Question: I am in the military and leaving for active duty next month. I am in love with a very special girl I’ve been dating for a few months. Under the circumstances, would it be smart for us to get married before I leave? We were planning on not seeing other people anyway, and I think this next step would make our bond even stronger.
Rushing Into a Military Marriage
Answer:
It is understandable that you want to hold on to something that’s so positive and full of hope. You want someone to come home to. But there is a big difference between not seeing other people and getting married. And you need to have time to think about your next step before you make a commitment.
Lieutenant Commander Curt West, a military psychiatrist in Iraq, says he regularly sees “the negative fallout from rushing into marriage before deployment.” He says the heat of the moment —the sacrifice, the longing, and the unknown —makes many couples, especially young ones, feel like [the tragic characters in Shakespeare’s] Romeo and Juliet. Unfortunately, what often happens is that these romances end up more stressful than beneficial.
“Many active-duty members come to me saying their spouses have written about being lonely and bored. And even worse, they are finding out that they are blowing through joint accounts while seeing other people,” West says.
He adds that newlyweds without a real history of dating and relating tend to have problems when one of them isn’t stateside.
Bottom line:
Getting married is as big a life change as deployment. Dating for just a few months is not enough to know you’re with a person who will be a source of strength. As a result, you may end up with personal problems you never imagined. Instead of marriage, make a fidelity pact. And then let time tell you if your relationship has the makings of happily ever after.
This question and answer article titled, “Military and Marriage” came from newspaper magazine, USA Weekend, in the column: “Relation Tips” written by Dennie Hughes. This particular article was featured in the October 20 – 22, 2006 issue of this magazine.
– ALSO –
Here are two related articles from the Military Times and from Military One Source, that might help you, as well. Please read them and prayerfully consider the information presented:
• RULES FOR ENGAGEMENT: How to Marry a Gem
• HOW TO DECIDE IF IT’S TIME TO GET MARRIED
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Assorted Marriage Issues Preparing for Marriage
(AMERICA!) Jesse and Stephanie are a military couple from Northern Indiana, they have been together for three years now. Jesse says he knows that marriage isn’t as popular as it once was and many people are almost “giving” up on it. He said he does not have the same view as these people, he has always been raised in a religious family and believes marriage is a very exciting part of life.
Although he did state that his biggest inspiration is when he looks at his grandpa and grandma interact when they think no one is paying attention. “I just look at them and think after over 60 years of marriage, good and bad times, nine kids, and countless grand kids and they are still going strong.” Jesse says. He mentioned how it is amazing to him and that if they can do it he can too, he knows things will not always be easy or perfect but he stated, “I know I have found the right girl I want to go through this journey called life with and I can only hope I see them joking around with each other as if they were still on their first date, just young teenagers in love.
Jesse also talked about how how his grandfather went through surgery to get an early stage of cancer removed, and how he had to be held in the hospital after. Jesse stated, “it was the first time they haven’t been together or been through the night together in years, and all my grandpa was going through he only cared about one thing …he only asked about one thing, his wife and that, that’s awesome to me.”
(UNITED STATES) I met my husband in Nov 2010 in my hometown. He is active military. After three months he proposed to me and we got married in April 2011. A month later I got pregnant and he deployed July 2011. Everything was perfectly fine until a couple months later we started arguing all the time on the phone; I was stressing, I felt lonely and I was pregnant.
When he finally came back from deployment we had even more problems. I couldn’t take it anymore . Now it’s been almost two years together and I feel happy but at the same time unhappy. How is that possible?? We are both so different; we can’t go one week without fighting. I want to make things work out and I do try but it seems as if he doesn’t try at all. His way of thinking is so not like I was raised at all. He has 5 more months in the military. I am just so confused. Should I keep trying and move to a whole different state with him or should I just give up?