I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
What book are you referring to for the 30 days of prayer?
Christina, the prayers are included in the book that this article came from. Please go into the link provided to look it over. It’s a GREAT book!
I want to know how to get past all the bad things that have gone on with us but it was before we actually married. We just got married no more than a week ago but I have taken him through so much and he is really a good dude, which I think has turned mean because of all my actions. I relly didn’t think much about when we was dating but now we’re married and I’m so miserable trying to figure out if he still loves me the same. My life has changed over night and I need help from God to stay focused and not get lost again being married to someone that clearly doesn’t care. I might be losing my mind… I don’t know, but I need help bad.
Help in guiding prayer to change controlling husband: Good evening. I found this blog, and am looking for support to help me to change my marriage. The joy has been stripped from my home, and I would like to restore it. I often wonder if I’m not praying for the right things in my marriage. My husband is constantly in a state of inner rage. He keep his emotions quiet, and is not verbally or physically abusive, but he does know the things to do to send a knife piercing through my heart.
If he disagrees with something (me talking on the phone, being on the computer, or even being out in the car to fix the XML radio with tech support!), he will give me eye locking piercing glares until I look away and sometimes will even say out loud, “I thought so.” As if trying to verbally or emotionally control me. Up until about a year ago, I would punish myself, wondering “what did I do, why can I not do anything right for him?”
Something has changed and I feel myself withdrawing from him and feeling bitter, realizing it’s NOT me. I feel cheated! How did I marry this man, and moreover, we have three children I do not want to leave broken hearted over a divorce. He wants to move our family to live near his mother, who often treats me terribly, condescending, and excludes me while trying to “win the affectio of my husband,” and he excludes me and treats me as if I do not exist around his family.
I have so much unrest inside me, but cannot even cry anymore. He won’t attend counseling. He did once after he had a drug sharing extra marital affair, but will not go back because “it didn’t work, and if we’re going to divorce, we’re going to divorce… it’s God’s will.” He grew up in an abusive household, riddled with drug use and abandonment issues. I need help in saving my marriage. I know God works miracles to change people, and I know marriage can be beautiful and God’s will is not divorce. Please help me to figure out what to do, how to pray, and how to win back my joy. Thank you. In Christ, Heather
Hi there! I heard two months ago… the Holy Spirit revealed it to me… my husband confessed he committed on going adultery five years ago for a while with an ex, and with the same ex a year ago ongoing, as well. Been married for seven years. The Holy Spirit revealed it to me a day before our seventh anniversary 01 May 2014.
He is still here… living with me in a single garden flat with our dog. I don’t want to feel him in bed; he now sleeps on the floor, can’t sleep on the single bed with two people anyway. I can’t see him naked, and I don’t want him to see me naked. What now? Thank you, Carina
He commited adultery with his first wife and two timed dates and common law wifes before he met me. The relationship was abusive… you can’t call it a marriage. I wanted him to move out but he got a job around the corner… he has to stay. But I won’t see him that much and I have more time for God in prayer and in the word to sharpen its edges. What is ideal after adultery… the first time? I don’t know!
Men are interested in me. I say I’m married but are just friends and will be having the Holy Spirit in me!! I want my husband to court me, date me, send me flowers, spoil me, take me out and flirt with each other and fall in love and renew our wedding vows again. I am open for this now! For romance!!!
I look differently at sex. I just want Jesus to pick up the broken pieces and make my heart whole again. I want to fall in love and be treated like a lady. I’ve got a five fold ministry gift. I’m a songwriter, and will perform my own songs soon. I am joining the church’s worship team with next enrollment, etc.
Is it God’s will to give my husband a chance? Is there someone else for me? Why do I feel so uncertain and insecure Thank you, Carina
I was looking for some prayers for my alcoholic husband. I am a Christian and determined to make this marriage work. As I read through the comments some of the advice was disturbing. There should be no encouragement to stay in the same house with a husband that is physically abusive. Please protect yourself and your children. Staying through adultery is a personal choice, but if you want to rescue a physically abusive marriage, please ensure that you have a safe place for you and your children. Pray from a safe place if you are trying to reconcile the marriage.
Hi. I’ve been through a separation since December last year. My husband has run off with another lady. I stil love him and we are still married. There was some evil forces that’s been used on him. I know God will break it. I just want to know if there’s a possibility that he will come back, because he’s not going for the divorce although he commitied adultery. I have 2 girls. Please help me or tell me how to pray as I’m in a situation like this.
God will help you always.
I pray every day for my husband. He calls me his soulmate, and tells everyone that he loves me. A month ago he returned home after us being seperated for almost three months. Everything was going well. On July the 7th he texted to me that he had an one night stand. I told him I had this feeling something had happen while he was away. Even told him I forgave him. We both said we loved one another. About any hour later he texted asking for an divorce. I ask what happen that he had change his love for me and ask how could I be his soulmate if his love for me had changed so fast?
Hi, The past month had been tough for me since circumstances revealed that my husband of 10 years was being partly unfaithful having used the social media and texting and rare meet ups with that special friend and so he claims. My world was never crushed this way as long as I can remember; he was my only boyfriend (in a serious committed relationship) in my lifetime. He is responsible, loving and funny. He also became my bestfriend as I have limited my time with friends since I’ve had children.
