I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
What if it is my husband who has the hardened heart and is not fighting for our broken marriage? I love him and pray for him everyday, especially since he has strayed from Christ.
I pray for my husband. He has seen 2 hurtful splits in the church he has grown up in and is over what he calls “organized religion”. He still insists that I go and take our children. I’m very glad they have a strong faith but it hurts my heart to see their disappointment in their dad for not going…not to mention the hurt in my heart that the hurt others dished out is more important than being in church with his wife and children.
I know there’s more than that. He has a high risk/high pressure job and “vents his frustration” through his language & watching less than desirable shows on TV when we’re not around. I keep praying that he’ll become more Godly centered. Sometimes I feel like my prayers are being heard, but sometimes I get very discouraged. I love my husband and love our family. We’re very blessed with what we have. I’m just not sure if I should give up and accept it or keep praying and keep being disappointed each Sunday he doesn’t go to church or each time I see what he’s been watching on TV.
Keep praying and believing Kelly. I’ve seen miraculous turn-arounds and know that God answered the prayers of the faithful. Never give up… never, never, never give up. “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” -Galatians 6:9. I pray strength for you to NOT give up, and pray that God will draw your husband to Himself, opening his eyes and heart to His love and grace –helping him to be the man God created him to be. May he grab onto the mission to live the life and testimony of our Lord that others should have lived out before him!
Thank you Cindy!! :-)
Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce!” (says the Lord God)
I’ve been praying for my husband for quite sometime now. I’ve been trying to do the right thing, and let the Lord guide our marriage in the right direction. My husband is verbally and has been physically abusive. He belittles me, tells me that being a stay at home mother and doing housework is not a job, when it most certainly is. Even though I don’t get paid for it and he goes to work and makes money he finds the need to throw it in my face. I come from a pentacostal background. I’ve always been a free spirited, humble hearted woman. But now I feel as if he has taken that away from me. My spirit is broken. And yet I still love and pray for him. Am I wrong? Please help.
I need help. My husband drinks too much alcohol. I pray that he stops. He is wasting money and comes home in the morning drunk. I am so depressed.
I don’t think you’re wrong; I feel the same. I say trust God ask him to intervene.
I have gone through physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. I still love him. Although he cheated I try to say someday he will change. Then I had not noticed until now how he changed me. When I stood up for myself and argued because a part of me got prideful, but the bad kind the one God detests. I’m ashamed of who I had become to the person I love. He left me for another woman and on my anniversary he declared it. I’m very heart broken; can’t eat, can’t sleep, just constantly thinking of him. Despite everything I still want to restore my marriage through Christ – not the marriage that we had but one with God with more than ever. Don’t know if that’s God’s will or my will so I’m very sad.
This is a beautiful idea. I have a lot of problems with my husband, and I never thought to pray for him. I will do this, in the hope that life gets easier, better and prettier :) Thank you for this beautiful reminder… to pray for him.
We’ve been married for 13 years. We have one son 12 years old. On June 2013 he started on a porn website and has been talking with same woman from the porn website. He has been sending her money since then. In November 2013 he went to Colombia to visit that women for 8 days. He come back home to tell me that he already broke up with that women. So I gave him another change. Since then I have depression, traumatic, stress and anxiety problems. One day when he was still in Colombia I got a panic attack.
My heart is broken. It’s so hard to trust and believe him again. After 3 months I found out he’s still talking with that women on Skype. He tells me and promises me that that is the last one; he’s not gonna talk to that women again. After that I never had a peace in my heart. I’ve been worrying every single day that he’s still talking with that woman. We’re almost arguing every single day because I have a lot of anger with him because of what he’s done to me.
Finally time goes on, in July 5, 2015, I took his cell phone and I found out that he has never stopped in 2 years talking to her and sending her money. He tells me if I don’t like it go file the divorce papers. So I have no choice. I went to file divorce papers, because I don’t want to get hurt again, over and over. He already knows that I filed divorce papers. Our file is still in the courts and still waiting for court date.
I don’t know what I have to do. On one side i still want my family to work out but on another side I’m sick and tired with all h’s been doing to me. I still love him and care so much for him. I really don’t want to divorce. For the last week he’s been going to church with me. Before he never went to go church at all. But that does not mean I can trust and believe him. I’ve been praying every day for God to change him and break up with that women. My husband is 58 years old and I’m 40 years old. The porn women is 26 years old. So please keep my family in your prayers. Thank you & GBU.
I need help and clarification. My husband is a binge drinker and occasionally gets his guns out. He has shot it once in the house to make me think he killed himself. Another time he was shooting it in the yard, which is dangerous. I’m terrified of him when he’s drunk. He’s verbally abusive and his anger often causes him to destroy things. I can no longer live this way. My psychiatrist and couselor want me to go to a women’s shelter. I’m afraid of doing anything against God’s will. I have no support system.
Please help me. Do I leave and run? His couselor has confronted him and knows I’m serious about leaving. My sister who is very godly and a recovered alcoholic confronted him. He makes fun of both of them. Please help me!!
Oh Beth, I’m so sad for you that your husband has put you in this unsafe place. I’m also scared for you. I have to say that I love your heart that you want so badly to NOT do anything “against God’s will” that you’re willing to stay in a dangerous place. But truly, I can’t imagine that God wants you to make this sacrifice. In Malachi 2 He says that he hates “a man covering himself (actually, his wife) with violence.” There are other scriptures concerning living in peace.
