“We don’t need a marriage license to show our love. It’s just a piece of paper!”
I have lost count of how many times I have heard this over the years. ‘It’s just a piece of paper.’ Those who make that statement often declare that they are doing “what is right for them” and that make sense to them. But in the fuller picture, especially when it comes to those who profess faith in Jesus Christ, is that really true?
We’d like you to consider a few points, hoping you will see that this “piece of paper” and your hesitation to sign it, really isn’t as “right” as you might have thought previously.
The Value of a Marriage License
One point to consider is its value:
“‘It’s just a piece of paper’ they say. The deed to your house is ‘just a piece of paper.’ Your apartment lease agreement, your car registration, your check on payday, your driver’s license and so many more things qualify under the title of ‘just a piece of paper.’ But you make sure that you have these in place, and you are very protective of them. High school diplomas, certificates of completion, college degrees are all ‘pieces of paper.’ But, they are highly valued. Shouldn’t you value the most important relationship in your life at least as much as you do your house, car, or level of education?” (Charles Perkins, from article It’s Just a Piece of Paper)
There are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to the marriage license and its importance. Michael A Covington made the following points concerning this, in his article, Explaining Christian Sexual Morality to a Non-Believing World:
Misconception: ‘A Marriage License is just a piece of paper.’
Then why are you afraid of it? Every time I’ve seen a couple living together out of wedlock, it has been one of two things:
(a) It is a one-night stand that persisted. That is, they really have made no commitment at all.
– OR –
(b) It’s a situation where one of the pair thinks they are practically married. And the other thinks they have not actually made any commitment to marry. (I.e., it’s a trick!)
Let’s distinguish marriage from wedding. If you’re ready to marry, but you’re putting it off because of some difficulty arranging a big fancy ceremony — please re-think where you stand. Either make the commitment, and get it publicly registered, or admit that you are not yet married.'”
Hannah, in another article brought up a few additional points that it might be good for you to consider.
Is a Marriage License Just a Piece of Paper?
She wrote:
I must have heard that old saying about marriage just being a piece of paper a million times from people who were saying, why bother getting married? However, there really is more to marriage than a piece of paper. That is because if a couple is married it gives couples many more options legally in a number of various areas.
Couples that believe marriage is just a piece of paper are not only short changing themselves, but their partner as well.
Couples who think it’s just a piece of paper have a lot to learn, including trust.
Just a Piece of Paper?
What stimulated me to write this article is that I finally realized what was going on. In one sense some couples are saying it’s just a piece of paper. But then I got to thinking, if it’s just a piece of paper why are you so afraid of it?
In that respect, what they’re saying does not make any sense. Those who have been married and had enough courage to put their love on the line for the one they love, and to commit for a lifetime to love, honor, and cherish are way ahead of those whose say, no promises here, let’s just see how it all goes!” (From an article titled, “Marriage vs. the Piece of Paper Syndrome,” which was formerly posted on the Internet)
Living Together
We understand that many who live together are either not ready to make the type of commitment it would take to sign this “piece of paper.” It’s either that, or they don’t see this step of commitment as one that is necessary. But for those who claim to be Christians, we hope you will consider the following:
Commitment is just the beginning. It is the foundation on which everything else is built. A wedding makes the statement to God that I want to have His very best for my family. The Bible tells us that God’s best for couples is one man and one woman together for life within the covenant of marriage. (See Genesis 2:22-25; Matthew 19:4-6.)
Sexual love and the new life that can issue from it, are precious gifts from our Creator. It’s so precious in fact that they need to be reserved for one person with whom a binding life-covenant has been made. (See 1 Corinthians 7:2-9; 1 Thessalonians 4:1-7.) Sharing these God-given gifts with that special person is one of the things that makes marriage sacred.” (See Proverbs 5:15-20.) (Earl Creps Phd. from the article, It’s Just a Piece of Paper)
Your Attitude towards having a Marriage License
As its been said, “It’s not just a piece of paper unless you treat it as such.” But for those of us who are “Christ followers.” we need to consider it to be more. It’s especially important what the Lord thinks about the “piece of paper” called a Marriage License.
