a man it will be extremely difficult for you to put that behind you and live a life of secondary virginity. Please, please, please don’t ever allow yourself to even get “close to the line” of being tempted to do it again. Build your defenses NOW. Set your boundaries NOW. You know your weak areas, so make up your mind that you will stay pure, no matter what temptation comes your way. If you have a way to get the book, Every Man’s Battle
written by Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, by all means get it and read it. I’m not sure what resources are available to you in India. It is probably available at Amazon where you could download it to a Kindle or Tablet.
I’m praying for great victory in your life so that 10 years from now you will be able to look back and have the testimony of what God has done in your life to be a man of integrity. Blessings! ~Steve Wright
Dear Steve, Thank you. Thank you so much for the encouraging words. Yes, that was all my fault. Caring but disobeying my parents. Now God has really open my eyes which makes my mind and hearts full of fears thinking of what He’s really gonna do to me. But I prayed for forgiveness still. And I will still continue to pray. I really do believe that He will surely forgive me.
Again, I really don’t know how to express this feelings of happiness when I read those encouraging words. But Steve, you are the one that God has send to teach me. May God bless you more in your life. I am gonna be stronger and wiser because of all your prayer. And do continue to help people more. And also I want to pass on this message of yours in the days to come.
Once again, thank you Cindy. Thank you Steve. Thank you all very much. This is all I can say. Please do continue to pray for me. And Like as you say, one day I will surely share the testimony of God’s blessings after all this struggle. May God bless you all. ~Seth
Thanks Seth, We really appreciate your affirmation. We pray the Lord guides you, helps you to save yourself from this day forward for your future wife, and blesses you as you look to Him to continually guide you.
You need to be prepared to accept rejection from someone you love who is a virgin and cannot accept your past. This has nothing to do with her willingness to forgive; she is simply NOT obliged to bear YOUR pain and YOUR sin. If you ever come across this situation, accept that you don’t deserve her love and wish her well.
Hi Seth. This is Carol from Kenya. I read your story and felt for you so much. What you have is guilt feelings. You feel you let down your parents and how you were socialized. That always has an impact on anyone, more so a Christian. You have an overwhelming fear of God punishing you. That isn’t the case. God forgives but humans never forget. Start with trusting God to help you forgive yourself. That woman only wanted to use you to satisfy herself, which is selfish. You should never sleep in a bed with a woman who isn’t your wife because the flesh is weak. There will be someone to love you unconditionally. Just be open and pray about God’s leadership. He alone can help you to forgive yourself. Never give up. Godspeed to you.
I am 17 years old. I think I have made a worst decision in my whole life. The one I regret the most. The temptation was too great and I fell for it. I can’t believe I did this. I just think that I was saved 3 years ago. I need help now turning back to God and facing what I have done. Also, I need help now to convince my girlfriend to turn to God. Please help me.
Hi, Jake. I am so glad you reached out and found our web site and left this post. I know what you’re going through – guilt, shame, and the feeling there is no way God could ever forgive you and restore you because of what you’ve done. The first thing I want you to know is that those thoughts are lies that come from the devil. Satan’s sole purpose is to keep you from reaching out to God for forgiveness and restoration…he knows that if he can keep you from going to God for help he can keep you from having a testimony of the complete healing and forgiveness that God wants to give you through Jesus.
There isn’t anything we can do that God isn’t willing to forgive. Yes, you sinned, but we are ALL sinners. But the fact that you sought out help on the Internet and came to this article shows that your heart is still tender and you are searching for grace and mercy. I can assure you that all God wants from you is for you to confess your sin to Him and be willing to turn from it and as it says in 1 John 1:9, “…He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to purify us from all unrighteousness.” Notice there are no “conditions” placed on what He forgives. It doesn’t say, “I will purify them from everything but sexual sin…” It says ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS.
I suggest you spend some time with your Bible and either look in the concordance in the back of your Bible or look up the terms “mercy,” “grace,” and “forgiveness” on the Internet and start reading all the verses in the Bible that talk about those precious gifts God gives to us over, and over, and over, and over, and over…AGAIN. We can never exhaust His forgiveness.
