Please answer this question by leaving a comment below
(To see previous questions, visit our archive)
This is a simple question posed, for a very important reason. The reason we pose it is because so many spouses are in the position of going to church without their spouse. They don’t want to, but it’s either a matter of going alone, or not going at all. So we’re asking you, if you go to church without your spouse, what helps you? What has God, and others spoken to you that helps?
Concerning this question, Dr Ralph F. Wilson wrote:
“A sense of responsibility for her children’s faith is what motivated Dyann. “One Sunday morning I realized that my six-year- old had never been to church or Sunday school,” she said. “I know I can’t give her my faith, but I am responsible to help her learn about Jesus so she’ll be able to develop her own faith as she grows. To rob her of a knowledge of God would be even worse than robbing her of the ability to learn to read.” Dyann and her daughter, Lisa, have been attending church ever since. (From the Joyfulheart.com article, “Should Wives Go To Church Without Their Husbands?”)
This is something to prayerfully consider.
Also, Before Answering Our Question:
Here’s a piece of advice written by Desiree S. Coleman, that you may find helpful:
“In being true to yourself, explain to your spouse why your faith is important to you. Likewise, express your desire for a united family. And communicate how you would love to have a shared commitment to faith. And then, as cliche as it sounds, you will have to let go and let God do the work. Realize that the spiritual walk involves spiritual things. In other words, at a certain point, there is only so much that you can do and say. At that point, you will have to activate your faith and believe God to draw your spouse unto Him. And don’t lose hope when it seems like nothing is happening. Because when you’ve exhausted all your options and handed it to God, that’s when you realize He has been at work all along. (From the Blackandmarriedwithkids.com article, “5 Things To Do If Your Spouse Won’t Come To Church”)
And Lastly:
The following is some advice that Lynn Donovan gives from her own personal experience:
“Here are some lessons I’ve learned through sitting alone in church. One, I’m not the only one. My spiritual mismatched allowed me to see many others who don’t fit in. My heart is drawn to those who are alone, even those who feel alone but ARE sitting with a spouse. And my friends, churches are filled with these kinds of people who pretend their marriage is perfect. It’s simply not true. Every marriage, including your pastor’s will struggle, even greatly struggle at some point. It’s just different from yours.
“Allow yourself to set aside your loneliness and pain and truly look around you. It’s likely your training here at SUM and through the Word will allow you to speak love and truth into some other misfit who is sitting in the sanctuary. And that my friends, is exactly what delights the heart of God. BTW: Ultimately we will discover we are all misfits and that is exactly what God intends!!! (From the Spirituallyunequallyyokedmarriage.com article, “Going to Church Alone”)
Additionally, here is a link to an article that will lead you to even more advice that you may find to be helpful. We encourage you to read:
• MY SPOUSE WON’T GO TO CHURCH. HELP!
Now, once again, the question we’re posing. We hope you can give some insights to help others as you answer it:
If you go to church without your spouse, how do you deal with unmet expectations?
Filed under: Question of the Month Spiritual Matters Unbelieving Spouse
(USA) My husband about a year ago, joined a Pentecostal church. I have tried going. I believe in Christ and have always believed and believe in my heart that God knows my heart. I was baptized Lutheran. Of course the Pentecostal church does not believe in baptism of babies, and I don’t believe in speaking in tongues so there lies the issue. He goes to church twice on Sundays, has all our friends and family saying “what’s up?” I am still searching for a church. I read the Bible, pray and in my heart, believe I have a relationship with God, but according to the “born agains” it isn’t enough… I feel that God will judge me, not them. Who is right?
(USA) Hi Carol, It’s an interesting situation you are in. Try not to stereotype, however. I’m a “born again”, and by “it isn’t enough” I assume you refer to the baptism issues. I believe Lutheran’s baptize infants the same reason Pentecostals baptize believers -for salvation. Yet, many more “born agains” believe that Romans 10:9 is the path to salvation – confess with your mouth and believe with your heart that Jesus is Lord, see also Acts 3:19 and the repenting of sins. I don’t say that hoping you convert to my denomination (which I don’t wish to name presently). But just so you realize the situation – there are tens of thousands of denominations. If we all could agree, and every one of us capable of fully understanding and interpreting God’s Word, there’d likely be just the one.
