STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE
I am standing for the healing of my marriage.
I will not give up, give in,
give out, nor give over
’til the healing takes place.
I made a vow; I said the words; and I gave the pledge.
I gave a ring; I took a ring; and I gave myself.
I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words:
in sickness and in health,
in sorrow and in joy,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in good times and in bad…
so NOW I am STANDING.
I will NOT sit down, let down, slow down,
calm down, fall down, look down nor be down
’til the BREAKDOWN is TORN DOWN!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances,
or listen to prophets of doom.
I will not buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular,
convenient, easy, quick,
thrifty, or advantageous.
Nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing.
I will not seek to lower God’s standard,
twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word,
violate God’s covenant,
or accept what God hates—which is namely… divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure.
Even though surrounded by lies I will speak the truth.
Where hopelessness abounds,
I will hope in GOD.
Where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse;
and where the odds are stacked against me,
I will trust in God’s faithfulness.
I am a STANDER!
And I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit…
I have made the choice.
I have set my face, entered the race, believed the Word,
and TRUSTED GOD for the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse,
nor the urging of my friends,
the advice of my loved ones,
economic hardship,
nor the prompting of the devil
to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up
UNTIL MY MARRIAGE IS HEALED.
This Poem:
The above poem, which centers on the position of standing for your marriage, is featured on the web site Rejoiceministries.org. Rejoice Ministries has an outstanding outreach that encourages and gives hope to those who are standing in the gap believing God for a miracle in their marriages.
You can read the testimonies and the stories of restored marriages on their web site:
To read them, please:
Additionally, as you are standing:
If you are standing for the healing of your marriage because of betrayal, standing in prayer is important! Below is a link to a web site where you will find prayers posted that you can use. We encourage you to use them to help in your healing. You can pray them word-for-word or use them as an outline—adding more as you feel led.
We pray they help you:
• 5 PRAYERS WHEN YOU FEEL BETRAYED
And when you are standing, believing God will help you, despite the fact that the marriage looks like it is over, here are several prayers you can use. Again, you can pray these prayers word-for-word because they express your heart. Or you can use them as a stepping stone to add or adapt them in some way to express the cries of your own heart.
• 3 PRAYERS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE
May God bless you as you stand, pray, and believe!
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Save My Marriage Spiritual Matters Surviving Infidelity
(USA) Hi, I’ve been standing for my marriage for 5 months, now going on to 6. :( I’m at a crossroad right now. I knew about Jesus but never really needed Him, until now. Since day one I’ve been praying, going to church, trusting and believing but only to fall. I caused all of this.
I was hurt as a child and never told anyone. I carried it with me eveyday and now it cause so much hurt to my husband and family. I’ve been hurt so I would hurt my husband with words. Always putting him down. So he left me and our two kids, wounded and broken. It’s been very hard. The roles have changed. He’s mean and bitter now, and I’m working really hard to save my marriage. Throughout the months, I’ve grown in the Lord, I have a good relationship with him. I am stronger now. Everything seems to go good… he comes home but only to leave the next day. Then I fall back down and get hurt all over again.
I’m at a crossroad about just letting him go. No calling him, texing or anything, and just let God be God. I’ve tried before but every time I do he calls all the time, and takes us out to dinner and we spend a lot of family time together. But only for a few days, only to be hurt all over again. Someone please HELP ME!!! I’ve prayed, looked for answers in the Word but can’t find anything to help me. :(
(US) If you really want your marriage restored, continue to believe and trust God will do it. I understand exactly what you are going through because I went through it already. But God changed it all. Your husband comes and goes because he may be testing the waters. He is watching you to see if there are really any positive changes in you.
Visit https://rejoiceministries.org/, they have plenty of really good free material that will help you in your stand for your marriage. They have daily devotionals that will motivate you on a daily basis to do wait on God’s perfect timing.
