The Bible is quite clear about lying. In Colossians 3:9-10 we’re told, “Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.” We’re also told in the Bible, “Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow.” (Proverbs 25:18)
In Ephesians 4:25 we’re told, “Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor. For we are all members of one body.” And that’s especially true of spouses. You don’t get a neighbor that is much closer to you than your spouse. At least you’re not supposed to. On the other hand, we’re told in the Bible in Proverbs 24:26, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” And it is, isn’t it?
But what do you do if your spouse is bent on not telling the truth?
How do you get a spouse to stop the lying?
Please answer this question by leaving a comment below.
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Filed under: Question of the Month
(BRITAIN) Have an agreement between you and your spouse that everything you do would be shared. Make this a rule in your home that everything would be brought into the light. Have accountability with one another and don’t be afraid to ask and scrutinize each other. If there is mutual respect this shouldn’t be a problem. Pray for conviction of sin to come.
(JAMAICA) I have a serious problem with lying, it seems so natural, I don’t know how to stop. I tried telling the truth, but when I do, I am cut down by my friends so sharp it hurts. I really want to stop. I too go quiet so as to avoid lying. I know it’s interfering with my Christianity. Any suggestions?
Well, if your friends are cutting you down then it sounds like you need new friends; people in your life should raise you up not put you down. Be yourself; look to God. He will provide you with what you need to get by.
(USA) I am wondering… since most of these posts are from women… what would you all would tell me on my problem. Me and my wife got married in Dec. Not even a month after, I found out she had been lying to me the whole time I knew her. She had over 6000 dollars worth of debt. It’s not the money that bothers me, I mean I’m not rich by any means, I’m 22 and from a small family farmer from Arkansas. But how she could look me in the eyes and lie to me like that killed me.
So I went and got divorce papers. I had no intent on signing them but I wanted to scare her in hopes that she would want to change her ways to keep me. I thought it worked till last week when I found out she had been lying to me again about not making her car payment. I took care of all the other bills and her past debt for her and all I asked was for her to pay her car payment and insurance. But she didn’t. She won’t tell me what she did with the money. I don’t know what to do to make her stop. She has lied about money and bills and jobs that she lost and acted like she was still going.
I’ve done everything I know to do. I’ve been a great husband and I don’t understand how one person can give so much and the other just not care and take it for granted. I don’t trust her at all and now when she holds me or even tells me she loves me I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I dont understand it.
I thought with me scaring her after she acted like she did, that it would never happen again. Now I’m thinking that no matter what I do she will always lie and do whatever she wants, no matter how much it destroys me.
All I can say is I understand (and I know that doesn’t help much, but maybe a little). I am feeling much the same way (sick, out of breath) as I know I need to leave (at least temporarily– hopefully temporarily) to get him to know how serious this is.
Isn’t there a place on the web where we can get advice step by step to help us? Empathy is nice but it doesn’t guide us to what and where we need to be in our individual relationships. I am so torn that the lies are happening that I feel like a fabrication myself and that everyone is like this no matter status, race etc.; and maybe I am like this too and we’re all just too stupid to notice because its become a majority. So, if anyone out there knows of such a site PLEASE reply to this.
AJ, try doing an Internet search by putting “What can I do if my spouse is a chronic/compulsive liar?” into the search engine. There will be a number of options pop up that give steps. You may be able to find what you’re looking for to help you in your particular circumstances. At least, we hope so.
Intercept the mail before she can get to it and hide the bills
Hire a private investigator and have her followed.
Verify EVERYTHING she tells you.
Stay in FREQUENT contact with creditors, the bank, etc.; get copies of everything.
If possible, tell the creditors to call YOU instead of her; she will NOT tell you what’s going on and you will find yourself awakened in the middle of the night having your car repo’d or a letter from the bank telling you they are about to foreclose on your house.
You’ll call the
College where she graduated from to see why they haven’t mailed her diploma, only to find out she never graduated.
I could go on and on but I’ll stop with this-wake up and take control. I waited too late and am still digging out from under her lies.
I have known my wife for 33 years now; we were apart for 22 years and then reunited. When I first saw her that day I knew I was finally truly in love. Back in the day she used to lie to me but before we made a commitment I told her “No more Lies” and she agreed. Well, our marriage has been nothing but lies so far and I don’t see a change anywhere in sight. Thanks.
