Making New Year’s Resolutions?
As you watch this You Tube video with Brandon and Stephanie acting out a marriage scenario concerning making New Year resolutions, it’s easy to see a LOT of communication mistakes that both spouses are making. In watching this video the question comes to mind, “What’s wrong with here?” In other words—how many “oh-oh’s” can you spot in how this couple’s approach to their issues? We found A LOT! But at least they’re trying!
And that’s an important point we want to make here. If you and your spouse are having trouble working through your issues in healthy ways, perhaps you may want to make a few New Years resolutions too. Become students in learning how to communicate with YOUR spouse better. We say “YOUR spouse” because the dynamics are different in every marriage.
So, to help you with this mission, here are a few thoughts that come to mind after watching this video. Pray, read, and glean through this info—seeing what you can apply to your marriage. And then look around this web site and you’ll find even more communication tips.
Tips that Can Lead to Resolutions and Change:
“Marriage will require you to learn how to communicate. Like to talk? Don’t like to talk? Well, it doesn’t really matter. No matter what your communication bent, marriage will force you to bring your insides out. It will require you to take a good hard look at your opinions, beliefs, ideas, and feelings and share them with another. It will cause you to answer the hard questions, and speak the difficult truths, because communication is the lifeline between two people. There’s no way around it. It will cause you to take responsibility for not just what you say, but how you say it—tone, body language, sarcasm and all.” (Debra Fileta)
“Learning to communicate in marriage isn’t solved by applying a magic potion— it’s a path of discovery. We individually bring into our married lives, different temperaments and various styles of communicating (and not communicating). Some are learned from our past backgrounds and experiences, and some we learned on our own. What’s important, as you enter into marriage, is that you learn how to communicate as a ‘couple.'” (From: “Helping The ‘Help Meet'” — 4 The Christian Wife)
Pamela King gives this tip:
“It’s important to learn your spouse’s communication style and needs. Is your spouse a person that needs ‘consistent’ feedback while they’re talking? Or is your spouse one that wants to complete their thoughts without interruption? Remember: Listening is important in communication. Without someone listening, there’s little to no connecting happening! We’re told in Proverbs 18:13: “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” (From the article, “Ways to Improve Nonverbal Communication in Marriage”)
For Better Communication?
Here are a few more things to consider:
“The goal is to have a conversation in a way so that you can have another conversation tomorrow.” (Unknown)
That’s an important point to consider. And so is this:
“Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.” (Harlan Miller) “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” (Proverbs 10:19) “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” (James 1:26)
We’re thinking that the spouses that Brandon and Stephanie portrayed might have been able to use this tip and these scriptures :)
And then lastly, whether or not you are making communication resolutions or not, please know the following:
“Learning to communicate in marriage is not for the faint of heart. It takes patience, hard work, and grace, grace, grace. But when you appreciate and explore your family members as though they were a charming foreign culture with a rich history and traditions, life is more pleasant. As we look through the lens of Christ and not through justice, God will bring out the beauty he promised in his time.” (Sabrina MacDonald)
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