So one can only imagine how devastated I was to find out that my husband is spending some precious, secret, loving time with an attractive former classmate he found on facebook, chatting in the wee hours or while I was asleep, texting to each other, exchanging photos, planning dates, sending messages like how’s your day and exchanging I love yous. That hit me. I will almost lose my husband.
The following days were chaos, roller coaster of emotions, so much anger, feeling of too much loneliness and fear; all these dawned on both of us. I’ve read and received numerous advice including separating from my husband, confronting or not confronting the other party, demanding from my husband, keeping my pride, going away with the kids and the list could go on and on. But no advice brings me answers or healing or comfort except this: praying for my husband. It made me realize that I’m also part of the reason he may have sinned, had a deeper understanding although not complete acceptance of the circumstances and this brought me utmost peace.
I have learned to be happy once again, confident that God is watching or whatever may come up, God will pull us through. Prayers and prayers for him calmed the storm, still painful but I’m on the road towards healing and trusting my husband again. Glory to God.
I have suffered mental, physical, emotional, cultural, spiritual manipulation and abuse from my husband for twenty years. My son has also faced it with me & I don’t think God would want me to stay in this marriage anymore like a slave as he has said in 1 Corinthians 7:14. I still keep on praying for my husband as he is a child of God and I will be held accountable for his soul. I think he also wants freedom from this relationship. I thank you for such a sweet prayer, which makes me come closer to God and expresses my true feelings. I will continue praying for 30 days.
My marriage is failing. My husband and I haven’t spoken. I really don’t think he loves me and it hurts, but I don’t want to give up because I’m so in love with him. I’m desperate for him to stop being so narcissistic. I don’t know what to do.
Words really do have power. I pushed my husband away by the words I spoke in anger. He left me after 3 1/2 months of marriage. It was the worst thing I could have done to him. He is now having an affair and doesn’t wish to return home. In fact, he hates me.
Hello, dear brothers and sisters in the Lord, I need your prayers please. I’ve been dealing with a lot of issues in my home, and family. The enemy is a liar. My husband and I have started fighting and above all his abuse I keep praying and trusting God that one day everything will be good but nothing… actually we are going to court on the 22 of April 2015. He was charged with multiples assault and I need to be there that day to witness it. Actually it’s not the first time for me to go and free him. I’m so scared that he will leave after I testify against him. I’m confused because we actually have 3 kids together. Please help me.
Hello my husband has left his family for another family. We are still married. We have been together for 14 yrs. He has up and moved to TX. Its been real hard for us. How do I pray for him? What can I say to God? I know God is good and has been so real to me and my kids and my husband, but he has done this in the wrong way leaving his family behind. I know he wants to do better in making a good life but why with another family? I am a good, loyal woman who never has cheated on my husband. We’ve had fights but he has real love here with me and his kids. What should I do and pray for?!!!! Thxs
Hello, I’m reaching out because I am one who is struggling with a husband’s infidelity. I want so badly not to hurt so much but I can’t help it. I feel like I’ve been betrayed beyond words. He doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong and that hurts even more because I feel like I have given him my all. I can honestly say that I think I hate him right now for making me feel this way but I love him so much at the same time. How do I get past this? I don’t want my prayers for him to be in vain. I have always prayed for him, as my husband and as my Pastor. I just don’t know anymore, I feel mute because I’ve got so many things going through my head right now that I can’t even put it into words properly. I’m so lost!!! Please help, I could really use another perspective.
Dear Hurting Pastor’s Wife, How very sad I am for you that this has happened to you and that your husband doesn’t even realize the damage he has done to your heart, your marriage, your trust relationship, his walk with the Lord (because you CAN’T hurt Christ’s bride this way… ESPECIALLY a minister, and think that this would be okay with Him). He has obviously allowed sin to harden his heart. You ask how to get “past this.” Honestly, I don’t know. It will be a miracle in itself to get to that place. The pain of betrayal is so grievous that it’s difficult, I’m sure, to even think that there could be a time that you could get past it. But it happens. We see it all the time. You will never return to “normal” but you will learn to build a new normal, and hopefully, your smile will eventually return (as it has for others as they lean into God’s healing touch of comfort). But not right now.
Please go into the “Surviving Infidelity” topic and read the quotes, articles, and testimonies there that the Holy Spirit, our Wonderful Counselor, prompts you to read. Ask God to help you to glean through what you are reading, showing you specific things He wants you to to take in and perhaps, even use in some way. There is even an article posted titled, “How Can I Get Past the Tremendous Sadness” that you may find helpful. We also have a “Bitterness and Forgiveness” topic, which you will most likely need at some point to read through because the enemy of our faith will try to have you grab onto bitterness, and hold it tightly to yourself because when/if you do, you will go through added agony every time you recall to mind the hurt of it all. Releasing it to God will be the only way to break free from that type of bondage.
I pray that God ministers to your heart through what you read, and pray also that God convicts your husband’s heart to the gravity of what he has done so he can help you, and also turn his life back around in a healthy direction, rather than this sin-denying state he is entrapped in at this time. You both are in my prayers. May God touch you both in the ways you need it.
I love my marriage and always want to learn ways to make it a better one.