God restored my marriage after my husband left me. I too drew close to God and I had to let him go. I had to stop texting, calling, chasing, and just prayed day and night. It was God that brought him back, not me.
Have faith, with Him all things are possible.
(USA) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RESPONDING. Thank you for your words of encouragement. Somedays this is just what I need… :) Thank u again…
(US) My wife and I are separated again, the third time now. The first time it happened, God used it to get my attention and bring me to Him. I have been standing ever since. My beautiful wife has been on and off with the Lord. She did give her heart to the Lord once and I believe whole-heartedly that He will bring her back. To God be all the glory, now and when He shows His sovereignty, mercy, love, and grace! I will be praying for all of your marriages and I pray that you will pray for mine as well. God is faithful and we need only to put our faith in Him.
(US) I thank GOD for the storm he’s brought me to and is leading out of, right now. I am a stander. I’v learned to trust in the Lord. I’ve also learned that words are powerful. It can break down someone or lift them up. He is true and faithful to his Word. If you speak it and say God this is what you said and you were never a man to lie. Speak it and mean it with all your heart and just sit back and watch God move for you. All he wants is for you to love him with all your heart. God bless everyone who is standing. Don’t give up. Speak life into your spouse and marriage everyday. In Jesus name. There’s power in that name. Use it everyday. It’s free. God has to move if you only believe… God bless you today.
(USA) I filed for divorce after I found my husband was still communicating with the other woman. He told her he didn’t love me and was going to move out. This was the third instance where I caught him after he promised no communication. They work for the same company. That was in Jan 2013. Then just before he got served he told me he wanted to work on the marriage and loved me so I put the divorce on hold. I have prayed, and read the bible every day since.
I found out about the affair over a year ago. I have put up with rude, unaffectionate behavior. He says one thing and does another. I fasted this week 40 hours and then was 20 hours in prayer and he’s being mean and rude. Then I get upset and he doesn’t seem to care. I give him affection. I’m trying to change my behavior. Last night I told him I was thinking of dropping the divorce and he told me to wait cause I don’t seem ready because he was mean to me the might before and I asked him if he wanted me to call the atty.
I want to stand. I have been married 23 years with much unhappiness. I get so discouraged when I pray and there is so little change. I think the devil is attacking. But my husband is a selfish individual. Will God make him respect me and treat me with love?
(US) Keep, holding on. I know how you’re feeling. I really do. It is the devil attacking you. He knows that you’re standing and that you’re learning and believing in Jesus. So he is using your husband to hurt you so you can have doubt. But don’t give in. Pray and keep asking God every day to change your husband’s heart and behavior.
My husband was the same way. I’ve been praying and asking God to change him and this week I have seen it. He thanks me for the things I do for him, like dinner last nite, and when he was leaving he gave me the biggest hug since this whole thing started. :) I thank the Lord I serve because it’s only him that can do that for me. I asked and I received. PTL I know it hurts when we are the one working so hard to fix things and change the problem, but I learned to give it all to the Lord, and not pick it back up. It was hard and it didn’t happen over nite. I keep failing because lack of faith. But I now know that God wants me and my attention right now. I now put God first in everything, and now I’m stronger, and have more peace than I every had.
It’s cool how so many times I read about other standers having a hard day with their stand and ask God to show them if they’re on the right path, and he did or has in some way or another. I was feeling that way today and asked. As I’m encouraging you I know God is talking to me rite now too. I’m slowly believing in his power or I should say trusting in him more now, and taking the time to know him and talk with him every day and now I can see what he is doing in my life. He is real. God uses us to be an example to others.
Let God use you; surrender to him everything and watch him work on you and you well see more clearly. As so will your husband. Keep reading the word to fight the devil, and let God do all the work for you. What helped me the most was when I read that if you want change in your husband, you need to change first. Whether in faith, prayer, or just believing, we do not fight against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12, Put the whole armor of God on everyday. I know it’s hard but submit yourself to God and it will be easier to submit to your husband. God wants to do good to us and not harm.