I recommend you read through the “Abuse in Marriage” topic, which we have on this web site. You will see ways that are suggested so you can better protect yourself in godly ways. You really need to get a fuller picture of what violent behavior can do, and how to protect yourself from it as best as you can. I also recommend that you visit Leslie Vernick’s web site at http://leslievernick.com. She talks about living in destructive marriages and how to find your voice. It would seem that you need this.
Personally, I wouldn’t keep subjecting myself to this type of behavior. Either your husband totally stops drinking, or it would be too volatile to keep living with him. Not only do you need to protect yourself, but you need to make sure that you aren’t in a place where HE will be tempted to do violence against you. You’re protecting yourself from him and protecting him from doing something he will regret the rest of HIS life, as well. Getting to a safe place seems to be the next step. What you do beyond getting to a safer place, I can’t tell you. But I DO recommend that you get yourself better educated about violence in marriage. You have to know WHEN to leave, and HOW to leave so your husband isn’t as tempted to follow you when he goes on another binge. Guns and alcohol do NOT mix. You are in a very dangerous place. Please do what you can to best protect yourself. I hope you will and pray for wisdom for you.
Thanks for encouragement from the power of a praying wife. I have been married for four years now. I had a quarrel with my husband who reported me to elders in the church. I was called and I explained what transpired. Most of what I said actually exposed him…things like him being selfish in his finances, not paying the rent, not contributing always to feeding us etc. What ignited the quarrel was when he never contributed expenses incurred when I gave birth to our first daughter. He would give all the moral support but when it comes to financial support, because he knows I can afford, he would dodge.
I explained all of this and everything was eventually settled. However, he makes mention of that incident any time we have a disagreement. He will tell me I have disgraced him to the elders and that he doesn’t really care again if I report him to anyone. There were only two elders and my parents. He will sometimes embarrass me and when I complain; he will remind me of that incident. He bought a piece of land but did not include my name on the land document. I have brought that to the attention of his mother but he has not changed. This attitude makes it difficult for me to pray for him when he hasn’t a job. It us really difficult to pray for a selfish husband.
Please pray that my husband Eric withdraws the divorce case from the court. We have been married for the last 20 years, and now he has been blinded by one of my friends. May God forgives her deeds of action. Please pray. My husband is a nice man and now since last may 2014 he really doesn’t know what he is doing.
Please help me pray for my husband Gerard who is having an affair with a young woman from a drug dealing family. He is starting to be kind and considerate and has never left us but is still continuing his affair. She has a family too. My kids are affected already. Please help pray for the healing of my husband, my marriage, family and safety.
Please help me pray for my husband Gerard who is having an affair with a young woman from a drug dealing family. He is starting to be kind and considerate and has never left us but is still continuing his affair. She has a family too. My kids are affected already. Please help pray for the healing of my husband, the end of this affair, restoration of our marriage, and a united happy and loving family.
My husband lies to me about the simplest of things and the most important things. My husband of 2 years whom I have a dated for 8 years, including the 2 years we have been married – had a child with another woman in that 8 years. He claims that he is no longer involved with that woman however he does not raise the child with me. The child is 3 years old and I have in those 3 years caught evidence that he had been to see the child without letting me know. He says that the mother of the child does not want me to have access to the child. I pray that he stops lying to me; keeping secretes and having secret plans with the baby-mama. I pray that the baby-mama let go of her vendetta to destroy our marriage and that my husband does not work against our marriage by perpetuating the problem. I pray that my husband is close enough to God such that He uses Godly wisdom in his life. Amen.
Please pray for me. I am in an abusive marriage. My husband beats me to the point of seeing him as a beast. I have been praying to God to save my marriage.
In Jesus Name your marriage will be restored, your husband will realize the error of his ways and repent to God. Amen.
Hi, I’ve been married for 34 yrs and I can count on one hand how many times my wife and I have been intimate. As a child she was sexually abused and she’s been to counseling; we both have, but it doesn’t seem to help. How long can a man feel lonely and not needed by his wife? I guess I’m just so tired I try every way to ask her, hold her, kiss her, but I feel like a bump on the road. I don’t know what to do. I do pray for us a lot that my Lord put a fire in her heart for me. Wouldn’t that be something! I’m also praying to God for others who need help. Please my Lord, help them, I ask. Please say a prayer for us. Thank you ?
Hi, I do not usually reply to comments but I felt the need to reply to yours. I do not know your wife nor your situation or hers with Christ. I was molested as a child and have been in therapy myself. Therapy, though, did not help me. It is terribly difficult to give yourself fully to someone when you have gone through so much as a child. Being sexual with someone is the easy part, but being intimate with someone is a whole other level for a woman who has been through what she has been through.
It’s not so easy to want to be touched all of the time when you are going through so much in your mind and body. Until she is fully healed of all of the unclean feelings that she probably has, it will be hard for her to be that way with you. It isn’t your fault and it isn’t her fault either. You have to remember to be there for her no matter how she is feeling. I had fire for my husband but I also had PTSD so when we would come together I would have flashbacks. It is not easy to deal with.
I eventually wrote everything out that happened. Literally every detail and I gave it to my husband to read. After that and a LONG talk with God I was fully healed of my issues. It takes time though. It took me many years to overcome those feelings. Your wife has gone through something that is not easy and sometimes is so embarrassing to explain to people because the feelings are not something often spoken of. I had a person who loved me (in his own way) and was never mean to me, never physically hit me and always showed me affection. Others have the total opposite happen to them. But when it’s the first it is hard to talk about because you get embarrassed at how you feel.
I hope that this helps and I hope that your wife can come to peace with her past. It isn’t easy but with GOD it can be done. Just remember that your married for better or for worse. And the worse parts are what makes us stronger as couples when we can overcome them.