“Help! My spouse is in love with someone else!”
We’ve heard those horrible words in different forms so many times from those that write to us, here at Marriage Missions. It’s bad enough that their spouse has cheated on them. But then the cheating spouse claims that he or she is in love with their affair partner. And the spouse who is left behind, who is telling us his or her story, is devastated!
And understandably so!
“Infidelity is one of the most thoughtless, dishonest and cruel acts of self-indulgence imaginable.” (Dr Willard Harley Jr.)
And we couldn’t agree more with that statement! Infidelity is cruel to the nth degree! Just the thought of having a spouse, the person who pledged to love and be faithful to you for the rest of your lives, the person you have given every part of your heart and body to —just to think that this person could throw your love and commitment away and pledge love to someone else, is inconceivably cruel! No one deserves to hear that “news” from his or her spouse.
When Your Spouse Loves Someone Else
How we wish we could erase betrayal from ever happening to another person! It should never be!
But sadly, we can’t. We want to, but we can’t.
What we can do, however, is lead you to read two articles, which God can use to help you deal with this horrible situation. We pray it helps with all our hearts to give you insight into what you can do in this horrible situation. May God minister to you as you read
Please click onto the Marriage Helper.com link to read what marriage expert, Jo Beam wrote on this subject:
• MY SPOUSE IS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE
And then, here’s another article to read (just change the pronouns, if applicable):
• CHEATING SPOUSE LOVES THE OTHER WOMAN OR MAN?
Despite your pain, please know:
“Even in the darkness light dawns for the upright…” (Psalm 112:4) We pray that God embraces you with His comfort and shines light within your darkness. May you experience peace within this storm and hope for better days!
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions wrote this blog.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Emotional & Physical Affair Save My Marriage
My husband travels 6 days a week. Recently I happened upon a text from another woman saying ” hugs.. Sorry I was sleeping”. He spoils our teenage daughter and gives her attention for negative behavior while ignoring intimacy with me. We haven’t had sex in 2 months and when he is out on work traveling, he rarely answers his phone.
He gives all the attention to my daughter (whom he adopted when we got married) when he is home only since she hit puberty and ignores my requests for any sort of intimacy. In fact, they leave every day 5 minutes before I get home from work and go out to dinner, etc.
They both tell me I’m crazy because I can’t handle their trash talking me or their neglect after so many years. I just can’t handle it anymore I even tried to give him a massage and he got out of bed and slept on his couch because he cringes when I touch him. Before the last 2 years, he hated her and wouldn’t allow her any priviledges at all. He has alienated me and her from our friends and family. What should I do?
I need prayer for me & my family. I’m working on forgiveness but I’m having a hard time hearing what God is saying even though my husband of 5 yrs is now in a relationship with an ex girlfriend about to have a baby this month. He has given her the upper hand as if me and him were never in love, even though we spent all those years together. We have 5 children, been together for 15, married for 5. He turned his back on us yet again despite him leaving me and then 2 children for the first woman and stayed with her for exactly 29 months.
We were good for 8 years in which our relationship was good, I thought, until we lost our place due to bills piling up on us. He asked me to move across state to a homeless shelter and starved our relationship to pick up a relationship with an old girlfriend. He’s been in a relationship with her now. It would have been our 8th year married, 18 yrs together. I’m praying clarity into what God is saying about what is GOD’s – JESUS take on our marriage. Is he telling me to wait, stay & pray or don’t talk & walk? I know GOD is not the author of confusion but for the most part I feel like I’ve been attacked, robbed & they want me to get & walk home in a dark alley with mean drunks.
I still love my husband but this has been going on for 10 years and he doesn’t treat me like his lady. Now I think it is time to move on. Because I, for some reason, can’t make up my mind to move on. I really believe because I am a Christian. I am looking at it a shameful. I now realize that I have to stop blaming myself. I think he is just as miserable as I am. I don’t know how to make a decision. I am depending on God’s help.
I’ve been married for three years, but since last year my husband is having an affair with another woman. I had a miscarriage first, then my father died, and my husband is jobless. My husband left me four months ago and is living with that same woman, but there is one hope -and that is God. Never lose hope in our almighty Father. He made a pair in heaven but it was complete on earth by marriage. It’s not a mistake, because God chose our partner for us from heaven. Even though we love someone for 10-15 years and our marriage breaks up, it’s not God’s choice. It’s satan who doesn’t want to see our happy marriage and doesn’t want us to be happy because he always goes against God.
Our almighty father wants His children to be happy with family. In the Bible, Malachi 2:16 it says “I hate divorce says the Lord God of Israel, I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife.” And in 1 Corinthians 7:16, “How can you be sure, Christian wife/husband that you will not save your husband. Our almighty father is not a homebreaker but he is a joiner; he’s not taker but a giver.” So it’s satan who targets His children by separating the relationship; so have in faith in our Father and pray and pray till he comes back and still continue to pray to our almighty Father by praising and giving thanks. Don’t lose faith and don’t give up hope and let satan get the victory. By praying your husband will be back.
Yes, sure.
Hi… My husband is having an affair with another lady. He loves her so much. Over the last year I have struggled in my relationship, but he can’t. We have have a baby girl so that I can’t do anything. I can’t leave his home. Our relationship was finished…we don’t talk to each other but I still live in his home…and in our cast there is no chance to divorce from him. Please help me. What can I do? I love him a lot. How can I get m hubby back in my life?