It took me a while to understand all this too. He says if we ask and believe it will be given on to us in how much we believe in his power. All he wants us to do is give it all to him to fix because he wants all the glory. All I can tell you is keep searching for him with all your heart. You will find him, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity. I know a lot of this might not make a lot of sense but I’m just so excited. I’m thinking faster than I can type. lol…. I hope and pray that you dont give up. May my God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob do for you what he has done for them and so many. God bless you!!!
Nothing is impossible to God. I believe in my heart that this declaration I made with my marriage God will move. I pray for my wife’s salvation. I pray that she will care and make the priority of the family over friends and other stuff. I pray that the love will be back. I pray that she will not fall again to the trap of the the enemy and fall to someone else. I pray in the mighty name of Jesus that all the relationships, and the family will be healed. We accept and we believe as there is No Other Name that can restore and free us all, besides the beautiful name of Jesus. There is hope; don’t give up! God is good all the time!
I need urgent prayer for marriage reconciliation. I pray that my husband, Steve, will become deaf, dumb and blind to satan’s lies and that God will place people in his path that will overwhelm him with the truth! I pray Steve’s heart will be softened and he will be down on his knees before he forces me to go sign legal separation papers, probably next week. I pray that he will finally see the truth when he keeps saying that God told him to do this and if he repents and asks forgiveness, as he divorces is family, he’ll be rewarded with a brand new, better life. I declare in Jesus name that this marriage is not over and God will restore it better than before and all of our relationships with Him will be stronger!!! I pray this in Jesus’ strong and precious name! Amen!!
Praying for your marriage sister Trinetta. It’s not over until God says it’s over; lets keep believing and hoping that God will soften Steve’s heart, amen.
I moved out of my home with my son 4 months ago. My husband and I have been married for 7 and half years. We have had many ups and downs. Recently, since he has come back from Afghanistan, things have gone downhill fast. I thought separating was the right thing to do because of the verbal assaults and nastiness coming from him. I regret this decision immensly. He has fluctuated hot and cold over the separation. Now he is saying he doesn’t want to try anymore and we are to only discuss our son.
I have just recently been a “stander” and he is resisting me and God whole-heartedly. I believe he is having an affair but he denies it flat out. I am trying desperately to place my entire faith and trust in God tht we will reconcile. It’s really hard some days when he says he doesn’t want to try anymore. This site has been a tremendous encouragement to me. Please please pray for our desperate situation.
Please pray that my marriage is restored. We have been married nine and a half years and have two kids (6&8). My husband asked for a seperation saying he was no longer in love with me and he wasn’t happy. We have been living apart for almost three months now. I truly feel he still loves me and that we can be happy as husband and wife again. Please pray that my family is made whole again. Thank you
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I am standing for my marriage and need God’s help in restoring my covenant with my spouse. My wife of 13 years, Shauna, has moved out of the home and believes divorce is the only solution to our problems. We have had our ups and downs in our marriage but I had not realized it was in such a low place that divorce was an option. I was not the best husband but I loved and cared for my wife deeply. I continue to love, care and have compassion for my wife. I pray that God can help bring us back together. For the sake of our union, kids, and family.
My husband had a long term affair, which probably began as an innocent colleague friendship 5 months after my 3rd brain surgery. Then unknown to me, that blossomed into a long distance emotional affair where they would see each other in person at work conferences around the country. Then the next year it blew into a full physical affair, which he disclosed in March of this year (a year and a few months after the physical part started). Naturally I was TOTALLY crushed and devastated. As a matter of fact I think I may have suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and was training within a few weeks to run a half marathon I had signed up for long before learning all this.