You are right, God will judge us all. He will judge each and every one of us as sinful, and incapable of entering heaven due to our transgressions. Our only salvation is by way of Jesus Christ who took on the burden of punishment for our sins, paying the ultimate price. I suspect there will be Lutherans and Pentecostals in heaven by way of their personal relationships with Jesus Christ. The second half of Matthew 7:21 warns, “I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!” -so I would urge everyone reading this to read their Bible, pray up, and get to know Jesus better tomorrow than we do today, and make that a plan for each and every day. I would rather live the next life in heaven at the expense of being judged in this life, than the other way around.
You mentioned you are looking for a church, is that because something in Lutheranism is not resonating with you, or because you hope to find a church that will be comfortable for both you and your husband? While I respect the husband’s role as leader of the house (Ephesians 5:24-33), I feel very strongly that his role is to lead the family to a church for the family, and not just go where he wishes and demand you follow. Leadership and being the head of household is about doing what God wishes, and what’s right for the family, not about being the boss and choosing everything for what the man wants. It’s where we get secular expressions like “take one for the team”, or the concept of a Captain going down with the ship (see verse 25 where husband’s are told to do for their wives as Christ did for His church). Leadership by that definition must include sacrifice, love, grace, and a general lack of selfishness.
On a side note, you mentioned that you don’t believe in speaking in tongues. The Bible is quite clear: some speak in tongues. I believe *I* don’t speak in tongues, I know many do. That said, there’s nothing particularly redeeming about doing so, in fact, there’s a warning in 1 Corinthians 13:1 that the act of speaking in tongues alone doesn’t necessarily get you anything: 1 Cor 13:1 – If I speak in the tonguesa of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
I would absolutely continue reading the Bible and praying in your heart. I would cease “believing” you have a relationship with God, and just know that you do. To that, perhaps you can add praying with your husband and reading the Bible together.
(UNITED KINGDOM) Jesus said the greatest commandment is to Love the Lord your God with a your heart and mind, and to love your neighbour as yourself. Your closest ‘neighbour’ is your spouse. If your husband or wife is putting their service before you, they are not serving God.
To the lady whose husband made a promise to serve a certain family in church; he made a promise a sacred vow to serve you and your family long before this other family came along. In fact your husband by his behaviour is causing you to stumble. The order of importance are God, then family, then church.
To the lady whose husband has been committing adultery with church members. You need to bring this matter before the elders and deacons of your church. It is also worth mentioning that you do NOT need to put up with this. I would give him an ultimatum, that the next time he is found out, then your marriage will be over, forever. Serial adultery is a sin, and abuse, you weren’t made to put up with abuse.
(CANADA) I feel fortunate to read so many posts. But remained puzzled with those answers. I was saved and attended church twice a week. However, my wife is not. My time in Church is from 13:00-18:00; Friday 7PM:10PM. My two kids are not able to attend Sunday service either.
She threatens about divorce. When I talk about my sisters and brothers in Church, she starts very often to get mad and curse. I rarely argue but stay silent and pray for her. Once she heard my prayer for her and was very mad at me, saying that I should not interfere with her faith. She started reading the Koran because she think I put my family life behind spirtitual life.
I talked with brothers and siters about what I should do, they suggest keep praying for her. I did that for about a month. And then the prayer goes on and off. I was doing 90% of housework; doing a full-time job while she attends school. I feel exhausted. All I pray from God is the wisdom to be a role model of Love. I keep wondering what else could I do in Christ??
(UK) Scott, thanks for replying to my last post, which was a good while ago now, but I was interested you felt 1 Corinthians 7:15 didn’t apply to my husband. According to the counsel I’ve received, the fact that he’s now not in church or functioning in his Christian life makes him an ‘unbeliever’, which in turn makes divorce in our case permissable…
But as you say, he certainly doesn’t see himself as an unbeliever -however, some of his views, eg feeling it’s ok to give up on marriage, obviously doesn’t line up with the word of God, so it’s a little confusing to say the least..