To learn more by reading what author Lakita Garth writes concerning this issue, in a series of Crosswalk.com, please click onto the following links to read:
• MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER (Part 1)
• MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER (Part 2)
AND:
• MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER (Part 3)
Also, here’s what Dr Roger Barrier says on this, as well:
• WHY DO WE NEED A MARRIAGE LICENSE?
Then, to help you more, below are a couple of myths concerning living together and marrying with the “piece of paper”:
MYTH:
The Bible Doesn’t Teach That a Civil or Religious Ceremony Must Be Performed For Marriage to Be Valid In God’s Eye, So Why Have One?
TRUTH:
The institution of marriage was first created and ordained of God (Genesis 2). All marriages are still blessings ordained by Him in order that two may become one. It is evident that in biblical times there was a contractual agreement, perhaps verbal, signifying marriage. The parables of “The Wedding Garment” (Matthew 22:11-14) and The Ten Virgins” (Matthew 25:1-13) indicate that marriage took place at a given time and place.
“The scripture says ‘Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s‘ (Matthew 22:21; Mark 12:17 and Luke 20:25). The government (the ‘Caesar’ of our day) requires that we must have a marriage license to be legally recognized. Since a marriage ceremony is a civil requirement, we are obligated as law abiding citizens and Christians to observe it.
MYTH:
‘The Marriage License Is Only a Piece of Paper, and it Doesn’t Automatically Make Two People Committed to Each Other.’ ‘It won’t make me love you more.’ ‘We are already committed to each other, we don’t need a piece of paper to prove it.’
TRUTH:
Dunagan (1993) presents the other side of the argument: ‘If there’s no difference in your relationship, what’s wrong with adding one more symbol to your total commitment?’ Evidently, marriage consists of more than just a piece of paper.
“After all, Dunagan says, who raises strong objections over ‘just a piece of paper’? Who has ever objected to buying a ring (or anything nice) just to prove their love?
‘We’re committed to each other. We love each other; we don’t need to sleep together to prove that we love each other,’. OR, ‘I love you. I am really committed to you, but not for a lifetime.’ OR, ‘I love you, but not enough to want you to be my wife.’ OR, ‘ I love you, but not enough to want to wear your last name.’ ‘I love you, but not enough to vow such love before God, family and friends.’ OR, ‘I love you, but not enough to enter into a relationship that brings you honor, respect and preserves your dignity.'” (From the article Myths About cohabitation)
What Getting Married Means
Here’s another quote on this issue that we’d like you to consider:
Getting married means for a woman that I am now your wife, not your live-in play thing and housekeeper. For a man, I am now your husband, not your handyman. I’m not a guy who completes your honey-do-lists. It means that we get to have a wedding where, before virtually every person alive who means anything to us, we commit ourselves to each other. It means that we have determined to bring all those people we love into our lives. Furthermore, it means the families of our spouse are now our family too. It means we have legal obligations to one another.
When we realize all that is achievable by marrying and unachievable by living together without marrying, one must wonder why anyone would voluntarily choose not to marry the person he or she wants to live with forever. Unless, of course, one of them really isn’t planning on forever.” (Doug Billings, from article “Marriage vs Living Together” posted on Examiner.com)
Forever Type of Love and a Marriage License
Concerning “forever” type of love and commitment, Charles Perkins wrote:
We thought we loved each other and we did. But, once we took the marriage vows and got the ‘piece of paper,’ we found that the old love was but a mere shadow of the love that developed once we were married. There is no comparison.
My marriage license is a symbol of the love and life that I will share with my wife until the day I die. It is a piece of paper that declares to the world that I am my beloved’s and she is mine. It’s a piece of paper that is a symbol of a relationship that means so much more to me than the wood and plaster of a house or the tin, plastic and rubber of a car.
Plus, it’s just a piece of paper that reminds us of why we are together when we want to go. So we stay, and build, and grow. It’s a piece of paper that gives her access to a place and space of peace and rest in me. She has access to a place where only she can come.