My last long training run was only 3 weeks after he told me and I was so distraught that I could not think straight and within a few miles serious confusion set in and I blacked out waking up after dark being loaded into an ambulance. It was my first unconscious seizure after being diagnosed over 14 years prior with brain tumors I have had nearly all of my life but did not know about. So I legally lost driving privileges for 6 months as long as I did not have another seizure. So my husband stayed, I would not leave, and we fought often. I got counseling and just as I started mine he quit his. The Christian counselor we found (the 2nd) had a condition that we each needed to have our own counselor before counseling together so he suddenly dropped his and did not pursue another during the following 4 months we were still living together.
Then the weekend of my birthday without discussing the matter with me, he met with my parents to explain that he’s stressed out and asked for their help by asking if I could come stay (or visit) with them for a while. They said of course but told him that he needs to be honest with me and tell me how long that would be. Well almost a week later he finally tells me this and had written me a letter. He had no definition of a time frame and there were essential medical appointments I needed to attend here and our 13 year old dog I did not want to move from her home in the end of her life. He was angry and put on me “You always ask me what I need and this is something you can do for me.” I really wrestled with this spiritually and logically. I was not even able to drive again yet by a few weeks.
According to God I felt my leaving was just wrong so I meditated on his Word and prayed a lot about it. I kept getting the message from him to STAY. After I expressed my concerns and feelings about it, my parents, sister, and brother all supported my reasoning to stay and called him telling him that if he feels he needs space and time apart, then HE needs to be the one to leave. My therapist also felt that he needed to leave because it was HIS decision to depart from the marriage and not mine. Yet I did question myself if I was being unfair, unloving, or disrespectful.
As it turns out I was right to stand my ground. Our dog rapidly went down hill in a matter of days from a very aggressive cancer and we had to put her to sleep exactly one month after he moved out. Oh yeah, before I knew my family called him, I had told him I’d agree to leave if he could wait a few more weeks for me to take care of the important medical appointments, try to find some way to work out my therapy (my parents live 4 hours away in another state), and when I legally got my driving privileges back. He refused to wait and adamantly moved out 5 days later the first week of October.
At first I was led to believe when I asked for how much time he needed for this “space”, it would be a month. He came a day early as I contacted him our dog was suddenly sick and needed to go to the vet. The next day we had to put her to sleep. He stayed over the next 2 days after her death but showed up very late (after midnight) and insisted upon sleeping on the couch. Then Halloween morning he woke me up sometime between 6-6:30 am to tell me he was leaving. When I asked if he was coming back he said he did not know and it blew up into a conflict saying he was not ready to move back and blaming me for being demanding as I asked for a reasonable and considerate time estimate of when he would be coming back home. He then said to me in anger if I wanted to know that right now then we would get a divorce. So he left but came back 2 more times in the same morning after I had gone back to sleep! He also came back a couple more times to help with things I did not ask him for before I decided to leave town after our dog’s death when my dad had health concerns suddenly appear.
I found out shortly after I got there that my husband was going to NY on business after visiting his family for Thanksgiving. I was upset that he withheld this information from me which I discovered through my own mother who learned from his mom! When I questioned him about it, he admitted he was going there on business with his partner but was staying an extra day afterward to play tourist in NY! Worse, I find out that his partner was flying back the day before so he planned to spend a day and night in NY alone when it has been a GREAT burden to him to even spend a full day with me. He would complain he did not have the time to take from work. Yet he traveled to Alaska for a week vacation in August to be alone with himself!
Anyhow, when I learned of this I was really skeptical. I upfront asked him in text messages 3 times if he was still having an affair to which he did not answer. He told me we have some trust issues and would come down to my parents so we could talk about it. Then he suddenly showed up one afternoon 1 week before Thanksgiving and asked if we could go for a walk. While on our walk he tells me what a wonderful wife I am, how good I have been for him, that he loves me and even embraced me several times. When it is time to turn around I asked him if he had spoken to his affair partner since April to which he refused to talk about saying that has nothing to do with us. Then he said “I think our relationship is finished” with no explanation why and when I asked about going to marriage counseling he said he would have to pray about it. He has been very vague, often evading me, and not forthcoming. When we got back to my parents’ house he told me that we have had a wonderful life together but now it is closed and drove directly back another 4 hours at night (so 8 hours of driving in a day to tell me this).