I know how you feel. My husband has lied to me almost every day since we were married and when I bring it to his attention he turns it around and makes it my fault. I have begged him to get counseling but he will laugh in my face. I continue to pray for him hoping he will stop; if not I will have to divorce him.
Mine is in counseling and that’s the problem they help the issue because they don’t know if its a lie or not so it only becomes ongoing for me and fuel for her to continue with the lies
She’s lying to them. Guaranteed.
And chances are that she is good enough at it that she will have them believing her. Soon.
My fiancé keeps lying to me about watching porn. He says he doesn’t do it but it’s there on his phone history. He blames other people for doing it. I’ve told him how it makes me feel when he watches it and yet he still does it. I’ve asked him what is more important to him, a 5 minute masturbation session or our relationship but he still denies doing it.
I’m not stupid and I know it is him, if he can’t go 2 weeks without watching it what is he going to do if I get really ill or something and cannot do anything for a while? It feels like he is cheating on me, if he’d rather watch someone on the Internet do things rather than me. How long will it be before he decides he wants to be with someone other than me? It kills me even more that he lies and says he never watches it :-/
It feels like he is cheating because he is cheating. It doesn’t have to be physically to be adultery/cheating. All affairs or cheating, start in the mind with lust. Lust is cheating, mental and emotional cheating. It is not any different. Stand firm and if he doesn’t seek counseling and repentance I wouldn’t mess with it because it is not worth the torment you will go though. See fight the newdrug.com and yourbrainonporn.com and watch Gail dines on YouTube.
My husband has lied to me about so many things, I’m deceived. I feel used and misled. He will go around with different women as they are about to have sex. He will tell them everything that is happening in our relationship.
I love my wife the same as my kid’s, only they’re innocent. I’m 19 years older than her, with 4 year old son and 3 year old daughter. We’ve been together 5 to 6 year’s. She took kids for 3 month’s, borrowed $5000 for attorney and private investigator; got to mediation and she gladly gave them to me rather than going to court. We were together 4 more months, consistent lying on her part. She’s a little bit slow in some ways and fast in others. I found another phone in her pocket where she had been conspiring against the (not so great) with great grandmother of kids to put them in foster care.
I got sole custody so that she couldn’t take them anymore, but every time we have a disagreement, the grandmother calls CPS or DSS…6 times in less than a year and 6 times nothing was found. CPS came and took her and the kids last week and told her not to call me. “None of my business” they said…trying to get her to say I was bad to the kids, didn’t work. They kept kids away from home 6 hours and didn’t offer a girl with no car a ride to take kids to eat; they came home crying. My son told me that they were talking about a new home for him and sissy, promised him toy store and Chucky Cheese, and it’s a secret he said. They were trying to show that I was allowing someone to watch my kids that was untrustworthy and not reliable. thank God it didn’t work. I told her she could never keep kids again.
I waited until 40 to have kids,thinking that it made more sense to be mature than young and dumb.. the not so great great grandmother and CPS or DSS were sneaking to take the kids. When they brought her and kids back I new it was time to do something. If they felt I was a danger to her or kids, they wouldn’t have brought them back and I let them know I knew that and they were offended that I wouldn’t let her watch them anymore, not good people I don’t think. My daughter falls a lot, gets bruises on her legs and they tried to get my wife to say that I abuse my daughter, but it didn’t work. We separate ourselves from kids when we have a disagreement, but grandma and CPS are trying to make our problems about kids in every way and my wife has a major problem with lying is our problem. I agree to counseling with wife and she has too…I really need help and am praying for a miracle for my family… please help if you can.
Keith. How I wish there was something I could say that would fit all of these problems for you. You have multiple fronts you are battling one and any one of them would be exhausting in itself. As far as the legal issues with the children and the contentiousness of DPS and CPS constantly hounding you the only answer I can think of is for you to find an attorney who specializes in these kinds of issues. You can do an Internet search using the term, “child custody attorneys_________________” and then put the city you live in.
I also think you are wise to pursue counseling with your wife. That seems to be the place where there is the most hope for reconciliation and potential healing in your marriage. Keep pressing on, Keith.