“It is a piece of paper that says I will live up to the commitment to love my wife no matter what happens in my life. It’s a piece of paper that I take seriously. Because of that piece of paper, I have joy. It IS just a piece of paper. But, it is the most important piece of paper that I have.” (Charles Perkins, from article It’s Just a Piece of Paper)
What God Says
But the best reason to consider the marriage license more than just a “piece of paper” and to get married, is because of what God tells us in the Bible. It’s important to follow HIS ways of doing things, not ours. As one (unknown) author stated:
The Bible gives the best reason for couples not to live together without marriage. ‘Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers,’ states Hebrews 13:4. The Bible plainly and simply says that living together outside of marriage is fornication. Just what is meant by ‘fornication’? One dictionary describes it as ‘human sexual intercourse other than between a man and his wife.’ For us to have a good conscience, this Bible counsel must be followed: ‘God wills that you abstain from fornication.‘ (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
What IS Marriage?
With that said, just what IS marriage, as brought out in God’s Word? The web site GotQuestions.org has an article posted that addresses this very issue. But upon reading it, we also recommend that you read the articles linked below it as well. We believe as you read them, you will get a fuller picture of the difference between marriage and just living together as if you were husband and wife without getting that “piece of paper.”
• WHAT CONSTITUTES MARRIAGE ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE?
Keep in mind that Jesus told us (as recorded in Matthew 5:14-16):
“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.“
Poking Holes in the Darkness
When you live together without being married, do you truly believe that living together without a marriage license will cause others to “see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven“? Are you poking holes in the darkness so the light of Christ is seen through how you live? Or are you contributing to the darkness by going along with the standards that the world considers to be OK? Are you being a stumbling block to those who are weaker in faith? (See: Romans 14 and Romans 15.)
We’re told in the Bible:
“Be very careful, then, how you live —not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.“ (Ephesians 5:15-17)
“Therefore, I urge you, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God —this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this wold, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —His good and pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1-2)
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
(USA) I have been in ministry for 25 years. The Lord has blessed me with the opportunity to help strengthen many Christian marriages over the years. I try to help them to understand and live by the transforming power of God’s Word. By doing so, they continuously get closer to the Lord. A by product of getting closer to the Lord is that you become a better husband, a better wife. The goal is always to glorify God in all that you do. In marriage, you glorify God by being the best husband and wife that you can be. The more you love your wife, the more you please God. The more you love your husband, the more you please God.
I am always pleased to see ministries like yours trying to help Christian marriages by using God’s Word. Keep doing what you are doing. It is definitely needed. I am glad that you found my article (It’s Just A Piece Of Paper) useful. Please feel free to use any of the material on my website: http://conversationsaboutmarriage.blogspot.com Keep the Faith, Charles
(UK) Hello, I was deeply in love with my husband. We were young. We married abroad. He married me because of the legal requirements of the country. We are both British. Then he was told, ‘It was only a piece of paper!’ It broke my heart. I told him to take his bloody piece of paper back. I fell pregnant. I never told him. We divorced. I lost the child. I will always love him.
He remarried, so did I. But it will always hurt. It is something, I always feel sad about. I did not know how to repair the damage of cruel words said by so called friends. I hope one day … maybe we can.
(USA) Dear Josie, I am sorry for the experiences you had in both the marriage and in the loss of your baby. I pray that in time that the Lord will heal your pain and restore the joy in your heart. I have lived long enough to know that no matter what mistakes we make, no matter how much we fail, the pain passes if we allow the Lord to take it away. If we hold on to it, it will continue to stay. Choices were made that caused failure. Words were said that brought about pain. These are facts. We can’t deny them. But, we can choose to not live out our lives based on them. We can choose to not let them overshadow the rest of our lives.
Paul, in Phillipians 3, said that he “left those things behind and pressed on to a higher calling in Christ Jesus.” It is a wonderful principle that can be applied to any part of life… marriage included. There are some things that we have to just leave behind at some point. We can’t do anything new about it. We can’t change the outcome of it. We have no power over it having happened. So, why let it continue to have power over us? Though it can be hard, we can make the right choice to make our lives better lives. With God’s help, we have that ability. We just have to use it.
