Some have called military families the “hidden heroes at home.” But many who could wear this title don’t feel much like heroes. They mostly see the daily struggles they encounter and the areas of weakness they perceive. This is especially true of military spouses. They face difficult challenges because their loved one isn’t able to help them at home at the present time.
Many military families don’t feel like they are the “heroes” when it’s their loved one who is offering their “life’s blood” to defend our nation in a faraway place. And yet they are the ones who can truly support those who are serving in this way. The loving encouragement, prayer support, and bravery of those who are at home “standing strong” is all part of what it takes to make our world a better place to live.
Yes, the heroes are those serving in the military in faraway places. But the supportive family and friends in their homeland are also true heroes.
Neither “assignment” is easy. So, for those of you who are “braving it” here at home, we have found several articles posted on the Internet that could help you and your family.
Help for Military Spouses
The first is an article is posted on the web site for Crosswalk.com. It is written by Carol McGlothlin and Brenda C. Pace. They write about their experience of “leaving and cleaving,” both as wives in general, and wives who are married to those in the military. Please click onto the link below to read:
• LEAVE AND CLEAVE: Reflections of a Military Wife
The following article is featured on the web site All About Life Challenges.com. We’re not certain of the author, but it’s for wives who are dealing with challenges when her spouse is overseas. Please click onto the link below to read:
• MILITARY WIFE: How She Copes with Uncertainty
In Closing:
Here’s something that was discussed in a Family Life Today radio interview a number of years ago with Dennis Rainey talking to Ellie Kay. Ellie’s husband served in the military for a number of years. She was asked, “What advice do you have for the wife whose husband is traveling but specifically applies to the military family?” Ellie replied,
“The main thing is to just give them a lot of space when they come back. Also know it’s a two-way street. The spouse that’s re-entering also needs to be aware of the fact that the spouse they left behind is not really the same person they were before. This is because they’ve been in charge. It’s especially difficult if it’s been for three, six, 12 months at a time. That’s what our military faces.
“They’ve been in charge, and have been in control. A wise spouse that is coming back will give their spouse a lot of time to transition and turn over those areas of leadership back to them. It goes both ways. But part of it is just making it a slow transition and being aware.”
Using Signals
In a second interview, Ellie was asked if she and her husband Bob ever had a real “tiff” after he has come back from being away for a period of time.
After the laughter cleared Ellie shared something she and her husband worked out. It’s something that helped them avoid many “tiffs.” It might also work in your marriage, as well. She said:
“We’ve developed a signal, that is a code word. Sometimes if he’s been flying, sighting and giving orders, he can come home and still be giving orders. So we have a code. It’s called ‘K&G.’ It means ‘kinder and gentler.’ And when I give him that code (we have agreed on it ahead of time), then he immediately throttles back, so to speak. He then realizes that he’s doing it, because sometimes he’s not even aware of it.”
And as Ellie said previously in the interview, the signal can be used both ways. This is because the wife sometimes needs to be “K&G.”
Concerning being married to someone in the military, she also said:
“We all want to live a life that’s normal. But that’s not what we have. So we work with what we have. And we make the best of it. And, actually, we try to find God in it and see what plan and purpose He has for us in that.”
I hope this is true for you and that what you’ve read in this article helps in some way.
As Dennis Rainey closed the interview, he said, “We salute you.”
And that goes for our feelings for you heroes at home, as well as your spouse.
WE SALUTE YOU!!!
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have additional tips to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Military Marriage
(USA) I am currently on active duty with the Army Reserves. I am nearly half way into what will be about a two year mobilization. My wife and daughter are at home in Michigan while I will be between Indiana, Illinois and Georgia. I have also been overseas for a period of time. Sometimes I do not know much in advance when I will be coming home to visit and even when we can plan ahead it often times is very difficult especially for my wife. The emotional upheaval of coming and going, the disruption of the "normal routine" is much harder than I have often recognized and many of our friends and neighbors don’t understand what it feels like to her either. This morning I did something that I will do again and wish I had done before. My wife and daughter were snowed in on Sunday morning uable to go to church. When she called to talk early before daylight I realized an opportunity for me to lead her and our daughter in a time of Bible reading and worship. I asked my wife if she would like to do that after Addy was up. She agreed and I spent time with God to see what would be good for us to use for worship together. I chose scripture in both Matthew and Luke. It was great and I was able to personalize it for or daughter too showing her how Jesus was adopted by Joseph just like her mom and I adopted her. We talked about specific things each of us had been blessed with by God that gave us reason to praise and worship Him. It was a great opportunity of coming together to worship to overcome the otherwise great distance between us. My only regret is that I have missed so many opportunities to do this in the past. We don’t have to wait to be apart to do this but to do it while apart is a great tool to defeat the separation of physical distance. I will do this again and encourage anyone else to do it whether separated by distance or not.