In answer to your question -I do love my husband, and my prayer is for God, in his awesome power, to make it possible for our marriage to be restored.
(USA) Rose, continued blessings to you. It’s wonderful to hear back. When I say it doesn’t apply to your husband, I mean you, Rose are a believer, who has been faithful to God, and your husband. If you are not an unbeliever, and have not been adulterous, and if he truly views himself as a Christian, then he truly has no justification to end the marriage.
I did not mean to intimate that it does not apply to you, which is why I said: “If your hand is forced, and you are divorced, go in peace. But until then, fight, Rose, fight! I would.”
It is not for us to judge anyone’s righteousness, salvation, or “Christianess”, it is a personal matter between the Lord and that individual. But if you worship God, know Jesus as your personal saviour, and attempted to restore your marriage, yet he files for divorce anyway, recedes from a Christian life, and moves on, then I believe 1 Corinthians 7:15 applies for you. And you may go in peace, remembering to forgive him along the way. Even if it doesn’t apply, which is hard for you to fully know, if he begins dating, then he is an adulterer, and you may go in peace.
I don’t want to become a Pharisee and become overly legalistic, so we can just leave it at that. Keep praying for him, talk to him as possible (don’t incite him to anger by overdoing your attempts), know that God protects you and your children, and that we pray for you, and pray for your husband to return to a Christ-like existence.
(USA) I have been married for several years and I my husband and I are both Christians in the same denomination. We have always attended the same church together and have been active in the same church for about a year or so. The longer I stay at our current church, the harder it is becoming to be happy there, though I try. One issue that I am having is that some of church members are somewhat “cold.” In addition, there are no couples even remotely close to our age. Another issue that I am having is that our church seems to be be somewhat segregated.
Recently I have had the desire to find another church, because of an emptiness I am feeling within me. Within the past year I have been visiting other churches due to fulfill this void, and I have finally found a church that meets that “empty”feeling. This church is full of people of all ages, races, cultures etc. and lines up with same Biblical standards my husband and I believe in and it is within our denomination. I have been attending this church more and more frequently, but my husband cannot go elsewhere because he holds a church position. I want to support him and I try to visit on occasion, but I am not sure what to do. We both are not happy with our current situation, but we are both in limbo… Any suggestions would be appreciated.
(USA) Anonymous – DON’T GO without your husband. I don’t mean visiting other churches, I mean making a permanent move with him staying behind. Christ is to the church and your husband is to you according to Ephesians 5 – you are intertwined as one flesh, and should worship together!
If by church position you mean he’s a key leader in a volunteer or part time capacity -so what?! If it’s time to go, and you both know it, it’s time to go. God’s church doesn’t need you or I, so I suspect they will be fine without you, and the void will be filled. If this is a vital part of paying your bills, and he’s a full time staff member… and you really feel moved to move, brush up the resume!
From one man God made every nation of the human race, that they should inhabit the whole earth” (Acts 17:26).
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28)
Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all. (Colossians 3:11)
My advice: pray on this thought: Is your current church compatible with your Bible-based beliefs, which include diversity as a goal? If your husband relies on church income -add this to your thoughts: are we staying at church for a love of the Gospel, or the love of the salary? Are we staying to be comfortable (financially), and avoiding potential hardship?
I’m not saying it isn’t. Some churches are diverse, others aren’t. It doesn’t mean a non-diverse church is racist – some people naturally flock towards like-minded (and looking) people, and without ever meaning to end up with a church full of the same race. Some Pastors strive to avoid that, others didn’t realize it was happening. And there are no doubt churches in the Midwestern US in areas that are 90% white whose church membership is 90% white. That’s not necessarily a church that is segregated by choice, it’s a church that reflects the people around in the community.
My father attended a church for awhile that was predominantly African-American although he is not. It appeared that it was due to the neighborhood it was in, the style of music, and other external factors. He always felt quite welcomed, even though it didn’t meet the dictionary definition of “diverse”.
If you live in a town with significant populations of various ethnic groups, I would hope the church reflects that as well!
(USA) When my husband and I were dating and could tell our relationship was growing serious, we had a discussion about religion. I was (and still am) Catholic and my husband was (and still is) a non-attending Christian. I explained to my husband that my faith was important to me and that I expected to raise my future children in the church. My husband explained to me that he had faith, but was extremely bitter towards the politics of organized religions and did not feel right attending.