Let go of the pain of your first marriage. Holding on to it is keeping you from experiencing the deepest love in your present marriage. That is not fair to your husband, your children or to yourself. Whatever your friends said about you or to you, you know yourself to be better than that or you would not be upset over it. Your husband knows you to be better than that or he would not have married you. God knows you to be better than than or He would not have forgiven you.
Josie, if you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then the Lord has already set you free. You just have to choose to walk in that freedom. I pray that you will.
I do believe in only marriage between you and God. You can go to a beach or in your own back yard. You only need you, your man, 2 other people, wedding vows to each other then you’re married to each other and with the Lord you’re not married to the state.
(UNITED STATES) Hi, the man I am with now I have known for over 22 years. Our families were close friends growing up. My family moved 1100 miles away and we have kept in touch for the most part over the past 10 years. Recently, my now boyfriend and I started talking more serious. He came to visit me and less then a month later he was moved here. Now, I have been saved only one year (May 15, 2009) and I was baptized Dec 13, 2009.
Since being saved my kids and I have been to church faithfully. I try to take something from each and every message I hear and live my life the right way. Honestly, my life is so much more happier and blessed. I prayed for strength and guidance in being a single mother to raise my kids right and for me to be able to be a good example for my boys and raise them the way they should be raised.
I was back on my feet financially, emotionally, & spiritually. Then when my now boyfriend came to visit it was like an answer to my prayers, and he has felt the same way. Although we aren’t married now, we both want to be and know that we will be. His family is not too happy about him leaving and being 1100 miles away because he has been pretty much the sole supporter for 10 years. He feels it’s time for him to start living his life and start his own family. He doesn’t have any children of his own, nor does he feel he wants any. But, he adores my children and treats them as if they were his own. The reason we aren’t married now is because when it does happen we want for both our families to be there and be happy for us. We do live together. He hasn’t ever been too involved with church, it was something he didn’t care for growing up. Since he’s been here, we have been every Sunday and Wednesday and he enjoys it. We talk about the message and he feels like this is where he is supposed to be.
We wanted to wait a couple of years at least for him to move here, but the school he is in and the field of work he will be in once he graduates is rare and it just so happens I live in one of the areas that has the same program and place he could work at. Also we wanted to wait till he and I were both done with school and started our careers, but it seems like everything is falling into place for us and it is meant to be.
To me, the best part of our little story is him going to chuch because I feel like this is a huge step in not only his but mine and my children’s lives as well. Our preacher said once that a person can have an impact on just ONE person’s life and sometimes that is God’s plan. He also says the best relationships are most of the time by families which attend church together and live life with their faith in God.
(CANADA) My thought is that when my husband left me 30 years ago I, after 6 years of him being gone (with no support or restitution to me and the children from him) I felt that the Lord was telling me to get the papers (meaning the divorce papers). I felt that God was saying that the papers were for the world and that the actual divorce was when my ex-husband walked out the door.
So I began proceedings. I felt good but then thinking that maybe I was hearing from Satan I stopped the proceedings. Then I became unrestful and very disturbed. A year later I started proceedings again and my spirit soared but being a Christian of long standing and knowing (or thinking that I knew what the Bible was teaching) I stopped the proceedings again. Again I was out of rest. I felt evil was all around me. So I again started proceedings and again my spirit soared. All was well again with me and God. I went right through with the proceedings and God stayed with me all the way through.
I never received any help from my ex. God was my complete stay for all of these 30 years. This proves to me that it is God who puts marriages together and it is He who takes care of those who are left behind. A marriage license did not help me to keep my ex and when my ex left it did not help me to get restitution from my ex. The government does not belong in the marriage of a Christian couple. The government only gets information from us to find out how we pay our taxes.
The Lord does want us to be faithful to our spouse and to honor God while doing so.
As the years have gone by and me doing my taxes all along by myself and the government changing the laws every time it suited them, I realize more and more how little the government should be allowed into the setting up of Chrisitan marriages.
God does not change His laws about anything. God stays steady and He told me that my divorce papers were for the world. God knows when there is a divorce. The government can’t see what is in the heart of any man or woman and so it cannot say that any of us should be married or be not married. God by His Holy Spirit knows everything and it is He and only He who can put a marriage together. Only if God puts a marriage to-gether will that marriage stay together because He will bring those who are suited to each other, together.