I also suggest when you have settled this with God you write in the margin of your Bible next to the passage 1 John 1:9 the date and time you asked God and then proclaim “I accept your gift of forgiveness Lord! And with you’re help I will never allow myself to fall into this sin again!” When you write it there it will always serve as a reminder of what God did and what you did. Then, when satan tries to get you to believe that God didn’t forgive you, open your Bible and read the verse out loud and tell the devil to “Be gone in the name of Jesus whose blood cleansed me from my sin and helps me every day to live my life in purity.” The devil hates the blood of Christ and will flee.
The next thing you need to do is go to the girl and ask for her forgiveness. Tell her about your relationship with God and what you have done to get His forgiveness and take a pledge of purity. She may not be able to accept that. It is NOT your job to convince her; but it is your job to share with her what you have done to rectify the wrong you committed.
You also need to find a youth pastor (if you don’t already have one) whom you trust that you can share honestly with him what happened and what you have done to make things right with God. But you need someone who can hold you accountable and can challenge you in your study of the Bible to make it the platform you build your life on because it is the only foundation that is sure and steady that you can depend on.
I would also like to challenge you to maybe start/lead a Bible study on “Teen Purity” or “Sexual Purity” with a group of your peers who are also Christ followers like yourself. I Googled Teen Purity and found there are a number of Bible studies already available in a free download. If nothing else, download and go through it yourself because I can promise you the temptation WILL come again. And if you don’t know why you shouldn’t give in BEFORE the temptation comes, you will have a hard time not giving in – again.
Jake, don’t wait! Go to God now so you don’t have to live one more second in guilt and shame. But then, do your part to correct the wrong and to strengthen yourself through God’s word to prepare yourself for the testing and trials that will come in the future.
Lastly, I want to remind you that trials and temptations do come from the devil…BUT…rather than fear them look at them as something God has allowed as a way to develop greater character and to demonstrate that “His power is greater than any temptation that can come your way…and that He will provide a way of escape.”
Blessings to you, my young brother in Christ! May this be the day, the hour and the moment when you fully surrender that area of your life where you know you are the weakest and just watch what God can do through you! -Steve Wright, Marriage Missions
Hi, I have recently been struggling in my thought life recently. My girlfriend, who I expect to marry, did not save sex for marriage. She was going through a very rough time in her life. I have empathy and compassion for her and I show her a love that Christ has shown me. We have stumbled before and she claims that I’m the best that she has ever had. Something inside of me tells me that I’m still not good enough. She has slept with 10+ people, often under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
I understand that she cannot change her past. I was hoping to get advice to how I personally can heal knowing that she has a past and how I can feel that she really wants to be with me and not any other guy. I have a hard time believing it when she says it. I was also hoping that I could get advice that I could share with her in helping her heal from her past. I have forgiven her over and over. I’m not mad at her even a bit, but I feel upset and hurt that she didn’t wait for me. She can become mad at herself sometimes but we both do not want her past to come between our relationship. Thank you for your time and I will really appreciate any advice that I can get. I want to feel like I’m enough for her along with being healed in this area for the both of us. Thank you.
Hi, I have recently been struggling in my thought life. My girlfriend, who I expect to marry, did not save sex for marriage, she was going through a very rough time in her life. I have empathy and compassion for her and I show her a love that Christ has shown me. We have stumbled before and she claims that I am the best that she has ever had. Something inside of me tells me that I am still not good enough, she has slept with 10+ people, often under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I understand that she can not change her past. I was hoping to get advice to how I personally can heal knowing that she has a past and how I can feel that she really wants to be with me and not any other guy, I have a hard time believing it when she says it. I was also hoping that I could get advice that I could share with her in helping her heal from her past. I have forgiven her over and over, I am not mad at her even a bit, but I feel upset and hurt that she didn’t wait for me. She can become mad at herself sometimes but we both do not want her past to come between our relationship. Thank you for your time and I will really appreciate any advice that I can get. I want to feel like I am enough for her along with being healed in this area for the both of us. Thank you.