I told my husband I would be willing to change denominations if there was a Christian church he felt more comfortable attending, as long as we would attend as a family and raise our children in the church. If he was unwilling to attend with me, I told him I would like his consent to baptize our future children Catholic. He told me he would prefer to baptize our children in the Catholic church and have me take them on my own. In exchange for his absense, he promised to always vocally support me when it came to discussing reglious decisions with the children and also promised not to undermine or belitte our church involvement in any way.
We have been married for 10 years now and have three sons who have all been baptized into the Catholic church. My sons and I attend mass every Sunday. The two older boys also attend faith formation classes and my younger two come to my women’s Bible study group with me each week (while my oldest is in school). My husband has not come around to join us at mass on a regular basis, but he has been there for every baptism, every holiday and occassional joins us spontaneously. On those occassions when he decides to join us, I make sure to hold his hand and tell him how much I enjoyed his company at mass.
I would love it if he eventually decided he wanted to join us every Sunday -but I respect my husband and I will not pressure him into that decision if he isn’t ready and hasn’t come around to that desire on his own.
I guess what I am saying in a long, round-about way is that it is important to discuss the future of your faith life with your spouse before you enter into your marriage. It helps you understand where the other is coming from and gives you the opportunity to come to a solution you can both agree upon.
(USA) Kate, Good on you for doing a good job of balancing an unequally yoked household, and for your husband being respectful of your deep faith. Keep your eye on the prize, remain in prayer, and look forward to a future where your husband has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
2 Corinthians 6:14 – Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?
I post that not as an admonishment on your accomplishments to date, which are impressive, but as a reminder that there is work still to be done as we look forward to your husband’s salvation and forgiveness in Christ Jesus. But as to what to do -more of what you are doing now!
(USA) I am convicted by this but also stuggling with attending church alone. I know that not only is God leading me to go to church but I need to be a leader to my family. The one thing that makes it hard is the way women treat me in Sunday School. I know they don’t mean anything when they always ask where my husband is, but it kind of hurts. At the last church I attended I was ask to scoot down so everyone could sit by their husbands seeing as mine was not coming. I tried to tell myself that she didn’t mean anything by it–and goodness look at what other people endure to go to church! Some people death. And I can’t get over being lonely. I feel like a failure because I am. My husband not only doesn’t attend church but he was raised Morman so his beliefs are different or something! I don’t know because any time I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry and defensive. He is a pilot so he is also gone a lot. I thought not only was church a good support system but I feel like I should be giving something! Sometimes I just feel more alone by going because I see how close other couples are and it makes me very sad. I just lost my dad to Lou Gerig’s disease and watching him die was so very hard. I missed a lot of church because I would travel to another city to see him on weekends. I just need to get back in the swing of going and hopefully they will forgive me for being such a bad church member. Could you pray for me? I need strength I also need patience getting my three crazy boys out the door. By then I feel like I have to go to church because I’ve yelled and screamed at my children so much!
(USA) Kim, I can relate to the way you feel. I love going to church and really want to get more involved, but when I joined a small women’s Bible study group, all the women talked about their waterfront homes and luxury lifestyles. I am and have always been pretty much poor, especially in comparison to the people at my church. I feel like a misfit there and have quit going to the small group because they started doing weekly get-togethers at each one’s home and I knew it would be my turn so I couldn’t bear to think about what they would think about my mobile home.
I live in a small home with my husband who will never go to church and my two children who act like going to church is having a root canal. Every Sunday, I have to pray a beg for strength to get to church because I am challenged each week by the devil trying to tempt me to give up on going. But, I am going to keep going anyway, without my husband and hope that my actions will be an influence on my children.
While my children and I are gone to church, my husband stays home smoking cigarettes, pot, and looking at porn on the web. It is very frustrating to me and nothing I do or say seems to have any effect on him. He sees nothing wrong with his lifestyle. The one thing that keeps me going on like this is God and his promise of salvation. I try to focus on the good in my husband and others and try to ignore the faults of others. Good luck to you, may God bless you and your family.