I know that lots of government marriages have succeeded but that does not make it right. God made us and it is He who knows all about us and it is He who should get all the glory for our successes. I belong to God who can help me and does help me, forever. The government takes all of my rights away. God overshadows the governments decisions concerning my welfare and for all those who put their trust in Him, only. I believe that when two people are in love and want to get married that God will marry them, Himself and that a public ceremony is un-neccessary but nice if you can find a pastor who is willing to be guided by God, only. It is also a good idea for a public ceremony if you intend to live in the same town as you did before. The world needs proof of purchase. Sincerely, Evelyn
(UNITED STATES) I have a question for which I would appreciate a BIBLICAL answer: Christian friends of mine say a Christian couple does not need a wedding ceremony if they’re truly committed to each other because #1- Adam & Eve had no ceremony. #2-Isaac & Rebecca had no ceremony. #3- In the early church there was no command for wedding ceremony.
I was very concerned because close relatives of mine were living together without the marriage licence & I came across Hebrews 13:4 & thought to myself, oh no, will they get some kind of terrible judgment from God? Since then they got married fortunately, but they both now have health issues…
I’m really wondering about this. Indeed, I didn’t see anything about a wedding ceremony in the New Testament except for the one where Jesus changed the water into wine but that was before the church was started– can someone help me with this? These friends are Bible teachers & personally I think they’re teaching something here that’s not right, but I don’t know how to prove it–thank you.
(USA) Hello Magdalena, Even though there is no detailed description of a wedding ceremony in the Word, there are many references to wedding ceremonies. The act of God giving Adam and Eve to one another is in itself a ceremony. What minister could top God performing a wedding?
There is Jacob’s wedding in Gen. 29:22; Samson’s wedding in Jud. 14:12; Esther’s wedding in Est. 2:18; The king’s son in Matt. 22:2-4 and, of course, the wedding at Cana in John 2:11. These are just a few of the weddings mentioned in the Bible. Jesus uses images of a bride and bridegroom many times in His parables. Brides and bridegrooms indicate weddings. Weddings indicate some sort of ceremony to show that the couple is now married.
Romans 13:1, in talking to Christians, say that everyone should be subject to the governing authorities because they get their power from God. The laws of most countries demands some sort of ceremony for a marriage to be legal. There is just no scriptural argument to justify not having a wedding ceremony.
I hope this helps.
(USA) King James Version Romans 13:1 (Honor Authority) Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Foot Notes: Let every soul be subject; Subjection to the government is the obligation of all mankind, not just Christains. It is not optional, but an absolute necessity. The higher powers are established by God. see Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:13, But see also Acts 5:29.
To me, what I had read, the Government is not doing what they are supposed to do. The government takes God out of everything. The Government is not protecting the citizens. The Government is doing the opposite of what God wants them to do. The Government is taking our freedoms away, taking away of growing food in our back yards, etc, and destroying our country also breaking our constitution. The Government is so corrupt. And so much more. oes not say anything about marriage, or legal weddings ceremony.
One thing that wasn’t mentioned anywhere that I noticed in either the article or so far in the comments is that the Bible specifically outlaws not just adultery (being unfaithful to your spouse), but fornication (have sexual relations with someone who you are not married to). The question is, how does one determine that they are not committing fornication? By getting married. How would the original hearers of the word understood what God was saying? That a couple needed to be married according to the community customs of the day.
The Bible doesn’t mandate any particular ceremony, I believe, because God knew that laws and customs would change and that was OK. Paul explicitly says in 1 Cor. 7:8-9 – “I say to the unmarried …if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” It is clear that he is outlawing fornication –sex before marriage.
Romans had legal marriages. No one hearing Paul’s statement would think he meant marriage before God only, and not in the eyes of the community or state.