My wife told me last week that she is in love with a man she had an affair with 6 years ago. We have been together for fifteen years and mareid for 11, and we have three great daughters. I am trying to spend a lot of time with the kids and also help my wife; she is really sick and has lupus. I’m not mad at her at all, just hurt so I am accepting it. I have gone to church and I have prayed not to get back together but just to hear God, and see if he can help me and lead me through this, but I never feel like he’s talking to me. What should I do? I need his help.
Keep praying and trust God
My husband also is in love with someone. Please tell me what can I do to save my married life and my three children.
Shahnaz, I’m not really sure. All I can say is to read and apply the advice given in this and other articles –adapting and using what you believe is important, as you pray. And that is the key. Your husband has gone the route of cheating on you and your children. Some men (and women, if it applies) wake up eventually and go back to their spouse. My dad did. There were 4 of us kids. He eventually saw that my mom was a better woman that the other woman ever would be. But it took time, and prayer, and doing the best that is possible under the circumstances. My mom worked on herself, knowing she would never lose as much if she was a better person, and took the best care of us as she could. I now look back and SO appreciate how tough this was for her, and yet she kept working to do the best she could, with God’s help.
That’s the best advice I can give you. I know your heart is broken… how could it not be? But I pray God strengthens and mends your heart and helps you to do what is needed to live as a good woman, and a good mother. I hope your husband wakes up and does as God would have him –to restore your marriage and family to be a loving one. I pray for you and your husband and your children.
Please pray that God finds his way into my husband heart. I Betrayed my husband and had a one night stand with another man and he hasn’t forgiven me yet. Instead, he took up with another woman and has been with her for almost 4 months, leaving me and two daughters behind. Divorce has not been filed, but I’m not sure how much longer I can wait and hold onto our marriage.
You are in my prayers. Your life is not over. Hang in there. Pray for me. I just posted my story
Please pray for my strength. My wife had a horribly hurtful affair this time last year. She tried to do the right things and walk with the Lord but feels so forgotten. She has never stopped loving this person and says she will never love me. We’ve been married 19.5 years and have 5 kids btw. I think I have been trying to protect her from bad decisions as she tells me she is still in Love with him by holding on. She made it clear yesterday that she hates me, will never respect me (because she says I spiritutally manipulated her all these years. My intent was to protect her from making decisions like divorce. She actually hit me in the chest and arms several times.
Tonight I told her there is no joy to be around her anymore because of her choices and that after our hoUse sells (it’s on on the market) that I’m buying a small house for me and the kids for them to live with me half of the time and she can do whatever she likes with her half of the proceeds. I pray I am doing the right thing. I love the Lord and will not have my fingerprints on divorce. Pray for my heart to hear the lord and make wise choices. Pray also I don’t forget that I do not need her to be happy but my joy would come from the Lord. That is tough because I love my wife with all my heart.
Hello Boone, I am so sorry to see how you are hurting. I can understand you very well. I just don’t understand what is wrong with the world today. We give our lives to persons that we trust with all our hearts and love them. It hurts so much to see that these persons are the ones who give us so much pain. I really wish you all the peace in this world and that may God guide you and your family through such a hard time. I can understand you pain very well.
My husband fell in love with another woman half my age after 21 years of marriage. He betrayed, lied and manipulated his family with the excuse that he needs to be happy. I think that persons who do such cruelty are lost in themselves. They have lost God in their hearts and due to this they have no peace. May we pray for them and that one day Gods grace will touch them. Please be strong for you and your children. You are the one who has won in Gods love. Stay in His path. God will protect you and never give up to pray.
May God bless you!
I just found out this past Thursday evening my husband has been having an affair with another woman for the past 5 months! Him and I have been together for 10 years and married two this coming October, 2017. He told me he loves her and that they have been having sex during his lunch break at work in their cars or he has been going over to her place which is two minutes down the road from our home and hooking up once or twice a week every week for the past 4 months.
It absolutely disgusts me at the thought of my husband’s hands touching someone else so intimately. I started dating my husband when I was 16 and he was 19; we are now 26 and 29 I feel so lost, broken, numb, angry, devastated and anything else that you would never want to feel in a marriage or relationship. He told me he feels as though we’ve lost connection, and I told him I do not feel the same and why didn’t he just talk to me about it instead of allowing this to happen and get to this point.
He told me that he didn’t want to hurt me which makes no sense because this is the ultimate betrayal and most hurtful, out of anything! I honestly feel like killing myself and have attempted to twice since finding out, which both times were unsuccessful. I feel like I’m losing my mind, my life is ruined, I love him so incredibly unconditionally much but this just hurts so extremely bad and I just don’t know what to do!
For me. My husband’s infidelity was the most horrific pain in my life. Gut wrenching. Death of him would have been much easier for me to handle.
My husband is having an affair. I believe he loves her. But refuses to leave home. Why is that?
Sorry for long delay on response. Can you afford for him to go? He has best of both worlds. You to do housework, cook, etc, woman on the side… why leave? Time to cut him off, clothes on the front porch, or…
My husband is in love with another woman and he wants me and the children to live his house. I don’t have any cash with me. I don’t want him to kill me and don’t want my four kids to suffer. Please, I don’t know what to do. I am so frustrated.