(USA) Hello Kim, I am sorry about the way people treat you in church because you are there without your husband, people can be insensitive and they are unaware that they are doing so and see their comments as unoffensive, so my advice to you on this is to make sure that when others make comments or ask questions that pertain to your husband and you feel uncomfortable or left out think wwjd? Would he smile, answer politely or feel dicouraged and not attend service again? Getting or thinking with God’s perspective will always keep us from feeling left out or like we don’t meet the standards when comparing or watching the behaviors of others. I realize its hard to attend service and see others there with their husbands and not have yours by your side wether hes the same religion or not I would much rather have a husband that loves and respects me in public and behind closed doors than one who attends church with me, puts on a happy face but shows me no love and affection at all once we are out of public view. It is difficult to have a balanced home of religion when the two of you have different beliefs, however the scriptures say love and kindness have I drawn thee.
(USA) I am a very new believer and love going to my church! It has filled me with so much love for God and I have learned a lot in small group. Well, my husband is anti organized religion now, at first it was I had been brainwashed to believe in God. Every time there’s something that comes up after church or small group. He now says that he’ll go to church if I go to a different one. He thinks I have blasted his name through the church, which is not the case. However, his I gentoo s do not appear to be Godly motivated and it looks like a way to control something about the situation.
I also have a problem if he wants to divorce me after 9 years bc of the church I go to or that I go at all. I never pressure him to go or do anything. I know he’s probably scared but he has nothing to worry about! So do you go to a new church or do you stand your ground and see how real the big D is? It’s always something since I started going to church. He said our relation was perfect and I’m just messing it up, it was never perfect but it also wasn’t this bad! Helpful advice would be great!
(USA) Diana, If he’s against organized religion, I’m not sure how another church will help, but assume that’s a little bit of theatrics, I would take your chance, and go for it. Wouldn’t church be better with your whole family present? Ephesians 5:21-33 would be great reading for BOTH of you!
If you’ve been going to church without him, part of me understands why he’s hesitant to go with you. You may have never said anything negative, but you go without your husband, and people notice that (married woman going to church alone). He may not want to deal with people speculating where he’s been all this time, and gossipping. Gossip isn’t Christian, but that certainly doesn’t mean churches don’t have it!
Even if they’d welcome him, without quesiton and without speculation, I can understand his worries about such a thing.
You mention you’re a new believer, I don’t know where he is in his walk, or even if he is a believer at all, but if he is, then this is, to a certain extent, his place to lead! He should be leading your household in worship, and if he’s going to step up and do just that, you should submit to that leadership -leadership that should be focused on YOU as a FAMILY, not just you, or just him.
Yes, he should give your church a fair shake. But yes, you should give him a fair shake. What’s more important? That you don’t have to find a new small group, or that your husband goes to church and has a chance to worship by your side and hear the gospel?
I realize even the thought of leaving a church, especially one you were saved at can be difficult. These aren’t empty words – I’ve done it, and done it for the sake of my marriage, but the reward may outweigh the pain.
If you skip “your” church next Sunday and go somewhere with him, you might find yourself meeting new people (as a couple), sitting in a new seat (next to your husband) and hearing a different preacher delivering the word (knowing your husband is listening).
I’d give that a week or two. I left the church I was saved at about two years ago, as hard as that is to imagine for me. In that time, I lost touch with some people that _I_ counted as friends, and replaced them with twice as many people that _WE_ (my wife and I) count as friends. I’m no longer than only person serving, and have served side by side with my wife.
I LOVED my church. I was born again at my church. I served and led at my church. And I thank God every day that He provided the wisdom for me to realize my marriage had gone south over that place, and showed me the best church I’ve ever been a part of by calling me somewhere new and amazing. I wouldn’t trade the time I had there, and I wouldn’t have stayed an extra day. I learned to serve God, and learned I was called to lead while serving Him. And then He taught me how to be a husband. What amazing thing in your life is He waiting for you to do?
(NIGERIA) Nina, I understand what you are going through cause I am going through the same, just that in my case my husband is a Catholic and I dare not go to another church or speak to a pastor about his abuse. I have decided to leave the Catholic Church and join the Redeemed Christian Church of God even if it costs me my life, for God will never forsake me. I think you should stick to God and keep going to church at all costs. He will never forsake you!