(USA) I have a question. Why do you need permission to be married from the State Government by getting a Marriage license, so they can be involved in the marriage? Why not just a marriage certificate? To me the marriage is between you and God himself, not the State. I came to this one website about this issue. http://www.sovereignfellowship.com/tos/21.28/
(USA) You are also marring the State. The sad fact is that the state PUNISHES married couples for being married. http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Family/Marriage/license.htm
(AUSTRALIA) These days you can get married and have separate financial affairs by not co-habituating. For example I see my wife on weekends or every two weeks but talk every day on the Internet. We live in separate houses and lead very separate and independent lives. As a result our marriage involves zero risk of either of us accessing either one of our assets. Intact, when I die my money is going to charity and not her!
(UNITED STATES) So let me get this straight. A true love relationship with a soul mate is comparable to a house, a car, a bank account or the level of education you received? I’m sorry, but I have to disagree with that comparison. You need those papers to show you own your car and house. To show that’s your money you’re spending. To show you spent ‘X’ amount of years learning. You don’t own the person you’re in love with, and you sure shouldn’t have to have a “piece of paper” that says you are now recognized by the state that you’re in love with this person and live under the same roof with them.
(U.S.A.) Kevin, You didn”t get it straight. Read the article completely again.
(USA) What about a couple in their 60’s who want to be married, but will lose income and some of their medical benifits if it’s recorded by the state? Why should the state be allowed to do such a thing? I do not believe that’s what God intended. They can be married in the church by a Minister with witness and lose nothing, unless it’s filed at the courthouse???
(USA) I have a great uncle that does that. He sets an absolutely terrible example for his family. To make it even worse he teaches Sunday School class.
Jesus clearly taught that governments are instituted by God. If there Is a marriage law then Christians are to recognize it. But greed, yes the greed of money rules the hearts of many. How can a man like my uncle have any moral authority in encouraging a young couple to marry?
(D.R. CONGO) I would like to say that what it takes to make a marriage is not the paper we sign on the church wedding day. That in part is a legal document, but the official document is the two people who marry themselves. What they want in life and marriage, that they will get. Who they were before they got married, that they will manifest. What is their value system –that will determine their peace or war.
Should they believe in Amos 3:3 and Phil. 2:5 and Gal. 2:20; I have been crucified with the Messiah, and it is no longer I that live, but the Messiah living in me. That life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me; they will discover the leisure of heavenliness in their union. May all couples permit Christ to be at the centre of their union. Then lasting joy and victory will become an international rhythmic galore that they will never regret.
I have always believed strongly in marriage due to my faith or at least that is what I told myself. Now as an older female in a relationship, right now my battle is whether me marrying can still be based on my faith or if it is just based on security, thinking that marriage means you have to work harder at your relationship to make sure you honor your commitment. I look at mine and others failures, which ended in divorce, and those that marry for reasons of convenience (ie not paying separate rent, health insurance, tax breaks ect) and I have begun to question other than faith in the Lord, which I know should be enough. But in today’s society it doesn’t seem to be enough. What are reasons to marry again at an older age? I find myself questioning and reasoning all my own personal arguements.
While I believe in Biblical marriage, I do not believe that it is necessary to get a “license” from the State to be married…for the State to recognize that marriage. Using the the scripture “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s” is falsely used. It is referring to taxes, not marriages. A marriage is a VERY serious spiritual matter because it involves being “soul tied” and when you are signing a contract you are “bound” with that third party, which you are now subjected to them. THIS is why I believe there are problems in Christian marriages. The government does not care what you believe or whether you are gay or straight. My husband and I desire Jesus to be our third party and ONLY our third party, no one else.
If there is any reason to be hesitant about signing “a piece of paper” I believe this is a valid reason. You cannot serve two masters (Matthew 6:24) and the government is about money and the way it can entangle one (or an entire family) through it. If a couple can find a pastor willing to officiate a covenant marriage ceremony without any “legal” papers of the State and family and friends are there to stand in agreement and recognize that marriage, then so be it. It should be upon the couple’s own conviction of the matter as believers in that decision and is not to say that others choice to marry with papers is wrong either, but that the heart of the matter is “who are you bound to?”
I am reading this article because last summer, against my better judgment, I moved from Indiana to Rhode Island to live with a widower and his young son. He is very good to me and I know he loves me, but his attitude about marriage is not good, though he claims to be Christian.