I still stood firm and on the walk told him that it is not over til God says it is over. So I have continued positive communication with him near daily and send him prayers as well as told him I love him and God Bless him. He chooses when, how often, and what he wants to answer and respond to.
Today is the day he has all to himself and this evening in NY which unsettles me. He has not answered what time he is flying back tomorrow or if he will even plan to spend at or stop by the house. My parents are coming tomorrow and I wanted to respectfully know if we should expect him coming by. I am also sending the Christmas cards out this week which I write a newsletter to go with and asked him if there is anything he wanted to put in it. Again he has not responded.
Thank you for this prayer. It really helps! God Bless you! And please pray for us. Pray for God to convict his heart and lead him in the Godly life meant for him and pray for me to be strong, endure, trust God, have peace, and to be content. I has certainly been my most challenging trial in life and I have endured MANY serious trials medically and physically in my life! Thanks!
I read the above poem and I am floored at how perfectly the words and feelings were presented. I have been married for 19 years and without warning have found myself on the edge of divorce with my wife. We are both Christians and are active in our church. We have two beautiful children together aged 16 & 11.
I am in serious pain as I am forced to evaluate all that has seemingly crashed in on me without warning. My wife will not talk to me about the issues that got us to this point. I did a lot of self evaluation and know that I have likely not met all her emotional needs and at times was critical of her. Somewhere she decided that she has had enough. She has hardened her heart against me and I do fear there is someone else involved.
She has agreed to counseling but I know from her temperament and actions that she is rejecting it all. She has shut me out, and she has shut God out. I did a search about standing up for your marriage and it brought me to this site. This was heaven sent for me. It is exactly how I feel despite knowing the odds are so stacked against me at the moment. She blamed me recently for not “standing up for her” over a given situation that I had absolutely no control over. It hurt me deeply. What man would not feel that pain? We are our wife’s protector in every sense and to be told so coldly that you were not doing your duty was devastating.
Well, we have a counseling session scheduled for today. Today I am going to show her that her man is going to take a stand. I am going to read this to her as I feel every word of it. I am sure I will be blamed for being controlling or overly demanding or trying to one up her religiously. At this point I do not care. I have to make it known that I am not letting my marriage and my family evaporate before me. God saw to it that we met and blessed our union. I am not going to let this marriage go.
I decided before God and my family and friends that I was going to take her as my wife till death. I am going to honor my commitment. I pray this does not drive her away even further as she seems to be trying to find any and all excuses at the moment to back up her disastrous plan. Thanks be to God for all that he is. I know that whatever happens HE WILL NOT ABANDON ME !!!!!
It breaks my heart to read these type of stories. I went through a similar situation with my separated wife and feel your pain. You finally realize how to be the man she wants but she has given up and no longer wants that from you. She feels the “grass will be greener” and the people around you and her somewhat encourage the seperation. As if the vows meant nothing.
Like you I truly love my wife and will tell you I did everything wrong. I begged, pleaded, cried, broke down but it was if she just looked right through me with no compassion.
Look up Joe Beam and read some of his articles on how to take care of you. I have none of the answers because I long for my wife and friend but I am trying to get through it day by day. Don’t try and convince her as she will think you are trying to control her.
I’ve been in the same situation. My wife was a Godly woman in every aspects of her life. It was her who told me about Christ. Now she’s gone for 3 months, already living with another man. I begged, cried, plead, all for the worse. It hurts a lot seeing our best friend, lover, life companion looking down at us with cold heart.