(USA) I met my husband over ten years ago. When we met, both our lives were based on self pleasure and neither of us included God in our lives. We continued our wild lifestyle for a few years until our relationship turned into a disaster due to drugs and sexual immorality. That’s when we stumbled upon an episode of Joel Osteen. From that moment on, my life changed forever. My faith grew everyday until I decided to seek a church home and be baptised.
My life has made a 360 degree turn around over the past eight years, however my husband has not changed. His life involves drugs, porn and cigarettes, junk food and laziness. I love him dearly and pray for him daily, but he has no desire to go to church or change at all. I have felt like giving up many times, but continue existing in this relationship with the consideration of our 4 year old daughter. We have an unhappy marriage, but a happy daughter. I feel embarrased to go to church because he won’t go and wonder what the people will think about us. I want to be a good parent and role model, but how can you explain it to your children and make them want to enjoy church if the other parent doesn’t?
(USA) My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have three children. My husband only wants to go to church when we have a blow out and I tell him we have to change. I have suggested counseling–thats a no, he will say I will go to church and try that. He does for about a month only on Sunday morning. Then out of the blue he says hes not going anymore. He said he does not believe like I do and he is tired of hearing preachers talk about the world ending blah blah blah…thats his exact words. He said he does not believe that is going to happen. He says he believes in God, but He also knows that it makes it very hard for me to go to church with the boys because they are 6, 5, and 1 and the 5 year old has special needs. He knows I cannot handle them all, but also knows that I refuse to go and not take them. God is very important to me, and I am trying to get back to where I should be with him. I feel like he is trying to set me up as a failure. It breaks my heart but I refuse to let the devil have my family. I just wish he would give it another go. I want God to open his eyes and show himself to him. I pray that God reveals himself to my husband by any means possible. I just have to have faith.
Is this the best that we can do?
I married my best friend since 12 years old. We had a good relationship until a year ago. Something went wrong and I’m trying to put a heathy relationship back into our family and marriage. I said let go to church. If I work on a Sunday he goes without me and it sucks because we always did everything together in the past. Something else bothers me. The region is not ours and I ask him if he is going to change; his answer was no. I can’t understand what is going on in his head. He does care what I do. Anyone out the have a clue what is going on in his head???
Gloria, I’m not sure what your question is… can you clarify? Are you upset because he goes to church without you sometimes? And if so, why do you think that bothers you? I’m thinking you MUST do SOME things without the other. You can’t be joined at the hip 24 hours a day. So what exactly is your objection?
I came across your site and found it very helpful in my situation. I would like to ask you your thoughts on my situation. I was saved in 1997. Met my husband 1999. I willfully disobeyed God and outright just abused His grace by living with him sleeping with him for 2 years and then marrying him. Basically I chose him over God and pushed God aside out of convenience until I came back to the LORD in 2011.
I have been growing a lot since then and my return to church and my husband was coming and growing as well. We both get up non practicing Catholic. He professes faith in Jesus as his Savior but has no interest in reading Bible or attending church. I pray a lot and think I do trust in God. I feel it is difficult to move past the feelings of me being responsible for how he no longer comes to church.
I serve in AWANA Tuesday nights, will be joining women’s ministry in fall and go every Sunday with my 2 children. I served also in the summer camp and he was supportive of that. It is sometimes very difficult to walk this road which I know is a result of my own actions. I wonder if I should just stop asking him to go to church with us. Lately he has responded to my “light” invitations negatively and coldly. Last time he came was Mother’s Day. He seems to enjoy when he goes and it seems as though he is just “punishing” me in this way because he knows how hurt I am that he doesn’t come. I
t seems so much to me that I am responsible for his growth. I have grown a lot in the last year in regards to giving it to God and knowing there is nothing I can do and it is in Gods hands. I pray diligently for him every day to know the love of Christ and for him to desire Him above all else. I know how much I need to depend on God in my marriage. I start each day with prayer and reading and I try my best to respect him, submit to him and treat him with kindness and love despite his harshness and attitude towards me at times.