He insists that a marriage license is not important, that the Lord knows his heart, and that he isn’t going anywhere. I’m 51 and never married. He married his late wife in front of a minister and many guests, and cried during the ceremony and his vows, because he said he could feel the Holy Spirit there with them. It makes me sad that he felt so much for her, and wanted to marry her in a church, while he says to me that a marriage certificate ‘just a piece of paper’.
I am at a place in my life where I want to follow the commandments, and honor the Lord in all areas of my life, not just a few. So even though it has been nice having this wonderful man, living in such a beautiful place…nothing is worth losing my salvation over, so I must go. Great article, and it helps me know that its not just me. I know I am right and its something I can’t compromise on. No marriage, no relationship. I am worth more than that, and so is He….
My boyfriend feels this way. I do not feel this way. I feel like to be right with God in this relationship and all things, it has to be legally done. Not just said. How can I convince him? Or am I wasting my time?
A License by definition is permission from the Government to do something that would be illegal otherwise. If God brings a husband and wife together, why is the State’s permission needed?
There are lots of “rights” that come along with the “State’s permission” as far as marrying. Not only are there added “rights” and benefits, such as insurance benefits, legal rights to shared property, etc, etc… the marriage license also clears things up for others who witness your life together. Living together, rather than marrying, without going through the channels of being recognized by the state, can muddy up the waters for those who watch your life.
No man or woman is an island. And what you do or don’t do can affect others (read Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8 for just a peek into the scriptures on this matter). It can affect how they see those who call themselves followers of Christ (if indeed you claim to be). You might say, “well, I can’t center my life around the beliefs of others and how they perceive my being married or living together.” And you would be right. Some would judge you for doing one thing and others would judge you for doing the opposite. But to the best of your ability, it’s important to live in such a way that you aren’t a “stumbling block” to others (to the degree that this is possible).
I remember and incident that occurred in our lives a number of years ago when my husband was a chaplain for a large fire department in Michigan. He spent a lot of time with the guys, being with them, talking, joking, helping, praying, ministering, and so on. For a while, he smoked cigars and thought that this wouldn’t be a problem smoking them with the guys when they were sitting around talking (and smoking). When he was considering quitting, he found out from a few of the guys that his smoking cigars had caused them to question whether he was a Christian or not –clean and sober in every way. It was a judgment call on their parts, but my husband Steve realized that even something as minor as smoking cigars, can be a stumbling block. He quit immediately. He got a lot of added respect from those guys, which caused good conversations with them about the Lord eventually.
As Steve and I concluded, he didn’t HAVE to quit, but was his smoking cigars that important to him that he was willing to bring some doubts in the eyes of these guys he was trying to minister to? It wasn’t… not to us. According to the scriptures, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable” (1 Corinthians 6:12). Also, we’re told, “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial; everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:23). In 1 Corinthians 9:12, Paul told others, “we put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ.” That’s what we decided too, concerning this stupid “pleasure.”
People judge… it happens. And when you decide to live together without going through the State legal channels of marriage, which is recognized by most societies, you gamble with others judging you, thinking that if they can “sin” (which they would see it that way), so can I. It’s a stumbling block thing… if for no other reason. It opens and closes doors to talk more about God to those who see that your life is credible enough to listen to, and talk about spiritual matters. That’s just one of many arguments I could give… that’s my opinion, after much prayer and study.
In light of what has been happening in our country as of late, with the government trying to redefine marriage to make an abomination legal, is it really the piece of paper that makes one married, or the witness of the Lord that makes people married? Some counties are forgoing or have given up months ago issuing marriage licenses altogether because of this whole fiasco. Good is being called evil, and evil is being called good in the name of the law and equal rights.
We are in the end times, and I believe it’s time to start asking God about whether or not He really wants us to still get that piece of paper when it says spouse a and spouse b, instead of husband and wife. I’m not saying we should question the idea of marriage itself since God created it. I’m only saying we should ask God for wisdom on how best to proceed with His creation of marriage in the face of the downward spiral of this country.