I’m in the same position. I found God, I changed, I became a better person, a better wife and now he doesn’t want me anymore after 5 and 1/2 yrs of marriage. He says he doesn’t love me, he’s not in love with me, he doesn’t care. Just asked for the divorce last night. It’s so heart breaking. I’m in so much pain I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to hold on, I still have faith, I believe God will heal our marriage. Yet he says, no, he doesn’t believe in marriage and seems to not even believe in God anymore. I don’t know if there’s another woman. I do know he has changed ever since he started to hang out more with his coworkers. They’re all in their 20s, drink, party, and do drugs. I’m not sure if to let him go and give him a divorce as he seems so unhappy and I love him so much I just want him to be happy or if I should hold on and keep fighting in prayer.
Don’t give up; check out rejoice marriage ministries at https://www.rejoiceministries.org. It is an amazing ministry, incredibly encouraging. Be Blessed.
I hope things are better now. Join us in prayer. 1 am (Eastern) Monday, Wednesday, Saturday–wee hours of the morning. Marriage prayer call.
I have been standing for a little over 4 years. I am very tired. I have suffered embarrassment, ridicule, and personal attacks from family members and the workplace because of my spouse’s decision to leave our marriage. There is no support around me. I have been labeled by others including so called Christians. They gossiped but not one of these believers offered to pray with me. Not a single one. I have had to single handedly defend my marriage and what I understand as the word of God regarding marriage. People who have cheated or left their marriages talked down to me. People who were married on paper but not in spirit have mocked and attacked me. This all has affected my health. I am a very strong person but I am very, very tired. I want to give up on this marriage, this person who has given up on me. My life is on hold. I don’t like this. I want a healthy marrige. A loving, godly marriage. I want to give up on this stand. Please pray that I will have peace and God’s clear purpose for me.
I’m so sorry for your pain. I have been standing for almost a year. Check out rejoice marriage ministries at https://www.rejoiceministries.org. It’s incredibly encouraging. Be Blessed.
HelpmeLord, I know your pain. I have been standing almost as long as you and have several friends who have been doing as long and even longer than you. The Lord isn’t finished yet. Ignore those people who criticize your stand. They do so, because your godly stand threatens them. Just be the light. God hates divorce! Jesus contrary to the position the church has taken did not give an out from marriage. Stand strong and firm in your saviour! I know that bone weariness you speak of, it plagues me as well but let God be your strength in your weakness. Please do go to Rejoice Marriage Ministries, they will replenish you.
I am going through a difficult time at present. My wife and I have been experiencing problems for many years. At this point she has asked me to leave the family home. She told me that I should not contact her and she simply wants to be free. I know in my heart that God can deal with this situation. As hard as it is each day, I have a very deep sense of faith. I believe that God can & will heal my marriage.
My wife makes no effort to contact me and I know that she has been in other relationships. But despite this, I have a deep yearning in my heart to hold unto my marriage and not to let go. Please can you pray for us? Please pray that God will restore our marriage in Jesus name.
My husband was having an afair for 2 years and also moved out 3 times. I let the children visit him but said I don’t want that other lady near them because we are still married. My husband moved back home but the other woman has a baby and first the baby come to our house for a hour and then again for 2 hours. Now, she doesn’t want to let the baby come anymore because I didn’t want my children near her so she is not letting her child near me or my house. My husband is the only one who can see the child at her house. I don’t want him to have a relationship with his kind of woman. Please pray for us because my husband is not very settled and is never at home and we don’t talk more than 3 sentences a day and most of the time we only see each for an hour a day if I wait up for him.
Hello dear fellow Standers. We are trying to gather Standers around the world to fight as one army against a common enemy coming against all our marriages and families. From Monday 4, July 2016 Mondays all over the world will be fasting and prayer day for Standers everywhere. Please join and tell any other standers to join knowing that we are each doing far more than just adding our own strength. The Bible tells us that one can send a thousand fleeing but two can send ten thousand fleeing. Fighting each and every Monday as one body should bring forth a tidal wave of breakthroughs. God Bless you all ??
Yes, I will join you in fasting and/or prayer on Mondays!!!
Sally,
I am in agreement with your prayers for prodigal and standers around the world and I will join you starting tomorrow in prayer and fasting