The days after a big romantic event (such as Valentine’s Day) can bring a time of let down. But does this have to be your reality? Do you have to experience a let down in the days and months beyond Valentine’s Day?
The answer is “no” (in case you’re wondering). We agree with Scott Williams on this point.
“Valentine’s Day may be a hit for you, or it may be a miss. But honestly, the little things you do after Valentine’s Day—the other 364 days of the calendar—have a whole lot more to do with keeping romance alive in your relationship.”
Valentine’s Day is a one day celebration. But what if you used Valentine’s Day as a catalyst for growing your love relationship the rest of the year? Wouldn’t your Valentine’s Day celebration be even more exciting? The answer is “yes” (in case you’re wondering). We know this from personal experience.
Beyond Valentine’s Day
Here’s what Dennis and Barbara Rainey say about this matter (in their book, Moments With You: Daily Connections for Couples
“Valentine’s Day came and went yesterday. All over the country, beautiful cards were opened. Heart-shaped candy boxes exchanged hands. And flower vases sprouted up on tabletops and nightstands. Last night, lingerie was worn and thrown on the floor. And somewhere in the back of your mind, you might have given yourself some pats on the back for points scored. ‘Okay, that’s done.’
“Actually, though, Valentine’s Day should function as a small reminder of the kind of romance we should be cultivating 365 days a year. It should help us see that the reason why Valentine’s Day brings out the best in us —romantically speaking. That is because it’s something we mark on the calendar. We plan for it. We go to the store a week in advance to avoid that sick feeling of choosing from the picked-over cards left behind.
“But what if you were that thoughtful and deliberate every time you made plans to romance your spouse?”
In Contrast:
Below is another way of looking at romantic opportunities following Valentine’s Day. It’s found in the Couple Things Blog article titled, The Day After Valentine’s. (Below is a shortened version of it; but you can read it in its entirety on their web site):
“Consider February 15th [and beyond]. That’s right, looking into tomorrow could help you pull out the stops on your efforts today. Consider…
“Tomorrow is the day when:
• You could look at your spouse and experience pain in your shins as you kick yourself. Or it could be a time when you pat yourself on the back for how your love and thoughtfulness paid off.
• You could experience a torrent of doubts and questions about your love-life and its success. Or you could revel in a new-found sense of connection and security regarding your relationship.
• Your spouse could wake up to their normal life with a sigh. Or your spouse wakes up with a great big smile on their face.
“It’s a good thing you still get to choose. Go have a great day, and a great tomorrow!”
Actually, tomorrow is today. And today can be a new beginning if you treat it that way.
Today, Beyond Valentine’s Day
So, from this day forth, we encourage you to focus and put intentional energy into growing your love everyday of the year. Keep in mind:
“‘Where the focus goes, energy grows,’ explains relationship expert Anna Swoboda. This is the secret to long term relationship success. ‘Turn towards each other. Create little connections and appreciation rituals. Love is not something you fall in and out of, it is something you do.'” (Susan Hicks, from her article, “How to keep the Valentine’s Day romance alive all year round”)
So, here are a few tips you can do to grow your love long after Valentine’s Day is over:
“Kiss hello before doing anything else when you get home. Kiss good-bye when you leave. It’s always just the sweetest if he/she has to go to work extra-early but stops by to kiss you quickly while trying not to wake you. Or when he/she walks you to the door when you head out. And an immediate kiss when you reunite at the end of the day means you care about each other above all else.” (Kiaundra Jackson, from her article, “Staying In Love: Even After Valentine’s Day”)
Also:
“Don’t pet your dog first – How many times do you walk in the house and your dog gets a kiss and smooch before your spouse does? Be sure to greet your loved one first, before the kids, before the dog or before you get a snack. – Also – Get rid of the mess – who likes to come home to a messy home? No one! Taking a few extra minutes to make things nice and tidy for your spouse. Doing this oozes with ‘I am ready for you to be home.’ And this works for him or for her.” (Tips from the article, “15 Ways to Have Valentine’s Day Every. Single. Day“)
And remember:
“Be nice and respectful. It may sound obvious, but one of the most basic things we look for in friendship is for them to be nice and respectful. Treat your [marriage] partner at least as politely as you would a friend or colleague. Remember to say please and thank you. Saying things like ‘That’s stupid,’ ‘I don’t care what you want,’ or ‘You are a liar’ are likely to trigger your partner negatively and distance them.” (Hillary Nichols, from her article, “Have a Loving Marriage Beyond Valentine’s Day”)
That’s just a start; but it’s a good start. Plus, it’s do-able!
To Help You Beyond Valentine’s Day
In addition, we have a lot of articles and resources and linked articles, to help you in this mission. Please take advantage of them by praying, reading, and gleaning what we make available. And then JUST DO IT one intentional action at a time!
Consider this final thought from Dennis and Barbara Rainey:
“I hope your Valentine’s Day was fun. But wouldn’t it be a lot more fun if this became your Valentine’s Year?
We believe it can be. We know that from personal experience. And to help you in your experiences all year long with each other, we have additional suggestions in the Romantic Ideas topic on this web site. They can be especially helpful if you’re romantically challenged, and/or need additional ideas. They’ve sure helped us, and we hope they will help you too!
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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Filed under: Marriage Insights