I know God has worked in his heart in last few years too. I know that I pushed too hard when he started coming to church with me and I wrongly pointed out his sins in a very disrespectful and condescending way and started pushing for him to grow more and more. I have asked forgiveness of him and God. I am asking God to change me.
I have confessed idolizing my husband and his walk with God and my desire to control. I recognize how much I need him in this marriage. I have reached the point of almost giving up thinking it is hopeless. I feel like things are going backwards and I have even asked God to just bring me home and out of this life if all I keep doing is bringing him further away from God by my sinful behavior towards him.
I do think there are many times I treat him well and respectfully and I do think that is getting better. Saying we trust God and then acting on it when the rubber meets the road Is another story all together. As time passes he seems less and less interested in God and I fear for his salvation but I know i need to lay off. We had a argument other day over an issue I felt strongly was wrong and he was angry I felt that way but mostly due to how I spoke to him about it. It is so hard sometimes to be respectful. The more I know Jesus the more crushed I am at my sinfulness. I am amazed at how faithful he is despite our faithlessness.
Please pray that God restore our marriage and that God give me the wisdom and strength to get through this. I feel I will have to suffer the consequences of my actions now for the rest of my earthly life but who am I to question God. I deserve a lot worse than that. I am dealing with consequences rather than suffering for righteousness sake. Please pray God will help me endure until God may say “Enough”. If it be His will. I know He hardens who he chooses and He saves who He saves. I was in small group a few years ago but felt a strain on my marriage so I quit it. I desire to serve in children ministry but my husband doesn’t want me at church all day Sunday. I understand and respect that.
He used to listen to Christian music mostly but has gone back to secular. He is not outwardly opposed to me teaching biblically to the children and is fine with me taking them to church. I had asked him if I could join women’s ministry Saturdays a few months back and he said no because children too young and I need to be home. I accepted and respectfully abided by that. Then an opportunity came for me to go Tuesdays and my mom has offered to have the children while I go. My husband was not opposed to that so it appears I will be able to go to that. It is difficult to be in a marriage like this but I need to remember that God is faithful. I need to put Jesus first of which I think I am doing.
I get so crushed when I fail and ruin my witness for Christ as I know how i am to live but see such failure daily in my witness. I pray for a miracle in my heart to be able to wait on God. To be the wife and mom He has made me to be. To rest in Him and trust Him with the results. For others who are walking this road, you are definitely not alone. Jesus is easily my greatest treasure of all and I truly burn and yearn in my heart for Him to be honoured and praised and glorified in everything especially in my marriage and family. Not my will but His be done. I long to go home to be with Him. I ask if He would encourage me.
I have submitted many prayer requests at my church and recently asked them to email me to let me know they are praying and just told them I am struggling and need encouraging but I have not heard from them. I sometimes wonder if they don’t want me there because I can’t “win” him over and I must be doing something wrong and not being a 1 Peter 3 wife I should be. I am trying. I am praying. I am waiting. For how long? I don’t know. God does. Thank you for this ministry. God bless you.
This is a great question. I even thought it was posted a few years ago, I’m blessed to find it.
I went to a new church today and it was one of the friendliest place that I’ve been in a long time! As in all churches, there are small things that are different… but all in all a great place. My wife does not want to go to this church (or any church) with me. We tried three churches in the past and I thought that we found one each time but two she didn’t like and there was another one that my young daughter didn’t like the children’s service (which is another issue).
So today, finding this web site and this question is very relevant to me, because after going to this new church, which I like, and knowing that my wife doesn’t want to go to any church I’ve found out these things:
1) Even though I can suggest, I cannot force my Wife (or anyone) go to church. That would basically push anyone further away. I can only pray that she will go with me at some point.
2) I need to go to church, even though I was raised Roman Catholic, I really do like other denominations. My view is that as long as the Bible is being followed and the church is going forward, then the denomination should not matter. Yes, there are small differences between this denomination and that.
3) I’ll try to bring my daughter to church (this is something you can pray for me please) because I want her to have an upbringing of faith and a basic understanding. I have to look into the children’s service that they have, but I’m hoping it’s something she will like.