I love my wife the same as my kids, only they’re innocent. I’m 19 years older than her, with a 4 yr old son and 3 yr old daughter. We’ve been together 5 to 6 years. She took the kids for 3 months, borrowed 5000 for attorney and pi, got to mediation and she gladly gave them to me, rather than going to court. We were together 4 more months, consistent lying on her part, she’s a little bit slow in some ways and fast in others. I found another phone in her pocket where she had been conspiring with the (not so great) great grandmother of kids to put them in foster care.
I got sole custody so that she couldn’t take them anymore, but every time we have a disagreement, the g-mother calls cps or DSS… 6 times in less than a year. 6 times nothing found… cps came and took her and the kids last week and told her not to call me. “None of my business” they said, trying to get her to say I was bad to the kids, didn’t work. They kept the kids away from home 6 hrs and didn’t offer a girl with no car a ride to take kids to eat. They came home crying. My son told me that they were talking about a new home for him and sissy, promised him toy store and Chucky cheese, and it’s a secret he said. They were trying to show that I was allowing someone to watch my kids that was untrustworthy and not reliable.
Thank God it didn’t work. I told her she could never keep kids again. I waited until 40 to have kids , thinking that it made more sense to be mature than young and dumb. The not so great great grandmother and cps or DSS were sneaking to take the kids. When they brought her and the kids back, I knew it was time to do something. If they felt I was a danger to her or kids, they wouldn’t have brought them back, and I let them know I knew that and they were offended that I wouldn’t let her watch them anymore. They are not good people I don’t think.
My daughter falls a lot, gets bruises on her legs and they tried to get my wife to say that I abuse my daughter. But it didn’t work. We separate ourselves from kids when we have a disagreement, but g-ma and cps trying to make our problems about kids in every way… and my wife has a major problem with lying is our problem. I agreed to counseling with wife and she has too. I really need help and am praying for a miracle for my family. Please help if you can. Ty
Depends what the lies are about and why the spouse feels the need to lie!? My partner constantly criticizes me over everything. Every single sentence that comes out of his mouth is an accusation, an admonishment, a question of why I have done something e.g. ‘why have you used the back door instead of the front door?’ All of it is utter garbage and nonsense! Who cares what door I’ve used! I feel he cannot be happy if he isn’t blaming or accusing someone of something (ME)! So yes, I lie over his utter rubbish every day to get him off my back and avoid an argument over something that I’m not prepared to argue about and most of all to save my sanity.
Believe me, for all the arguments I avoid this way there are still plenty of others that I still have to face. I would never want to be a person who makes someone feel so bad, so useless, such low self esteem and withdrawn to a shell of their former self that they feel they need to lie to me to avoid the mental anguish and the damage it causes to a person. The critisisers need to look in the mirror!
My wife has been lying to me for 5 years, for meanness in all of it and partly gaming, so she says…it’s easier to lie, she says. She took our kids and gave them to her grandma to abuse. My son is 4.5 and my daughter is 3.5; during coustdy battle for 3 months, she told him he couldn’t call me daddy, couldn’t say he loves me and couldn’t talk about me. Says she gives him to her grandma to discipline.
Spanked him, smacked him in the mouth and stood him in the corner. Anyways, I had enough evidence besides that to get her to sign full coustdy to me. She would if she could come back…so we did, but I didn’t know she abused him like that though. She came back and her and her grandma scammed for 5 months with DSS or CPS to take kids. It didn’t work, thanks to God, Amen !!!!! Their counselor said don’t exclude her completely. I don’t want to do that to the kid’s that way anyway.
I love them and they love her, so I can’t. She wants to be in my life now, again I don’t think that’s a good idea! She never stops lying. Took kids once and tried to take them again, fake charges on me and Judge said no to her on emergency coustdy so she dropped restraining order. She lives away and I have kids. She won’t stop lying though…does it for meanness and cause it’s easier. Is there a chance she might be able to stop? I don’t think so but I’m on the inside so it’s hard to see. Please help me. I still love her, but I have no choice but to love innocent kid’s more – God’s gifts to us / me … I really need help; I will listen, with my battle in my heart and her lying!
How do I get my husband to quit lying and take responsibility for his actions? If he does the simplest of things like leave a cup on a table instead of putting it in the sink he will swear up and down he didn’t do it. This is just an example, but even if I see him do it he will swear he didn’t. It just makes me so mad I can’t stand it and Im starting not to be able to stand him because of it.